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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    hi guys



    I ate a proper meal today. I'm even craving some chicken wings mum's made downstairs but I think I'll just panic if i eat them so I'll save them for tomorrow.

    I could give my full story about my background / family/ education but I feel like it means I'm being someone that's ill and I'm not ready to join that club or admit to there being ANY issues when clearly there's so many it's unreal. .
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    (Original post by broken_rose)
    Is it actually possible to recover from an eating disorder.

    I'm starting to feel like there is no hope and I will spend the rest of my life, stuck in an never ending cycle of self hatrid, weight loss, weight gain, depression, SI, anorexia...etc I've spent a total of 18 months as in inpatient specifically for the Anorexia Nervosa, and im only 18. I'm just tired. Tired of feeling tired, tired of feeling anxious, depressed and guilty. Im tired of constantly worrying and panicking, i'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of life.
    And this doesnt even sum up how i'm feeling. I can't explain to anyone how I feel. I feel trapped and helpless. Lost and alone.

    And this makes me sad, because I met some amazing people whilst IP, but some of the patients were in their 70's. I dont want to be like that when i'm 70. I want a life, I want to have fun, have a family, travel, learn.... I just feel like i'm stuck and no one can get me out.

    Right now all I want is to be carefree and happy. I just dont see a way to get that.
    Sadly it seems like the ED has already grabbed you by the neck, but by no means is this a death sentence.

    Listen; you want to take things slowly. Chances are the ED crept up on you, and as such the ED can be defeated by stealth tactics too. Don't try to beat it all at once. Slowly but surely introduce new supplements and additions to your diet to increase intake and start to become more carefree. xx
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    Morning guys xxxxxxxxxxxx
    Yet to sleep. Hate this nocturnal cycle. :sad:
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    I am feeling very confrontational today (in regards to my ED) which is a huge shock since I've always been the slave of this ED... I am going to try extra hard today and block out the voices as much as possible, it will be hard but nothing that is worth it is ever easy.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I'm going to have a look around for something I'm really excited about....... part of me feels like I'm making a big deal out of nothing ........I've tried my best so so what if it doesn't quite work out.

    My exams are over and no matter what happens, I still did it and I got through it and I should be proud. Now for what to do during summer...
    ............my first priority should be food and sleep.
    How you feel is not 'nothing'. Its better to get it out than let it build up inside and have a bigger explosion or use food and eating to express your feelings.

    You should be proud! :hugs: and you are right. Your first priority should be your wellbeing - physical and emotional.

    (Original post by broken_rose)
    Is it actually possible to recover from an eating disorder..................I want a life, I want to have fun, have a family, travel, learn.... I just feel like i'm stuck and no one can get me out.

    Right now all I want is to be carefree and happy. I just don't see a way to get that.
    Most people do recover from ED! It can take a long time (years in some cases), but eventually they get there. I won't quote the stats as that might not be helpful.

    Its great that despite everything you're going through you still know what you want.

    As Toto says (what a wise bloke!), you do have the choice to defy your 'puppet master' (ED). I'm sure that you've heard it all before, but you can move forward using baby steps if necessary. You're not 'stuck' you're paralyzed in the headlights of the ED, but behind the light there is nothing. ED is like the man behind the curtain of the wizard in the OZ films!

    Toto, you know that the figures are just that - numbers. They are arbritrary and some people regard them as truly meaningless. I guess you've also heard it all before but could you try to categorise figures as 'healthy' and 'not healthy' ? That might work for intake and weight?
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    (Original post by morrisman)
    To me that sounds like a huge power shift that should be applauded to the heavens, this is you actively beating the ED into submission one meal at a time, do you think the better nutrition is helping you to take a more balance view?

    :party::party:
    DEFINITELY *nods hard*


    broken rose - yes, it is possible. it really is. it takes WORK. a lot of it. not just eating. eating and challenging thoughts. every single thought that you can identify. it needs challenging. it's exhausting. but it is POSSIBLE. and it is WORTH it.




    i have had a really crappy day. i woke up feeling enormous - arms like uncooked sausages, chest bones covered, can't feel my pelvis like i used to - it's practically buried under a mound of fat. thighs padded. boobs like water balloons. food been a struggle all day. i've had problems with my meal plan being buggered up (again!!!!) and with meds being buggered up too. and then i was told i had to move rooms - packed up. then told moving tomorrow. then you're moving NOW. then, you're moving later tonight. then tommorrow again. and then apparently i'm moving again tonight. FFS. i HAVE to know WHEN. i was freaking out over the not knowing and the staff were making it worse, when my anxiety is spiralling as out of control as that I need my own space and time to wind myself down - and the staff just push and crowd and i end up having to tell them to LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOME SPACE

    So spent most of the day in tears.

    And then. I got told that I was reviewed in ward round (although I didn't actually go). I'm OUT the wheelchair (still have to use stairs) and I'm OFF obs - supervision in bathroom/shower/mealtimes but apart from that, nada, I'm alooooooone! (well, I'll be moving into a shared room, but that's ok ).

    So, a nice reward for riding out a rough rough day.
    • #32
    #32

    Firstly I want to send some virtual hugs to everyone posting on or reading this thread. You all show such an admirable level of courage in dealing with your problems, and although I'm just some anonymous internet person I genuinely wish all of you success in your recoveries and whatnot
    Secondly, I'm sorry for invading this thread. I don't really have an eating disorder I just can't think of anywhere to turn for some advice. :/

    It's easier if I just get straight to the point.
    I have a binge eating problem. I eat when I'm hungry, when I'm not, when I'm happy/sad/sleepy/angry/ bored/sat inside/out and about with friends... basically there no no time or place where food isn't constantly on my mind or in my mouth.
    I also go through periods of controlling this problem pretty well and I'm just like any 'normal' person who happens to enjoy their food. At the moment I'm going through a really rough patch and although I have people I could talk to they don't seem to understand the severity of the emotional side of all this.

    I think that's as much as I can manage to say at the moment and I don't want to risk triggering anyone else, so basically... where the hell do i start with sorting this out?
    Does anyone know of any online groups specifically for help with binging? Any tips on how to control it? Or how to begin to figure out why I do this to myself? Any advice at all would be great

    Sorry for the rambling and not making sense. I just don't know what to do.
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    Please don't feel obliged to read this! I'm merely writing it because I need to get it off my chest as I haven't got, and will most probably never have anyone to talk about it with! - Only myself, but even that can become tiriing sometimes.

    And please, if you do read it, don't feel like you have to reply - you'll understand why if you get to the end.
    Although, if anyone genuinely wants to help, then go ahead but tbh, I'm just writing what I feel like I'm restricted to speak! And while it may seem that I'm really letting myself go in terms of feelings and details pouring out, then it's purely because no one knows me on here so I find comfort in that!

    And another thing, if anyone reads it then can you please, please, please let me know if you think I still suffer from anorexia - whether it's mild or not because this is one of the very rare times where I genuinely don't know. I mean the only thing that's changed is I've gone from eating 700kcal to 1200-1300kcal but I'm not losing weight at a rapid speed (I never have) although I am developing many other physical symptoms (read the thing - quite a bit of it is there)
    And I understand you may not be a professional but whatever! Pro's also get it wrong and anyway, any opinion is better than none! Or at least, my confused one!

    And also, please if anyone is gonna reply, then for the love of God, don't say "go see a doctor" or something along the lines of that! I know I should but it's not gonna happen [see spoiler] so it's best to just accept and move on!
    Spoiler:
    Show
    So, I don't wanna see the doctor because I haven't been since I was 6 or 7 years old. That was 9/10 years ago. Reason for this is simply because no one in my family wants to take me - I'm 16 years old and they want me to go alone. They want me to act like I'm 26, not 16, but I'm already [mentally] older than I'd like and while it may be a good thing, I don't like that they're relieving themselves off their duty of being my elders and distancing themselves away from me that little bit. I refuse to go and would prefer to wait for it [whatever it is] to get worse so they would have to take me. I'm an idiot for doing this, I know! But I've still got more reasons.


    While I may sound like a total *****, I promise I'm not! It's like 4am and I get cranky when I don't sleep and in order for me to be able to sleep I need to put my mind to rest by finishing this rather long post! Anyway, I'm explaining everything too much! So here goes...

    OH! And one last thing! I'm really, REALLY sorry if it barely makes sense! I'm too damn tired to proof-read! Lol

    Part 1 of something which I should really create a title for
    I think the best thing for me is I have this thing that makes me feel like I'm alive - I've got a problem and I know it - I've been living for 16 years feeling perfect and that's not what being human is about. It must sound stupid but whatever! People feel alive when they go sky diving or bungee jumping but I feel alive knowing that I've got/had (not entire sure if I still have) anorexia. I mean, it's not/wasn't very severe in my case but it doesn't matter whether it's severe or not - the fact is/was that I have/had it.

    However, the worst thing (of many things) for me is purely the fact that everyone ignored it, no one acknowledged it and when I told my best friends/family, my family thought I was exaggerating and I think my bestfriends most probably thought the same after a while! I mean, I'm a very self-assured person and I'm really candid with myself - if I've got a problem I don't ignore it coz I know that if anyone's gonna help me with it then that person is solely myself - no one I know cares enough about anyone else so what's the point of leaving it [it being said problem] in the hope that someone else will help you when they won't do jack ****! I hope I'm making sense here.

    I mean, when I had it, my case was mild-ish but now, it's getting to the point where I'm slowly developing physical problems - I only had the emotional and psychological problems before (which is why I say it was mild). I never looked like what non-anorexics stereotypically believe a sufferer looks like - I was a chubby child/pre-teen and only recently have I been losing the weight. I mean I was never fat and I know this but I don't believe/feel it - When I developed it I was a size 12/14 and now I've gone down to a 10 but the weight loss has happened recently, not when I had the anorexia. I mean, back then I was eating around 700 calories a day and I read everywhere that I should have had some serious physical symptoms but I never did! Nothing I noticed at least!
    But, unless I'm looking into it too much, I've been developing physical symptoms recently like dizziness, light headedness, abdominal pains and quite a few others. Tbh, I just remembered like literally a minute ago that abdominal pains were a symptom and I've been getting them a lot in the last month or 2 like I have the other physical symptoms but I thought I recovered from the anorexia - I brought my caloric intake up to 1200-1300 and I can eat white rice now but only in very small amounts like half a palm size, although I can't eat white bread . And I still count calories like never before!
    Anyway that's like a quarter of the story.

    The thing that makes me really sad is that no one wanted to believe me then and now it seems to be getting worse but I still doubt I have it although the doubt is only based on the fact that I brought the calorie intake up to 1200 and yet I've still got the symptoms I did before and more! That sentence is very bloody confusing! Lol
    Like I said before, I'm not stick thin but a lot of people have been saying that I've gotten thinner but I still don't see it and I've been getting a lot more male attention which makes me uncomfortable because I'm a Muslim teenager who, albeit, doesn't come from a very strict background, but was still kept away the entire male population excluding her family and family's male friends! Also, I was never the girl that all the boys liked because I was a fat kid! :lol: And thankfully I go to an all girls school so there's no pressure to be an object of sexual fantasies there! Or at least, there isn't for the next two weeks, but after that the pressure's on for college next year!

    Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the sad thing: my siblings have been watching my eating habits closely for a month or so and they've been seeing me not eating much although I've been eating more than ever before thanks to the 1200kcal thing I've now got going on and my so called weight loss that everyone but me sees! Anyway, my eldest sibling tries to give me food in a way which is sort of forcing me! I hate it! I mean I went to them months ago when I was eating 700kcal - when I was really scared about what was happening and where were they? No where! Where was anyone? No where! No one's ever there unless they wanna be there - not when you're at your lowest and your in desparate need of them!
    I mean, I find it really difficult opening my emotions to people I meet because I get scared that we're gonna get close and they're gonna find out more about my life and then one day when I really need them they won't be there for me! To everyone who isn't me, my siblings are like my second set of parents; to me, they're my first. My parents are still alive so how messed up is that? My siblings are the closest people I have on Earth and they're not even that close! I mean, of course, the ultimate person who is closer to me than anyone is of course, me! But after that is my siblings! And I've got two best friends who I love - they're like sisters to me but even they're not very close to me! They were the first people I told about the anorexia, not by choice :rolleyes:, and their reaction was as I knew it would be - awkward and unsure of how to react, and of course the ultimate one: skeptical! I didn't wanna tell the both of them because they've got their own stuff to worry about and I didn't wanna burden them with my problem but it didn't seem to worry them anyway! I mean it was all forgotten about as it was with my siblings! All I wanted was to talk to someone about it! I mean, I went to my almost estranged cousin who nearly got it a few years ago but even she ignored me! As always I was left on my own and thus, my mistrust of the human population escalated to a greater extent.

    What the hell was I talking about? I can't remember!

    If you got this far then well done! And thanks
    I don't know what to say other than if you're gonna reply then let it be something nice or helpful! If you're gonna criticise me for acting the way I act then don't. Please. However, if you must, then PM me and we'll try and sort it out.

    Oh and btw, there's a hell of a lot more - everything above is just the basics of it all! - Hence the "Part 1" at the start!
    So expect more TSR!
    And btw, I love OP for creating this! Greatly appreciated!
    God knows this unintentionally long post shows that I've needed something like this for a while! :eek:
    When I say unintenionally, I mean it! I was gonna post like 3 lines originally! :eek3: :lol:
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    (Original post by LikeOMG)
    Please don't feel obliged to read this! I'm merely writing it because I need to get it off my chest as I haven't got, and will most probably never have anyone to talk about it with! - Only myself, but even that can become tiriing sometimes.

    And please, if you do read it, don't feel like you have to reply - you'll understand why if you get to the end.
    Although, if anyone genuinely wants to help, then go ahead but tbh, I'm just writing what I feel like I'm restricted to speak! And while it may seem that I'm really letting myself go in terms of feelings and details pouring out, then it's purely because no one knows me on here so I find comfort in that!

    And another thing, if anyone reads it then can you please, please, please let me know if you think I still suffer from anorexia - whether it's mild or not because this is one of the very rare times where I genuinely don't know. I mean the only thing that's changed is I've gone from eating 700kcal to 1200-1300kcal but I'm not losing weight at a rapid speed (I never have) although I am developing many other physical symptoms (read the thing - quite a bit of it is there)
    And I understand you may not be a professional but whatever! Pro's also get it wrong and anyway, any opinion is better than none! Or at least, my confused one!

    And also, please if anyone is gonna reply, then for the love of God, don't say "go see a doctor" or something along the lines of that! I know I should but it's not gonna happen [see spoiler] so it's best to just accept and move on!
    Spoiler:
    Show
    So, I don't wanna see the doctor because I haven't been since I was 6 or 7 years old. That was 9/10 years ago. Reason for this is simply because no one in my family wants to take me - I'm 16 years old and they want me to go alone. They want me to act like I'm 26, not 16, but I'm already [mentally] older than I'd like and while it may be a good thing, I don't like that they're relieving themselves off their duty of being my elders and distancing themselves away from me that little bit. I refuse to go and would prefer to wait for it [whatever it is] to get worse so they would have to take me. I'm an idiot for doing this, I know! But I've still got more reasons.


    While I may sound like a total *****, I promise I'm not! It's like 4am and I get cranky when I don't sleep and in order for me to be able to sleep I need to put my mind to rest by finishing this rather long post! Anyway, I'm explaining everything too much! So here goes...

    OH! And one last thing! I'm really, REALLY sorry if it barely makes sense! I'm too damn tired to proof-read! Lol

    Part 1 of something which I should really create a title for
    I think the best thing for me is I have this thing that makes me feel like I'm alive - I've got a problem and I know it - I've been living for 16 years feeling perfect and that's not what being human is about. It must sound stupid but whatever! People feel alive when they go sky diving or bungee jumping but I feel alive knowing that I've got/had (not entire sure if I still have) anorexia. I mean, it's not/wasn't very severe in my case but it doesn't matter whether it's severe or not - the fact is/was that I have/had it.

    However, the worst thing (of many things) for me is purely the fact that everyone ignored it, no one acknowledged it and when I told my best friends/family, my family thought I was exaggerating and I think my bestfriends most probably thought the same after a while! I mean, I'm a very self-assured person and I'm really candid with myself - if I've got a problem I don't ignore it coz I know that if anyone's gonna help me with it then that person is solely myself - no one I know cares enough about anyone else so what's the point of leaving it [it being said problem] in the hope that someone else will help you when they won't do jack ****! I hope I'm making sense here.

    I mean, when I had it, my case was mild-ish but now, it's getting to the point where I'm slowly developing physical problems - I only had the emotional and psychological problems before (which is why I say it was mild). I never looked like what non-anorexics stereotypically believe a sufferer looks like - I was a chubby child/pre-teen and only recently have I been losing the weight. I mean I was never fat and I know this but I don't believe/feel it - When I developed it I was a size 12/14 and now I've gone down to a 10 but the weight loss has happened recently, not when I had the anorexia. I mean, back then I was eating around 700 calories a day and I read everywhere that I should have had some serious physical symptoms but I never did! Nothing I noticed at least!
    But, unless I'm looking into it too much, I've been developing physical symptoms recently like dizziness, light headedness, abdominal pains and quite a few others. Tbh, I just remembered like literally a minute ago that abdominal pains were a symptom and I've been getting them a lot in the last month or 2 like I have the other physical symptoms but I thought I recovered from the anorexia - I brought my caloric intake up to 1200-1300 and I can eat white rice now but only in very small amounts like half a palm size, although I can't eat white bread . And I still count calories like never before!
    Anyway that's like a quarter of the story.

    The thing that makes me really sad is that no one wanted to believe me then and now it seems to be getting worse but I still doubt I have it although the doubt is only based on the fact that I brought the calorie intake up to 1200 and yet I've still got the symptoms I did before and more! That sentence is very bloody confusing! Lol
    Like I said before, I'm not stick thin but a lot of people have been saying that I've gotten thinner but I still don't see it and I've been getting a lot more male attention which makes me uncomfortable because I'm a Muslim teenager who, albeit, doesn't come from a very strict background, but was still kept away the entire male population excluding her family and family's male friends! Also, I was never the girl that all the boys liked because I was a fat kid! :lol: And thankfully I go to an all girls school so there's no pressure to be an object of sexual fantasies there! Or at least, there isn't for the next two weeks, but after that the pressure's on for college next year!

    Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the sad thing: my siblings have been watching my eating habits closely for a month or so and they've been seeing me not eating much although I've been eating more than ever before thanks to the 1200kcal thing I've now got going on and my so called weight loss that everyone but me sees! Anyway, my eldest sibling tries to give me food in a way which is sort of forcing me! I hate it! I mean I went to them months ago when I was eating 700kcal - when I was really scared about what was happening and where were they? No where! Where was anyone? No where! No one's ever there unless they wanna be there - not when you're at your lowest and your in desparate need of them!
    I mean, I find it really difficult opening my emotions to people I meet because I get scared that we're gonna get close and they're gonna find out more about my life and then one day when I really need them they won't be there for me! To everyone who isn't me, my siblings are like my second set of parents; to me, they're my first. My parents are still alive so how messed up is that? My siblings are the closest people I have on Earth and they're not even that close! I mean, of course, the ultimate person who is closer to me than anyone is of course, me! But after that is my siblings! And I've got two best friends who I love - they're like sisters to me but even they're not very close to me! They were the first people I told about the anorexia, not by choice :rolleyes:, and their reaction was as I knew it would be - awkward and unsure of how to react, and of course the ultimate one: skeptical! I didn't wanna tell the both of them because they've got their own stuff to worry about and I didn't wanna burden them with my problem but it didn't seem to worry them anyway! I mean it was all forgotten about as it was with my siblings! All I wanted was to talk to someone about it! I mean, I went to my almost estranged cousin who nearly got it a few years ago but even she ignored me! As always I was left on my own and thus, my mistrust of the human population escalated to a greater extent.

    What the hell was I talking about? I can't remember!

    If you got this far then well done! And thanks
    I don't know what to say other than if you're gonna reply then let it be something nice or helpful! If you're gonna criticise me for acting the way I act then don't. Please. However, if you must, then PM me and we'll try and sort it out.

    Oh and btw, there's a hell of a lot more - everything above is just the basics of it all! - Hence the "Part 1" at the start!
    So expect more TSR!
    And btw, I love OP for creating this! Greatly appreciated!
    God knows this unintentionally long post shows that I've needed something like this for a while! :eek:
    When I say unintenionally, I mean it! I was gonna post like 3 lines originally! :eek3: :lol:
    honey i hear ya girl! im here for you sweety and im gonna try give u a response but be warned ive not yet slept and i type on my bed really funnily lol so sorry for typos


    ok firstly i know what you feel like bth. im a very private person and my female sibling is bit younger than me so i cant burden her with any more of my problems; she already knows the depression the paranoia the seclusion etc and i cant have her know about the ED. but. firstly. you CAN GO TO THE DOCTORS WITHOUT YOUR PARENTS YOU KNOW. yes youre young. yes you want their support. but sometimes hun youve gotta be independent and get help for yourself. i promise youll feel much better afterward. why wait? what ARE you waiting for exactly? clearly you know your fam cant help and your rational side knows u need help and u can get it alone. maybe go with a friend for support? sometimes family interference isnt good especially if they dont understand or in my case will get upset, etc.

    secondly what do you think brought on your ED? and your calorie increase is fab where did that achievement occur too? you helped yourself. youre like me youre strong and independent and you deserve credit for that and realise someone out there is glad theyvve met someone like themselves and i respect u for it. i know how hard it is to feel like no one understands you etc.

    sometimes all you need is yourself as others around you arent good enough. remember that. would you rather keep your business to yourself or tell others and have them talk behind your back? personally i opt for option one hence why im quite friendless because none are on my level, so to speak. and im fine with that i know it isnt healthy tbh but im scared of disappointment.
    you seem a very bright and out going person. dont get suck into a miserable life of an ED
    youre going to college. youll meet new people but dont get too close to too many cos u have uni to do all that and colelge doesnt last long. and u must study. work hard. remember those calories are beneficial to ur brain and ur acihevements and grades and goals.

    wish u all the best. anything else u wanna ask? im here for you. and im curious to hear part 2



    -



    guys i had about 700 calories in one setting probably more. feeling OK. suppose. bit scared but keeping it down :o:
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    Help, was talking to my mate yesterday (whilst stoned admittedly) but we were talking about how much we weigh etc just a random topic and he thought I would weigh at least 11 stone for my height (5ft 10/11) but I actually weigh about 8 stone... And I have been brought up by my parents on a healthy diet but I have a fear of eating too much high saturated fatty food as it may cause overwight problems, I have been thinking that I need to bulk up a bit cos I look proper skinny but I feel bloated so easily if i eat loads and loads so wtf am I supposed to do...
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    I was told today that I had a choice: either eat more, or eat more in hospital.

    So, I made my choice, and I'm being admitted.

    I know that as an outpatient, I'll be given a meal plan, go home, and not eat it because I simply don't have the strength to bring myself to do it. In a hospital I can't get away with not eating it - I'm essentially running my ED into a corner and although it'll help me get better, I'm certainly feeling s*** now. I, am, terrified. My anxiety is so high it's unreal..
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I feel like my ribs are in a vice, just tearing inwards and crushing into my chest. It feels like someone literally has their hands around my throat and they're choking me. Its stupid because it feels like I'm trapped, like I can't escape, but I have nothing to escape from! I'm not stuck in a room or something, I just feel stuck in this situation.
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    I was told today that I had a choice: either eat more, or eat more in hospital.

    So, I made my choice, and I'm being admitted.

    I know that as an outpatient, I'll be given a meal plan, go home, and not eat it because I simply don't have the strength to bring myself to do it. In a hospital I can't get away with not eating it - I'm essentially running my ED into a corner and although it'll help me get better, I'm certainly feeling s*** now. I, am, terrified. My anxiety is so high it's unreal..
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I feel like my ribs are in a vice, just tearing inwards and crushing into my chest. It feels like someone literally has their hands around my throat and they're choking me. Its stupid because it feels like I'm trapped, like I can't escape, but I have nothing to escape from! I'm not stuck in a room or something, I just feel stuck in this situation.

    Good Luck. Although you are feeling terrified, you have turned a corner....and in doing so are going to defeat the ED.
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    I was told today that I had a choice: either eat more, or eat more in hospital.

    So, I made my choice, and I'm being admitted.

    I know that as an outpatient, I'll be given a meal plan, go home, and not eat it because I simply don't have the strength to bring myself to do it. In a hospital I can't get away with not eating it - I'm essentially running my ED into a corner and although it'll help me get better, I'm certainly feeling s*** now. I, am, terrified. My anxiety is so high it's unreal..
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I feel like my ribs are in a vice, just tearing inwards and crushing into my chest. It feels like someone literally has their hands around my throat and they're choking me. Its stupid because it feels like I'm trapped, like I can't escape, but I have nothing to escape from! I'm not stuck in a room or something, I just feel stuck in this situation.
    :hugs: You made a really brave (and wise) choice. I can identify with feeling trapped, it will pass, I promise.
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    (Original post by briesandwich)
    I was told today that I had a choice: either eat more, or eat more in hospital.

    So, I made my choice, and I'm being admitted.

    I know that as an outpatient, I'll be given a meal plan, go home, and not eat it because I simply don't have the strength to bring myself to do it. In a hospital I can't get away with not eating it - I'm essentially running my ED into a corner and although it'll help me get better, I'm certainly feeling s*** now. I, am, terrified. My anxiety is so high it's unreal..
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I feel like my ribs are in a vice, just tearing inwards and crushing into my chest. It feels like someone literally has their hands around my throat and they're choking me. Its stupid because it feels like I'm trapped, like I can't escape, but I have nothing to escape from! I'm not stuck in a room or something, I just feel stuck in this situation.
    Whilst you are terrified and justifiably so you have made a very impressive and brave decision and I admire that, you have chosen the right path to face it head on. I wish you the best of luck with it
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    briesandwich - you are doing the right thing in accepting that you're not able to take responsiblity for your own refeeding at the moment. You are doing the next best thing by taking responsibility for not letting your ED get away with it (if that makes sense). Good on you girl.
    Do you know where you're going to be admitted?
    ___________________

    Good day but food a challenge. Double carbs, then TRIPLE FATS which wasn't even set out in the menu when we were choosing (jacket potato with salmon and coleslaw became jacket potato with butter and salmon mayo and coleslaw). i wanted to push the tray off the table. i ate it instead.
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    Good day but food a challenge. Double carbs, then TRIPLE FATS which wasn't even set out in the menu when we were choosing (jacket potato with salmon and coleslaw became jacket potato with butter and salmon mayo and coleslaw). i wanted to push the tray off the table. i ate it instead.
    Nice one custard How strange would it be if both you and Brie end up at the same fat farm?
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    Snowflake, I think you mean Health Farm!
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    Toto, I am worried about you mate, how are you doing??
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    Oh god. I'm smiling so hard right now. Look at you all and look back over these past fifty pages of posts. Look at how far you've all come in such a short period of time! It makes me so happy!

    So much love to you all! X
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Oh god. I'm smiling so hard right now. Look at you all and look back over these past fifty pages of posts. Look at how far you've all come in such a short period of time! It makes me so happy!

    So much love to you all! X
    :jumphug:

    :getmecoat:
 
 
 
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