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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

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    Thanks for all the support

    Good day up until tea tonight.

    They sent me up a bowl of soup with 1 slice of toast, no butter. I had to ASK for a second slice of toast, both butters, and the cheese :*( which pretty well crucified me, the soup is a meal I REALLY struggle with anyway. And then they took 2 attempts to get my dessert right. The kitchen have a copy of my menu where it clearly states what I'm having and what substitutions need to be made. I was shaking and sobbing the whole way through this meal. .

    And I have a MP increase up to full desserts at lunchtime tomorrow, because my weight isn't doing much and I'll be leaving in about a month and need to be about 4kg heavier than I am now, which I am dreading... Not so much the calories cos I know I need them, but the SIZE of the dessert portions - seriously, I used to b/p, I KNOW what a large amount is - and the 'half portions' are appropriate small portions of dessert.

    BUT

    I have bathroom unlocked now
    My CPA on 13th will be a discharge planning CPA and discharge early August
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    Thanks for all the support

    Good day up until tea tonight.

    They sent me up a bowl of soup with 1 slice of toast, no butter. I had to ASK for a second slice of toast, both butters, and the cheese :*( which pretty well crucified me, the soup is a meal I REALLY struggle with anyway. And then they took 2 attempts to get my dessert right. The kitchen have a copy of my menu where it clearly states what I'm having and what substitutions need to be made. I was shaking and sobbing the whole way through this meal. .

    And I have a MP increase up to full desserts at lunchtime tomorrow, because my weight isn't doing much and I'll be leaving in about a month and need to be about 4kg heavier than I am now, which I am dreading... Not so much the calories cos I know I need them, but the SIZE of the dessert portions - seriously, I used to b/p, I KNOW what a large amount is - and the 'half portions' are appropriate small portions of dessert.

    BUT

    I have bathroom unlocked now
    My CPA on 13th will be a discharge planning CPA and discharge early August
    :hugs: it's ridiculous how often they mess up your meals, all I can say is massive kudos for correcting them every time. If it was me I know I'd definitely stop bothering correcting them, and from there it's a slipper slope... so well done, keep at it hun. And great about the discharge planning!
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    Thank you so much, LoveGeneration, for your beautiful compliment and words of advice.

    Squiff, I just want to say that although it's too difficult to post here regularly, the fact you're still around and able to check in once in a while is enough for me to be assured of your wellbeing. I know you're having a tough time of it and this is difficult, you're practically retraining your mind to allow your behaviours to run in reverse - but it will be worth it.

    Kebbabi, Custard, Diamond - You three have come on probably the most in the past week or so based on what you post. I mean, everyone here has, it seems, gained at least some form of positive encouragement from their posting here; but you three really seem to have changed the way you think about recovery, your disorders, and how to combat them. In mere months you've come from a deathly view of a crippling illness to a positive outlook and even taken real, physical action against it!

    If you had the flu, you'd take a lemsip. If you broke your leg, you'd put it in a cast. If you have anorexia... you need to re-nourish your body! Logically, it's so simple, but breaking the mental barriers to ALLOW one's self to do it is an entirely different beast and the fact you're DOING it is like you've already overcome the greatest obstacle - the rest of the incline to the plateau of victory is nowhere near as steep.

    XXX
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Squiff, I just want to say that although it's too difficult to post here regularly, the fact you're still around and able to check in once in a while is enough for me to be assured of your wellbeing. I know you're having a tough time of it and this is difficult, you're practically retraining your mind to allow your behaviours to run in reverse - but it will be worth it.
    thanks i'll post when i can or when i feel that stuffs improving cz i do feel its unfair for me to post here as i am atm.

    i think i'm starting to realise that quitting the weekly therapy and the phonecalls everyother day was stupid - it was better to take a bit of time out to talk to someone about how i felt regularly than bottling it up and carrying on like this. i can't change my mind or behaviours on my own and this is my problem

    xxx
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    I am struggling a lot at the moment.

    I think I'm starting to fall back into using this to avoid dealing with everything. But I don't know if I can talk to anyone about it (I am getting counselling at our hospice).

    I can't even think of any words tonight. I am just struggling.
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    (Original post by Liv1204)
    I am struggling a lot at the moment.

    I think I'm starting to fall back into using this to avoid dealing with everything. But I don't know if I can talk to anyone about it (I am getting counselling at our hospice).

    I can't even think of any words tonight. I am just struggling.
    you aren't alone don't worry,

    if you want to talk to someone you can pm me, i don't know how helpful i will be but i can listen to you and i understand what its like

    x
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Thank you so much, LoveGeneration, for your beautiful compliment and words of advice.

    Squiff, I just want to say that although it's too difficult to post here regularly, the fact you're still around and able to check in once in a while is enough for me to be assured of your wellbeing. I know you're having a tough time of it and this is difficult, you're practically retraining your mind to allow your behaviours to run in reverse - but it will be worth it.

    Kebbabi, Custard, Diamond - You three have come on probably the most in the past week or so based on what you post. I mean, everyone here has, it seems, gained at least some form of positive encouragement from their posting here; but you three really seem to have changed the way you think about recovery, your disorders, and how to combat them. In mere months you've come from a deathly view of a crippling illness to a positive outlook and even taken real, physical action against it!

    If you had the flu, you'd take a lemsip. If you broke your leg, you'd put it in a cast. If you have anorexia... you need to re-nourish your body! Logically, it's so simple, but breaking the mental barriers to ALLOW one's self to do it is an entirely different beast and the fact you're DOING it is like you've already overcome the greatest obstacle - the rest of the incline to the plateau of victory is nowhere near as steep.

    XXX
    Thanks Toto, that means a lot. :hugs:
    (Original post by squiff93)
    thanks i'll post when i can or when i feel that stuffs improving cz i do feel its unfair for me to post here as i am atm.

    i think i'm starting to realise that quitting the weekly therapy and the phonecalls everyother day was stupid - it was better to take a bit of time out to talk to someone about how i felt regularly than bottling it up and carrying on like this. i can't change my mind or behaviours on my own and this is my problem

    xxx
    :hugs:
    (Original post by Liv1204)
    I am struggling a lot at the moment.

    I think I'm starting to fall back into using this to avoid dealing with everything. But I don't know if I can talk to anyone about it (I am getting counselling at our hospice).

    I can't even think of any words tonight. I am just struggling.
    Words are a bit inadequate so :hugs: :console: :jumphug:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs:
    thankyouuu :hugs: right back atcha

    ive asked this boy i'm extremely close to to come over tmz for everymeal - i know that eating in front of him is gna be hard and we will probably end up argueing over the quantity, but i think it'll help me to eat and move on, and it'll defo ensure i keep it down. i can't have another day like this week has been, hopefully having him here will help me to get out of this hole!

    xxx
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    To all of those who have posted about hoarding food and food obsession.

    Have you heard of the Minnesota Starvation Experiment? Anyway, it was designed to determine the physiological and psychological effects of severe and prolonged dietary restriction and the effectiveness of dietary rehabilitation strategies. They took 36 volunteer men form the public services and basically put them on a restricted diet where they lost 25% of their body weight over 24 weeks.

    The interesting thing is that these were perfectly normal healthy, young men before ther study. During the study they developed bizarre food behaviours including hoarding, obsessive reading of recipes and discussion about food:

    In addition to cookbooks and collecting recipes, some of the men even began collecting coffeepots, hot plates, and other kitchen utensils. According to the original report, hoarding even extended to non-food-related items such as "old books, unnecessary second-hand clothes, knick knacks, and other 'junk.í Often after making such purchases, which could be afforded only with sacrifice, the men would be puzzled as to why they had bought such more or less useless articles". One man even began rummaging through garbage cans. This general tendency to hoard has been observed in starved anorexic patients (Crisp, Hsu, & Harding, 1980)

    As a result of the study it has been suggested that many of the profound social and psychological effects of anorexia or bulimia may result from undernutrition, and recovery depends on physical re-nourishment as well as psychological treatment.

    There is no mystery about food hoarding and obsession in anorexia. It is a direct result of a period of starvation. So no, you're not weird, it is the brain and body doing what it is programmed to when starved - find food and keep it. Simple.


    See here for more:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minneso...riment#Results

    http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/starvation.html
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    (Original post by Arcane Barn Elk)
    hoarding
    That whole experiment sounds really interesting (though you have to wonder if the people experimented on were able to go back to normal life and having a healthy view of food). The weird thing is I'm no longer starving, if anything I eat too much, yet I still hoard food and have done ever since I actually had the disorder. It's funny how out of all the habits, that's the one that sticks.

    To everyone who is struggling right now, I can't even begin to understand what you're going through, but I want to wish you the best of luck and to know that you're incredibly strong people.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    you aren't alone don't worry,

    if you want to talk to someone you can pm me, i don't know how helpful i will be but i can listen to you and i understand what its like

    x
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Words are a bit inadequate so :hugs: :console: :jumphug:
    Thank-you both, much, much appreciated. (And the same goes in return, I'm usually arounds if anyone wants to PM <3)

    Today is a new day, so I'm going to try and eat healthily today. It's not going to make me feel any better if I start restricting, it's just another way of avoiding dealing with things... it's just it doesn't always feel as easy as that.

    But I guess that's why you have to keep trying.
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    Hope I dont get neg repped like most of my posts(for no real reason either!) but today havent eaten yet but as per usual drank a lot of diet cola(used to be regular but since I started diet I feel a little less crappy)

    So as the evening gets later I will end up in binge mode again like last night had 1/3 a baguette at lunchtime then in evening ate a large plate of mince(with nothing else on plate) then a large slice of cake.

    I just never physcially feel hungry till the evening but feel psychologically hungry all day so thats where the imbalance with me lies since when the 2 feelings are in sync I go in binge mode.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Hope I dont get neg repped like most of my posts(for no real reason either!) but today havent eaten yet but as per usual drank a lot of diet cola(used to be regular but since I started diet I feel a little less crappy)

    So as the evening gets later I will end up in binge mode again like last night had 1/3 a baguette at lunchtime then in evening ate a large plate of mince(with nothing else on plate) then a large slice of cake.

    I just never physcially feel hungry till the evening but feel psychologically hungry all day so thats where the imbalance with me lies since when the 2 feelings are in sync I go in binge mode.
    You get negged because this is a pro-recovery thread and you keep coming in and posting about your restrictive diet
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    You get negged because this is a pro-recovery thread and you keep coming in and posting about your restrictive diet
    I thought it was a advice thread too? I was wanting help and advice to get better so neg rep isnt the way to do that!
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    I thought it was a advice thread too? I was wanting help and advice to get better so neg rep isnt the way to do that!
    Advice on how to lose weight? Do you not find it highly insensitive to ask such a thing in an EATING DISORDER thread? I am aware there's many different types of eating disorders but it seems that many of us here are suffering with not eating enough and trying to eat more so I think it's a bit out of line to talk about your restrictive dieting which can serve as a trigger for many of us...
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    I thought it was a advice thread too? I was wanting help and advice to get better so neg rep isnt the way to do that!
    I remember you from your thread. I've been wanting to post for a good few hours but stayed away because I'm not feeling great today but seeing as a couple of people have commented, I'll jump in and I hope I'm not causing any offence, especially as I recommended this thread to you. This thread is a pro recovery thread, meaning everyone is working towards or is in recovery. As many of us have restrictive disorders, (behavioural) recovery for us means eating a healthy amount. Regardless of your weight, you should be eating a certain amount, even if medically, you need to lose weight. What you're eating at the moment falls into restrictive territory, which is why you've been negged. I think my issue is that you haven't actually asked for any advice. What advice do you want? How does posting a list of food help? Eating a restrictive amount and calling it a binge is pretty triggering if some of us have meal plans that require us to eat more. What actually triggers your binges in the first place? If you must talk about food/drink can you please spoiler it? I said this before but if you're not eating nearly enough, you're setting yourself up for a binge. If you want to list food you eat, there are plenty of websites where you can do it without being called out. Sorry if this seems confrontational but if you just post a list of food on a page, people are going to ignore you (or neg you) because you're not really giving us anything to help you with.
    If you want advice, ask a question with triggering parts in spoilers and if any of us are able to help, we'll answer.
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    Feeling really positive today. No binges and no starving.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    carrots and hummus for lunch, snack of tuna, salmon and mash for dinner. Usually I would consider this as a binge but IT'S NOT and it's good


    edit: obviously the guilt is there as ever but it's not making me do anything stupid.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    and I am starting to realise you don't have to be underweight to start to recover. I am not but it has been affecting me and now i've started to realise I shouldn't let myself get too deep before I deal with this
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    Ok I really need some opinions. Despite being told I have one by my councillor and some other people I really can't believe I have an eating disorder for several reasons that i'll state. Just some advice would be really great - i'm going to spoiler it because it includes some possible triggers including talk of BMI so don't look if you will get upset. I know you people can't DIAGNOSE eating disorders but I just want to know if it's just me thinking about this too much.

    Spoiler:
    Show


    Ok, heres just some info about me

    - I believe I have always used food for a comfort. I used to be overweight when I was younger. Was told I was fat every day by my brother and mum throughout my childhood.
    - I went through a time about 2 years ago of loosing all interest in food and went from BMI 25.5 to BMI 19 in about 8 months.
    - Put it back on and became really muscular through running and weights (obsessively) and became BMI 23 ish

    Within the last 3 months or so

    - I see the patterns of needing to loose weight again. Like last time.
    - Anxiety levels are through the roof. Need to control everything.
    - Doing some form of excercise like sit ups every two hours or so. Getting restless if not.
    - Keep a food diary.
    - Self harm and shout names at myself if I eat too much
    - Restrict to 200 calories a day.. next day 400.. next day 500... and then back to 200.
    - After about 5 days of restriction I usually binge.
    - I've lost half a stone in the last 3 weeks. Still not happy with this. It doesn't seem like enough.
    - Sometimes I zone out of anxiety mode and have a snack of it's offered. I feel guilty but don't purge.
    - Black out and get light headed a lot.
    - Drink rediculous ammounts of water. Always thirsty.
    - Call myself fat all the time. Kind of like a multiple personality thing. Evil me comes out and starts insulting myself. It's wierd

    Edit: Oh and also this probably seems like a bit of a stupid thing to say but I actually love food. I love cooking and am a really good cook. I like tasting as well. But I won't let myself at the moment because of the whole 'you're too fat' thing.

    So basically because this is all fairly recent, within the last 3 months or so, and hasn't caused me to loose enough wait to take myself seriously, basically.

    So with all of the information on the table. What do you think? I know it all looks like classic symptoms but with people telling me i'm looking really good and to keep up the weight loss it's kind of confusing. There are so many messages to loose more and more weight.

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    (Original post by Linweth)
    Advice on how to lose weight? Do you not find it highly insensitive to ask such a thing in an EATING DISORDER thread? I am aware there's many different types of eating disorders but it seems that many of us here are suffering with not eating enough and trying to eat more so I think it's a bit out of line to talk about your restrictive dieting which can serve as a trigger for many of us...
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I remember you from your thread. I've been wanting to post for a good few hours but stayed away because I'm not feeling great today but seeing as a couple of people have commented, I'll jump in and I hope I'm not causing any offence, especially as I recommended this thread to you. This thread is a pro recovery thread, meaning everyone is working towards or is in recovery. As many of us have restrictive disorders, (behavioural) recovery for us means eating a healthy amount. Regardless of your weight, you should be eating a certain amount, even if medically, you need to lose weight. What you're eating at the moment falls into restrictive territory, which is why you've been negged. I think my issue is that you haven't actually asked for any advice. What advice do you want? How does posting a list of food help? Eating a restrictive amount and calling it a binge is pretty triggering if some of us have meal plans that require us to eat more. What actually triggers your binges in the first place? If you must talk about food/drink can you please spoiler it? I said this before but if you're not eating nearly enough, you're setting yourself up for a binge. If you want to list food you eat, there are plenty of websites where you can do it without being called out. Sorry if this seems confrontational but if you just post a list of food on a page, people are going to ignore you (or neg you) because you're not really giving us anything to help you with.
    If you want advice, ask a question with triggering parts in spoilers and if any of us are able to help, we'll answer.
    I didnt realise about the spoiler tags, well I went by the title which says discussions, opinons and advice so put down something and was expecting an opinion on it such as advice on if I had eaten too much.

    And when I was talking about eating too much I was going by terms of calories and junk not physcial amount but was unsure so again wanted opinions on that.

    When the thread is about eating disorders but doesnt mention specificially undereating then if thats what the thread is actually about then it should be worded in that way.

    I talked about a binge in the sense that I starved then ate a excessive amount, I dont know if its relevantg but since I was 20 I have had constant thoughts of making myself sick and sometimes I have used that as an excuse to eat and even though I have tried to in the past(like laxatives every day for 6 months) it did nothing.

    Finally I come from a family history of bulimia, my brother had it, my cousin had it to extremes(damaged her insides and she thought she wouldnt have kids)

    Not getting at anyone, hope my reply doesnt seem like that.
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    Ok I really need some opinions. Despite being told I have one by my councillor and some other people I really can't believe I have an eating disorder for several reasons that i'll state. Just some advice would be really great - i'm going to spoiler it because it includes some possible triggers including talk of BMI so don't look if you will get upset. I know you people can't DIAGNOSE eating disorders but I just want to know if it's just me thinking about this too much.

    Spoiler:
    Show

    Ok, heres just some info about me

    - I believe I have always used food for a comfort. I used to be overweight when I was younger. Was told I was fat every day by my brother and mum throughout my childhood.
    - I went through a time about 2 years ago of loosing all interest in food and went from BMI 25.5 to BMI 19 in about 8 months.
    - Put it back on and became really muscular through running and weights (obsessively) and became BMI 23 ish

    Within the last 3 months or so

    - I see the patterns of needing to loose weight again. Like last time.
    - Anxiety levels are through the roof. Need to control everything.
    - Doing some form of excercise like sit ups every two hours or so. Getting restless if not.
    - Keep a food diary.
    - Self harm and shout names at myself if I eat too much
    - Restrict to 200 calories a day.. next day 400.. next day 500... and then back to 200.
    - After about 5 days of restriction I usually binge.
    - I've lost half a stone in the last 3 weeks. Still not happy with this. It doesn't seem like enough.
    - Sometimes I zone out of anxiety mode and have a snack of it's offered. I feel guilty but don't purge.
    - Black out and get light headed a lot.
    - Drink rediculous ammounts of water. Always thirsty.
    - Call myself fat all the time. Kind of like a multiple personality thing. Evil me comes out and starts insulting myself. It's wierd

    Edit: Oh and also this probably seems like a bit of a stupid thing to say but I actually love food. I love cooking and am a really good cook. I like tasting as well. But I won't let myself at the moment because of the whole 'you're too fat' thing.

    So basically because this is all fairly recent, within the last 3 months or so, and hasn't caused me to loose enough wait to take myself seriously, basically.

    So with all of the information on the table. What do you think? I know it all looks like classic symptoms but with people telling me i'm looking really good and to keep up the weight loss it's kind of confusing. There are so many messages to loose more and more weight.

    Spoiler:
    Show


    What do YOU think the answer is? It's clear that what you're doing is not healthy. The people who tell you that you look good do not know about your eating habits and your current relationship with food - if they did, they would certainly not want to be encouraging it. They probably think you're losing weight the healthy way (balanced diet, enough calories, slow steady weight loss), which is of course fine (but definitely not necessary) if you're currently in a healthy weight range, and plan on staying in that range. But you're not losing weight healthily. Your councillor is the one to listen to as s/he knows much more about what you're thinking and doing than random people who just see the surface.
 
 
 
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