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    (Original post by squiff93)
    i'm confused, but like if you eat enough then still feel hungry could it be psychological hunger? or do you eat feel full but then feel hungry again soon after? if thats the case maybe your not eating the right sorts of food, like you could eat a bowl of lettuce you'd feel 'full' because your stomach would be, but you wouldn't be full for long because theres not really any stubstance to it or anything to give you more energy and nutrition. if thats the case maybe eat foods that are low on the GI scale because they keep you full for longer, like eggs and apples and fish i think.

    xxx
    I am bad at working out what is at fault but I do notice certain foods fill me up more in certain ways i.e when I am craving food but not hungry lets say I had mince and tatties I get far less cravings in the late evening(though still snack)

    I sort of feel full every bite I eat even if I hadnt eaten that day but I feel my body "filling up" at same time so one part of me is telling me I am full even though I havent eaten and another is saying I need to eat not necessarily that I am hungry

    Dont know what I mean in some senses!

    Also I think part of it is similar to why I oversleep sometimes in that the first amount of food I eat is just to fill up, then it becomes about eating something I want so should I get rid of the fill up phase then I would be eating a sensible amount of food.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    I am bad at working out what is at fault but I do notice certain foods fill me up more in certain ways i.e when I am craving food but not hungry lets say I had mince and tatties I get far less cravings in the late evening(though still snack)

    I sort of feel full every bite I eat even if I hadnt eaten that day but I feel my body "filling up" at same time so one part of me is telling me I am full even though I havent eaten and another is saying I need to eat not necessarily that I am hungry

    Dont know what I mean in some senses!

    Also I think part of it is similar to why I oversleep sometimes in that the first amount of food I eat is just to fill up, then it becomes about eating something I want so should I get rid of the fill up phase then I would be eating a sensible amount of food.
    eat regularly throughout the day that way your less likely to binge or crave food at night, even if you don't feel 'starving' in the day still have something, work out the calories so your not over/undereating and stick to it, that way you will know yhour eating the right amount, it'll regulate your eating patterns because if you get used to eating at certain times your body will get hungry or expect food at those times, it'll probably help your sleeping patterns aswell - although oversleeping sounds like heaven to me!! why would you want to stop that?

    x
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    eat regularly throughout the day that way your less likely to binge or crave food at night, even if you don't feel 'starving' in the day still have something, work out the calories so your not over/undereating and stick to it, that way you will know yhour eating the right amount, it'll regulate your eating patterns because if you get used to eating at certain times your body will get hungry or expect food at those times, it'll probably help your sleeping patterns aswell - although oversleeping sounds like heaven to me!! why would you want to stop that?

    x
    Well at one point I was sleeping about 12-16 hours a day but now down to about 10 which means I miss a lot of potential good stuff to do, even if its going on a train to another town and walking around.

    I started taking some medication for anxiety 6 weeks ago and it has meant I have stuck at 10 and a half hours sleep a day for some reason and more regular sleep pattern(if anything when I want to go to bed say midnight my body keeps me awake till 3am) which I think is a good sign, the only difference is when it gets to late night I need to snack to keep my energy up so I dont feel dizzy etc.

    I do notice when at parents who eat at a set time I lose over a stone in about a week but that creeps back on when I come home.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Well at one point I was sleeping about 12-16 hours a day but now down to about 10 which means I miss a lot of potential good stuff to do, even if its going on a train to another town and walking around.

    I started taking some medication for anxiety 6 weeks ago and it has meant I have stuck at 10 and a half hours sleep a day for some reason and more regular sleep pattern(if anything when I want to go to bed say midnight my body keeps me awake till 3am) which I think is a good sign, the only difference is when it gets to late night I need to snack to keep my energy up so I dont feel dizzy etc.

    I do notice when at parents who eat at a set time I lose over a stone in about a week but that creeps back on when I come home.
    i don't know what to suggest, i think you should just be more organised with your eating and you'll find that other things follow

    sorry about the crapness of this answer just ****ed up and my heads not really with it
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    Hey guys,

    I have had an account at TSR for years but hadn't visited for a long while. Decided to randomly come on today as was bored and ironically thought there might be some threads in the food and drink forum I could nosy through. But found my way here via Toto's posts/profile (saw him mention being uw and being obsessed with food so thought 'hmmm' ).

    Anyway, I have suffered with an ED for around 10 years now. I am 24. Diagnosed anorexic purging type but behaviours are pretty much bulimic. Also a type one diabetic which is not a good combination of course! That comes into an eating disorder not officially diagnosed atm, but in the media referred to as 'diabulimia' or more ideally, by the charity I work with as ED-DMT1.

    I just wanted to really say that I relate so much to the way some of you are struggling in here, and I am proud of you all for fighting against an illness that can be so deceptive. I know how hard it is and some of you are doing so well. I really want to get better, I am so fed up of my disorder but it feels like this is 'what I do' and breaking free is the most daunting thing. Currently on the waiting list for day patient treatment atm after two past unsuccessful IP admissions, as think I really just need to try and get some routine back into my life, and try and fight this full force again. Lately depression has got the worst of me and I've been pretty constant with ED behaviours for a while, it's so exhausting. I've lost a few friends I have known online from their ED's too, and medical complications are indeed catching up with me which is scary. Every-time something bad happens (latest was eye damage caused by long term poor diabetic control), I stop and think 'whoa! I didn't mean for this to happen! I want to live I swear!' but then I just keep on as I am as don't know how else to cope.

    Rambling a bit here, apologies! But yeah I really wish you all the best of luck. You all seem like wonderful people who deserve more than life with an ED. Keep going. Keep putting one step in front of the other, you all will and can get there. I may come back and post or I may not (I belong to an online ED forum that provides me with a lot of support anyway), but didn't want to read and not say anything. Much love, Precious Illusions xxx
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    (Original post by squiff93)

    yeah thats a good idea! i think it'll stop me freaking out about food aswell if its more controled and written down and calculated i think i'll find it easier to rationalise my thoughts and not to do the things i usually seem to do.

    xxx

    Yeah! Losing control is really hard to deal with so that way you wont be losing control. You'll be as in control as ever except this time it'll be making you healthy!

    xxxxxx

    Massive hug! You can to it lovey!
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    That may help me though, if you think it will but with the intention to lose weight/organise calories.

    As in I keep telling myself I need to eat x amount at x time but I struggle to do so which is why I often dont eat till late evening then eat junk to fill up also because my tastebuds are different at night for obv reasons(during the day I crave a nice meal, at night I just want to snack)
    So it really is just a matter of self-disipline and identifying why don't eat at proper times, do you write this down. It'll make you want to do it more if you write it down.


    If you oversleep and miss a meal , that's it you missed it. You'll just have to wait for the next meal.

    xxx All the best.
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    (Original post by Destroyviruses)
    So it really is just a matter of self-disipline and identifying why don't eat at proper times, do you write this down. It'll make you want to do it more if you write it down.


    If you oversleep and miss a meal , that's it you missed it. You'll just have to wait for the next meal.

    xxx All the best.
    Not sure if I should spolier this

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    I have been taking stronger meds for the last week and for some reason on Thursday I ate a huge amount (2 pasties, a ready meal, 2 portions of ready meal fried rice, 2 slices of cake) but that was because I was intoxicated too probably but yesterday and today I have eaten next to nothing for some reason, yesterday ate 2 cornish pasties and a cheese pastie and nothing else all day, today all I have eaten was a portion of savoury rice and also normally I drink a huge amount of soft drinks but havent had any for 2 days.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Not sure if I should spolier this

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    I have been taking stronger meds for the last week and for some reason on Thursday I ate a huge amount (2 pasties, a ready meal, 2 portions of ready meal fried rice, 2 slices of cake) but that was because I was intoxicated too probably but yesterday and today I have eaten next to nothing for some reason, yesterday ate 2 cornish pasties and a cheese pastie and nothing else all day, today all I have eaten was a portion of savoury rice and also normally I drink a huge amount of soft drinks but havent had any for 2 days.
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    The things you are eating dont sound very healthy! Or filling! YOU need to force yourself to eat at proper times.And eat more fruit and veg, its good that you havemt drank the soft drinks.
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    (Original post by Destroyviruses)
    Yeah! Losing control is really hard to deal with so that way you wont be losing control. You'll be as in control as ever except this time it'll be making you healthy!

    xxxxxx

    Massive hug! You can to it lovey!
    thankyou for your confidence, i hope your right.

    i feel like a dieter with the whole - i'll do it tomorrow, i'll start tomorrow, i'll change tomorrow attutide that i seem to adopt daily after each time i mess up. i just always seem to decide to change but never manage to succeed or last more than a day perhaps. i don't understand why i feel like i've become such a victim of it all recently, i'm fed up of fighting this loosing battle!

    xxx
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    Not gonna lie, it's been a **** **** **** few days. I don't know why, I thought I was getting better but now I realise I was kidding myself - kept intending to eat, as if that was just as good as actually getting round to the eating itself. Fainted on Friday, which was annoying as it meant I was running really late so genuinely didn't have time to eat anything, and again on Saturday... I know I should be taking this as a hint that I could really eat a bit more but I keep thinking that I've eaten when I haven't. Like genuinely forgetting meals, I don't have any intention to lose weight I just keep thinking I've eaten when I haven't.

    This morning I was doing my physio and I realised that there is really no way I could ever reconcile myself with having a larger body. I just can't ever imagine living with more 'fat' - it seems impossible that I wouldn't come to a point where I relapsed again. I feel like I'm trapped in this stupid cycle, I was trying so hard for so long and now it feels like I'm subconsciously sabotaging all my best efforts. I keep reading all the psychological bits on this thread that people keep pointing out, so I now know that I won't be capable of logical thinking until I'm at a healthy weight, yet I can't reconcile myself with getting to a healthy weight to start off with.

    Sorry for the whinging but I don't know what to do, I can't see a way out; for all of my own positive thinking I can't actually seem to implement any of it
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    Not gonna lie, it's been a **** **** **** few days. I don't know why, I thought I was getting better but now I realise I was kidding myself - kept intending to eat, as if that was just as good as actually getting round to the eating itself. Fainted on Friday, which was annoying as it meant I was running really late so genuinely didn't have time to eat anything, and again on Saturday... I know I should be taking this as a hint that I could really eat a bit more but I keep thinking that I've eaten when I haven't. Like genuinely forgetting meals, I don't have any intention to lose weight I just keep thinking I've eaten when I haven't.

    This morning I was doing my physio and I realised that there is really no way I could ever reconcile myself with having a larger body. I just can't ever imagine living with more 'fat' - it seems impossible that I wouldn't come to a point where I relapsed again. I feel like I'm trapped in this stupid cycle, I was trying so hard for so long and now it feels like I'm subconsciously sabotaging all my best efforts. I keep reading all the psychological bits on this thread that people keep pointing out, so I now know that I won't be capable of logical thinking until I'm at a healthy weight, yet I can't reconcile myself with getting to a healthy weight to start off with.

    Sorry for the whinging but I don't know what to do, I can't see a way out; for all of my own positive thinking I can't actually seem to implement any of it
    :hugs:
    Have a look at this. It's a blog by this really amazing girl who considers herself in remission. http://giantfossilizedarmadillo.com/diy-recovery/body/
    With regards to the subconscious sabotaging thing, :yup: . I've been thinking about self sabotage lately and I think what I'm afraid of is succeeding. Failure sucks and I'm terrified of failing (hence this summer being so hard...) but I think succeeding is scarier because it means to have to live up to it.
    Tbh, I don't think you're EVER going to *want* to get to a healthy weight. You just have to recognise that you have to and it's the illness stopping you from doing that. It's not an option not to gain weight because it's far too tempting when you're close to an unhealthy milestone, your brain won't be working at its optimum level, you're still putting yourself at a higher risk of dying earlier than you should because the longer you stay at a low weight, the more damage you're causing long term. It's not going to help you and you're going to feel hopeless and helpless. Not to mention the whole lack of fat in the brain thing- you're not really going to be very happy if your brain has shrunken and you're not making much serotonin. Weight gain is awful but there's no real alternative and if you wait until you think you'll be able to deal with it, you're going to be waiting a very long time. You WILL adapt, eventually. I'm not saying you're not going to cry and want to jump out of your skin but eventually, you'll be able to at least rationalise it. Basically, what I'm trying to say is weight gain comes first. The more time you spend wondering why you can't rationalise the fact you need to gain weight and wondering if there's something wrong with you for not wanting to, the longer you're going to stay trapped. :sad: You have to be honest with yourself and push as hard as you can. :hugs:

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    What I wish someone would explain is why the cognitive distortions continue at a healthy weight. OK, they might be continuing because I'm technically not at a *proper* healthy weight and I'm about 1.5 kilograms away from the AN weight borderline but I'm sorry, I've gained a ****load of weight. I should be better by now. I wasn't even originally body dysmorphic so in a way, it's like things have got worse.
    I just keep wanting to cry lately because it's exhausting not being able to be normal, not having any energy, feeling like **** all the time and all the while, genuinely eating enough. I just keep wanting to stamp my feet and scream 'It's not FAIR!'.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
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    What I wish someone would explain is why the cognitive distortions continue at a healthy weight. OK, they might be continuing because I'm technically not at a *proper* healthy weight and I'm about 1.5 kilograms away from the AN weight borderline but I'm sorry, I've gained a ****load of weight. I should be better by now. I wasn't even originally body dysmorphic so in a way, it's like things have got worse.
    I just keep wanting to cry lately because it's exhausting not being able to be normal, not having any energy, feeling like **** all the time and all the while, genuinely eating enough. I just keep wanting to stamp my feet and scream 'It's not FAIR!'.
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    I have been at a healthy weight for a long time, yet I still have all the anxieties and issues that went along with my eating disorder. The only difference is I eat now, so it's no longer an eating disorder, haha...
    I still picture myself as being really fat, if I see someone 'large' in the street I think 'thats what I look like', when logically I know I'm not at all, I'm on the lower end of average on the BMI scale. I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit that comes off the moment I get on the scales or look in the mirror.
    I guess I'm trying to say that putting the weight back on is just the first step on the ladder...to really accept your body and develop a healthy self image takes a lot longer. It is hard to deal with.
    Remember that in your (and everyone else here) situation, weight gain is a positive thing, something you should feel proud of as it means you're on the way to beating this horrible thing. I know that's easier said than done, especially when your mind is telling you the opposite. But it sounds like you have come a really long way.
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    I think my medication is seriously affecting my appetite, I have been on stronger anxiety tablets for 9 days now and as of Thursday night have literally starved to the point of when food is in front of me I cannot eat it, when at least normally I try to eat but feel full as I eat.

    Today I bought a sandwich in Tesco cafe and couldnt even eat it despite all else I ate today was a single reheated sausage(so I ate something)

    Normally food is on my mind but I dont feel like eating at all
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    They say that physical recovery is a precursor to the mental recovery for a number of reasons. For starters the mind alone requires 5-600 calories daily to even function on it's own at full capacity. Consider that if your body is undernourished and restricted then your brain isn't even working at full capacity therefore your chemicals, the emotions, everything is imbalanced; you can't hope to "get better" mentally if your mind isn't even working to full capacity.

    Secondly you have to HAVE a healthy body before it's healthy to learn to love it. That part is just common sense!
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs:
    Have a look at this. It's a blog by this really amazing girl who considers herself in remission. http://giantfossilizedarmadillo.com/diy-recovery/body/
    With regards to the subconscious sabotaging thing, :yup: . I've been thinking about self sabotage lately and I think what I'm afraid of is succeeding. Failure sucks and I'm terrified of failing (hence this summer being so hard...) but I think succeeding is scarier because it means to have to live up to it.
    Tbh, I don't think you're EVER going to *want* to get to a healthy weight. You just have to recognise that you have to and it's the illness stopping you from doing that. It's not an option not to gain weight because it's far too tempting when you're close to an unhealthy milestone, your brain won't be working at its optimum level, you're still putting yourself at a higher risk of dying earlier than you should because the longer you stay at a low weight, the more damage you're causing long term. It's not going to help you and you're going to feel hopeless and helpless. Not to mention the whole lack of fat in the brain thing- you're not really going to be very happy if your brain has shrunken and you're not making much serotonin. Weight gain is awful but there's no real alternative and if you wait until you think you'll be able to deal with it, you're going to be waiting a very long time. You WILL adapt, eventually. I'm not saying you're not going to cry and want to jump out of your skin but eventually, you'll be able to at least rationalise it. Basically, what I'm trying to say is weight gain comes first. The more time you spend wondering why you can't rationalise the fact you need to gain weight and wondering if there's something wrong with you for not wanting to, the longer you're going to stay trapped. :sad: You have to be honest with yourself and push as hard as you can. :hugs:

    Spoiler:
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    What I wish someone would explain is why the cognitive distortions continue at a healthy weight. OK, they might be continuing because I'm technically not at a *proper* healthy weight and I'm about 1.5 kilograms away from the AN weight borderline but I'm sorry, I've gained a ****load of weight. I should be better by now. I wasn't even originally body dysmorphic so in a way, it's like things have got worse.
    I just keep wanting to cry lately because it's exhausting not being able to be normal, not having any energy, feeling like **** all the time and all the while, genuinely eating enough. I just keep wanting to stamp my feet and scream 'It's not FAIR!'.
    Thank you so much for that blog, what an inspiring person! I do have one question - the bit when she says that people who get to a BMI of over 20 have a much lower chance of relapse than people who stop increasing their weight below 20, is that true? I know BMI is subjective and often irrelevant but to be at 20... straight away I'm thinking 'well that bit just doesn't apply to me,' am I being crazy? Problem is I do know all the logical stuff, like about the brain, I just skive off putting into practice. But you're right, it is about being honest with myself. I'm doing a bit better now, I had some pasta tonight. My mum has started giving me this kind of glazed-eye sad look over the past few months which is in many ways more unbearable than the constant glaring/yelling/slapping she's resorted to for many years!

    Aaanyway, I think I'm going to go back to doing food plans and diaries and hopefully that way I can keep an 'honest' track on things!

    Spoiler bit: :hugs: for doing so well and gaining the weight, :hugs: for still feeling bad, :hugs: for tomorrow being better. I will be so so proud of you if you can work through this bit, I've tried recovery so many times and from past experience that bit is definitely always the hardest bit - and therefore always the bit when I've given up! But if you can work through it I know it does get better. Please stick at it, you're amazing :rolleyes:
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    Oh my goodness, just got to the 'Relapse Prevention Plan.' This girl is actually incredible :')
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    thankyou for your confidence, i hope your right.

    i feel like a dieter with the whole - i'll do it tomorrow, i'll start tomorrow, i'll change tomorrow attutide that i seem to adopt daily after each time i mess up. i just always seem to decide to change but never manage to succeed or last more than a day perhaps. i don't understand why i feel like i've become such a victim of it all recently, i'm fed up of fighting this loosing battle!

    xxx
    Lots of losing battles have turned around in the end! Get your armour on! Guns cocked! Tomorow is the day!

    Send me the excell file that you are fillling!! Okay start tomorow.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    They say that physical recovery is a precursor to the mental recovery for a number of reasons. For starters the mind alone requires 5-600 calories daily to even function on it's own at full capacity. Consider that if your body is undernourished and restricted then your brain isn't even working at full capacity therefore your chemicals, the emotions, everything is imbalanced; you can't hope to "get better" mentally if your mind isn't even working to full capacity.

    Secondly you have to HAVE a healthy body before it's healthy to learn to love it. That part is just common sense!
    How did you do today? x
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    (Original post by Destroyviruses)
    Lots of losing battles have turned around in the end! Get your armour on! Guns cocked! Tomorow is the day!

    Send me the excell file that you are fillling!! Okay start tomorow.

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    alright, i need to make it and work everything out, i know that i'm going to struggle today because thinking i was being brave i had cake for breakfast - but its stupid its just thrown this whole day out of sync because now i'm missing lunch and probably just gna have a bit of lettuce and some rice crackers if anything for dinner. i might do the excel file today with a plan of everything and start tomrorow?
 
 
 
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