Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I agree that if it's working for her to stay away from here, then I wholeheartedly endorse she keeps it up! As for you guys; I know we all have blips but I beam with pride that you have the face, pride and strength to come on here and post regardless.

    I for one have had an incredibly difficult couple of weeks. Having to consume more than 2000 calories, I have also hit the drink a bit too. I'm obviously a bit of a lightweight; a couple of beers KOs me, really - but the fact is, I'm using it to dull my mind in order to allow me to say "come on now, you've not made up your calories today. Get it down ya, boy!" (said like the chocolate Weetabix dog in that creepy voice, of course).

    Spoiler:
    Show

    I am hovering around the 97lb mark, which is about 7 stones. I am still not quite 16 BMI. But I am noticing a far more plump torso. More jelly-like. It's plaguing me and I am starting to get a bit freaked by it. Of course, in the grand scheme of things I've gained like 2-3KG since the beginning of my recovery and it's not a HUGE amount - after all, I'm a 5'7 male, I should weigh about 9 stones plus.

    I can post a new picture shortly.

    :hugs: I know how difficult it is to get over that first 'tummy stage' of gaining weight, but as loads of people (probably you included!) have posted on here before, it's just your body jumping in to recover your organs before you start to gain weight more generally. After you've put on a bit more weight, the 'jelly-like' feeling will actually start to go down because your stomach will remember how to work properly! Personally I always find that a difficult stage but it's worth it once you're through

    Hope you're well in yourself and everything
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    :hugs: I know how difficult it is to get over that first 'tummy stage' of gaining weight, but as loads of people (probably you included!) have posted on here before, it's just your body jumping in to recover your organs before you start to gain weight more generally. After you've put on a bit more weight, the 'jelly-like' feeling will actually start to go down because your stomach will remember how to work properly! Personally I always find that a difficult stage but it's worth it once you're through

    Hope you're well in yourself and everything
    Well said. :yep:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    http://caloriecount.about.com/aim-ga...eason-ft139174

    Thought I should post this forum/article. Offers quite a bit of advice and reassurance if people get worried about what is happening to their bodies.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antiaris)
    http://caloriecount.about.com/aim-ga...eason-ft139174

    Thought I should post this forum/article. Offers quite a bit of advice and reassurance if people get worried about what is happening to their bodies.
    That's an amazing article.

    Toto :hugs: All I can do is echo what Kebabbi has said.
    Just saw this on the calorie count forum and it made sense to me.

    'As long as you put your all into it and stop thinking in ways like "I used to weigh much lower". It's like saying "I have a deadly disease, but the symptoms were much more severe yesterday. I probably don't need to get medicine". If you're still sick, you're still sick. Be ambitious and determined. Your decision is to either get help in order to change, or to change.'
    • #37
    #37

    Hi, I'm cautious about posting on here as the past few messages have been so positive and so they should be with really good recoveries being made. This thread really touched me. In fact made me quite emotional.
    I suppose I wanted to post just to say I am in recovery. Not having told anyone but my parents I guess being on the internet makes the truth a lot easier to say.
    Spoiler tells some more details.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I have suffered with anorexia for a number of years all through secondary school. So much so my GCSE year is a blur. I became almost mute in school and isolated myself so much as I felt so fragile. I've been told that the large amounts of stress which I placed on myself has blocked some of my hardest memories.
    I'm not looking for sympathy though.
    I lost feeling like a girl / woman and that was the hardest thing for me, once I realised what I was doing wasn't normal.
    I've reached my target weight but what should be a really positive time I am now plagued by thoughts of becoming 'larger'. Honestly I'm scared that once I start to eat I won't stop. Although I can be brave during the day once it comes to the evening I'm lost



    I hope this post was aright and if you want to delete it that’s fine
    I think you should all carry on your great work x
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    It's so touching that this thread has generated so many positive responses. As someone who has an eating disorder it really is overwhelming to see such positivity.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should carry on with your great work too. If you feel this thread will help you, post again. You don't need to remain anonymous. If you just wanted to post this one time to get it off your chest. WELL DONE.

    Don't worry too much about the weight. True recovery would be to disconnect from that entire mentality of 'weight.'

    Relax around food, relax around yourself. You are a wondrous person for simply trying to SEEK help as so many people try to hide it. You can manage this.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Thank you so much for your words of reason... sometimes the simplest of sentiments can make all the difference. It's true - food is medication. But even with the olanzepine and fluoxetene and biphosphites and twocals and fortisips etc in the world, I'm still bursting out of my head with anxiety. But like I said, just a kick in the right direction is all I need.



    Spoiler:
    Show


    My gran said my face was getting rounder today. She meant it nicely, but I cried for about an hour solid when I got home.

    My smiles are real, when I smile, but they still retain a hint of "brave face".

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...g?t=1310931612

    Here is a picture of me yesterday, taken in the disgusting-as-hell kitchen mirror (I don't have weird blotches all over me, it's merely the mirror which is covered in whatever mum exploded the kitchen with that day).

    I go through good and bad phases. I think it's harder now that I'm 7 stones. Because I am no longer "six stone something", I have no "safety net". My "net" was knowing I was less than seven stones. Soon I'll be "seven stones something" which terrifies, and I know it'll all go on my belly as the last 5lbs I've gained over the past few months have.

    But I need to be strong. And with everyones support, I know I can retain that strength.

    Thanks guys. You'll never know how much I love you all!!

    • #37
    #37

    True recovery would be to disconnect from that entire mentality of 'weight.'
    Thank you for posting this - I hadn't realised that the language I had used pointed this message. Perhaps this shows this shows I have more to work on?

    Toto - You are very inspirational in being so open about your problems. It takes a lot of courage to show something is wrong.
    x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Thank you so much for your words of reason... sometimes the simplest of sentiments can make all the difference. It's true - food is medication. But even with the olanzepine and fluoxetene and biphosphites and twocals and fortisips etc in the world, I'm still bursting out of my head with anxiety. But like I said, just a kick in the right direction is all I need.



    Spoiler:
    Show


    My gran said my face was getting rounder today. She meant it nicely, but I cried for about an hour solid when I got home.

    My smiles are real, when I smile, but they still retain a hint of "brave face".

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...g?t=1310931612

    Here is a picture of me yesterday, taken in the disgusting-as-hell kitchen mirror (I don't have weird blotches all over me, it's merely the mirror which is covered in whatever mum exploded the kitchen with that day).

    I go through good and bad phases. I think it's harder now that I'm 7 stones. Because I am no longer "six stone something", I have no "safety net". My "net" was knowing I was less than seven stones. Soon I'll be "seven stones something" which terrifies, and I know it'll all go on my belly as the last 5lbs I've gained over the past few months have.

    But I need to be strong. And with everyones support, I know I can retain that strength.

    Thanks guys. You'll never know how much I love you all!!

    I know it might be an odd thing to say but you have really intelligent eyes. :hmmmm:

    And dunnay worry 'bout anything boy. Gran's don't really know what to say but they always have the best meaning in heart. They don't seem to understand that getting better is actually the terrifying bit for us!

    Spoiler:
    Show

    My Gran kept using the line 'you did well then!' whenever I told her what I'd eaten for the day. Made me feel like some sort of pig, didn't help when she said that I'd made a pig of myself when she actually ate most of my serving herself!

    Oh, family are odd ones.


    If you ever get anxious, we are here. Remember, even if you can't see us, the wifi signals being streamed through the air that are travelling through your head will be carrying our messages of support.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I don't feel like i can cope anymore, i literally feel like i've run out of options and don't know what to physically do!:cry:

    I feel so pathetic, but please can someone tell me what to do - what my options are - what will work? I seem to change my mind all the time about what i'm going to do and what i want, i'm just so confused.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Thank you so much for your words of reason... sometimes the simplest of sentiments can make all the difference. It's true - food is medication. But even with the olanzepine and fluoxetene and biphosphites and twocals and fortisips etc in the world, I'm still bursting out of my head with anxiety. But like I said, just a kick in the right direction is all I need.



    Spoiler:
    Show


    My gran said my face was getting rounder today. She meant it nicely, but I cried for about an hour solid when I got home.

    My smiles are real, when I smile, but they still retain a hint of "brave face".

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...g?t=1310931612

    Here is a picture of me yesterday, taken in the disgusting-as-hell kitchen mirror (I don't have weird blotches all over me, it's merely the mirror which is covered in whatever mum exploded the kitchen with that day).

    I go through good and bad phases. I think it's harder now that I'm 7 stones. Because I am no longer "six stone something", I have no "safety net". My "net" was knowing I was less than seven stones. Soon I'll be "seven stones something" which terrifies, and I know it'll all go on my belly as the last 5lbs I've gained over the past few months have.

    But I need to be strong. And with everyones support, I know I can retain that strength.

    Thanks guys. You'll never know how much I love you all!!

    Your Gran means well, I'm sure. You look fantastic, I know you don't believe it now but you will one day. You deserve to be happy and healthy



    (Original post by squiff93)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I don't feel like i can cope anymore, i literally feel like i've run out of options and don't know what to physically do!:cry:

    I feel so pathetic, but please can someone tell me what to do - what my options are - what will work? I seem to change my mind all the time about what i'm going to do and what i want, i'm just so confused.

    Can you elaborate please? PM me if you need to talk to someone.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antiaris)
    I know it might be an odd thing to say but you have really intelligent eyes. :hmmmm:

    And dunnay worry 'bout anything boy. Gran's don't really know what to say but they always have the best meaning in heart. They don't seem to understand that getting better is actually the terrifying bit for us!

    Spoiler:
    Show

    My Gran kept using the line 'you did well then!' whenever I told her what I'd eaten for the day. Made me feel like some sort of pig, didn't help when she said that I'd made a pig of myself when she actually ate most of my serving herself!

    Oh, family are odd ones.


    If you ever get anxious, we are here. Remember, even if you can't see us, the wifi signals being streamed through the air that are travelling through your head will be carrying our messages of support.
    I kind of know what you mean about the intelligent eyes...

    Also know what you mean about your Gran I have friends who are like that to me, they think it's helpful but actually I kind of need them to say 'no actually that's not enough' instead of being so bloody delicate lol My grandma is anorexic and if my granddad or any of her sons or grandsons eat anything more than she can allow herself to eat she tuts and goes 'ooh, piggy boy, piggy' but fortunately she would never say that to me! Must be tough for you, :hugs:

    I'm having a weird day, literally cannot motivate myself to eat! I've decided I want to gain weight by the time I start uni, absolutely, but I just keep putting it off... I don't want to be this thin any more and there's loads of food in our house which I like and which is 'safe' but I just can't actually get up and eat any. Every time I go to the kitchen I just come back with another glass of water... ughh.

    Spoiler:
    Show

    Anyone know if there's some kind of backwards 'thinspo' out there, kind of weight-gain motivation? I'd google it myself but I don't want to click on the wrong thing and end up getting even worse :/
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Anyone know if there's some kind of backwards 'thinspo' out there, kind of weight-gain motivation? I'd google it myself but I don't want to click on the wrong thing and end up getting even worse :/
    I suppose you'd google piccies of Jess Ennis, and other athletey peoples?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Spoiler:
    Show

    The mental health nurse has asked me to keep a food diary and it is driving me nuts!

    I had maintained my weight for so long because I felt I had the freedom to snack, now that I have to write everything down I've begun to restrict simply because I feel like I'm being judged for what I eat. Kinda backwards, I know. Yesterday I was on the verge of only managing 1400KCal when I need 2000 to maintain! Thankfully dessert is an option to up the numbers but it ain't the healthiest way to consume daily calories... But it does reduce the urge to purge. Conversely it increases the urge to exercise but my electrolytes had begun to become the mildest bit of an issue.

    Feeling better though today. I feel like I am in a good place for some odd reason, I think it might be the lack of constipation.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Decided to say that just to gross you guys out.

    ;P


    Hallo my lovelies! How is everybody this fine day?

    Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;

    *People in the experiment were rated to have a willpower that was much above average. This shows that pretty much we have quite a lot of willpower people! We just need to direct it into positive directions.
    *People ended up with food obsessions whilst at their low weights, though this lessened after people returned to their natural weight. Some people in the experiment though actually kept the food obsessions and made it their careers. 3 became successful professional chefs and 1 became a farmer. Not that relevant, but I thought the farmer bit was cute.
    *Some people gained disturbing qualities when they were emaciated and reached the 'insane' level. 1 man severed 3 finger... We don't want that. Anybody want something to give them the drive to regain weight? Think of the bloke who lost his fingers because he went 'hunger bonkers'.

    Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Spoiler:
    Show



    Feeling better though today. I feel like I am in a good place for some odd reason, I think it might be the lack of constipation.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Decided to say that just to gross you guys out.

    ;P
    Ohh not to be gross but I totally know what you mean also I know what you mean about the food diary, I stopped keeping mine for exactly that reason - knowing I would have to write it down later meant I never ate!

    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Hallo my lovelies! How is everybody this fine day?

    Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;

    *People in the experiment were rated to have a willpower that was much above average. This shows that pretty much we have quite a lot of willpower people! We just need to direct it into positive directions.
    *People ended up with food obsessions whilst at their low weights, though this lessened after people returned to their natural weight. Some people in the experiment though actually kept the food obsessions and made it their careers. 3 became successful professional chefs and 1 became a farmer. Not that relevant, but I thought the farmer bit was cute.
    *Some people gained disturbing qualities when they were emaciated and reached the 'insane' level. 1 man severed 3 finger... We don't want that. Anybody want something to give them the drive to regain weight? Think of the bloke who lost his fingers because he went 'hunger bonkers'.

    Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
    That is really interesting, and the fact that food obsession is actually normal is such a relief :rolleyes: I keep stalking all the food threads on TSR, it's driving me mental lol. Is it bad that I find the finger thing really funny though... About the natural weight thing, I'm struggling with that, too. I've had AN for so long I have no idea what my natural weight would be if I ever reached it, that does freak me out. I keep thinking 'what if I'm actually meant to be overweight?!', it makes me panicky sometimes.

    Man I love how jolly you are today though! It's put me in such a good mood just reading your post
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Decided to do a little more research into the Minnesota Experiment on Monday and found out some interesting, if mildly disturbing, information about it;...........Anybody find the concept of 'natural weight' a little weird? I find it strange thinking that my body has a set point where things work at their best but I can understand it, looking at myself.
    Glad that you're finding the experiment interesting! No doubt about the willpower btw. If that could be turned around to use for recovery you would all be unstoppable!

    Regarding 'natural weight' the idea is that this is the weight at which the body will 'stick' and where the person is able to eat what they want. This assumes the person does not have an ED! The modern world and the culture of dieting has really messed with natural appetite partly because some foods become emotionally loaded and partly because of the availability of so much energy rich food.

    It is possible to eat snacks, desserts and treats as well as not experiencing ongoing hunger apart from just before a meal and maintain a healthy, 'natural' weight.

    The fear of 'overweight' is linked to our culture's dependence on weight charts. These were developed by insurance companies in the 1940s/50s and were meant to assess risk of adverse health. Many argue that they are out of date now because we are better fed and know far more about the multiple factors affecting health. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' weight! There are weights at which you are more likely to be ill and others that are more healthy.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    I kind of know what you mean about the intelligent eyes...


    [/spoiler]
    Awww guys, you're all making me blush. Giggling like a 10-year old schoolgirl.

    I HAVE THE BODY OF ONE TOO! Hoho!

    I guess if you can't laugh at yourself, ye'd greet, eh?


    Anyway, it was weigh-in today and I merely maintained. Not ideal, but not bad either, right?I think it's down to my excessive move-aboutage as I'm eating 2000 calories now. The problem with me is that I'm not actually adverse to eating. I love food. NO food is "off the table", so to speak. It's all numbers. It's all about the numbers and the control.

    That said, for so long, I have understood certain foods are my "no-no" foods for simply being too poor in terms of numerical calorific "bang for buck". What I mean is, to eat these things are simply totally inefficient to fitting into my numerical schedule. As such I have been issued a challenge by my dietician; to list three things I deem off-limits, and to incorporate them into my meal plan over the next two weeks. Daunting, but also actually quite exciting. She said "don't you ever want to taste what a doughnut is like ever again?" and it made me wonder... if I hadn't went into therapy, I probably would've never even THOUGHT about eating a doughnut ever again. And that kinda made me a little sad. Not necessarily specifically about doughnuts - more, the fact I'd conditioned myself to think they were an absolute unnecessary part of foodular life.

    She also said to think of your body less as "you" and more as "your vehicle". She said that your mind is the "you" part, your body merely gets it around. And she said, "at the moment you've got no petrol, your brake pads are shot, your tyres are flat, and in your head, you're wanting to do a round-the-world trip."

    Kinda cute metaphor, I thought.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Great metaphor! Got to have enough fuel in the tank to run the repair programmes and to get you around this beautiful world.

    Hmmmmm. If you were a car which car would you be? I'd like to be an Audi A8- efficient, high specification, good looking and powerful. Of course I'm probably more like a old, clapped out VW Polo 1.2 - tired, slow pretending to be something its not and prone to breakdowns lol.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Really loving the methaphor. Puts a totally different spin on things. Quite interesting really and a great way to explain to others who don't understand so thanks for that, Toto. Glad things are stable for you at the mo
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.