Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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I don't know if you've had it yet but if you haven't, just keep calm, drink a sip of water every so often and if you start panicking find an excuse to get up i.e. go to the loo, get something from the kitchen etc. Hope it's okay!

Had it. I managed lamb and even a sugary drink :woo:

Tbh I needed it - have been collapsing and know it's low blood sugar - and now I feel so different. Keep telling myself I don't have to earn it :yepL

Reply 1281

TotoMimo

Well done you! To be honest, it's difficult to see food as anything but poison when your mind has conditioned you to think that way. Calories are just a measurement of heat energy but to us, it's a cruel numerical system that, the higher you take in, the worse/naughtier you have been today. The truth is, for normal, non-ED suffering minds, food is simply fuel, but for us it's actually more important - food is actually our medicine too.

Try to see it as such. It's not only the petrol going into the car, but it's also the metal panelling used to mend the engine that you've made so rusty and broken with your disease too!

Reply 1282

Cinamon

Hmmmm - has anyone been offered olanzapine?

Reply 1283

TotoMimo

Original post by Cinamon

Hmmmm - has anyone been offered olanzapine?

I am currently on 7.5mg of Olanzepine daily. I also take Fluoxetene. Why, are you being prescribed it?

Reply 1284

Cinamon

Original post by TotoMimo

I am currently on 7.5mg of Olanzepine daily. I also take Fluoxetene. Why, are you being prescribed it?

I will be if I loose another stone within 3-4 weeks :frown:

edit: well, possibly. Maybe just another SSRI. But they don't seem to like me.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 1285

TotoMimo

And quite *why* would you be losing another stone? Don't let me get angry at you. We're all making a tremendous effort to be getting better. I for example managed to get up above the seven stone mark and my head's going "AAAARGH!" but it's FOR MY OWN GOOD.

Remember the ED wants you dead. It wants to be your only "friend", isolate you from all the things you love in the world, and envelope you in it's cold, empty, ED-only one. If you're letting it take you by the hand back into that place, then YOU have to be the one to make the proper actions.

I'm sorry if I seem harsh but it's the absolute truth. You lose more weight equals you get more medication, you get unhealthy, you get put into hospital, you get very sick, you die. That's ALL that can come of indulging your ED.

The Olanzepine may actually help you. It sedated my anxieties and allowed me to "get on with things." Just stop sabotaging your own recovery with these thoughts of "losing more." Deal?

Reply 1286

squiff93

is it naive to think i'm recovered ?

i really think i am

Reply 1287

Cinamon

It was a big if toto :yep:

but thanks - I don't directly plan on loosing anything at the moment :smile:

Original post by squiff93

is it naive to think i'm recovered ?

i really think i am

Well done squiff - you don't have to decide that yet... just keep doing what you're doing and recognise any negative signs if they come about :smile:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 1288

squiff93

Original post by Cinamon

It was a big if toto :yep:

but thanks - I don't directly plan on loosing anything at the moment :smile:

Well done squiff - you don't have to decide that yet... just keep doing what you're doing and recognise any negative signs if they come about :smile:

thanks

i'm a bit of an all or nothing type person which is why i need to tell myself i'm completely better. if i think 'i'm getting there' i'll find it too easy to go back to my old ways.

a question about fluoxetine - i've been perscribed it by my doctor but have stopped taking it and really really don't want to take it should i tell my doctor i'm not going to take it or should i just tell them i am taking it?

Reply 1289

Cinamon

Original post by squiff93

thanks

Definately tell them you've stopped taking it - they can't make you take it so there is no point lying to them. :smile:

Reply 1290

diamonddust

I've been adopted by this amazing bossy French lady and her daughter. They invited me and my sister for crepes and made me a vegetable and rice dish. I'm panicking like mad because I'd eaten more in the past 7 days than I have in the past 9 months but I'm trying to tell myself this is good. Pan au chocolat is delicious. I shouldn't be crying about my thighs in Paris! Going for a bike ride with my new friends and then going to see Tour Montparnasse. I don't are about results anymore. I'll move to Paris and become a pastry chef! Hope you're all ok!

Reply 1291

TotoMimo

Diamonddust GOOD ON YE lass! Your body, mind and spirit is craving this new experience and perhaps this corner you're walking around is going to unveil a brand new vista for you to see... perhaps your mind might click like a lightswitch and you learn to appreciate living again. X

Reply 1292

Anonymous #47

thank you for this thread. I am going through a similar situation. my eating has made me lose many friends and how "fat" i feel dictates my mood. I am stuck playing a sport - pretending to be and athlete when all i want is to be thinner. I cannot perform well but i cant stop playing as i know i will get fat. I dont know how to change this....

Reply 1293

squiff93

I dm so don't with my eating
!

Reply 1294

Anonymous #48

I'm sorry, I don't know if I should be here :ninja:

I worry quite a bit that I may be heading down a bad path with eating. Whilst I don't exercise very often (in fact I'm fairly lazy in that respect) and I don't restrict most of the time I find it really hard to think about what I've eaten/am going to eat and often find myself panicking. When I look in the mirror I just see a fat blob that's got no muscle tone, just fat. Logically, my BMI is around 21 so I'm right in the middle of my weight range but I feel like a whale and like I have a BMI closer to 30. I see nothing but faults. I keep a food diary sporadically and occasionally I'll get obsessed with weighing/tracking my food and weighing/exercising etc. every day. I have target weights and goals and I never achieve them because I'm no way near dedicated (how absurd that sounds, but it feels like the right word) enough to be the beautiful person I want to be. I go out and drink most nights so that I can just lose my anxieties and enjoy myself. I've already decided when I leave in September that I'll start on a series of diets and exercise regimes, and that I'll stick to it all and by Christmas reach my first goal weight. If someone offers me food I take it without hesitation - and then mentally torture myself for it for hours afterwards. I have no self control.

Reply 1295

Kebabbi

Original post by squiff93

thanks

I don't want to rain on your parade but when I've been that decisive before it's tended to end badly... when I say 'yes I'm completely better now, I can eat whatever I like whenever I like' it's great for the first couple of weeks but the sudden onslaught of a lot of 'danger' foods becomes overwhelming and I've always relapsed (the ED thought pattern being that the opposite of 'I'm completely better' is 'I'm completely ill again, I can't eat anything')

I'm not saying that will happen to you and it's great that you're being optimistic but it might be easier in the long-term not to think too much about it at all, just think 'I'm recovering, yesterday was a good day, today will be a good day' maybe? Lovely that you're doing better though :biggrin:

Reply 1296

TotoMimo

I don't think you can be entirely, completely "recovered".

You cannot unlearn the things, conditions, informations you've learned.

But what you CAN do is use what you've learned channelled into a positive manner. For example, you know the calories in everything and used to use that information to limit heavily your intake. Why not use that information to calculate a healthy intake? Have some fun with your mental database of calorie-counts!

Anonymous, that is the mentality of someone with body dysmorphic disorder, and the behaviours you're exhibiting are the precursors to anorexia nervosa. What's worth noting is that you say you have "no self control", but you have the thoughts and feelings. The control comes later. But that's a bad thing. Like a hand on your neck, it grasps tighter and tighter as you learn to restrict bit by bit. It doesn't happen all at once. Perhaps you learn to eat a lot of low-calorie foods. Then you learn to do that, but skip lunch. Then you replace another meal with a snack. And so on, and so forth.

It's a dangerous point you're at, and you need to chat to your GP about it immediately.

Reply 1297

opinionscount66

All I ate/drank yesterday was green tea until 7pm when I had some veg. I went to bed but awoke in the night and had a crisp sandwich (wtf?!) I literally had to hold on to my bed to stop myself from running to the bathroom and throwing it up.

I think it was the day before yesterday when I realised something needed to be done about my bulimia and I started throwing up a lot of blood (I have been bulimic about 4 years but right now it is the worse it has ever been).

To make matters worse I have a date tonight and we are eating out. Great.

I am so ****ed in the head.

Reply 1298

Anonymous #49

Hi
I've lurked on this thread for a while but never knew what to say. I've had an eating disorder on and off between 13 and 18. When I was younger, the weight dropped off really quickly when I tried. Since 14/15 though, I've had a lot of trouble getting any off at all- I have thyroid problems so it's possibly due to this. It's quite hard to explain- I obsess over calories, eat below my calculated BMR and have done for over a year and run for 1.5 hours most days but whilst I feel the physical consequences of this (pale, lightheaded with blurred vision when I stand, shaky), my weight stays relatively constant- I've tried so hard to lose weight and did lose 9lbs over the year and a half but I've been stuck at BMI 20 for what seems like ages now.

I'd kind of accepted that but I just found out that I have to get my thyroid removed in a couple of weeks as it has a large tumour which is growing quickly- I understand that it's necessary but at the same time, it's going to mess my mind up again. The thyroid gland controls metabolism, so from what I've read, when that's gone, even with hormone replacement tablets, weight gain is inevitable- I've read a lot of stories online and most of the people mentioned that they gained at least 10-15lbs in the first year. I'll try very hard to avoid the weight gain and control what I eat very carefully but I don't know how effective that will be- I wouldn't know how to cope with that much weight gain and I know it's a silly thing to worry about when there are more serious side-effects that the operation could lead to but at the same time, I can't stop thinking about it.