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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    Going to see Iron Maiden tonight. Hopefully it'll be amazing (run to the hills, people! xD) There's one thing bugging me though:
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    As far as I'm aware there's no food outlets in the MEN Arena so I might have to get a McDonalds; the guy I'm going with is a friend but not close enough to trust him with knowledge of my ED. It's been like a year since I've been able to even stare at one straight. I know the nutritional information for the average chicken salad sandwich and THAT bugs me, how the heck do I justify a Big Mac? Already got saturates and excess sodium thriving from my mate's barbecue last night!

    Eek.
    And I really want to gooooo : (
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    I'm in the same position, I want to get back up to my April weight before uni in September. I wish I knew though! For a couple of days I was really organised about it: try to make a list, every morning, of the foods you are definitely going to eat in the day (e.g. at least the bare minimum for breakfast, lunch and dinner,) then aim to add extra foods to the list throughout the day. That way, if you're not feeling great you can just stick to the list, and if you're feeling better you can be more adventurous

    My main problem atm is that I lie to myself. I automatically put off eating another hour, then another hour, then another... before I know it I've skipped another meal, yet in my head I ate the meal because I intended to, so my next meal only needs to be small... eugh that doesn't even make sense All I can say is good luck music and light walking might help too.
    Thanks so much for that idea :] I do something similar: I'll intend to eat a meal, and then think that I won't, but delude myself that it's ok because at least I intended to eat it and didn't plan on skipping, so congratulate myself anyway, which is utterly ridiculous.

    Plans are definately the way forward. I'm trying to work out realistically how much I need to eat to get the weight on by myself, as I realllllly don't want NHS intervention, or parental intervention, because both in the past have made things mentally much worse.

    Good luck with everything. I really hope you regain the weight you need. It's good to think of it as regaining rather than gaining. You've made the right choice.
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    (Original post by Arcane Barn Elk)
    Maybe keep a list up somewhere of things that you want to do when fully well. Or maybe a picture of you when you were healthy and looking happy? Pictures of those who love you and want you to be well? Picturing your Mum's face when you were at your worst whenever you're tempted to skip or cut down on food. It can also help to replace those old nasty mantras with good, healthy ones - 'I need to be healthy and strong to do what I want to do'.

    Anyway you're all in my thoughts and prayers for good health and a full recovery!
    Definately thinking of other people helps. My main motivation at the moment is how much my parents are upset and worried. They've done a lot to help me in the past and I feel guilty for putting them through this again. I think it's really important with eating disorders to remind yourself that there is a world and other people out there. It's so easy to live in your mind.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Going to see Iron Maiden tonight. Hopefully it'll be amazing (run to the hills, people! xD) There's one thing bugging me though:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    As far as I'm aware there's no food outlets in the MEN Arena so I might have to get a McDonalds; the guy I'm going with is a friend but not close enough to trust him with knowledge of my ED. It's been like a year since I've been able to even stare at one straight. I know the nutritional information for the average chicken salad sandwich and THAT bugs me, how the heck do I justify a Big Mac? Already got saturates and excess sodium thriving from my mate's barbecue last night!

    Eek.
    And I really want to gooooo : (
    Could you take some food with you, with the excuse that you're running low on cash so don't want to waste money buying overpriced food there?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Could you take some food with you, with the excuse that you're running low on cash so don't want to waste money buying overpriced food there?
    Well it was gonna be a kind of exposure therapy as part of CBT but if I don't feel up to it, yeah was thinking of taking some sandwiches just in case : ) good idea, only I'm not sure if they'll let me into the venue with them. Either way I'm going, we can't let fear or guilt stop us doing what we want. Thanks for the suggestion : )
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Going to see Iron Maiden tonight. Hopefully it'll be amazing (run to the hills, people! xD) There's one thing bugging me though:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    As far as I'm aware there's no food outlets in the MEN Arena so I might have to get a McDonalds; the guy I'm going with is a friend but not close enough to trust him with knowledge of my ED. It's been like a year since I've been able to even stare at one straight. I know the nutritional information for the average chicken salad sandwich and THAT bugs me, how the heck do I justify a Big Mac? Already got saturates and excess sodium thriving from my mate's barbecue last night!

    Eek.
    And I really want to gooooo : (
    Sorry I can't say anything helpful, but I do want to say that I saw them on Saturday and they were wonderful. I hope you have fun and that it'll be a good escape from things in your head for a while for you.
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    (Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
    Sorry I can't say anything helpful, but I do want to say that I saw them on Saturday and they were wonderful. I hope you have fun and that it'll be a good escape from things in your head for a while for you.
    Thanks, I guess getting out of our own minds for a bit is all we need sometimes. Glad to see a fellow metalhead anyway
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    (Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
    They've done a lot to help me in the past and I feel guilty for putting them through this again. .
    Try to focus on their love and desire to see their beautiful daughter get well rather than on your feelings of guilt. You are ill and therefore have nothing to be guilty about as long as you are putting all of your will towards recovery.

    (Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
    I think it's really important with eating disorders to remind yourself that there is a world and other people out there. It's so easy to live in your mind.
    Definately! This is so true, in many illnesses like EDs and depression sufferers live almost entirely in their own heads. A technique called mindfulness often helps. When you are able to, try to pay attention to the environment around you, especially the natural world. Watch the clouds, the trees, the birds, really pay attention to what is going on. If walking think about the placement of your feet, the ground texture and qualities of what you are walking on, the feeling of the wind on your face.........
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    Woo, Maiden were awesome ^ ^ Dance of Death and Hallowed Be Thy Name blew me away...and I somehow even managed the Big Mac meal! It tasted absolutely awful :')
    Don't let this get in the way of your hopes and dreams everyone, there's a beautiful world out there that we've a right to call our own.
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    (Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
    Thanks so much for that idea :] I do something similar: I'll intend to eat a meal, and then think that I won't, but delude myself that it's ok because at least I intended to eat it and didn't plan on skipping, so congratulate myself anyway, which is utterly ridiculous.

    Plans are definately the way forward. I'm trying to work out realistically how much I need to eat to get the weight on by myself, as I realllllly don't want NHS intervention, or parental intervention, because both in the past have made things mentally much worse.

    Good luck with everything. I really hope you regain the weight you need. It's good to think of it as regaining rather than gaining. You've made the right choice.
    Ohhh absolutely same, all of what you said! Sometimes I even feel guilty for eating so much without ever having eaten any of it, it's ridiculousss Good luck though




    (Original post by Riku)
    Woo, Maiden were awesome ^ ^ Dance of Death and Hallowed Be Thy Name blew me away...and I somehow even managed the Big Mac meal! It tasted absolutely awful :')
    Don't let this get in the way of your hopes and dreams everyone, there's a beautiful world out there that we've a right to call our own.
    WOOO (I would put a little dancy banana thing here but I don't know how... thought that counts, eh! )
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Woo, Maiden were awesome ^ ^ Dance of Death and Hallowed Be Thy Name blew me away...and I somehow even managed the Big Mac meal! It tasted absolutely awful :')
    Don't let this get in the way of your hopes and dreams everyone, there's a beautiful world out there that we've a right to call our own.
    Well done!! There's definately so much more to life than disordered eating, and nights like that are a reminder of how good things can be.

    Unfortunately I went to Maiden after a massive eating-disorder-related argument with my parents. I decided to get drunk before the gig to cheer up, which worked, but I had to go out to be sick three times. Stupid low body weight and alcohol intolerance. Still, GREAT NIGHT.

    Do you ever listen to music as an escape? Do you like other metal?
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    Hey guys, hope you're all ok!
    Went to the theatre tonight with my mum. It was a much better amateur production than the one I saw a few weeks back but I just feel so miserable now. My mum just systematically destroys any bit of confidence I develop. I just want to go to uni so I don't have to deal with it anymore.
    Aw well. Tomorrow morning I'm off to Bristol and then to Glastonbury for my sister's friend's wedding and then on Monday, I'm off to Paris.

    Oh and I wanted to have a bit of a celebration! My hair has grown for the first time in years! It's been constantly breaking since I was about 8. There's something to be said for a) not putting chemicals in it and b) dreadlocks. Imagine what it would be like if I could get my eating up to scratch! That's a vain sort of motivation but additional motivation all the same!

    I'll post a photo because I'm quite proud of my 'fro now! Ignore the phone in front of my face and the lopsided...ness of my hair! I hadn't quite finished combing it out.




    Well done Riku! :hugs:

    I'm not going to be able to post until the 18th August so I want to give you all e hugs and well-wishes! Keep fighting everyone. :hugs:
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    Well done Riku!! And Diamonddust, I know how tough it can be when a family member inadvertently does nothing but all-day-trigger-ye-up. It can be pretty difficult. On the upside, your hair is kickass!

    A good and bad thing for me is that my recovery has had me hit the 7stone mark. Still not great for a man, but terrifying for me. One thing I'll note is that I've actually reached that point where I had to loosen my belt to use the first ACTUAL belt hole, which had me in tears, then elated, then tears again, then air-punching with my sense of achievement. EDs can make you pretty crazed in terms of mood swings. God knows what I would've been like if I was born a girl; my hormonal mood swings plus "time of the month"? Man, that'd be a terrifying prospect.
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    New evidence is coming out that men go through a 'time of the month' of sorts too emotionally, not only that but men also have been found to go through an emotional menopause too! Hormonally too.


    Thought I'd pop that in.


    CONGRATS DIAMOND AND TOTO! Both. Of. You. Are. BRILLIANT INSPIRATIONS!
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    Thanks all ^ ^

    (Original post by TheHyacinthGirl)
    Well done!! There's definately so much more to life than disordered eating, and nights like that are a reminder of how good things can be.

    Unfortunately I went to Maiden after a massive eating-disorder-related argument with my parents. I decided to get drunk before the gig to cheer up, which worked, but I had to go out to be sick three times. Stupid low body weight and alcohol intolerance. Still, GREAT NIGHT.

    Do you ever listen to music as an escape? Do you like other metal?
    Oh yeah. All the time! I'd say friends and family, music and a good book are the three things that make me keep fighting and feel truly glad to be alive. I'm a drummer and singer, hoping to start a band soon it's just an ongoing battle with being constantly tired and the anxiety around (silly as it might sound) getting my heart rate up. I can't say the weather's helping that much with my sleep-ah well. So yeah, just had a go at playing 30STM's A Beautiful Lie : ) metal-wise I guess I like everything from the golden oldies like Sabbath and Led Zep to new bands like Killswitch Engage, Avenged Sevenfold, BFMV...
    Sorry to hear about your parents : / it can be really awkward sometimes but it's important to remember that they're expressing their concern for you in the only way they think they can when they don't understand how your disorder works. I'm glad you had a great night too in the end anyway (minus the booze wooze, obviously!)

    Nice one Toto! You too Diamonddust, your hair looks awesome :^_^:
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    A question extended to all sufferers of an ED, and perhaps I'm needing reassurance.

    It's completely irrational and nonsensical but I feel my body is getting bigger and softer as I continue to increase my intake of food. However the number on the scales isn't budging. This is INCREDIBLY frustrating because as all of you will attest, this is the OPPOSITE of what I want to happen. I want to put on weight but NOT get flab, but in reality I'm just gaining flab but no physical weight. Why is this?

    Lying Bathroom Scales?
    Body Dysmorphia?
    Increased Body Fat/Decreased Muscle Mass?
    Sodium Bloat?

    All of the above?

    It's crazy how this can play with your mind.
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    Mainly dysmorphia my good man.

    Sodium bloat is going to happen. Anorexia often has low blood pressure also associated with it which further worsens water retention. As your cells try and bring in the nutrients they need to repair SOME will be going in through a process called facilitated diffusion, in which they will hop on through the cell walls with sodium ions as the sodium ions are needed to push through the cell membrane. Obviously as sodium in cells increases it's gonna lower the water potential so water is gonna be sucked in too. THIS WILL THEN GO BACK OUT OF THE CELL WHEN THINGS HAVE REPAIRED but the cell WILL become bloated.

    God, so glad I did pharmacy for a while.

    The body fat/muscle mass thing won't be happening. Your body burns Carbs and Fat and THEN Protein. Protein is fairly difficult to break down so it ain't so efficient and as long as you stay fuelled you won't get much dystrophy.

    No scales are accurate I find. The ones at home with me vary by the place on the floow by 4 pounds, the nurses tell me I'm 8/8.2 so I'm judging by the NHS here.

    The ED is making you see things though. ~You should. Not. Worry.

    Things are gonna change, you just need to tell yourself that this ain't a bad thing and that it is what YOU want, just not what the suicidal little thoughts in your head want (because an ED is just a slow form of suicide.)
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    HA!

    Just wondering if anybody else ets this weird effect I seem to get;

    When I've eaten above maintenance in a day by a good amount my body HEATS at night as my metabolism fires up? It's such a weird effect but it leaves me sweating pints. Just today I tried to aim for the 3000 some forums advise, almost just to see if I could, and I bloody feel like a human heat lamp (fabulous lamp shade optional.)

    Bloody difficult too trying to get to 3000. I went to the gym earlier today (only allowing 15-25 minutes) so mentally I was prepared. Ate until I felt bloated most of the day! After totting up the numbers though and I'd say I barely made it! I'd love to think that I might have even gone over 3000 but for some reason it seems unlikely. Feels like recovery still though! I know though that if my Mam weren't there pushing me I'd probably end up restricting without thinking again but loaded after the weekend at least!
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    HA!

    Just wondering if anybody else ets this weird effect I seem to get;

    When I've eaten above maintenance in a day by a good amount my body HEATS at night as my metabolism fires up? It's such a weird effect but it leaves me sweating pints. Just today I tried to aim for the 3000 some forums advise, almost just to see if I could, and I bloody feel like a human heat lamp (fabulous lamp shade optional.)

    Bloody difficult too trying to get to 3000. I went to the gym earlier today (only allowing 15-25 minutes) so mentally I was prepared. Ate until I felt bloated most of the day! After totting up the numbers though and I'd say I barely made it! I'd love to think that I might have even gone over 3000 but for some reason it seems unlikely. Feels like recovery still though! I know though that if my Mam weren't there pushing me I'd probably end up restricting without thinking again but loaded after the weekend at least!
    Blimey, well done! How did you manage 3000, what did you even eat?!

    I've realised that I've lost weight without even realising, while kidding myself I was eating more I've actually been restricting even more than usual... so frustrating, especially when I genuinely believe I'm in a positive mindset but my subconscious is like sabotaging all my efforts. I was thinking of starting another food diary just to keep track, to ensure I actually have eaten what I thought I had intended to, but then that always makes me feel guilty... bleh
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    Okay, after counting maybe just over 2500 but still, I'm ever the optimist!

    Kebabbi, you ain't in that struggle alone. We are so USED to ED eating that we take it as normal to eat like the ED is still in control BECAUSE WE DON'T REALLY KNOW WHATDIFFERENT EATING IS YET.

    If you worry about eating what you intend on eating a food diary might help but there is only one solution. Bloody eating what we intend to! The ED pounces back into position if we say, 'oh missed that one, will just skip onto next'. What we need to do is to go back and EAT that thing anyway and THEN what we further had planned. Tough, I know, but we must soldier on!
 
 
 
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