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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Squiffy, YAY Maths grade buddy. Only you had the balls to keep it until A2. I'm jumping ship in september. Although admittedly, I've wanted to drop it since last October... so passing it was good. Mum doesnt agree, what a surprise.

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    If I knew what I'd eaten on saturday/ at a friends party that had left me feeling so poorly would be WONDERFUL, so I dont have a repeat. But i dont, so bad times.
    LOL i was a few marks off a B at AS and couldn't cope with A2 it's ridiculously impossible i wish like you that i dropped it at AS!!! luckily for me my mum and dad knew how much i hated it and i prepared them for the worst therefore they were actually rather happy with my D (as was I)!
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    LOL i was a few marks off a B at AS and couldn't cope with A2 it's ridiculously impossible i wish like you that i dropped it at AS!!! luckily for me my mum and dad knew how much i hated it and i prepared them for the worst therefore they were actually rather happy with my D (as was I)!
    Haha. 62,42,50, scraped a D at AS for maths. Admittedly Brian Cox, the fit one off the telly only had a D in maths. But upset I didnt get an A in Chem though. Nearly had a panic attack before I'd opened my results, convinced I'd done awful/ failed German and sir was going to kill me, cant honestly remember much of what I said to my music teacher :/, may need to apologise in Sept. Pleased with a D in maths, got B's in bio and Chem, C in german was alright. Laughed at my C in Gen. studies...
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Haha. 62,42,50, scraped a D at AS for maths. Admittedly Brian Cox, the fit one off the telly only had a D in maths. But upset I didnt get an A in Chem though. Nearly had a panic attack before I'd opened my results, convinced I'd done awful/ failed German and sir was going to kill me, cant honestly remember much of what I said to my music teacher :/, may need to apologise in Sept. Pleased with a D in maths, got B's in bio and Chem, C in german was alright. Laughed at my C in Gen. studies...
    i got a C in AS german to your results are good - especially for AS which is a huge jump from GCSE! Bs in bio and chem is awesome science is like a foreign language to me and my A's in science at GCSEs come from the fact that i memorized the test book and didn't actually understand ANY of it

    i managed to pull up my psych from a B to an A* without retakes which just goes to show how good your A-level results could be next year even without all the bother of january resits!

    did you take M1 or S1 in maths?
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    It really does! AS Chemistry was impossible for me! :rolleyes: :hugs:
    Keep in contact? Pleease don't disappear once you start uni- that goes for you too Squff! I really care about you guys!
    OF course!!! Same to you! Once I get my internet set up at my new house i'll back
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    (Original post by squiff93)

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    can anyone give advice on the best way to cope with an ed at university - like how to not draw attention to my eating problems and weight issues in front of the people i'm sharing with as i'd rather them not know but at the same time i don't want it to be left to get out of control, i'm worried that without being forced to eat reasonably by people who know that i'll take advantage and restrict more. i don't want to get more ill i just want to get better - but old habits and the temptation is so hard to kick
    I feel the same; I don't know whether it's better to be upfront about it, or living in a mixed flat with atleast two guys whether that will scare them off and make everyone treat me differently.

    Also, I feel like it's my mother that caused me to relapse, and triggers me to get worse. Do I tell her, or does that make me a terrible daughter? Everything is all about food, her diet, my weight, exams and uni, and I can't deal with it
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    (Original post by Alexandrra)
    I feel the same; I don't know whether it's better to be upfront about it, or living in a mixed flat with atleast two guys whether that will scare them off and make everyone treat me differently.

    Also, I feel like it's my mother that caused me to relapse, and triggers me to get worse. Do I tell her, or does that make me a terrible daughter? Everything is all about food, her diet, my weight, exams and uni, and I can't deal with it
    of course it doesn't make you a terrible daughter, just remember it doesn't make her a terrible mother either EDs are very scary for parents because your always going to be her baby and she's always going to worry and try her best to help you - eventhough i know as well as you it can have a completely opposite effect. maybe if you can it'd be a good idea for you to explain to her how her comments make you feel and for you to suggest to her ways that she can help you get better.

    i've been worrying about this university thing for a few hours now and i've decided not to tell the people i'm sharing a room with - if it's obvious enough for them to pick up on and they approach me about it i'll be honest, but if i can keep it from them then it'll encourage me to try and be more 'normal' and maybe help me to forgegt about it. i am probably going to explain my situation to the health centre at the university as i need a repeat prescription from the doctor and they offer counselling which i'd like to have the option of having - if i don't need it great but it's important you have something to fall back on if you really start struggling.

    Goodluck! x
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    (Original post by Alexandrra)
    I feel the same; I don't know whether it's better to be upfront about it, or living in a mixed flat with atleast two guys whether that will scare them off and make everyone treat me differently.

    Also, I feel like it's my mother that caused me to relapse, and triggers me to get worse. Do I tell her, or does that make me a terrible daughter? Everything is all about food, her diet, my weight, exams and uni, and I can't deal with it
    Of course you're not a terrible daughter! Maybe tell her to try not to talk about diet and weight and put pressure on you? My mum just called me lazy because after eating dinner, I feel too miserable to clean the bags of A2 work I've left on the floor.

    I don't know what to do about the flatmate situation either. I wouldn't want to bring it up unless it became really apparent but according to my family, it's pretty obvious anyway especially during meals. I know that if I see people in the kitchen when I want to eat, I'll probably turn around and go to my room and obviously, I don't want to do that. I don't want people to judge me and make assumptions about me. I didn't even tell the friends I made this year and I was relatively close to them. I don't want to turn up and be like 'Hi, I'm DD and if you think I'm a bit weird around food, well I'm sorry, I have an ED that I'm trying to recover from.' It will feel weird and then they'll expect me to eat certain things and... I guess I'll keep it secret.
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    Thought I'd just do waht everyone else does and warn ppl of the coming long post. :P

    I wouldn't say I have an ED as I'm not that serious, and for my height my weight is really healthy, and I also make sure I eat etc because I know a lack of nutrition will affect my skin, hair and so on. Tommy is right, it's about vanity.

    I know I don't have an ED, but I do know that suddenly (I forgot what it was) something triggered since last year and I used to eat so much and so happily but never gained weight. Tho, for some reason my perspective suddenly changed, I started restricting what I ate but not too much that I don't get enough nutrients, I try to hit 1000 calories everyday, but I make sure I don't go too far above it, just over it say around max 1200 (I actually think most days I don't hit 1000 calories); sometimes I would have a good day and eat normal. I can feel that I have lost some weight, but since I'm only just over 5 foot I'm still classed as a normal 'healthy' weight, which I'm glad.

    I have always tried to make everything perfect, and control things a little. I actually think what triggered my obsessivness that I now have with food is that I could feel me college grades were slipping and I was worried about failing, I was worried I wouldn;t get into law school. I didn't want to fail and 'possibly' failing my A-Levels was beginning to go out of my control, so I concentrated on food. I could control that and although I used to eat what I want (btw being asian it was mostly very healthy, but I just had a lot of high carb foods, which were still healthy tho), I wasn't really that happy with my body, despite never been above 110lbs.

    I could feel the effects of suddenly restricting things, i.e. getting irritable really easy, getting emotional quite easily and if someone asks if I'm not hungry (if I just have the vegetables at supper on somedays), then I would snap at them thinking they think they're suspecting something or that there's something wrong with me, when I know they're just asking. I still eat rice/bread that kind of stuff, but I have cut the amount of rice I eat by 75%, I've always liked brown bread but would still eat white bread if it's there and never think twice about it, but now I would avoid white bread, unless there is really nothing else. I would get nervous when someone else cooks supper instead of me, if they do + put too much on my plate I always leave a lot of it, unless it's vegetables. I would avoid all the cakes/packaged foods (if we ever get them) etc, unless I have to eat some in front of the family I break it all up and pick at little bits of it and eat the tiniest amount and give the rest to the dog . If on good days I feel like 'what the heck let's just eat some' and I lose some of that control, I still actually have the tiniest piece.

    I've always loved fruit though and I eat loads of that so I reckon I do make up most of the calories that I should be eating during the day. I still have meat + that, but I've noticed that if it's not chicken or fish I don't eat it, these being the leanist.

    My condition isn't that bad now that I know I've got into law school. I feel relieved and that a bit of the control is going. I just know it's because of our family background was making me feel that everything was going wrong and I'm not able to make it go right, and being worried about my future and dissappointing everyone has just made my shoulders feel really heavy. Plus the fact that I know my father is stressed so I think I felt like I should suffer aswell.

    It's funny isn't it? How when you actually try to lose weight that you become less happy with your body than you were before and I don't even think it was about my body in the first place haha, since I never believed in diets, I was the healthiest person around I reckon. I was active, I ate lots of fruit & veg, good old hearty amount of rice, bread, choco, sweets, occasional dessert. Being Chinese we never have fast food, fried, or unhealthy foods, once every few months we might get one of those packaged Quiche things or something packaged anyway, but we always cooked from scratch, so I never craved for junk food, it never taste good in the first place anyway. 0_o

    I think I'm alright now, it's only been just under a year for me, so I'm not too affected by my pickyness in eating. I'm gradually just forgetting about it hopefully, as I have felt the least happiest during this past year because of it. All I'm going to do from now on is eat more and just exercise more.

    Oh! Apologies for the rrrrreallllly long post
    .

    I just felt I had to get it off my chest, because I've never told anybody about my recent feelings.
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    NyuNyu, as time goes on vanity becomes irrelevant and it becomes solely about numbers and your own obsessions. You can lie to yourself and say otherwise but it soon becomes a competitive solitary challenge which drives you to try to beat what you previously did.

    Starve a little bite more, exercise a little bite more - it adds up day to day and soon you'll find yourself struggling to get up in the morning due to muscular atrophy.

    Scary stuff... x
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    www.swedauk.org/students/uni.htm

    About having an ED at uni and relates to what we were talking about.
    • #55
    #55

    Hi, i just feel like i really need to talk about this now. I don't have an ED by any means i don't think, but i'm 5'10 and if i go over 8 and a half stone i feel disgusting and fat and automatically lose any weight that i manage to put on. My boyfriend prefers me to put some weight on and says i look better for it but i literally can't do it and it gets me really really down. I try to eat 1200-1500 cals a day but the last two weeks it's pretty much just been a bowl of soup and a sandwich everyday. I know this probably sounds really stupid and i'm sorry for wasting your time but i haven't been a healthy weight since i was 12 and all this started *now 18* and even though i know im underweight i feel so huge and i can't physically make myself put the weight on. Sorry for wasting your time, thanks.
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Hi, i just feel like i really need to talk about this now. I don't have an ED by any means i don't think, but i'm 5'10 and if i go over 8 and a half stone i feel disgusting and fat and automatically lose any weight that i manage to put on. My boyfriend prefers me to put some weight on and says i look better for it but i literally can't do it and it gets me really really down. I try to eat 1200-1500 cals a day but the last two weeks it's pretty much just been a bowl of soup and a sandwich everyday. I know this probably sounds really stupid and i'm sorry for wasting your time but i haven't been a healthy weight since i was 12 and all this started *now 18* and even though i know im underweight i feel so huge and i can't physically make myself put the weight on. Sorry for wasting your time, thanks.
    Hi there I'm afraid that anything that makes you obsess about your food like that can be considered an ED, even if you don't want to call it that. Your body may be used to you being underweight now but that's really not the way it should be. I think it may help if you see someone about your body dysmorphia and restricting (anorexia doesn't mean you have to eat NOTHING).
    You're not wasting anyone's time :hugs:
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    NyuNyu, as time goes on vanity becomes irrelevant and it becomes solely about numbers and your own obsessions. You can lie to yourself and say otherwise but it soon becomes a competitive solitary challenge which drives you to try to beat what you previously did.

    Starve a little bite more, exercise a little bite more - it adds up day to day and soon you'll find yourself struggling to get up in the morning due to muscular atrophy.

    Scary stuff... x
    I do know what you mean. I mean this past year I've been obsessed about each food and if I don't like the look of the numbers then I would avoid it at all costs, and I've found that it's such a time consuming thing.

    I think I've gotten a bit better, I just need to tell myself to calm down. ^_^ That I know I won't gain weight, because I never did before when I ate twice as much so I shouldn't now. I must have spend hrs and hrs watching ED related videos and movies, because of my obsession. I was scared I might have a serious ED problem as I would plan relentlessly what I was going to eat that day and become upset if things don't go to plan, but I watched them ED videos because they always scared me into going to get something to eat. Lol, which is good I guess as I think 'I don't want to end up like them', so I go and eat that extra bit of rice or I go and have that extra piece of toast.

    Hopefully this phase will pass, and I pray that I don't get into this phase again, because it makes you so emotional. And you're right it feels such a solitary challenge, and the feeling that you just want to be alone with your obsession.

    I hope you're fighting fit soon, take care and I'm glad you made this thread. XxX
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    i got a C in AS german to your results are good - especially for AS which is a huge jump from GCSE! Bs in bio and chem is awesome science is like a foreign language to me and my A's in science at GCSEs come from the fact that i memorized the test book and didn't actually understand ANY of it

    i managed to pull up my psych from a B to an A* without retakes which just goes to show how good your A-level results could be next year even without all the bother of january resits!

    did you take M1 or S1 in maths?
    S1, although M1 is supposed to be fun/ good if you do Physics. My school sits M1 as an A2 module. Oooh. Squiffy kann Deutsch sprechen! Fand du Deutsch wirklich interessant, oder sehr schwer zu tun? Apparently I'm good at literature, so I might do well in the essay in the A2 paper, but the english to german translation is going to be a bugger :/

    btw, DD, Squiff and everyone else, I'll be upset if you disappear when you get to uni. I get worried and assume you're doing really badly and aren't posting because you can't, not because you dont need us.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    S1, although M1 is supposed to be fun/ good if you do Physics. My school sits M1 as an A2 module. Oooh. Squiffy kann Deutsch sprechen! Fand du Deutsch wirklich interessant, oder sehr schwer zu tun? Apparently I'm good at literature, so I might do well in the essay in the A2 paper, but the english to german translation is going to be a bugger :/

    btw, DD, Squiff and everyone else, I'll be upset if you disappear when you get to uni. I get worried and assume you're doing really badly and aren't posting because you can't, not because you dont need us.
    Yeah I won't disappear and tbh your right often when I don't post it is because things are bad and I can't. Finally booked accomodation today so it feels real.

    Ah your school did the same as mine. Trust m1 was so not fun lol learnt all the stupid formulas and in the exam they didn't work. Erm as German was okay and speaking it is so useful but the workload from the teacher was huge and scared me off so dis writing an essay about the cold war I've already learnt about it so thought it'd be dull. I wish I'd carried on with German though tbh it all comes out when I'm drunk lol x
    • #55
    #55

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi there I'm afraid that anything that makes you obsess about your food like that can be considered an ED, even if you don't want to call it that. Your body may be used to you being underweight now but that's really not the way it should be. I think it may help if you see someone about your body dysmorphia and restricting (anorexia doesn't mean you have to eat NOTHING).
    You're not wasting anyone's time :hugs:
    What you say does seem quite logical, I never really thought of it that way. Thanks for your support and advice, you're really kind
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    S1, although M1 is supposed to be fun/ good if you do Physics. My school sits M1 as an A2 module. Oooh. Squiffy kann Deutsch sprechen! Fand du Deutsch wirklich interessant, oder sehr schwer zu tun? Apparently I'm good at literature, so I might do well in the essay in the A2 paper, but the english to german translation is going to be a bugger :/

    btw, DD, Squiff and everyone else, I'll be upset if you disappear when you get to uni. I get worried and assume you're doing really badly and aren't posting because you can't, not because you dont need us.
    :hugs: I'll keep posting.

    I just made appointments with my GP and my Psych and I'm bricking it. Luckily the GP appointment was automated and I know the receptionist so I'm not too bad after using the phone but I'm so scared how close it will getting to university and nothing will be sorted out by then. I could only get an appointment to see my psych on the 22nd of September and I'm either moving on the 24th or the 25th and a referral will take months won't it? My GP's appointment is on the 2nd September which is like the week after next. It's so close and nothing is ready and I'm panicking a little. I'm sure I'll feel better once everything's sorted out but I just want to go hide in a corner for a little while. I kind of feel like I don't know if I want/need help and having to sort it all out myself is making me want to not bother with it because I can't need it that much.
    I know I'm supposed to take responsibility for myself and my health and all that stuff but I feel totally alone atm, like I'm the one who has to call my Dad and ask him about therapy just because my Mum doesn't want to put aside her not talking to him thing. I don't even want therapy anymore. I have an NHS therapy appointment tomorrow and it feels too late to start and I'm resenting absolutely everyone because it feels like nobody gave me any support after I left hospital. But then most of it is my fault because I pushed them all away! :sigh: stupid brain.

    Hope you're all ok! :jumphug:
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    Yeah I won't disappear and tbh your right often when I don't post it is because things are bad and I can't. Finally booked accomodation today so it feels real.

    Ah your school did the same as mine. Trust m1 was so not fun lol learnt all the stupid formulas and in the exam they didn't work. Erm as German was okay and speaking it is so useful but the workload from the teacher was huge and scared me off so dis writing an essay about the cold war I've already learnt about it so thought it'd be dull. I wish I'd carried on with German though tbh it all comes out when I'm drunk lol x
    I'm not the only one with a mahoosive workload from German then. Only once have we been given 200words to learn and 4 days in which to do it. Your schol does the cold war as the 20th C. history topic! We do the fall of the Berlin Wall, or atleast, thats what my group are doing, what this years Y12 choose idk. Impressive that you can speak German when du ganz betrunken bist :P. But does your word order stay fairly reasonable, or does that go weird?
    • #50
    #50

    :woo:

    So I went to an all-you-can-eat-place and totally stuffed my face with greasy goodness. After the initial panic of "how do I go to the toilet without my friend noticing I'm throwing up - It's probably too noisy" I kinda just relaxed and forgot about it and had a brilliant afternoon bought me some nice things as well WOOO
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: I'll keep posting.

    I just made appointments with my GP and my Psych and I'm bricking it. Luckily the GP appointment was automated and I know the receptionist so I'm not too bad after using the phone but I'm so scared how close it will getting to university and nothing will be sorted out by then. I could only get an appointment to see my psych on the 22nd of September and I'm either moving on the 24th or the 25th and a referral will take months won't it? My GP's appointment is on the 2nd September which is like the week after next. It's so close and nothing is ready and I'm panicking a little. I'm sure I'll feel better once everything's sorted out but I just want to go hide in a corner for a little while. I kind of feel like I don't know if I want/need help and having to sort it all out myself is making me want to not bother with it because I can't need it that much.
    -snip-

    Hope you're all ok! :jumphug:
    DD, you do need it, even if its a kick up the arse to keep eating and not to let the voices go mental, although i'm sure Toto will do that. :hugs: If you think you'll forget to mention things at your appointment you could always write it down/ make a list.
 
 
 
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