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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I'm not the only one with a mahoosive workload from German then. Only once have we been given 200words to learn and 4 days in which to do it. Your schol does the cold war as the 20th C. history topic! We do the fall of the Berlin Wall, or atleast, thats what my group are doing, what this years Y12 choose idk. Impressive that you can speak German when du ganz betrunken bist :P. But does your word order stay fairly reasonable, or does that go weird?
    ah that sounds horrible and yano i actually think it was the fall of the german wall (shows how much attention i was paying since i'd decided before i even sat my AS i wanted to drop German) my German teacher gave the class a project for the summer hols and said they should spend 10 hours on it! that confirmed my choice.... obviously German teachers are all pretty full on -_- hmm when i drink i normally throw in the odd word or sentence..... ich habe kein bock .... ich habe kein lust ..... es macht nichts ..... natürlich und es ist mir egal are my main phrases but my word order is often pretty dodgy drunk and sober if i'm honest.

    my day has gone to ****! i need to calm down and stop panicing about everything because i've gone back to starving and binging and purging and i really don't feel well physically
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    DD, you do need it, even if its a kick up the arse to keep eating and not to let the voices go mental, although i'm sure Toto will do that. :hugs: If you think you'll forget to mention things at your appointment you could always write it down/ make a list.
    Haha! Thanks hun. :hugs:

    Random tooth related issue...I'm freaking out. I just looked in the mirror and my two front teeth have moved forward overnight- they always stuck out a bit but now I'm in like... buck teeth territory- and I have a crack at the bottom of one of them and they have weird white spots on them! I didn't do anything to them and they didn't look like that yesterday! How can your teeth change overnight? I went to the dentist like last month and everything was fine and I've never had cracks in my tooth! And they were normal when I went to bed! What the hell?? :afraid: I press them and they feel like they can move even though they're not moving... :rolleyes:

    I just got my accommodation offer for uni. I have my ensuite! I'm officially excited again! I keep going from excited in the day to terrified at night!
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Haha! Thanks hun. :hugs:

    Random tooth related issue...I'm freaking out. I just looked in the mirror and my two front teeth have moved forward overnight- they always stuck out a bit but now I'm in like... buck teeth territory- and I have a crack at the bottom of one of them and they have weird white spots on them! I didn't do anything to them and they didn't look like that yesterday! How can your teeth change overnight? I went to the dentist like last month and everything was fine and I've never had cracks in my tooth! And they were normal when I went to bed! What the hell?? :afraid: I press them and they feel like they can move even though they're not moving... :rolleyes:

    I just got my accommodation offer for uni. I have my ensuite! I'm officially excited again! I keep going from excited in the day to terrified at night!
    Mine feel like that if I've worn my retainer. Hence why i don't wear it that much. I know i'm going to get told off for that tomorrow... but if I wear it, its really,really painful and my teeth feel dodgy for hours after I've taken it off.
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    ah that sounds horrible and yano i actually think it was the fall of the german wall (shows how much attention i was paying since i'd decided before i even sat my AS i wanted to drop German) my German teacher gave the class a project for the summer hols and said they should spend 10 hours on it! that confirmed my choice.... obviously German teachers are all pretty full on -_- hmm when i drink i normally throw in the odd word or sentence..... ich habe kein bock .... ich habe kein lust ..... es macht nichts ..... natürlich und es ist mir egal are my main phrases but my word order is often pretty dodgy drunk and sober if i'm honest.

    my day has gone to ****! i need to calm down and stop panicing about everything because i've gone back to starving and binging and purging and i really don't feel well physically
    Squiff. Calm down, whats up PM if you want a rant, as long as its not a drunken rant, I hate those.
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    #56

    I have... what can best be described as a disordered way of thinking about food and my body in general.
    I always think about food, and calories and my weight, but I never put anything into action so to say.
    I haven't had a very large appetite for a long time (at least 2/3 years) and I often count calories and skip meals (the skipping is usually just because I don't notice or I'm not hungry).
    I often think about reducing the calories I eat and trying not to eat but I never put it into action as I already have health issues.
    And although I am average weight (115lbs and 5'2") I always think that I'd feel better if I was 95lbs.
    Is it normal to think this way?
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: I'll keep posting.

    I just made appointments with my GP and my Psych and I'm bricking it. Luckily the GP appointment was automated and I know the receptionist so I'm not too bad after using the phone but I'm so scared how close it will getting to university and nothing will be sorted out by then. I could only get an appointment to see my psych on the 22nd of September and I'm either moving on the 24th or the 25th and a referral will take months won't it? My GP's appointment is on the 2nd September which is like the week after next. It's so close and nothing is ready and I'm panicking a little. I'm sure I'll feel better once everything's sorted out but I just want to go hide in a corner for a little while. I kind of feel like I don't know if I want/need help and having to sort it all out myself is making me want to not bother with it because I can't need it that much.
    I know I'm supposed to take responsibility for myself and my health and all that stuff but I feel totally alone atm, like I'm the one who has to call my Dad and ask him about therapy just because my Mum doesn't want to put aside her not talking to him thing. I don't even want therapy anymore. I have an NHS therapy appointment tomorrow and it feels too late to start and I'm resenting absolutely everyone because it feels like nobody gave me any support after I left hospital. But then most of it is my fault because I pushed them all away! :sigh: stupid brain.

    Hope you're all ok! :jumphug:
    About the not getting things sorted in time - they will be and even if they are not, you'll be okay and get through. You're strong and you're lovely and you've made it so bloody far you'll be ready to fight anything that tries to trip you up. And it is not your fault - pushing them away was almost certinaly your defence mechanism; you didn't want them to share your pain, didn't want them to get hurt. You were protecting them, so how on earth can you turn that all upon yourself?

    You're also not alone. There'll be support at uni and there's support with your family even if it is a little bit on the weak side, and there is support TENFOLD on this thread where everyone knows you're going to be okay and will give you the support should you need it. 'Kay? :penguinhug:

    And I'm sorry to hear about your teeth! I'm sure there's nothing wrong - teeth do not shift overnight like that - but perhaps you should see your dentist again soon to put you at ease/check everything's okay? Did you use to have braces when you were younger? My teeth sometimes feel odd if I haven't worn my retainer for a few days or so.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have... what can best be described as a disordered way of thinking about food and my body in general.
    I always think about food, and calories and my weight, but I never put anything into action so to say.
    I haven't had a very large appetite for a long time (at least 2/3 years) and I often count calories and skip meals (the skipping is usually just because I don't notice or I'm not hungry).
    I often think about reducing the calories I eat and trying not to eat but I never put it into action as I already have health issues.
    And although I am average weight (115lbs and 5'2") I always think that I'd feel better if I was 95lbs.
    Is it normal to think this way?
    I know what you mean. It;s certainly normal for people to think 'oh I would love to be such a such a weight' as I am sure many have, but it is a way of thinking that isn't quite healthy. You are at a very great weight, and you must look great too! Only reason why I say that is because I am about 5'1" and around your weight and I am very happy with my weight. But, like you said, being a girl etc I too think oh what if I lost some weight, but trust me I know I won't look good if I dropped down to even 100lbs let alone 95lbs (tho this past year my mindset hasn't been like that, but that's the nxt para lol).

    As for your eating habits, I used to have a massive appetite, but I was a very healthy eater, just because that is the lifestyle that I have followed since I was a few years old as I have asian parents so we never/hardly have junk/ready meals etc. But this past year I had some emotional problems and lost some control over my life, so I tried to control my eating and restrict myself to eating just the right amount to not allow my body to go into starvation mode, tho it wasn't a healthy amount; I think it was just around 1000 to 1200 calories. I was also pretty active during the day, so it was absolutely NOT enough, I should be eating waaay more, well like I used to really.

    Now I have some control back in my life, I have calmed down and beginning to snap out of my obsession. Essentially what I am trying to say is that as long as you eat healthily, sometimes exercise, you don't need to count calories, at least not to the very decimal of a number. ESPECIALLY since you have some health issues, your body needs VITAL nutrients that you get from food. Make sure you eat your fruit and veg, have a nice amount of good carbohydrates in your diet and protein and your body will thank you for it.

    Stay well, stay healthy and take care of yourself, love yourself.

    Keep us posted if you want as we're all here if you need support!

    Lots of love xxx
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    recently my chest has been hurting at even the slightest activity - after walking up stairs etc i feel completely out of breath and get this really sharp pain in my chest and i can feel my heart beating really hard :/ does anyone know if this is something to worry about or if it means i'm just really unfit?
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    recently my chest has been hurting at even the slightest activity - after walking up stairs etc i feel completely out of breath and get this really sharp pain in my chest and i can feel my heart beating really hard :/ does anyone know if this is something to worry about or if it means i'm just really unfit?
    It means your heart is struggling. You are getting palpitations and that is NEVER good. Go see a doctor, Stat.

    You will be asked to have an ECG, probably with bloods to check electrolyte balance. You may have an imbalance between sodium and potassium, as is most regular with purging behaviour. To try and balance it out eat some dried apricots and bananas, dried apricots being one of the richest sources of potassium around.
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    Just had therapy. Gah, wish it didn't make me feel worse. I said things I've never vocalised before and he didn't even push me. He said that I didn't have to say anything I didn't want to say. So it was all me and now I feel awful. And he weighed me. :sigh: I hate it when things aren't stable. Nothing feels stable right now. :sad:
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    Diamond, nothing in this life is consistent... nor completely within our control. If they were, life would be ultimately a boring endeavour! X
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    Antiaris is absolutely correct. Whereas I have never physically purged, when I had that "cardiac event" (the heart-attack precursor) it began as a tight gripping pain in my chest. It's effectively when your body has exhausted breaking down your other muscles and starts to seek nutrients by breaking down the heart muscle.

    Terrifying thought, right? But enduring the ED you switch your mind off and go, "Nah, I can get through this no bother." - continue down the same route, keep restricting, then BAM. Have a minor heart attack. At 26 years old. As I did. Terrifying.


    I am perhaps going to make a hypocritical statement right now however; I have had a very difficult last few days. I will share this with you regardless.

    This is the time of year that, within a two-week period, five close family members (myself included) have our birthdays and as such, parties are inevitable. However on my recovery I have found I am eating 2200 kcal on my meal plans, and over the past week or so have maintained at 96.6lb. This morning, I was 2lb heavier for absolutely no reason. It made me worry that the weight gain was "saving up" to sneak-attack me and freak me out. I have eaten no more or less than I have for the past week but this sneak-attack weight gain scared me a lot.

    And with the birthday party stuff coming up, all I am now thinking is "just think - if you can get blindsided by that pound and a half overnight, think of how much it'll nail you after two weeks of birthday celebrations!"

    Needless to say, despite fluoxetene/olanzapine, my anxieties are ear-brain-seeptastic.
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    It means your heart is struggling. You are getting palpitations and that is NEVER good. Go see a doctor, Stat.

    You will be asked to have an ECG, probably with bloods to check electrolyte balance. You may have an imbalance between sodium and potassium, as is most regular with purging behaviour. To try and balance it out eat some dried apricots and bananas, dried apricots being one of the richest sources of potassium around.
    Thanks for replying. I'm still due to go for a blood test I don't think i'll get away with avoiding it again because the Dr is more forceful than the nurses and will actually have a go at me for not getting it. I'm confused at the moment I just want to hide away and ignore all the symptoms because I don't want to be having counselling ect while I'm at university so i don't want to accept I'm not ok yet.


    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Antiaris is absolutely correct. Whereas I have never physically purged, when I had that "cardiac event" (the heart-attack precursor) it began as a tight gripping pain in my chest. It's effectively when your body has exhausted breaking down your other muscles and starts to seek nutrients by breaking down the heart muscle.

    Terrifying thought, right? But enduring the ED you switch your mind off and go, "Nah, I can get through this no bother." - continue down the same route, keep restricting, then BAM. Have a minor heart attack. At 26 years old. As I did. Terrifying.


    I am perhaps going to make a hypocritical statement right now however; I have had a very difficult last few days. I will share this with you regardless.

    This is the time of year that, within a two-week period, five close family members (myself included) have our birthdays and as such, parties are inevitable. However on my recovery I have found I am eating 2200 kcal on my meal plans, and over the past week or so have maintained at 96.6lb. This morning, I was 2lb heavier for absolutely no reason. It made me worry that the weight gain was "saving up" to sneak-attack me and freak me out. I have eaten no more or less than I have for the past week but this sneak-attack weight gain scared me a lot.

    And with the birthday party stuff coming up, all I am now thinking is "just think - if you can get blindsided by that pound and a half overnight, think of how much it'll nail you after two weeks of birthday celebrations!"

    Needless to say, despite fluoxetene/olanzapine, my anxieties are ear-brain-seeptastic.
    I'm with you on wanting to pretend that the symptoms aren't serious or a result of my eating problems. I hate going to the Dr so much and I just want to sort this out myself. People say you wouldn't walk on a broken leg to avoid going to a Dr but i think i actually would, I'd do anything to avoid it and even if that means feeling out of breath and in pain all the time i think unless i was pushed i'll always find an excuse not to go. This is why i think that when i'm at university i'm going to end up not receiving any help. It can go one of two ways though, I might just stop my behaviours for an easier life, you never know.

    Toto, in order to try and enjoy the birthday celebrations like everyone else could you not promise yourself you'll give yourself a break from the scales for i don't know say 2/3 weeks? If you do that you may avoid seeing any drastic change as your body will have regulated by the time you get to a week after the event?

    Sorry, i wanted to try to help/suggest something - but really i'm useless
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    can i have some support please? i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.

    found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.

    trigger at tea
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    i really struggled with my tea. just a chicken sandwich and veg, but i ate the sandwich properly. i always pull it apart. i can eat chicken and i can eat bread with butter on it but i cannot cope with butter in a sandwich. i freaked the **** out. part of dessert was meant to be a strawberry cornetto but it was swapped to a cornetto enigma with no warning. that was too much, i freaked the **** out and started ripping my hair out. I was taken up to my room, then given 10mg diazepam. Went down to post-meal support and was able to talk a little bit about what'd happened. I then waited until it was over and asked the nurse to lock my bathroom, I stayed with her for a bit, ended up going up to my room, they didn't want to leave me, I started ripping clumps of my hair out, digging nails into my skin. Alarms off, two nurses restraining me, I'm now on one-to-one obs, I'm going through the ****ing roof, I'm digging at my face and pulling my hair out, I'm meant to be having another 10mg diazepam but it's not been ****ing brought, I've refused my evening snack because I'd just throw it up onto the floor (I've not thrown up in 12 weeks and 1 day).


    I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.

    Please?
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    can i have some support please? i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.

    found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.

    trigger at tea
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    i really struggled with my tea. just a chicken sandwich and veg, but i ate the sandwich properly. i always pull it apart. i can eat chicken and i can eat bread with butter on it but i cannot cope with butter in a sandwich. i freaked the **** out. part of dessert was meant to be a strawberry cornetto but it was swapped to a cornetto enigma with no warning. that was too much, i freaked the **** out and started ripping my hair out. I was taken up to my room, then given 10mg diazepam. Went down to post-meal support and was able to talk a little bit about what'd happened. I then waited until it was over and asked the nurse to lock my bathroom, I stayed with her for a bit, ended up going up to my room, they didn't want to leave me, I started ripping clumps of my hair out, digging nails into my skin. Alarms off, two nurses restraining me, I'm now on one-to-one obs, I'm going through the ****ing roof, I'm digging at my face and pulling my hair out, I'm meant to be having another 10mg diazepam but it's not been ****ing brought, I've refused my evening snack because I'd just throw it up onto the floor (I've not thrown up in 12 weeks and 1 day).


    I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.

    Please?
    Custard :hugs: You CAN do this. You've come so far in the past 12 weeks. Your weight might not be up 'masses', and even if it is, its not a bad thing. your body might still be doing the whole 'thank ****, shes stopped starving us' thing. Do the people know that you hate,hate,hate it when they change things without telling you or things dont happen when you've been told they will?
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    can i have some support please? i am freaking the **** out. i've had a really hard day. lunch was a massive portion of main and the dessert was carrot cake and icecream, i find that really hard and i dont like carrot cake nor the icecream here. then i went on coffee trip and challenged myself to have a GRANDE MOCHA FRAPP (not allowed the light ones so we're talking about 250 on top of my regular MP which is 3000+). The OT who was with us made a massive deal of accusatilory quizzing me and the poor barista, making sure it was WHOLE MILK FAT SUGAR CALORIES etc etc, in front of EVERYONE. i was trying to push the calories and fat and sugar out my mind and just enjoy a treat i was trying to be ok with allowing myself to have. made me feel like ****.

    found out another patient had been throwing up in plant pots on the balcony. another patient is repeatedly throwing up in her room despite being on two-to-one. another good friend of mine has discharged herself from IP at a bmi of 13.6 as she couldn't cope with having to eat.

    trigger at tea
    Spoiler:
    Show

    i really struggled with my tea. just a chicken sandwich and veg, but i ate the sandwich properly. i always pull it apart. i can eat chicken and i can eat bread with butter on it but i cannot cope with butter in a sandwich. i freaked the **** out. part of dessert was meant to be a strawberry cornetto but it was swapped to a cornetto enigma with no warning. that was too much, i freaked the **** out and started ripping my hair out. I was taken up to my room, then given 10mg diazepam. Went down to post-meal support and was able to talk a little bit about what'd happened. I then waited until it was over and asked the nurse to lock my bathroom, I stayed with her for a bit, ended up going up to my room, they didn't want to leave me, I started ripping clumps of my hair out, digging nails into my skin. Alarms off, two nurses restraining me, I'm now on one-to-one obs, I'm going through the ****ing roof, I'm digging at my face and pulling my hair out, I'm meant to be having another 10mg diazepam but it's not been ****ing brought, I've refused my evening snack because I'd just throw it up onto the floor (I've not thrown up in 12 weeks and 1 day).


    I could really use some support. We also get weighed tomorrow and my weight is going to be up masses, my last BMI was 17.1. Everyone is making a massive deal of how 'quickly' my weight is going up (pretty steadily a kilo a week) which is also triggering the **** out of me.

    Please?
    You seem to have major problems with changes in food as 'it doesn't meet up with the plan.' This is obvious.

    It's also obvious that you see food as something entirely different to other things. THINGS. Remember this Darling.

    Food is a thing. Think of it as a thing. Compare it to other THINGS, like chairs. How is it different? It isn't. It's something that is there, it is made up of atoms just like everything else. Don't think about the food's purpose. There exists no purpose. It simply EXISTS as it is. Purpose is a man-made mental construct that has no actual physical presence.

    Now, as it is a thing and nothing more you can do as you please with it. You can mash it, you can cook it, you can incinerate it. It is a thing that is just susceptible to anything you can throw at it.

    Now that you have taken away any meaning to food give it a new meaning in your head. Change the purpose you allocate it. Purpose is man-made, you can change it if you like.

    Now, see food as something not entirely important. See it as something that can change because it is a THING, see it as something you can eat. Because you are made of atoms too. You are a conciousness, a group of atoms that has given itself a purpose. Except you are still atoms, still energy, etc. E = MC^(2) an all. Don't let the idea of different atoms hurt you. They are simply THERE.



    I'm trying to explain in the best way I know how sorry... I used to have food phobias too you see and the idea of a change of plan upset me too. Meditation and the idea of oneness with the universe really helped. Just trying to explain the oneness bit that helped. I don't like doing the oneness thing constantly as you kinda lose grip of reality an all (am I reaching enlightenment or something?), but doing it when you need it helps.



    Back to the reality of things. I am personally now having CBT! Good stuff. Stuggled with an apparent weight gain of 10lb in a fortnight, quite sure MOST of that is water weight. I'm rather prone to retaining like a sponge.

    I worried a lot about metabolism as I was bulimic anorexic and apparently bulimics end up with lower metabolism and restrictive anorexics end up with higher ones after recovery. I didn't know what would happen with me as I was worried about a low metabolism. Turns out as I restricted AND bulimia-fied my metabolism will end up... normal. Thank god. Really happy too as I have an above average muscle strength so my metabolism will be higher anyway! (Just to explain, I've been able to lift my own mother up from the ground since the age of 6/7 and I used to do this to my then 20-something year old cousins at Christmas too.)

    Also. Posted my pic in my profile. Feelin adventurous today.

    EDIT; Hadn't realised I uploaded the pic a couple o' weeks ago! I must have felt adventurous then too.
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    Antiaris, I understand the following comment might be misconstrued by an ED-sufferer like myself, but I genuinely mean it - you're looking good, buddy! You're very thin but you do have a really obvious positive aura about you. Sometimes you can see an ED-sufferer and know that despite being ill physically and mentally that they are almost resigning themselves to the thought that it has beaten them - you appear to be one of those "fighters".

    These days, I am finding it more and more difficult to be one of those people.

    I made a poor excuse not to attend my weigh-in day today despite knowing it would help. I've been posting here hoping for some words of encouragement despite trying to be the "strong one" for everyone else. Nothing is ever that clean-cut!

    My BMI is still around the 15.8-16 mark and I know that's terrible. But I am truly struggling despite logic telling me otherwise.
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    Toto, I wish there was something I could do to take those demons out of your head. All I can say is that feeble 'ole cliche, 'I know how you feel'. To an extent anyway! I can imagine all the trauma and shouting in your head right now, the desperation and panic. Going on and on and on. Horrific. But this is what recovery IS. It's anxiety and it's uncomfortable, and it's so fooing HARD. But you have to fight it Toto, do anything you can do to get you through this difficult bit (because that's all it is, a bit, and it DOES pass I promise). Write out all the crap anorexia has done to you, how it's ravaged your body, you mind, robbed you of a life and happiness. You've gone as far done the anorexia road as you possibly can, and the only place next is death. One of my favourite 'quotes', if you will, is 'Recovery does not guarantee health and happiness. but anorexia DOES guarantee misery and ultimately death'. I hate to sound brutal, but you will die. And you are far, far too special for that.

    You mentioned in a previous post that a number of upcoming celebrations were causing you a lot of stress. Something like that would fill even a fully recovered sufferer into a whirly of panic, so of course you will be feeling freaked out! Don't feel bad for being in a stressathon, and don't worry about doing things that you're not ready for because you feel you should. My advice for situations like this is to see it as 'clinically' as possible, like a scientific experiment or something. Like you're just [I]seeing what happens if I do this or try this[I]. In the beginnings of recovery I'd tell myself constantly, 'I'm just eating X amount for this week, I can go back to normal the week after'. Probably not the healthiest way to go about it, but it did work to give myself some control over the time frame at least. Try and take it day by day, don't anticipate too much. Anticipation is what causes the most stress. Also, attempt to put a positive slant on a situation (even if you don't believe it yourself), e.g. if there's family dinner, the positives might be you get to practice social eating, you get to talk to your mad uncle Pedro etc, etc. Eat what YOU feel comfortable with, not to please others (and don't restrict to compensate! It makes it a squillion times worse).

    Wow, hai blithery essay. I'm sure I've hardly made sense (what else is new? hawhaw), but I just wanted to offer some encouragement, because there IS a better life on the other side of this, you just have to believe it and keep pushing on through. You will get there, you're a special, sparkly gem of a person who shouldn't be wasting a life on the silly, fabricated mind-f'cks of anorexia.

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    Custard, you sound like you're doing so well to battle this. Trust me, a kilo a week is not too much and your body WILL be thanking you for it. Plus you deserved that Frappe, don't let the OT bog you down with their nagging. It's about the experience, not a nutritional dissection-God knows how much the "eating mindfully" concept has helped me these past few months. You've stepped out of your comfort zone to have a treat, so good on you!
    As for the palps Squiff, I'd seriously consider seeing a doctor or at least some medical professional about them. It might be nothing but on the other hand it may be a dangerous electrolyte imbalance; better safe than sorry. As is rightfully often pointed out, that's where this eventually leads unless you choose to empower yourself and fight back. Which you clearly are, so keep at it!
    Toto, a whole fortnight of celebrations must naturally be making you **** one. Antiaris is so right; do what feels comfortable for you, no-one else. You have nothing to prove so try to just be in the moment and have a good time.
    As for me, I've hit BMI 20 again and been discharged, mes amis : D Off to uni in 3 weeks too, scary times!
    How's everyone else doing here?
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I made a poor excuse not to attend my weigh-in day today despite knowing it would help. I've been posting here hoping for some words of encouragement despite trying to be the "strong one" for everyone else. Nothing is ever that clean-cut!

    My BMI is still around the 15.8-16 mark and I know that's terrible. But I am truly struggling despite logic telling me otherwise.
    You don't need to be 'the strong one.' If you are feeling bad, just let it out. Be honest to yourself and to us. The thread was made to help people, so let it help YOU. Even e-heroes need a hand sometimes.

    Some people look at conquering an eating disorder like a challenge. You sound like a person who gets driven, a madly good worker when you have a goal. Do you feel you have a specific goal in conquering the eating disorder?

    The term 'get healthy' is thrown around a lot on the internet to do with the goal of getting over eating disorders, but as we know it is gonna be much more complex than that. Try instead of looking at the long term simply taking it on a day by day basis. Try exploding your calorie count. Actually AIM to get 3000 in or something, as that is apparently a magic number I have heard. Don't think of it as something that leads to something else, just set it down in the 'things to do today' list. The thing is that conquering an eating disorder isn't a goal in itself, it's an obstacle in reaching OTHER goals.

    Where are you gonna get with a BMI of 15.9? Nowhere good. But the thing is, you are doing well, you reached 15.9! And guess what? You. Can. Do. Better. The remaining weight that you need to gain is just the stuff you haven't done yet. It will annoy you if you just let that job just sit there, it needs doing! NOW GO GAIN THAT WEIGHT!
 
 
 
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