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    Had a good day :cute: ... despite my mum saying I look awful, and that she was shocked when she saw me walking towards her when I met her today. She's only concerned. Hate the drama though. Anyway, more importantly no guilt ...

    I hope things are looking up a bit for people :popout:


    (Original post by diamonddust)
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    IMO you should carry on with getting the support in Norwich. You do need it - it just feels easier if you opt out - easy is never the answer :hugs:
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    #50

    Baaaah I'm having to eat normally, mother is so proud of my weight loss but gives me chocolate and other food all the time!

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    I tried not to purge, but I couldn't resist the urge. Now I have tummy ache. I feel so fat. I ate absolutely tons today. Gluttony is not a good trait. I don't know how to distract myself enough not to bring it up when I go to the toilet for a wee... Maybe I shouldn't drink any water either, so I won't go to the toilet so much? I feel confused, and alone. I don't want to live.
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    Eugh nothing has improved this week.
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    'he doesn't think he wants a relatoinship and he doesn't want to hurt me' meanwhile i'm sitting in bed crying knowing it's because i'm not good enough i knew it was too good to be true. I'm never going to be happy I hate my life i hate living nothing ever goes right and i'm sick and tired of life
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    I try to be as middling as possible as an entity in life, but I'm afraid I'm going ro have to be the "bad one" here. Anon, Squiff, stop being so apathetic. Stop being so "woe is me". The truth is, you're down on yourself because you've allowed yourself to reach this low.

    I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for.

    The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome.

    Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED."

    But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations.

    Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
    • #44
    #44

    (Original post by squiff93)
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    'he doesn't think he wants a relatoinship and he doesn't want to hurt me' meanwhile i'm sitting in bed crying knowing it's because i'm not good enough i knew it was too good to be true. I'm never going to be happy I hate my life i hate living nothing ever goes right and i'm sick and tired of life
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    Squiff, it's got nothing to do with you not being good enough! Sometimes when people click, it's because they're meant to be really good friends, not always because they're destined for a relationship. You will be happy hun, you will find someone who will be ready for a relationship at the same time as you are - he's saving you heartache in the long run by being honest now! Be happy you found someone you get on with and make the most of a friendship with him
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    DD, don't pull the 'I'm 19, I'm an adult card.' They're trying to help you, and I'd hate you to be like Toto, with a really good degree in a subject you love, but not actually able to use it because you're too poorly!

    Ikea = win. Love that place, have already told mummy 'If I get into uni, I'll let you take me to ikea'.

    Edit: I'm off to see the inbetweeners movie today! Finally.
    (Original post by Cinamon)
    Had a good day :cute: ... despite my mum saying I look awful, and that she was shocked when she saw me walking towards her when I met her today. She's only concerned. Hate the drama though. Anyway, more importantly no guilt ...

    I hope things are looking up a bit for people :popout:




    IMO you should carry on with getting the support in Norwich. You do need it - it just feels easier if you opt out - easy is never the answer :hugs:
    Thanks guys. I'm seeing my nurse tomorrow so I'll tell her that I want to transfer to Norwich instead of staying where I am.
    Cinamon :hugs:
    Snowflake: Of course you'll get into uni! And Ikea is the bessst! Hope you enjoy the Inbetweeners! I'm so jealous that I still haven't! Oooh I should go when I meet up with my friend on Sunday!
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Baaaah I'm having to eat normally, mother is so proud of my weight loss but gives me chocolate and other food all the time!

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I tried not to purge, but I couldn't resist the urge. Now I have tummy ache. I feel so fat. I ate absolutely tons today. Gluttony is not a good trait. I don't know how to distract myself enough not to bring it up when I go to the toilet for a wee... Maybe I shouldn't drink any water either, so I won't go to the toilet so much? I feel confused, and alone. I don't want to live.
    :hugs: You're not alone hun. Not drinking water will just make you worse in other ways. I don't know what to say but you're not gluttonous and you probably didn't eat nearly as much as you think you did.
    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    Eugh nothing has improved this week.
    :hugs: Here's hoping things get a little better next week. Keep going lovely. :console:
    (Original post by squiff93)
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    'he doesn't think he wants a relatoinship and he doesn't want to hurt me' meanwhile i'm sitting in bed crying knowing it's because i'm not good enough i knew it was too good to be true. I'm never going to be happy I hate my life i hate living nothing ever goes right and i'm sick and tired of life
    :hugs: *cuddles Squiff* I'm just going to give you a ridiculous amount of e-hugs because I know everything I say will sound trite. I'll tell you this though, you ARE good enough, you're more than good enough. :console: :hugs:
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I try to be as middling as possible as an entity in life, but I'm afraid I'm going ro have to be the "bad one" here. Anon, Squiff, stop being so apathetic. Stop being so "woe is me". The truth is, you're down on yourself because you've allowed yourself to reach this low.

    I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for.

    The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome.

    Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED."

    But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations.

    Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...
    Happy birthday :party:


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    I know you're speaking the truth. But deep down I want others to see that I'm ill, I want them to see that I am not well. My ED goes along with a depression, and I just don't see the point of life, but I still care about it enough to develop bulimia. What is wrong with me. I won't go as far as to say this message was triggering because it wasn't, but I've realised that I WANT to be ill. I WANT to die. But I don't want to upset my family or friends... Life is so confusing. And I can't deny that your post has made me angry. Maybe because I don't want to admit some things to myself, I dunno.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I try to be as middling as possible as an entity in life, but I'm afraid I'm going ro have to be the "bad one" here. Anon, Squiff, stop being so apathetic. Stop being so "woe is me". The truth is, you're down on yourself because you've allowed yourself to reach this low. I too have reached this low. I'm dwelling there right now. But pity solves nothing and sapping the pity of others does even less for you than you hoped for. The cruel truth is that we are accountable for our own lives and that these illnesses we share are not an excuse but rather a hurdle for which we must overcome. Tonight I got a text saying "Happy birthday! (It's my birthday, 2nd september), want to go out tomorrow and get some drinks?" abd nt furst instinct was "woe is me, I am too ill, I need an excuse, I need to indulge the ED." But in reality I want to break out. I am so.. SO close to puncturing the membrane that is the bubble of the ED and actually, you know, ENJOY LIFE. As of midnight I am 27 years old. That's adult. That's old enough to know that I need to not only make a difference in my life and stop being so self-pitiful, living in this half-life, disgusting bubble, but to set an example for others in similar situations. Time is such a valuable commodity that it is not worth a single second from here on out wasted on self-pity, loathing or scrutiny...

    happy birthday
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Thanks guys. I'm seeing my nurse tomorrow so I'll tell her that I want to transfer to Norwich instead of staying where I am. Cinamon :hugs: Snowflake: Of course you'll get into uni! And Ikea is the bessst! Hope you enjoy the Inbetweeners! I'm so jealous that I still haven't! Oooh I should go when I meet up with my friend on Sunday! :hugs: You're not alone hun. Not drinking water will just make you worse in other ways. I don't know what to say but you're not gluttonous and you probably didn't eat nearly as much as you think you did. :hugs: Here's hoping things get a little better next week. Keep going lovely. :console: :hugs: *cuddles Squiff* I'm just going to give you a ridiculous amount of e-hugs because I know everything I say will sound trite. I'll tell you this though, you ARE good enough, you're more than good enough. :console: :hugs:
    :hugs: thankyou, pm me if you ever need to talk hun i'm going do what i said a few days ago, i shouldn't post here and i won't in future xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Squiff, it's got nothing to do with you not being good enough! Sometimes when people click, it's because they're meant to be really good friends, not always because they're destined for a relationship. You will be happy hun, you will find someone who will be ready for a relationship at the same time as you are - he's saving you heartache in the long run by being honest now! Be happy you found someone you get on with and make the most of a friendship with him
    Thanks - i'll get over it anyways xx
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    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    Eugh nothing has improved this week.
    I'm sorry. If you stay motivated and keep reminding yourself why you want to get well things will start to improve.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    It's my birthday, 2nd september...
    Happy Birthday Tommy!!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
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    :yep: It's what we should all aim for :yep:

    Happy birthday Toto - enjoy it :hugs:
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    Thanks everyone.

    I just seem to have no room anymore for a 'normal' sized portion of food. I'm surviving on some fruit, twoish packets of weight watchers crisps and something like toastie/toastie/batchelors pasta a day. I tried to eat some pasta I made last night and although I ate it I felt sick after because I'm so full. It's a horribley vicious cycle, I want to eat more, and before it was just my mind stopping me - now it's my body too.

    I'm still religiously stepping on the scales each morning and if I don't see an improvement of weight loss, even by 0.something-or-other I make myself eat a lot less that day - just so there will be an improvement tomorrow.

    It doesn't help that I drink so much water (not for weight loss or anything) and end up getting stuffed off of that too - but I don't like fizzy juice or anything anymore because it's just been water for so long.

    Gah.
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    Happy Birthday Toto
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    Penblwydd Hapus Mr Mimo!

    Have a good one!

    Also guys, I would say you are doing well but that is kinda a downright lie. Everyone seems to be struggling at the moment.

    And guess what?

    That shouldn't stop us. In fact, it should push us forward. People do better when we see other people do better, right? So the first step is to get better for each other.

    This place can be quite a destructive atmosphere due to the pure amount of negativity that is brought here. I'm not saying 'stop bringing your problems forward', I'm saying fix your problems so that you can be positive for other people. Easier said than done, right? You can't shake off that niggling voice? I know. My real BMI is nearing 18.5. I'm scared as a cat in a wolf pack. But then we have to remember, fear isn't something solid. We can control it. We can use our own fear as a force to push us forward.

    So tell the ED to F*** off, this is your territory. You may be a cat in a wolf pack, but you are a F***ing TIGER.

    Because weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee're GREAT!
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    Happy birthday Toto! : D
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    Thank you for all your wonderful comments regarding me getting super-old!

    Although Mum and Dad managed, before going to work, coming through to see me to sing Happy Birthday, a big "Birthday Boy" balloon in hand, and one of these with some lit candles:

    http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...cvakQ0Wg2wlI0A
    • Thread Starter
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    Wait, where'd the "upload pic" button go?!
 
 
 
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