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    • #18
    #18

    I WILL combat this when I am at uni. I know It is impossible for me to study and function properly and efficiently without food. HENCE i will eat nice food and not care. health health health

    come on guys yall need to be healthy not underweight do you want to die!"????????
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    Hey all. Suffice to say that despite some effort and returning to BMI 20 I'm still quite locked into my disordered eating mindset, somewhere between purging AN, compulsive eating and orthorexia.
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    To fear dying on the treadmill from being such "terrible physical condition" and yet to need to feel the burn...it's undermining my self-esteem again. To add trying to lose weight while doing weight training on a muscle-building programme? Then to go buy a Subway and takeaway in the same day because your parents are out and you don't know how to cook? That's not even healthy! Gah >_< Life's going to be confusing and hectic enough at uni without all this added on.

    Looking out for everyone, will be here if you need me.
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    Hi, I'm new to this thread Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I've struggled to write this.

    I lost two and a half stone in weight healthily (cutting down on portion sizes and exercise) last year and started going to the gym February this year. After I started the gym (I go 4-5 times a week) I completely restricted my diet and ate the same thing every single day- handful of porridge for breakfast, 2 ryvita with seeds and an apple for lunch and a small bowl of cous cous with cucumber for tea. Despite losing even more weight I'm still not happy but I just obsess over food all the time, it's all I think of every single minute of the day.

    My work colleagues and family have clearly noticed the change of my attitude in food and go on at me all the time. I work with children and I've been told numerous times that the 3 year olds I work with eat more than I do. But for months on end I feel like I've been in denial over my problems and how obsessed I am with my routine with food as well as my exercise regime.

    Then suddenly my Grandad died nearly 3 months ago and ever since I've been binging and purging on food every day for up to 2-8 times a day. I find that I binge on all the foods that I've been restricting myself from eating since starting the gym, and have even looked online for tips on the easiest foods to purge. I've kept to my normal meals it's just after I go crazy and eat whatever I can get my hands on and then purge the lot up until i see my original meal come up too.

    I can't control it at all, I tell myself each time that it's my last but it just happens straight after. I just feel guilt every time I eat, like I don't deserve to eat food at all because I'm fat and then after I purge I feel guilt that I'm wasting food and money. This has taken over my life and I just want to be like a normal person and eat normally.
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    Everyone deserves to eat, regardless of their weight. It's good that you keep to your main meals, this is a great framework for re-implementing a healthy eating plan. You will need to be careful with exercise because your routine sounds like a common case of bulimia, which can cause severe electrolyte imbalances such as potassium and may cause implications to your organs and heart. I'm not trying to scare you but you've gotta be really careful, EDs can completely ravage the body physically as well as mentally.
    Obviously I'm no doctor, so it's really best if you go see a GP or medical professional about this. They'll be able to check how your physical health is far better than we can. Would you be open to seeing a counsellor about how you feel too? It might help.
    Sorry I couldn't be any more useful. Welcome to the thread : )
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    I'm now 8 stone 10 pounds, it's not good enough though.. I still feel massive. I love to exercise, I'm always told that I'm doing it excessively, but I just can't stand the thought of missing my days (which are Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday).. it's my routine, and I hate change.
    My heartbeat has been irregular for a while, and I get a lot of pains in that area, it worries me but then I'm purging again and I don't know why.. I have no control over it. It's pathetic.

    I know I need help as I'm constantly tired, I work full time, and have just started an access course (which I'm struggling to concentrate on). I almost went to get help yesterday but chickened out because I didn't know what to say first. I would go to the doctor, but again.. I wouldn't know what to say and I just think he/she would shout at me. I just want to get out to this mess.
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    (Original post by sophiemay20)
    I'm now 8 stone 10 pounds, it's not good enough though.. I still feel massive. I love to exercise, I'm always told that I'm doing it excessively, but I just can't stand the thought of missing my days (which are Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday).. it's my routine, and I hate change.
    My heartbeat has been irregular for a while, and I get a lot of pains in that area, it worries me but then I'm purging again and I don't know why.. I have no control over it. It's pathetic.

    I know I need help as I'm constantly tired, I work full time, and have just started an access course (which I'm struggling to concentrate on). I almost went to get help yesterday but chickened out because I didn't know what to say first. I would go to the doctor, but again.. I wouldn't know what to say and I just think he/she would shout at me. I just want to get out to this mess.

    Why not try and write down what you want to say to the doctor or other people you can get help from?.That way it might be easier to ask for the help you seek.
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    Gonna take some time out from this for a while. I've been to and from the health professionals and everything they say reinforces that my fears of weight gain are emotional, even at a healthy weight. It'd be better if I did put it on if I was gonna try and workout a lot. I'm still being a hypocrite, not practising what I preach (especially when it comes to food). All that's left is to believe it msyelf. Also for as much the same reason as Diamond, I want to try and reconnect with the inner me-been out of touch with him for a year too long now.

    I'll be back, just trying to get my head that little clearer for uni in 10 days. Keep strong, y'all : )
    • #50
    #50

    Extremely difficult day.

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    Last night I weighed myself and nearly fainted - 3 kilos gained in one day? How did that even happen? I thought maybe it could be water, but then I looked at myself in the mirror and my tummy was bigger than ever. And my hips. I was seriously flabby and fat. Which made me doubt my sanity, and I thought maybe I've dreamed my weight loss. So I got up the next day to weigh myself - half a kilo more than the night before again! What is happening to me, I want to get a big knife and just cut my tummy off...
    Made me think "What's the point in restricting" so I binged for the first time in days. Immediately after I panicked and purged most of it. Now I feel dead. But I can do this, I can beat this...
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    Moderator, Boney King of Nowhere has always been a troll and tried to incite triggering behaviour to patrons of this thread. Please punish him to that end.

    Boney, you are a coward, a child, and a monster. I might only be a seven stone man but for the sake of the brave souls on here, I would gladly punch F*ck out of you.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Moderator, Boney King of Nowhere has always been a troll and tried to incite triggering behaviour to patrons of this thread. Please punish him to that end.

    Boney, you are a coward, a child, and a monster. I might only be a seven stone man but for the sake of the brave souls on here, I would gladly punch F*ck out of you.
    I would clean this up before you get warned. I would also post this is ask a mod instead. I'm a complete hypocrite for posting this as I just called them out in a similar fashion though (though perhaps a bit less inflammatory). I'm only posting this because you're clearly posting out of (justified) rage.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Extremely difficult day.

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    Last night I weighed myself and nearly fainted - 3 kilos gained in one day? How did that even happen? I thought maybe it could be water, but then I looked at myself in the mirror and my tummy was bigger than ever. And my hips. I was seriously flabby and fat. Which made me doubt my sanity, and I thought maybe I've dreamed my weight loss. So I got up the next day to weigh myself - half a kilo more than the night before again! What is happening to me, I want to get a big knife and just cut my tummy off...
    Made me think "What's the point in restricting" so I binged for the first time in days. Immediately after I panicked and purged most of it. Now I feel dead. But I can do this, I can beat this...
    trust me when i say urs is probably in ur head but my stomch is genuinely 6 months pregnant looking fat and flab that has never budged all my life
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    i defunitely also have a binge disorders now. its like im eating cos my mind is making me not cos i want to. its so horrid for us. we eat but dont want to binge as in we just eat anything everywhere massive portions cos we feel like somethings gonna happen if we dont
    fffs its like im forced to the food to eat when i dont even want to BUT WE EAT ANYWAY<such a horrid disease
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    Antaris, seriously, you are such a star. Everytime I read one of your wisdomous posts it gives me a little extra boot up the jacksy. Thanks mate!

    There seems to be a touch of the negatives floating around on this thread at the moment, so I'm going to attempt to be a shiney beacon of hope and positivity! Ha, I jest, let's not go too mental. We are battling some pretty nasty head-demons after all. But I do have good news..(dramatic pause)..I've gained 0.6 lbs! Ok, it's pretty minimal BUT this is the first substantial(ish)gain I've had in about 6 months. It's pleasing mostly because I haven't been completely half-arsed about it, which is usually the case. I have met every meal, snack and challenge I set myself this past week like a militant beagle, and I am proud as punch. Anxiety levels were high, as expected, but instead of letting it derail me I tried to sort of..observe it, in a detatched and not-entirely-interested manner. It semi-worked, and I've felt much more 'in command' over the weekend.

    Other things I've found useful:
    -not dwelling on what I've just eaten. Eat food, enjoy food, move on.
    -not anticipating/agonising over what to eat (a lot easier said than done!)
    -constantly reminding myself of the benefits of recovery and why I want it.
    -Focusing on the bigger picture (for me, eventually emigrating to USA)
    -Lame, but pretending I'm a me completely free from anorexic tendencies. This is absolutely necessary for me since my ED 'behaviours' have become so second nature and automatic that I barely recognise them as disordered. Imagining what a 'normal' me(!) would do emphasises where I'm slipping up, and forces me to address certain habits that I could do without.

    ..(I'll stop prattling on now)..

    :cool:



    So onwards and upwards! (in every sense of the word) I trust you're all going to follow my supreme example

    Anyone else got any good news? Or any 'tips' for recovery? Even puny things will do. No need to be bashful...
    • #50
    #50

    cloppy, I'm proud of you :o: I don't really have a problem with restricting, but rather eating the entire cupboard contents and then... Well. I get rid of my stomach contents pretty quickly. I had a relapse yesterday, but so far today I haven't had any bad thoughts at all Maybe it's the fact that I have plans for tonight, who knows... But I ate two bread rolls (I know this sounds quite a lot :o: ) today and haven't even THOUGHT of bringing them back up, I just feel full and happy (I only got up a few hours ago so it's not like I'm skipping meals) I think my food problems are very closely linked to mood/depression, and when I have a good day mood-wise it means I have a good day food-wise. So all I need is to be happy constantly and all will be well
    Spread the love, everyone! I wish I could give everyone in this thread a hug today
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Annie72)
    Why not try and write down what you want to say to the doctor or other people you can get help from?.That way it might be easier to ask for the help you seek.
    I might do that actually, might just write what I've written here in my first post and just hand it over. Biggest challenge is actually getting myself to see a councillor or doctor. Though I suppose I've taken the very first step by finally realising that I have a problem.
    • #57
    #57

    Hello, I'm new to this thread but I wanted to get some perspective. My relationship with food changed drastically over the last 6 months to the point where a friend forced me to the doctors about a month ago. He said he suspected anorexia but referred me to a psychaitrist for an "assessment" - my first appointment with them is tomorrow and I wondered what sort of thing I should expect because I'm really quite scared about it.

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    I don't actually know what to think about it all. Part of me knows that I have a problem and that its good that its been caught so early, but the other, more dominant side is mad at the rest of me because "we were just starting to get good at it" and is also scared that I'll be told that I'm too fat to have an eating disorder anyway (despite having a BMI of 16.5 :/) I don't know what to do


    You are all so brave and inspiring, reading this thread has had me in tears
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    Haven't been on here in ages, much love to everyone I thought I was doing better and should just avoid thinking about it... then all the weight I spent over a month putting on, I lost in a week. I start uni in under three weeks and there's no way I'll have put it back on again in time - at the start of summer it was my goal to get as close as possible to whatever my 'natural weight' is in time for uni but that's clearly not happening. Sorry to be depressing but I just feel so defeated today. Ughh

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, I'm new to this thread but I wanted to get some perspective. My relationship with food changed drastically over the last 6 months to the point where a friend forced me to the doctors about a month ago. He said he suspected anorexia but referred me to a psychaitrist for an "assessment" - my first appointment with them is tomorrow and I wondered what sort of thing I should expect because I'm really quite scared about it.

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    I don't actually know what to think about it all. Part of me knows that I have a problem and that its good that its been caught so early, but the other, more dominant side is mad at the rest of me because "we were just starting to get good at it" and is also scared that I'll be told that I'm too fat to have an eating disorder anyway (despite having a BMI of 16.5 :/) I don't know what to do


    You are all so brave and inspiring, reading this thread has had me in tears
    :hugs: Good luck tomorrow. It's great that you're sorting it out early; PLEASE be honest with the psychiatrist! When I was first sent to the doctors I let the ED take over, came out with a load of lies and managed to bull**** my way out of turning up for any more treatment. That was eight years ago. Much as I love everyone on this thread, I wish wish wish I didn't have to be here. So please be honest, explain everything - they can't help you unless they understand what's going on in your head! The part of you that says 'we were just getting good at it'? Sorry to be blunt but that part wants you dead. Best of luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, I'm new to this thread but I wanted to get some perspective. My relationship with food changed drastically over the last 6 months to the point where a friend forced me to the doctors about a month ago. He said he suspected anorexia but referred me to a psychaitrist for an &quot;assessment&quot; - my first appointment with them is tomorrow and I wondered what sort of thing I should expect because I'm really quite scared about it.

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    I don't actually know what to think about it all. Part of me knows that I have a problem and that its good that its been caught so early, but the other, more dominant side is mad at the rest of me because &quot;we were just starting to get good at it&quot; and is also scared that I'll be told that I'm too fat to have an eating disorder anyway (despite having a BMI of 16.5 :/) I don't know what to do


    You are all so brave and inspiring, reading this thread has had me in tears
    (((Hugs)))

    So how did it go?
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    Dear ED,

    I don't care if I could skip another meal, or loose another couple of lb's - I won't because it won't be enough for you will it? It won't shut you up, it will only make you worse. So i'm going to keep myself healthy and happy so that I can do what really matters in life. I'm not going to treat myself any worse than I would treat my best friend - because my body is for life and it's probably one of the most important things I have. You are just a blip - a test. And i'm going to win.
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    Cinamon - a brave and brilliant post.

    EDs are not our guardians or keepers, they are leeches and disgusting parasites. Sometimes we forget who is in charge, but you nailed it.

    You deserve a giant toto kiss XXX
 
 
 
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