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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    Dear ED,

    I don't care if I could skip another meal, or loose another couple of lb's - I won't because it won't be enough for you will it? It won't shut you up, it will only make you worse. So i'm going to keep myself healthy and happy so that I can do what really matters in life. I'm not going to treat myself any worse than I would treat my best friend - because my body is for life and it's probably one of the most important things I have. You are just a blip - a test. And i'm going to win.
    Such an awesome post cinamon! We should definitely treat our bodies like they are our favourite pal, instead of abusing them like an enemy. After all they are wonderful, magical things.

    And to echo Toto's sentiment, you get a cloppy high-five from me, applied with extra gusto! You WILL win. We all will XO
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    I've had an eating disorder for going on four years now. There have been high points and very low points and somehow I have managed to avoid ever being forced into any kind of treatment for it which I will be eternally gratefu for, even though I'm sure my mum and some close friends knew what was going on. I managed to do alright in my GCSEs and very well in my A levels even though I was only eating about 500 calories a day, and then I went travelling all summer and ate very little, not because I was actively starving myself but because I spent a lot of time in very hot places or at altitude where I just lost my appetite and food made me feel sick. I was trekking a lot so I toned up and got a lot fitter. I weighed a lot less then than I do now but I can't see the difference in my body which just goes to show how much I misunderstood what I saw in the mirror. I had a gap year and went to live with my dad where I really learned to enjoy food again and gained a lot of weight. Even though I never learned to love my body and was still repulsed by seeing my own reflection, I was so enjoying being healthy and active and eating properly that I managed not to go bat**** crazy and start restricting again. It was when I came home 6 weeks ago and got on the scales that I found out I'd gained about 20 pounds in less than a year that I really freaked out. Suddenly I had boobs and hips (bigger hips, I've always had out of proportion hips and I HATE them) and I really really hated feeling like I had a 'womanly' figure. Since then I have lost about half the weight I put on and am completely immersed back into my old ways. The worst thing is that I am happy about it, even though I know it will be hell, and I am already starting to feel how I used to feel. I start uni in 3 weeks and the thing I am most looking forward to is being able to get away with eating nothing at all.

    I've come to realise why I find it so hard to break out of the cycle, and why I always come back to this. I was 16 when it began, and in a week's time I will turn 20. I spent some of the most formative years of my life consumed by anorexia. It became an integral part of me. I don't know who I am without it.
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    I've come to realise why I find it so hard to break out of the cycle, and why I always come back to this. I was 16 when it began, and in a week's time I will turn 20. I spent some of the most formative years of my life consumed by anorexia. It became an integral part of me. I don't know who I am without it.
    This is exactly how I feel (except in my case I'll be 19). There's a fine line between a genuine desire to keep fit and healthy and the compulsive exercise that often comes along with disordered eating. (Forgive me if I've got that bit wrong, that's definitely my problem anyway >_<). It can be incredibly hard to break out of the cycle when the cycle's most of your last few years. All I can suggest is that every day is a fresh start, and while we can never forget, we can learn from the mistakes of yesterday.
    Think about what you want from this next momentous stage of your life; why do you want to go to uni? Maybe it's passion for your course, regaining the independence that you loved while you were travelling, making a whole host of new friends and acquaintances? You know being active can be about fun rather than weight loss, you said yourself time with your dad helped you to love food again. Use that to your advantage, maybe join the Hiking Society, share your love for activity and culture with countless others who'd love to hear what you've done! I'm sure that you know deep down, you didn't go to starve yourself, count how few calories you'll have or how many you can burn today.
    The mirror lies. As long as you base your self-worth off what you look like (and we tend to get a pretty screwed-up view of that with this anyway), it'll be nigh-on impossible to find inner peace. Search within for who you really are, if you dig deep enough you'll probably find it's an amazing person!
    [hugs]
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    Note to self: Avoid body-building/fitness-nut sites. There's some liberties we just can't afford right now : /
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    (Original post by Riku)
    This is exactly how I feel (except in my case I'll be 19). There's a fine line between a genuine desire to keep fit and healthy and the compulsive exercise that often comes along with disordered eating. (Forgive me if I've got that bit wrong, that's definitely my problem anyway >_<). It can be incredibly hard to break out of the cycle when the cycle's most of your last few years. All I can suggest is that every day is a fresh start, and while we can never forget, we can learn from the mistakes of yesterday.
    Think about what you want from this next momentous stage of your life; why do you want to go to uni? Maybe it's passion for your course, regaining the independence that you loved while you were travelling, making a whole host of new friends and acquaintances? You know being active can be about fun rather than weight loss, you said yourself time with your dad helped you to love food again. Use that to your advantage, maybe join the Hiking Society, share your love for activity and culture with countless others who'd love to hear what you've done! I'm sure that you know deep down, you didn't go to starve yourself, count how few calories you'll have or how many you can burn today.
    The mirror lies. As long as you base your self-worth off what you look like (and we tend to get a pretty screwed-up view of that with this anyway), it'll be nigh-on impossible to find inner peace. Search within for who you really are, if you dig deep enough you'll probably find it's an amazing person!
    [hugs]
    What a lovely response! Thank you for such kind words. You're right (of course). But I hope you'll listen to your own advice as well
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    I think I've mentioned my grandma before on this thread. She's been anorexic, on and off, for the best part of sixty years. Her poor circulation and Reynaud's (both caused by ED) have now become so bad that she's having to have her foot amputated tomorrow.

    Just a bit of a kick up the butt to anyone even thinking about letting the ED win. Don't know about you but personally I like having two feet. Much love to everyone, it WILL be worth the fight.
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    I think I've mentioned my grandma before on this thread. She's been anorexic, on and off, for the best part of sixty years. Her poor circulation and Reynaud's (both caused by ED) have now become so bad that she's having to have her foot amputated tomorrow.

    Just a bit of a kick up the butt to anyone even thinking about letting the ED win. Don't know about you but personally I like having two feet. Much love to everyone, it WILL be worth the fight.
    O_o. Ouch. So i really, really do need to go to the doctors about the whole naff circulation thingy. I also like having two feet, even if they generally look like they arent mine.
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    I think I've mentioned my grandma before on this thread. She's been anorexic, on and off, for the best part of sixty years. Her poor circulation and Reynaud's (both caused by ED) have now become so bad that she's having to have her foot amputated tomorrow.

    Just a bit of a kick up the butt to anyone even thinking about letting the ED win. Don't know about you but personally I like having two feet. Much love to everyone, it WILL be worth the fight.

    Hope your Grandma's op goes well.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    O_o. Ouch. So i really, really do need to go to the doctors about the whole naff circulation thingy. I also like having two feet, even if they generally look like they arent mine.
    Sorry, don't want to scare you but yeah maybe! Mine are also usually blue, my mum's always said I'm going to turn out like my grandma but I never took her seriously, definitely will now


    (Original post by Annie72)
    Hope your Grandma's op goes well.
    Thanks, I hope so too.
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    I hate the weekends.
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    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:
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    (Original post by souldoubt)
    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:

    Woohooo fantastic news !!!
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    I hate the weekends.
    Same.

    (Original post by souldoubt)
    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:
    Well done!
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    (Original post by souldoubt)
    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:
    Congratulations! For a minute I thought you meant you'd lost weight and I was like ..well that isn't good. So well done. You must be proud of yourself
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    (Original post by souldoubt)
    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:
    Well done! Now the difficult bit is staying there.
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    Haven't been on here in ages, much love to everyone I thought I was doing better and should just avoid thinking about it... then all the weight I spent over a month putting on, I lost in a week. I start uni in under three weeks and there's no way I'll have put it back on again in time - at the start of summer it was my goal to get as close as possible to whatever my 'natural weight' is in time for uni but that's clearly not happening. Sorry to be depressing but I just feel so defeated today. Ughh



    :hugs: Good luck tomorrow. It's great that you're sorting it out early; PLEASE be honest with the psychiatrist! When I was first sent to the doctors I let the ED take over, came out with a load of lies and managed to bull**** my way out of turning up for any more treatment. That was eight years ago. Much as I love everyone on this thread, I wish wish wish I didn't have to be here. So please be honest, explain everything - they can't help you unless they understand what's going on in your head! The part of you that says 'we were just getting good at it'? Sorry to be blunt but that part wants you dead. Best of luck
    :hugs:
    (Original post by Cinamon)
    Dear ED,

    I don't care if I could skip another meal, or loose another couple of lb's - I won't because it won't be enough for you will it? It won't shut you up, it will only make you worse. So i'm going to keep myself healthy and happy so that I can do what really matters in life. I'm not going to treat myself any worse than I would treat my best friend - because my body is for life and it's probably one of the most important things I have. You are just a blip - a test. And i'm going to win.
    Go Cinamon! Epic post!

    (Original post by souldoubt)
    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:
    So happy for you! What an achievement!
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Ain't that the truth. :sigh:
    Admittedly she doesnt have to stay on exactly x+21lbs, thats not what I'm saying, but just staying roughly around there. Atleast shes given herself one hell of a cushio if she ends up with the flu or something awful over the winter.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Admittedly she doesnt have to stay on exactly x+21lbs, thats not what I'm saying, but just staying roughly around there. Atleast shes given herself one hell of a cushio if she ends up with the flu or something awful over the winter.
    :nods: Vair true! Don't worry, I knew what you meant.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :nods: Vair true! Don't worry, I knew what you meant.
    I had a fairly healthy none ED'd friend who ened up with the flu over xmas. Thank GOD the only exam she had in jan. was gen. studies. She lost a stupid amount of weight really quickly.
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    Well done on all the great news regarding recoveries, my dearest and most loved!

    I'll be happy to report that I too am up to about 7 stone 2ish (100lb). Weirdly enough it's eating 1500 kcal per day, but I guess my body's so racked that it must see that amount as a TOTAL FEAST!
 
 
 
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