Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

Announcements
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Well done on all the great news regarding recoveries, my dearest and most loved!

    I'll be happy to report that I too am up to about 7 stone 2ish (100lb). Weirdly enough it's eating 1500 kcal per day, but I guess my body's so racked that it must see that amount as a TOTAL FEAST!
    YAY!
    • #37
    #37

    Good to see LOADS of positive thoughts on here Keep going it WILL be worth it in the end

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I have recently been given a discharge date from my treatment. Been feeling really happy and positive about my life and everything until today.
    Just tried on my prom dress from a year ago and a ball dress from the beginning of summer. Neither fits. I cannot even do up the zip on my prom dress. I feel huge and like a whale... when did I let my self go so out of control?
    Sorry for the negativity... I just feel fat and lost right now.[/I].
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Good to see LOADS of positive thoughts on here Keep going it WILL be worth it in the end

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I have recently been given a discharge date from my treatment. Been feeling really happy and positive about my life and everything until today.
    Just tried on my prom dress from a year ago and a ball dress from the beginning of summer. Neither fits. I cannot even do up the zip on my prom dress. I feel huge and like a whale... when did I let my self go so out of control?
    Sorry for the negativity... I just feel fat and lost right now.[/I].
    I know it's not what you want to hear, but at least it means you're getting healthier, and the improvement in your state of mind is probably linked to that. And just think, if you could still get in those dresses, you probably wouldn't be being discharged. Try to imagine those dresses as symbolic of the old you, the unhappy, unhealthy you who was ruled by your disorder, and think ahead about the new you, the you who has got their life back.
    • #10
    #10

    OK I need someone just anyone to reply to this message...please.

    PLEASE :sad:

    I have an appointment on Wednesday, I have them every week....but I skipped last week. I honestly HONESTLY cannot bear being weighed this week...I have the worst week, just purge purge purge PURGGGEEE non stop over and over and over and over. I was powerless to stop it.

    I want to go to the appointment, but I do not want to be weighed. I honestly do not think I could cope with it mentally. Please do not tell me "its necessary" I know its necessary but I honestly think bad things could happen if I do.

    The closer this appointment is getting the more anxious im getting and themore im purging. Ive even googled my psych, I just want to go to the appointment...let everything out. And start afresh. But Icant be weighed, Im going to top myself otherwise.

    What do I do? As Isay please do not just say "you have to be" because tbh, I just will not go. Because i know in this case it would be worse for my psyche. I just cant...CANT.

    Distraught does not even begin to cover how i feel right now......what the **** am I supposed to do :sad:
    • #10
    #10

    *googled my psychs email address and mailed him.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Hmmmm, it's the end of my third day at uni (i.e. away from home) and allready my diet consists of ryvita and celery. Not good but I feel like it's making the transition from leaving home easier, what with the control that I have.

    Under doctor's orders I gave up wheat last month, have dropped a few kilos because of that. But it's just so easy not to eat now. Because I'm avoiding dairy, have eliminated wheat and am vegetarian food is just too much to deal with. (The dairy is also a health thing, I'm not just a nut) It's easier to just drink some diet coke and get on with my day than it is to cook stuff that caters to my diet (absolutely every pre or par- prepared item in the supermarket either contains wheat or huge amounts of dairy).

    Doc wants me to join the gym here too, she thinks I'm depressed and that I need to release endorphins. Yeah, that's going to go really well. And she wants me to arrange counselling through the university. (To cut a long story short I suffer from chronic pain and my new doctor basically thinks I'm a nutty hypochondriac. The fact that I was diagnosed as bulimic with anorexic tendencies in 2008 doesn't exactly help matters) I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT MY MENTAL STATE. It didn't help then and it won't help now.

    But hey, my pain gets worse when I eat certain things, perhaps limiting my diet like this will get rid of it. :/
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    The past few posts have been somewhat concerning. Do you sit and ponder yourself? This is what I did with myself.

    I'm a 27 year old guy, right.. and I'm freaking out over eating a chocolate bar in case I go over 7 stone and become as heavy as a 14 year old girl.

    How juvenile, how stupid, how daft I am! The amount of psychologist appointments I missed, making lame excuses they hear every day (I'm not feeling too great today to come to the clinic... etc). It's so stupid. The ED is so crap at making up excuses for me and my therapists know it. "I feel ill."

    NO YOU DON'T. You feel freakin' EVASIVE. You feel like a petulant child who merely has to whimper to have everyone pander to his scenario.

    It's hard but,in order to tackle the ED, you have to both accept it, and understand the means in which to combat it. Hiding from those willing to help? Sounds like a lame plan to me.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK I need someone just anyone to reply to this message...please.

    PLEASE :sad:

    I have an appointment on Wednesday, I have them every week....but I skipped last week. I honestly HONESTLY cannot bear being weighed this week...I have the worst week, just purge purge purge PURGGGEEE non stop over and over and over and over. I was powerless to stop it.

    I want to go to the appointment, but I do not want to be weighed. I honestly do not think I could cope with it mentally. Please do not tell me "its necessary" I know its necessary but I honestly think bad things could happen if I do.

    The closer this appointment is getting the more anxious im getting and themore im purging. Ive even googled my psych, I just want to go to the appointment...let everything out. And start afresh. But Icant be weighed, Im going to top myself otherwise.

    What do I do? As Isay please do not just say "you have to be" because tbh, I just will not go. Because i know in this case it would be worse for my psyche. I just cant...CANT.

    Distraught does not even begin to cover how i feel right now......what the **** am I supposed to do :sad:
    :hugs: I totally know what you mean, and I'm not going to say it's necessary because I fully believe that, in some circumstances, it is definitely detrimental. I think you have two options: a) you explain that you can't be weighed this week (I don't know your doctor but if you explain this calmly they should be understanding and let you off providing you're weighed the next week, although maybe not if you missed last week, in which case...)
    b) Ask them to cover up the display while you're on the scales. They used to do this with me when I was younger, the doctor would read it from the other side and then help me off the scales without letting her hand move from the display. That allowed her to know what was going on without me getting panicky about gaining a few grams. After a while I started to get paranoid afterwards anyway, even if I'd lost weight I'd get convinced from her facial expressions that I'd clearly put on loads so it didn't work any more. But for a week or two it should be fine.

    Really you just have to explain it to them and hope they're understanding, please please please don't let it stop you going though! Good luck
    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    :hugs: I totally know what you mean, and I'm not going to say it's necessary because I fully believe that, in some circumstances, it is definitely detrimental. I think you have two options: a) you explain that you can't be weighed this week (I don't know your doctor but if you explain this calmly they should be understanding and let you off providing you're weighed the next week, although maybe not if you missed last week, in which case...)
    b) Ask them to cover up the display while you're on the scales. They used to do this with me when I was younger, the doctor would read it from the other side and then help me off the scales without letting her hand move from the display. That allowed her to know what was going on without me getting panicky about gaining a few grams. After a while I started to get paranoid afterwards anyway, even if I'd lost weight I'd get convinced from her facial expressions that I'd clearly put on loads so it didn't work any more. But for a week or two it should be fine.

    Really you just have to explain it to them and hope they're understanding, please please please don't let it stop you going though! Good luck

    Thank you, I have posted on this thread before and have been completely and utterly ignored. Which I don't understand considering we are all going through the same hell.

    I just hope he is understanding, I feel like im on the edge of a cliff face here...:sad:
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK I need someone just anyone to reply to this message...please.

    PLEASE :sad:

    I have an appointment on Wednesday, I have them every week....but I skipped last week. I honestly HONESTLY cannot bear being weighed this week...I have the worst week, just purge purge purge PURGGGEEE non stop over and over and over and over. I was powerless to stop it.

    I want to go to the appointment, but I do not want to be weighed. I honestly do not think I could cope with it mentally. Please do not tell me "its necessary" I know its necessary but I honestly think bad things could happen if I do.

    The closer this appointment is getting the more anxious im getting and themore im purging. Ive even googled my psych, I just want to go to the appointment...let everything out. And start afresh. But Icant be weighed, Im going to top myself otherwise.

    What do I do? As Isay please do not just say "you have to be" because tbh, I just will not go. Because i know in this case it would be worse for my psyche. I just cant...CANT.

    Distraught does not even begin to cover how i feel right now......what the **** am I supposed to do :sad:
    I haven't posted on this thread for a while but I had to reply to this. :hugs: Not going to say it's neccesary because I was in the exact same situation last week, was desperate not to be weighed, my nurse wouldn't listen to me because it was my last appointment, I refused to look but saw at the last minute and now my head is messed up and I've got worse. The only thing keeping me going is the thought of university and it's kind of no longer in the positive ways I thought of it before. I'm trying to desperately remember what I want and not what my ED wants.
    I'd say ask if you can stand on the scale backwards. That way they know but you won't. I know that's really difficult but really, this situation is difficult so all I can do is send you a million e-hugs. Oh and like Kebabbi says, don't let it stop you from going. You need the support.


    (Original post by LaBelleEtLeBete)
    Hmmmm, it's the end of my third day at uni (i.e. away from home) and allready my diet consists of ryvita and celery. Not good but I feel like it's making the transition from leaving home easier, what with the control that I have.

    Under doctor's orders I gave up wheat last month, have dropped a few kilos because of that. But it's just so easy not to eat now. Because I'm avoiding dairy, have eliminated wheat and am vegetarian food is just too much to deal with. (The dairy is also a health thing, I'm not just a nut) It's easier to just drink some diet coke and get on with my day than it is to cook stuff that caters to my diet (absolutely every pre or par- prepared item in the supermarket either contains wheat or huge amounts of dairy).

    Doc wants me to join the gym here too, she thinks I'm depressed and that I need to release endorphins. Yeah, that's going to go really well. And she wants me to arrange counselling through the university. (To cut a long story short I suffer from chronic pain and my new doctor basically thinks I'm a nutty hypochondriac. The fact that I was diagnosed as bulimic with anorexic tendencies in 2008 doesn't exactly help matters) I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT MY MENTAL STATE. It didn't help then and it won't help now.

    But hey, my pain gets worse when I eat certain things, perhaps limiting my diet like this will get rid of it. :/
    I think you're using your chronic pain as an excuse to restrict. Which it isn't. And avoiding dairy IS really difficult but you can find loads of dairy free things at health food shops. I know it's not the same but I was vegan for about 9 months and I found it really good at first, I had a little bit of energy, what I was eating actually had nutrition (*gasp*), my mood was slightly better and I made an effort to make things that I wanted vegan if I couldn't find them in store. But then I, like you, got bored and I found looking at every label for hidden milk/cheese/dead animal traces no different to looking at every label for the calories, salt and fat grams so it ended up being a total head**** and I couldn't go food shopping and ended up worse. I think you have to think about why you're avoiding dairy and stuff, you might be lactose intolerant, and intolerant to gluten (?) etc but that's a different issue from your ED. Or at least it should be. You shouldn't be living off Ryvita and celery, you can find gluten free bread and dairy free pasta sauces and even dairy free chocolate. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand your mindset but it's only going to screw you over later. Also, I don't even want to think about how bad your pain will be when you have it combined with cramps from low potassium and stuff....
    (Original post by mijin)
    I feel like **** atm. I haven't been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder (I've never spoken to a professional about it, just my depression), but I've been purging, fasting and cutting (on and off) since I was eleven. I'm now seventeen, nearly eighteen, and still struggling. :/

    I suppose I'd be EDNOS with anorexic tendencies, though I'm not going to diagnose myself with anything. I usually live off ~250 calories every day, but I had a big binge on Sunday and I've been overeating since then. I feel bloated as hell, full to the point of feeling sick and very, very blue. Also two days ago, I started taking the leftover laxatives I was prescribed last month for a totally different problem, and I think I'm hooked on the things already. They provide the only hope I have of not gaining as much as I might.

    ... I hope that makes sense, it's late and I'm tired. =-=

    Still, despite my miserable excuse for an introduction, it's lovely to hear that most of you guys are doing so well, though. It's really quite empowering. I wish all of you the best, always. ♥
    I know it's too late but...
    Don't do laxatives. Just don't. Don't do it. DO NOT DO IT. Throw them away. Seriously.
    You probably know this already but a) they do absolutely nothing because by the time they start working, you've already absorbed the food you've eaten. All they do is leech electrolytes and minerals and make you sick b) they make you more bloated in the end and it will mess with your head and then you'll feel like you'll need more c) they're evil and painful and you'll end up with a bowel that doesn't work properly.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sick of waking up hungry and going to sleep hungry.

    I'm very proud of all the people on here who are actually fighting this thing.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by souldoubt)
    I've reached my target weight! I'm a stone and a half heavier :nutcase:

    **** yes! I did it! I'm so happy! :woo:
    :woo: Not gonna lie, I am a bit jel, but awesome news! Well done
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Everyday I wake up, pee, weigh myself, brush my teeth, weigh myself, take off all my clothes, weigh myself again, green tea, do some work, more tea, nap, more tea, eat < 500 calories, go to the gym, weigh myself there (they have TWO scales!), work out, get back on the scale, go home, sleep.

    The same, mundane rituals mixed in between. ~But~ notice how “purging” isn’t in there?
    • #50
    #50

    toto, you're gonna hate my message. I wish I had as much strength as you. I wish I could be your friend.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I'm not eating much. I love feeling hungry. I wish I was skinnier. I wish you could see every bone in my body. Because I feel vulnerable, and frail, and tired. And I want people to see how I feel. They say I look great and healthy, I actually WANT them to say I look ill. I want someone to pay attention to me, to hold me. But unfortunately I am at a good weight for my height (actually I could still lose a stone and be healthy) so it's gonna take a long time. I'd love to say I'm trying to beat this, but I'm gonna be honest with myself - I'm not. Maybe I'm just an attention whore, who knows?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    I find it incredibly strange how I keep gaining weight on meagre 1500 kcals a day, to the point where increasing to the 2500 my dietician has suggested seems severe. Has anyone else encountered this situation?
    Offline

    1
    it'll surely balance out in time if you think about it cos all the normal fat stores are just being fastly replenished and so once they have the weight gain wont seem as vast. try maybe an in between of 2000?
    • #44
    #44

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I find it incredibly strange how I keep gaining weight on meagre 1500 kcals a day, to the point where increasing to the 2500 my dietician has suggested seems severe. Has anyone else encountered this situation?
    It's because there's so little of you left that 1500 calories is more than your body needs! I'd suggest trying your best to follow your dietician's advice, since 2500 calories is pretty average for a man, and if you eat more and more until you maintain at 2500 calories, that's when you know you're at a normal weight.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    toto, you're gonna hate my message. I wish I had as much strength as you. I wish I could be your friend.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I'm not eating much. I love feeling hungry. I wish I was skinnier. I wish you could see every bone in my body. Because I feel vulnerable, and frail, and tired. And I want people to see how I feel. They say I look great and healthy, I actually WANT them to say I look ill. I want someone to pay attention to me, to hold me. But unfortunately I am at a good weight for my height (actually I could still lose a stone and be healthy) so it's gonna take a long time. I'd love to say I'm trying to beat this, but I'm gonna be honest with myself - I'm not. Maybe I'm just an attention whore, who knows?
    Is there something deeper behind your ED than the way you physically look?

    I don't reckon you are an attention whore I think theres almost always something deeper set behind eating disorders. You love feeling hungry - seems like control - you like to be in control you like to feel strong you like to achieve? Have you recently been through something in your life you could not control? A situation where you felt completely out of your depth? Is dieting 'safer' etc....

    To me it seems like your hurting and you want someone to help you. You feel that you can't get this help without being physically ill and fragile. Do you have friends you could talk to about how tired you feel how much your hurting?
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    Toto: Yes, kind of. Prepare yourself for epic amounts of waffle (it has a happy ending though I promise).

    During a recovery 'period' (I'm making these periods permanent this time, just bytheby!) back when I was at an extremely low weight, I increased intake to 2000 calories AT LEAST daily, and for about 3 weeks I increased fairly rapidly to hit 96 lbs. However, after that time the weight gain literally stopped for another 2 weeks afterwards. My intake and activity levels were the same, and I was still badly underweight by most normal people's standards. I actually worried that I'd f'cked my innards up so much with my incessant starving that it was now refusing to digest properly.

    Around this time my resolve to recover took a momentary blow and I started restricting very severely which caused my weight to plummet again. After rational thought kicked in, I decided that the reason for my relapse was due to such a dramatic increase in calories, and so reasoned that I would start slow with 1000 calories a day. And guess what? My weight not only sprung back up to 96lbs in the SAME bleedin period of time as it had when I was on 2000+, but it merrily carried on up to 100lbs! I went stir-crazy with anxiety let me tell you.

    After doing some reading and research, I managed to convince myself that my body was just a bit overcome with joy at having food again and that it would stop as soon as all vital functions/repairs and so on had been attended to. I increased to 1300, 1500 then 1700 and my weight stabilised at what I would guess was about 7.5 stone (I had stopped weighing myself frequently by then, which was a massive help btw). As my intake gradually decreased back to about 1500, my weight started slowly dropping again, untill I got to the weight I'm at now (which is on the rise towards glorious health again woo!).

    So to briefly conclude(!): During recovery your body WILL f*ck about. Unfortunately, the more desperate a state you're in the more it will mess about. But it does pass. You've just gotta grit your teeth sonny, and in the mean time remind yourself how epically ****e anorexia is.

    I hope that helped some.


    Also, HELLO to some new(?) anons and peeps peeping about. I may try and do some replies to you guys when my keyboard is not so tired. Though sometimes I don't know what to say to be honest.

    Toodle pip for now though!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cloppy)
    Toto: Yes, kind of. Prepare yourself for epic amounts of waffle (it has a happy ending though I promise).

    During a recovery 'period' (I'm making these periods permanent this time, just bytheby!) back when I was at an extremely low weight, I increased intake to 2000 calories AT LEAST daily, and for about 3 weeks I increased fairly rapidly to hit 96 lbs. However, after that time the weight gain literally stopped for another 2 weeks afterwards. My intake and activity levels were the same, and I was still badly underweight by most normal people's standards. I actually worried that I'd f'cked my innards up so much with my incessant starving that it was now refusing to digest properly.

    Around this time my resolve to recover took a momentary blow and I started restricting very severely which caused my weight to plummet again. After rational thought kicked in, I decided that the reason for my relapse was due to such a dramatic increase in calories, and so reasoned that I would start slow with 1000 calories a day. And guess what? My weight not only sprung back up to 96lbs in the SAME bleedin period of time as it had when I was on 2000+, but it merrily carried on up to 100lbs! I went stir-crazy with anxiety let me tell you.

    After doing some reading and research, I managed to convince myself that my body was just a bit overcome with joy at having food again and that it would stop as soon as all vital functions/repairs and so on had been attended to. I increased to 1300, 1500 then 1700 and my weight stabilised at what I would guess was about 7.5 stone (I had stopped weighing myself frequently by then, which was a massive help btw). As my intake gradually decreased back to about 1500, my weight started slowly dropping again, untill I got to the weight I'm at now (which is on the rise towards glorious health again woo!).

    So to briefly conclude(!): During recovery your body WILL f*ck about. Unfortunately, the more desperate a state you're in the more it will mess about. But it does pass. You've just gotta grit your teeth sonny, and in the mean time remind yourself how epically ****e anorexia is.

    I hope that helped some.


    Also, HELLO to some new(?) anons and peeps peeping about. I may try and do some replies to you guys when my keyboard is not so tired. Though sometimes I don't know what to say to be honest.

    Toodle pip for now though!
    You sound wonderful! You should be very very proud of yourself.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
Which accompaniment is best?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.