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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #10
    #10

    I cant carry on with this anymore....I cant, I dont have the energy the strength or the will power.

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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Riku. Think straight for a moment. You're freaking out over a dinner most normal folks wouldn't bat an eyelid at! Pasta and other carbs are usually danger foods for us, but in reality they won't cause you to implode or burst into flames my man.

    Be proud of taking that step.

    All of us use our disorders as a barrier from SOME kind of responsibility, and the chances are we continue to perpetuate our disorders in order to postpone an inevitable life choice. For me, getting better terrifies me as it means I will have to return to a normal adult life... hence a lot of my posts are very retrospective and juvenile. Perhaps your internet introversion is a similar thing.
    Cheers Toto. As I mentioned to Cloppy, it's not the pasta as much as the cheese...but sometimes it is the pasta too. And sometimes the veg or meat or milk or fruit or fish or eggs or whatever. Which more or less rams your point home for Merjambes that an ED is entirely arbitary, and if it doesn't make sense we have the power to dismiss it. For that reason I'm trying my utmost to dissociate food with any sort of negative connotation, but even yesterday-a slice of malt loaf. Mum suggests putting a scraping of butter on because it'll be "a bit dry". I can't justify having them dry since heartburn sends me into full-blown panic anyway, so catch-22. Made me feel queasy all night and check my pulse like it'd be too much for the heart to handle. This from a kid who used to go for third portions of Christmas dinner and not bat an eyelid at the idea of cheese and egg toast (which now sounds like an instant heart attack) but was happy and carefree! Why, just why?
    I'm getting into a pattern of moaning again. Fact is, maybe we are running away from responsibility. I could be studying, I could be socialising, but instead I'm sitting and devising a new way to put the pounds on while keeping the pounds off or researching a new way I might die rather than living. And you're right too, this is probably about being afraid to grow up for many of us. Certainly is for me-it means taking risks, facing failure, rejection and disappointment. But you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs, eh? (Maybe not the most appropriate metaphor...)
    So here's the plan today-I'm seeing my aunts with my dad for dinner, as ones of cultured cuisine no doubt there's going to be some sort of scary, rich dish lurking around. I can either spend the whole day in fear of my cholesterol, or go out, go there later and have a damn good time and catch-up with my relatives. It's a no-brainer, really.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I cant carry on with this anymore....I cant, I dont have the energy the strength or the will power.

    You do. We all do. See how many times one of us has said this throughout the last few months, how many people have thought they hit rock bottom in the world and have come through stronger and wiser people at the end of it, don't deny that the human mind is an indomitable force to be reckoned with. Consider all the energy that you use to pacify the ED. That takes willpower, mate. Now consider what would happen if you redirected all that energy against the ED.
    Sometimes it's when we think all hope is gone that the truth comes to light and the tables turn in our favour. Why not give it a hand and turn them yourself? We'll be with you all the way.


    (Original post by diamonddust)
    How funny Riku. I literally just saw this post on Something Fishy. :hugs:
    http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/s...ad.php?t=53287
    Thanks for the link, Diamond. Hope you're alright too. That's amazing about being a potential Joanna, you should totally go for the MT Society. I was stuck with generic baritone for Sweeney :rolleyes: And don't beat yourself up about reading for recreation rather than study, the whole process is supposed to be enjoyable after all! I'll tell you The Sandman is not on my uni reading list

    Been saying too much again. Going to lurk for a while to keep on top of studies. TTFN!
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    Been struggling a little lately, starting to get on top of things again though.

    Breakfast and lunch are done!
    Didn't think I'd be able to manage too much because I feel awful, but it wasn't so bad at all

    Finally got my medication sorted so hopefully my moods will improve = bigger appetite :woo:
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    (Original post by Cinamon)
    I actually like the sound of pineapple on toast is that weird?
    Nah. if you did it with a bit of tomato sauce and cheese, then its basically pizza. But my definition of weird is messed up. I have been known to have orange and rhubarb jam on toast and a slice of ham at the same time...
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Nah. if you did it with a bit of tomato sauce and cheese, then its basically pizza. But my definition of weird is messed up. I have been known to have orange and rhubarb jam on toast and a slice of ham at the same time...
    Toast hawaii: Slice of toast, slice of ham, slice of pineapple, slice of cheese. Grill to melt cheese. Nothing weird about that at all :coma:

    My mum's friend was disgusting when she was pregnant though. Took gherkins and dipped them into a nutella jar and then ate them. Sickkkk :puke:
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    (Original post by whitepearlbaby)
    Toast hawaii: Slice of toast, slice of ham, slice of pineapple, slice of cheese. Grill to melt cheese. Nothing weird about that at all :coma:

    My mum's friend was disgusting when she was pregnant though. Took gherkins and dipped them into a nutella jar and then ate them. Sickkkk :puke:
    yuck. I actually agree on that.
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    I compulsively binge-eat and have often very, very little control about what I actually put in my body, and while I've never been sure if that's an eating disorder or not or whether I'm even in the right thread, it bothers me

    I always feel so daft compared to anorexic/bulimic people, because after all, they're coming close to death through a horrible mental health condition that's really messed them up and takes a lot of strength to get over, and then in comparison I just feel like I'm sort of complaining about nothing other than my own inability to control myself. :getmecoat:
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I compulsively binge-eat and have often very, very little control about what I actually put in my body, and while I've never been sure if that's an eating disorder or not or whether I'm even in the right thread, it bothers me

    I always feel so daft compared to anorexic/bulimic people, because after all, they're coming close to death through a horrible mental health condition that's really messed them up and takes a lot of strength to get over, and then in comparison I just feel like I'm sort of complaining about nothing other than my own inability to control myself. :getmecoat:
    Bulimia doesn't mean you have to purge :hugs: Do you sometimes fast afterwards?
    Unless you have a food addiction (compulsive overeating), which can be just as dangerous for your health because you'll keep gaining weight until you are morbidly obese if you are not super super careful. I'd certainly tell your doctor about it, they might be able to help you control your appetite.
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    (Original post by whitepearlbaby)
    Bulimia doesn't mean you have to purge :hugs: Do you sometimes fast afterwards?
    Unless you have a food addiction (compulsive overeating), which can be just as dangerous for your health because you'll keep gaining weight until you are morbidly obese if you are not super super careful. I'd certainly tell your doctor about it, they might be able to help you control your appetite.
    I do indeed fast afterwards. I've never managed purging - this is going to sound incredibly silly and naive, and please don't anyone read this as me asking for advice on the matter, but I've actually never worked out how I've tried a variety of times and just never achieved the desired result. But I do also have pica (an appetite for non-food objects) so eating soap, cleaning fluids etc with the intention of purging might be less efficient for me than for someone else. I'm not sure to be honest.

    I try to be really careful with it and to control it whenever I can, and it's been easier since I've gone to uni and not been in the sort of stressful home environment I used to be in. But it's definitely contributed to me being overweight, and how I look gets me down so I just eat more, etc, etc...
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I do indeed fast afterwards. I've never managed purging - this is going to sound incredibly silly and naive, and please don't anyone read this as me asking for advice on the matter, but I've actually never worked out how I've tried a variety of times and just never achieved the desired result. But I do also have pica (an appetite for non-food objects) so eating soap, cleaning fluids etc with the intention of purging might be less efficient for me than for someone else. I'm not sure to be honest.

    I try to be really careful with it and to control it whenever I can, and it's been easier since I've gone to uni and not been in the sort of stressful home environment I used to be in. But it's definitely contributed to me being overweight, and how I look gets me down so I just eat more, etc, etc...
    Binging and fasting is another form of bulimia and just as harmful :hugs: Please tell me you'll make a GP appointment :puppyeyes: Counselling might help you as well, this sounds like an emotions-related thing to me.
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    (Original post by whitepearlbaby)
    Binging and fasting is another form of bulimia and just as harmful :hugs: Please tell me you'll make a GP appointment :puppyeyes: Counselling might help you as well, this sounds like an emotions-related thing to me.
    I practically have a season ticket to the GP, don't worry :ahee: I'm already going in a few weeks to discuss depression medication and the like (I went in for a repeat prescription, had to give her my medical history, and left ages later...) so I'll mention it then

    I won't lie, I'm not tremendously optimistic about my chances of controlling my eating habits; I've done this since I was about 10. But it's good to know that it's actually something I should watch out for, I guess :yep:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)

    I just got back from Glee club and it was awesome. And my day has actually been made by the discovery that I'm a soprano. I can play Joanna in Sweeney Todd! And Cinderella in Into the Woods! And not just imagine that I can do it! And I totally need to start a musical theatre society because frankly, it's kind of obscene that there isn't one already!
    OOOOh. shiny. But altos are better. It's us who have to concentrate and hold that G on the stave whilst you're singing somewhere up in the gods like a top Bb.
    • #61
    #61

    Hi,

    I feel so weird about posting here - I can't even use my TSR account because other posts make it really obvious who I am, and no one from my real life can know this. I guess - well, I just don't know if I really have a problem or not. I definitely don't have anorexia as I'm not amenorrheic, but I have quite a long history of eating issues (a very restricted diet by preference, mostly vegan) and hating my body. I'm 23, and I've sort of briefly played with restricting in the past, especially because I genuinely lose my appetite under any kind of stress, but I have other health issues which mean that heavy restriction makes me feel dreadful immediately, so it's been a rare and short-lived thing. Then, this summer, I was in hospital for some weeks for the physical issues, and lost weight there, and it seems to have kicked all my low-level issues up a notch.

    I'm between 5'5" and 5'6", and my weight as of this morning is 104.5 - I just have no idea what I want. My normal weight is around 115 to 117 (my highest weight ever was about 128), and now I'm so close to double figures, it's so tempting to try and get there. On the other hand, my weight now is not too awful, I don't hate it, so I wouldn't mind maintaining (in a way), but I'm so scared that if I try to do that, I'll just gain. Objectively, that is not really a high weight, but I still look so fat - not in a BDD way, I really do. My lower arms and wrists and chest are all quite thin, but my thighs are huge, my stomach isn't flat; I just hate how I look.

    Can anyone advise me at all, about what to do? I feel like I can't bear to gain, but also as though it's inevitable - only, I am scared of developing an actual problem, as I'm already very obsessive about food. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I have so many other problems, it seems (physical and mental), that it's just embarrassing and pathetic to bring up another concern. And I know it would devastate me to speak to anyone and have them say, "oh, what, you think you've got some kind of eating disorder? Oh, right! Haha, you're way too fat for that!" Which is what I'm sure would happen. My intake isn't awful (not more than 400 calories below the number suggested by my dietitian, whom I see for other medical reasons, and I do at times hit the goal she chose - I'm often within 200 calories of it), but I feel so mixed up and confused, even though I'm clearly not in any physical danger.
    • #50
    #50

    I have, in the past few days, discovered an incredibly disgusting habit. I need to snap out of it because I'm in a bit of pain and because it's just stupid. Habit in spoilers, maybe triggering, definitely yucky.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I have spent a lot of time in bed recently, because that's what I do when I have no job/uni. I've started building up an unhealthy foods-stash next to my bed and a couple of bottles of water. Also besides my bed is a bowl. Now, every day I will eat a lot of different unhealthy foods until my tummy feels like bursting, and then purge into the bowl. And when it's full I will empty it in the toilet. And I will fill my tummy again, and empty it again. Several times a day. It's so exhausting, why am I even doing this I need to do something!!!

    Yeah sorry about the disgusting details
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    OOOOh. shiny. But altos are better. It's us who have to concentrate and hold that G on the stave whilst you're singing somewhere up in the gods like a top Bb.
    Oooh! I think you and I are going to have to have a sing off at some point!
    I'm still not sure if I actually AM a soprano! I need proper lessons to tell. The only reason I put myself in the soprano group was because singing the other parts hurt my throat because they were too low but I don't think my breath support is very good so I can't sustain higher notes but then I do sound better when I'm singing higher. I need to learn music so I can stop saying higher and talk in musical terms haha
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Oooh! I think you and I are going to have to have a sing off at some point!
    I'm still not sure if I actually AM a soprano! I need proper lessons to tell. The only reason I put myself in the soprano group was because singing the other parts hurt my throat because they were too low but I don't think my breath support is very good so I can't sustain higher notes but then I do sound better when I'm singing higher. I need to learn music so I can stop saying higher and talk in musical terms haha
    Music is awesome. And learning it will do you good, when the voices in your head go mental, you can drown them out by singing/ playing something awesome. I <3 singing a D just above middle C, makes my chest go all buzzy.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Music is awesome. And learning it will do you good, when the voices in your head go mental, you can drown them out by singing/ playing something awesome. I <3 singing a D just above middle C, makes my chest go all buzzy.
    Same actually, B flat and E flat are probs my fave notes :') Don't know why we should get such a high off the transition into mix register but I sure do
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Same actually, B flat and E flat are probs my fave notes :') Don't know why we should get such a high off the transition into mix register but I sure do
    Try singing stuff by gilbert and sullivan. 6 flats O_o!
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Try singing stuff by gilbert and sullivan. 6 flats O_o!
    One of my older friends is President of their uni's G+S Society, don't worry I've heard and do not envy you! :eek:
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    (Original post by Riku)
    One of my older friends is President of their uni's G+S Society, don't worry I've heard and do not envy you! :eek:
    they're not too bad if you arent in the orchestra!
 
 
 
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