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    You MUST stop purging. The amount of damage it's doing to your stomach, your oesophagus, your teeth, gums and lungs, it's so unbelievably brutal on your body and logically it doesn't "save" you any weight at all. By the time it's entered your stomach, food is being digested incredibly quickly and the majority of quick-release nutrients are passed through and absorbed super-quick. The body only squishes the food into mush to get the residual stuff, which is absorbed in the small intestine, and then later it just sooks all the water out in the large intestine.

    So what I'm saying is, even though psychologically it might SEEM to help, it doesn't help you avoid any caloric intake and is causing massive tissue damage.


    Good luck hon.


    PS, I received an emotional gut-punch today. A really tough one. Met a friend I'd not seen in a couple of months today. "Wow", he said. "You're looking really healthy. I mean, REALLY healthy. How much do you weigh now?"

    To which I responded, "About 7 stone 1 or 2".

    His response? "Seem like you'd weigh more than that actually."


    Ouch. I mean, I'm a 5'7 guy so I understand I'm hardly heavy, but that really, REALLY hurt.
    • #62
    #62

    How can you recover from something like bulimia? I don't see how going to a doctor stops the compulsion to binge I don't even throw up but exercise/eat very little for a few days afterwards and just don't want to be like this forever it's miserable.
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    It's starting to take over yet again. I hate my body, I hate my soul.

    And I don't care if it hurts.
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    Ok thought I would talk about my yo yo eating in the last few days.

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    I have been ill a lot in the last month(possibly thyroid as doc keeps mentioning it and would explain my weight gain in recent few years) the only major change to my diet is I drink diet drinks rather than regular(which may explain a lot) but lost at LEAST a stone as I cant tell as my scales are useless as they never show my exact weight(depending on how I stand I can go as much a stone lower than I actually am) however in last 10 days the scales report me to be a stone lighter than I was i.e it used to be that if I was say 16 stone it would say I was between 15 and 16 depending on how I stand and now it would say I was between 14 and 15

    Also I have been really bad with diet this week, pretty much starved for 4 days then pigged out the last 3 nights with a takeaway a day(though havent eaten a single drop more before or after all day) i.e last week one day I used a pack of mince and put chopped tomatoes in and with spaghetti and that meal was all I ate for 2 days and ate nothing else and another day I just made a portion of rice, cant remember what I had on the 4th day but the last 3 nights, one day I ate a chicken kebab with chips and naan bread, anotehr day I ate a chikken tikka calzone with salad, today got a indian curry with rice and naan(though I havent eaten it yet and struggled to eat a bit of naan)
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    Okay, I'm going to jump in here and say that despite our hardships we're facing, the thread has once again simply become the ultra negative "Woe is Me" posting-battle and we need to kerb it.

    This thread IS intended for us to post our thoughts and feelings to help deal with our eating disorders, but it is by no means helpful to ourselves or others to write "I'm worthless, I give up forever, this is the end" or whatever.

    Whatever you were feeling at that specific time of your negativity, think upon rationally. Consider those overwhelming emotions. Get to the root of the issues. EDs are rarely about vanity and as such, weight gain or loss is an arbitrary concept compared to the deep-seeded reasoning behind it all.

    WHY do you feel worthless? WHY do you feel powerless? THESE are the things you need to post so others can aid you. Not "I suck, I suck, life sucks", because it helps nobody, triggers others and the best response you can hope for is a metaphorical pat on the back and a "there there, things aren't THAT bad" - and that helps noone.

    It may seem cruel or harsh to state it but think rationally and post again, but with more information and less "inevitable failure doom and gloom" comments, and you'll be able to be helped on here!
    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Okay, I'm going to jump in here and say that despite our hardships we're facing, the thread has once again simply become the ultra negative "Woe is Me" posting-battle and we need to kerb it.

    This thread IS intended for us to post our thoughts and feelings to help deal with our eating disorders, but it is by no means helpful to ourselves or others to write "I'm worthless, I give up forever, this is the end" or whatever.

    Whatever you were feeling at that specific time of your negativity, think upon rationally. Consider those overwhelming emotions. Get to the root of the issues. EDs are rarely about vanity and as such, weight gain or loss is an arbitrary concept compared to the deep-seeded reasoning behind it all.

    WHY do you feel worthless? WHY do you feel powerless? THESE are the things you need to post so others can aid you. Not "I suck, I suck, life sucks", because it helps nobody, triggers others and the best response you can hope for is a metaphorical pat on the back and a "there there, things aren't THAT bad" - and that helps noone.

    It may seem cruel or harsh to state it but think rationally and post again, but with more information and less "inevitable failure doom and gloom" comments, and you'll be able to be helped on here!
    With respect, and it is respect because I agree with what you are saying.

    That is much MUCH easier said than done.

    Especially when you have been on a waiting list for 5months for therapy, were promised it at the beginning of September and still dont have it weekly.

    I have one appointment every 4 weeks, in which time Im ok for a week and then it decends into a chaos of laxatives, purging, over exercising, depression and exhaustion.


    Sometimes I see its irrational and there is a way out, but those moments are all too fleeting and I really wish there were more of them, most of the time this feels like the most insurmountable task that I cant and perhaps even dont want to deal with. Its also extremely confusing at present.

    So whilst I appreciate what you are saying, I think its very difficult to keep a rational approach all of the time...sometimes I need to freak the hell out, get the hell over it and move the hell on ....lol
    xxxx
    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by TotoMimo)


    PS, I received an emotional gut-punch today. A really tough one. Met a friend I'd not seen in a couple of months today. "Wow", he said. "You're looking really healthy. I mean, REALLY healthy. How much do you weigh now?"

    To which I responded, "About 7 stone 1 or 2".

    His response? "Seem like you'd weigh more than that actually."


    Ouch. I mean, I'm a 5'7 guy so I understand I'm hardly heavy, but that really, REALLY hurt.
    Also, meant to add this on to the end of my other post above.

    This is hard having gone from a 15.5 BMI to a 19 then back down to a 16 because of exactly those type of comments...dont dwell on it.

    Healthy is not fat.
    Healthy is not a fail.
    Healthy is not a loss of control.

    Healthy isn't death, healthy isnt this stupid dumbass controlling *****. Its winning, its success, its living your life because you deserve to do so. Its recognising that you have the right to take up space on this rock called earth. Its success.

    So please, dont let it mull around in your thoughts too much, dampen your mood or hinder your progress. Its good not bad and you are still a skinny mofoing mofo anyway xxxxxx <3
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    the thread has once again simply become the ultra negative "Woe is Me" posting-battle
    I'm not sure this is the case Toto - there are a few thoughtless 'oh god I can't deal with this' posts.... but there are others that express feelings similar to yours (like being upset that people are telling you that you look good).

    Although the 'I hate myself' side of an ED could probably be expressed more sensitively in this kind of environment - it is as real as the 'I can do this' side. Everyone deserves to have their bad days. I agree that if it can trigger others, spoiler it.

    I worry that being scared to express your feelings somewhere like a forum could drive certain individuals to feel like they've "yet again" done something wrong and aren't as deserving as more eloquent individuals like yourself...
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    I didn't mean to incite upset in anyone Cinamon so my apologies if that's the case. But if people want to post about specifics that are causing heartache then great; that's what we're here for, support and advice for specific issues that might benefit the individual.

    But if you vent out and say a general statement, it does nothing but empower the ED and give no bearing on how others can help you!
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    I'm really struggling to eat, actually eat anything, since a period of normalcy which obviously wasn't long enough.
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    What bothers me more than anything is that it's now beginning to go past all rationale and my usual "healthy" approach, despite feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack or stroke any moment (hoping to hell it's heartburn). It hasn't been this bad in ages, like it's hurting, genuinely hurt, to eat Dad's specially prepared sea bass yesterday. Whereas today I haven't managed a real lunch but did manage two bites of an unwanted McChicken Sandwich (why does there have to be just Maccies...) and some jelly babies at the front of shop. Cardiologist told me that anxiety will dissipate if I put some weight on because the heartburn would be less prominent with more space between the ribcage. Yet I can't bear that, because I've entered the healthy weight range and have returned to "the higher I go, the fatter I get". I even felt a little disappointed hearing from the nurse I'd put on a poiund since last weigh-in, like subconsciously all along I've been trying to lose it.

    ED has crept up out of nowhere. I didn't intend to allow it back in, I intended to get healthy and hopefully a little fitter in the process after ravaging my body and mind, but somehow it's back with a vengeance. This has unsurprisingly coincided with feeling alone and almost worthless in uni thus allowing myself to go back to stupid pulse monitoring and owowow chest pain, completely over my head with assignments, little time for any enjoyable pursuit besides food or exercise, subdued fury at dad for continuing his well-meaning but extremely misguided "man up" approach to overcoming anxiety, and nasty recurring thoughts of death and suicidal ideation.
    It seems so much easier to procrastinate, live in the bubble of security and lament our situation; how do we break out again?

    Cinamon, to me right now you're the voice of inspiration, thank you!
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    I'm determined to get my 1500 kcal a day. I want to be healthy. At the moment it's consisting of nothing during the day and then lots of sweets in the evening but it's a start...

    gaining weight very quickly. I would like to get to about bmi 20 and then stop but whatever it levels out at i'll try and accept.
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    Ugh, I have a doctor's appointment on tuesday and I'm dreading it (for gynae, not ED related). In that hospital they weigh you in front of all of the other patients before you see your consultant. As much as I want to know my exact weight again I don't want anyone else to hear it before I'm back to my perfect weight. And even though this is gynae all this doctor talks about is my diet and my mental health (because apparently my chronic pain is all in my head and/or I'm trying to scam painkillers) and I really do not want to talk about that.
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    Good luck Cinamon... your positivity shines through and gives us all power! THAT is the mindset we all need!

    Riku, it's SUPER easy to let old habits return. "Take a break" from recovery as such. But there's no such thing. Would you "take a break" from the flu? No way; it's consistently there, always harming you, and the only thing you can do is to fight it.

    The little bubble to regress into is merely a child-like state. Something of a second womb to avoid the big responsibilities of the world. But I have a task for you. I want you to write me a list and post it on here. And be genuine!

    The task is as follows... and EVERYONE can do this as it is very therapeutic and helpful to look at later in recovery - Write a list of "Pros of being anorexic" and "Pros of being a recovered person". Write down all the points for both and post them here; I promise you'll be surprised at both how few and absurd the reasons for anorexia are.

    You can imagine me feeling very embarrassed when I did this and read aloud to my therapist "I get to look ill so people can look after me".

    I read it out loud and thought, "jesus, what an awful thing to say. Did I REALLY write that as a "pro" point? And I did. But I instantly said "Actually, I retract that. That's a disgusting thing to say."



    Seriously, I task you all with this! It will help, guys.

    STAY STRONG!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The task is as follows... and EVERYONE can do this as it is very therapeutic and helpful to look at later in recovery - Write a list of "Pros of being anorexic" and "Pros of being a recovered person". Write down all the points for both and post them here; I promise you'll be surprised at both how few and absurd the reasons for anorexia are.

    You can imagine me feeling very embarrassed when I did this and read aloud to my therapist "I get to look ill so people can look after me".

    I read it out loud and thought, "jesus, what an awful thing to say. Did I REALLY write that as a "pro" point? And I did. But I instantly said "Actually, I retract that. That's a disgusting thing to say."
    I did this exact same thing, and wrote something similar. I said "No one will have a reason to care about me if I'm not unwell."

    Is it so disgusting? I think that's a really strong (and hateful) word to describe something you feel. A previous therapist I had always said to me that behaviour should be thought of as a communication, and EDs can sometimes be the sufferer communicating a deep, disabling pain. Don't retract the statement, it's something you feel and it's making you hold onto the anorexia. If you ignore it, you probably won't fully recover.

    Well done for being so honest. :hugs:
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    x
    It's really brave and honest of you to admit that to yourself let alone someone else. Has definitely made me question my reasons too.. :hugs:
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    Insanely pissed off and upset. Went to my doctors appointment 5 MINUTES late, because it was at a surgery where I hadn't been before and once I found it, it took me ages to park. Went to the Reception, apologised for being late and she just went 'you're late, I can't let you in because the doctor's with a patient'. I wanted to cut her, imo. Then she offered me a new appointment for Friday.. which I accepted, but god knows how I'm going to be feeling at that time. Arghhhh!

    I want to cry, I want to scream.. did he not trust that I'd turn up? Because trust me, I didn't want to at all but I did anyway. But to let someone else in my 'slot' so quickly, I don't get it. :mad:
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    I haven't posted in a long time but I thought I would today.

    I've been having a up and down time partly because I get worked up and stressed so easily and it overwhelms me. I had a lot of trouble eating for the first few days of university because I knew i'd be drinking and also I struggled with the strange environment and new people.

    However, I'm eating really really well and I'm okay-ish about it. I've broken down and cried in my room a few times but it hasn't caused me to revert back to my old ways. New place, new start, new outlook. I don't want to ruin my chances in life by not being well enough to study or not being well enough to enjoy university so I'm just going to eat healthily. I have scales with me - but I may aswell not because I'm not going to allow myself to use them I know I'm not ready for that yet.

    Everyone has been commenting about how healthily I eat which makes me smile, because that's really all I care about at the moment. Having a healthy body and a healthy diet.

    Goodluck to you all!
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    Ok a quick question here, have been on new spot medication for a month and literally the next day I started sleeping like 18 hours a day most nights and feeling spaced out and like I hadnt slept

    Also I changed from having sugary drinks every day to diet(though may once a week have a bottle of sugary just to get rid of stock in cupboard) yet this has been the most exhausting month I think I have had in years.

    Could cutting out sugary drinks had such a major effect? I slept just under 24 hours last night(just got out of bed 10 minutes ago) and lost over a stone.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Ok a quick question here, have been on new spot medication for a month and literally the next day I started sleeping like 18 hours a day most nights and feeling spaced out and like I hadnt slept

    Also I changed from having sugary drinks every day to diet(though may once a week have a bottle of sugary just to get rid of stock in cupboard) yet this has been the most exhausting month I think I have had in years.

    Could cutting out sugary drinks had such a major effect? I slept just under 24 hours last night(just got out of bed 10 minutes ago) and lost over a stone.
    See a GP about such large side effects, honestly.

    Yes, changing to diet would have a bit of an effect but NOTHING like what you just described. Don't worry though, sounds like something the GP would be able to handle.

    ------------------------\

    Hi y'all!

    Haven't been on here for ages, people are doing so well!

    Sophie, never talked to you before, but I feel for you. GP's are often so busy they fill in appointments in a heartbeat. Hold strong, you don't need to see the GP to get better, YOU need to be the one to get better. All the GP can do is help.

    Squiff, honestly I would say you shouldn't have even brought the scales, but each to their own. You still seems to have triggers, have you found anything that is a direct link to the triggers? Drink seems to be one, have you got any relatives or the like with drinking problems? It might be that side of you trying to deal with drink without becoming them, and so the only way it can do that is to purge the bad out of you? [I say this because my therapist currently thinks that I became anorexic to avoid becoming my father (bmi 40+), to an extreme level]

    Purging is difficult, have you thought of trying something different though? When I purged it was heavily related to emotions. I've found painting to be amazing.

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    Hovering around BMI 19-20. 19 at morning, 20 at night due to the insane amount of liquid I drink (liquid, not alcohol!). Can't seem to push to BMI 20 with the amount I CAN eat.


    I thought I might post to say that I am still alive and doing well!

    I'm painting, thinking of going into nutrition and food consumer science next year, loving photography, cooking (Oh god, I love cooking! I even went to a class!), reading again (concentration is so difficult at low BMI. So much easier now), job front being (muffle muffle muffle), getting in contact with friends again...

    Thinking of posting a couple o my paintings here (low resolution to save servers).

    Learned a lot about the science behind ED's as well. One thing that definitely helped me;

    Fats. Know the facts.

    *Cholesterol high foods have no direct effect on blood cholesterol, they can't really explain that one.
    *Saturated fat hasn't been found to increase heart disease. There has only been one study that pointed that way, and that one used country numbers and had to ignore places like Switzerland.
    *Fat helps build muscle. It isn't just used as lubricant, it is used in making cell membranes and the like. Its USED more than STORED, if you know what I mean.
    *Fat is vital in hormone recovery as a ton of hormones are fat based. ED's notoriously lower Leptin levels in women, you need them back up for normal, ahem, female function.
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    hi everyone....
    i have a quick question for you all.
    i suffer from bulimia, but at the moment i cant afford my medication or my counseling.
    does anyone know where i can get a sponsor?
    like someone i can speak to whenever i'm about to binge?
    (i'm sure my friends have had enough of me by now)
    i live alone and have withdrawn from most people anyway.
    i'm starting to get really sick again, and the pain is back.
    many many thanks.....
 
 
 
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