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    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by sidoraH)
    hi everyone....
    i have a quick question for you all.
    i suffer from bulimia, but at the moment i cant afford my medication or my counseling.
    does anyone know where i can get a sponsor?
    like someone i can speak to whenever i'm about to binge?
    (i'm sure my friends have had enough of me by now)
    i live alone and have withdrawn from most people anyway.
    i'm starting to get really sick again, and the pain is back.
    many many thanks.....
    Awww sweetheart :hugs:

    Go to an NHS doctor and ask them. Counselling on the NHS is free anyway! And as for the medication, well, I'm sure they could help you find a way! Don't suffer in silence :hugs:
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    Alright, I'm eating a reasonable if not massive amount per day (that's to say I'm almost certainly over 1500 cals and possibly even round 2000), I'm doing a little bit of exercise with the walk to and from uni, yet in the space of a few days my arms have decided to atrophy on me. Ouch, this doesn't half hurt, haven't had it for some 6 months now. Do I need to just give them a wiggle or is this more serious... :confused:)


    Toto, I'll get that list up soon I promise you. I've already got the first reason for recovery up there! But for now I have to focus on these assignments, otherwise the workload'll make the cycle worse.
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    (Original post by sidoraH)
    hi everyone....
    i have a quick question for you all.
    i suffer from bulimia, but at the moment i cant afford my medication or my counseling.
    does anyone know where i can get a sponsor?
    like someone i can speak to whenever i'm about to binge?
    (i'm sure my friends have had enough of me by now)
    i live alone and have withdrawn from most people anyway.
    i'm starting to get really sick again, and the pain is back.
    many many thanks.....
    :hugs: Didn't want to not reply. Maybe ask your GP if they have any subsidies for medication and if they'll put you on the waiting list? I'm sorry you're in pain. :hugs:
    (Original post by Riku)
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    Alright, I'm eating a reasonable if not massive amount per day (that's to say I'm almost certainly over 1500 cals and possibly even round 2000), I'm doing a little bit of exercise with the walk to and from uni, yet in the space of a few days my arms have decided to atrophy on me. Ouch, this doesn't half hurt, haven't had it for some 6 months now. Do I need to just give them a wiggle or is this more serious... :confused:)


    Toto, I'll get that list up soon I promise you. I've already got the first reason for recovery up there! But for now I have to focus on these assignments, otherwise the workload'll make the cycle worse.
    I wrote out a really long list and then my internet crashed. :sad:
    Go to a doctor about your arms, sounds horrible!

    Antiarsis, you're freaking AMAZING! :hugs:

    Feeling so inspired by you all. Just wish I could be positive.
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    Ok I went to the scales in Boots today and yes, I have lost a stone! which is good news in some ways since I was 6 stone overweight however since I havent lost weight in 5 years it worries me, still not sure if its the fact I have been ill this month or the fact I likely have a thyroid problem(large vein on neck and had a lump for a year) or it could be as simple as the fact I went from sugary drinks every day to diet drinks(but still drink sugary just instead of every day just about once a week)
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    I was going to go anonymous but everyone else has been brave so I guess I won't.

    I've only read the first few pages of this thread and everyone that posted seemed to be anorexic/bulimic. I don't really know what to class myself as other than a binge eater. I guess I should start at the beginning.

    When I was 13, I developed Type 1 diabetes. Over the course of about 6 months, I began to lose weight, along with constantly feeling thirsty, tired and needing to pee all the time (due to the amount I was drinking). I have always been a secretive and anxious person, so I didn't tell my parents how I felt. I would spend all of my pocket money on fizzy drinks because I was so thirsty all of the time, and hide the 2 litre bottles in my wardrobe, sneaking into my room to drink as much as I could, hoping my thirst would be quenched. Because I was consuming high amounts of sugar from the fizzy drinks (I never bought diet versions), I was actually making the problem much worse. I'm not sure what my weight was before I developed diabetes, but by the time I was 15, I weighed 5st 6 lbs.

    I was ashamed that I was so thin, and didnt understand what was wrong with me. Along with the fizzy drinks, I was constantly forcing myself to eat huge amounts of high calorie food, because I wanted to put weight on, and be normal. I was bullied quite a lot because I was thin, people started rumours that I was anorexic and I was desperate to prove them wrong so I grazed on chocolate, cheese, cake, crisps, anything I could get my hands on.

    Eventually, my blood sugar levels reached an all time high and I collapsed at school and was taken to hospital where I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was put on a recovery programme and was allowed to leave hospital after 4 weeks. I went back to school, my weight increased to 8st and I stopped drinking high sugar fizzy drinks.

    My mum made me balanced meals, which I ate and enjoyed, but something in my mind was telling me it wasn't fair that I suddenly had to deny myself the chocolate, crisps, cake that I'd previously stuffed myself with. Everyone else could eat a chocolate bar if they wanted, why couldnt I?

    Fast forward 9 years, I'm now 24 and my life is a mess. I can't stop thinking about food. I hate myself for not being controlled in what I eat. When I get home from work, I'll cook myself a huge dinner and follow it up with crisps, chocolate bars and cake. If Im home alone, I'll vomit it all up, if my housemates are home I keep it down and spend the night hating myself and feeling like a fat loser. As you can imagine, this plays havoc with my diabetes, Im forever having hypoglycaemic attacks where my blood sugars dip too low because Ive thrown up my dinner, or my blood sugars are too high because I cant be sick incase someone hears me, so all the junk food stays in my system.

    I have a really lovely boyfriend who doesnt know any of this, which makes me feel like a liar and a bad girlfriend. We've been together 7 months and I feel more anxious than ever because I dont want him to find my body disgusting, or think I'm fat, so Im compelled to binge and purge as much as I can so I dont put weight on and turn him off.

    I also think I might have OCD, Im constantly scratching and nipping my fingers and hands, and when people are talking, I count the letters of each word they say using my fingers, and cant stand it when it doesnt add up to multiples of 5 or 10, because then I have "odd" fingers left. So "hello there" is fine because it uses 2 hands (eg 10 fingers), but "go away" would stress me out because it's 1 hand and 1 finger, with 4 fingers left (Im fully aware this probably doesnt make sense AT ALL).

    I know this is going to kill me, diabetics have to be so careful with what they eat and it must seem like I dont give a ****. Its not that I dont care, its just Im completely out of control and I dont know what to do. All I think about is food, 24/7, all i think about is what Im going to eat next and whether Im going to have the chance to throw up, and where Im going to buy the food, and the calorie contents and how much its going to cost... I get scared when I think about how much longer this is going to go on before it really, really ****s me up but I cant stop.

    Im so sorry for the ramblings, and thankful for any advice anyone could give me.
    • #50
    #50

    Why is it you don't consider yourself bulimic, amy? Thanks for sharing your story but you need help ASAP or you WILL end up in hospital, diabetes is fine when you've got it under control but in your situation it can be life threatening. Please please speak to a doctor.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why is it you don't consider yourself bulimic, amy? Thanks for sharing your story but you need help ASAP or you WILL end up in hospital, diabetes is fine when you've got it under control but in your situation it can be life threatening. Please please speak to a doctor.
    I suppose because I eat breakfast normally, go to work and eat lunch normally, it's just the evenings when I'm alone that I make myself sick if I can. I feel like me during the day is completely different to the person I become after work, it sounds stupid I know but I can keep it all under control when I'm around other people but when I'm left to my own devices I just go crazy. Maybe I'm wrong but I always thought bulimics were constantly binging and purging throughout the day, and that Im just a binge eater. Typing this is making me see that maybe I have a warped sense of this ED..

    A few times I've made appointments to speak to a doctor but I've always cancelled them, I'm so unbelievably ashamed of myself I can't imagine ever telling someone how badly I'm treating my body
    • #50
    #50

    (Original post by amyshamblesxx)
    I suppose because I eat breakfast normally, go to work and eat lunch normally, it's just the evenings when I'm alone that I make myself sick if I can. I feel like me during the day is completely different to the person I become after work, it sounds stupid I know but I can keep it all under control when I'm around other people but when I'm left to my own devices I just go crazy. Maybe I'm wrong but I always thought bulimics were constantly binging and purging throughout the day, and that Im just a binge eater. Typing this is making me see that maybe I have a warped sense of this ED..

    A few times I've made appointments to speak to a doctor but I've always cancelled them, I'm so unbelievably ashamed of myself I can't imagine ever telling someone how badly I'm treating my body
    Nope, I usually eat normal throughout the day or try and keep my food to a minimum because I think I don't deserve it, then come the evening I think I was being silly and I need food...

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    So I eat something unhealthy and either eat until I feel like I'm bursting or just drink litres of water on top of that so it comes out more easily... Especially when I'm stressed or upset. I guess I use it as a form of self harm instead of cutting.


    You neeeed to pluck up the courage for the doctors! The way I see it, at least you don't have to see the specific doctor ever again if you don't want to, they're not your friend, just a stranger. And it doesn't matter what you tell strangers
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    (Original post by amyshamblesxx)
    I was going to go anonymous but everyone else has been brave so I guess I won't.

    I've only read the first few pages of this thread and everyone that posted seemed to be anorexic/bulimic. I don't really know what to class myself as other than a binge eater. I guess I should start at the beginning.

    When I was 13, I developed Type 1 diabetes. Over the course of about 6 months, I began to lose weight, along with constantly feeling thirsty, tired and needing to pee all the time (due to the amount I was drinking). I have always been a secretive and anxious person, so I didn't tell my parents how I felt. I would spend all of my pocket money on fizzy drinks because I was so thirsty all of the time, and hide the 2 litre bottles in my wardrobe, sneaking into my room to drink as much as I could, hoping my thirst would be quenched. Because I was consuming high amounts of sugar from the fizzy drinks (I never bought diet versions), I was actually making the problem much worse. I'm not sure what my weight was before I developed diabetes, but by the time I was 15, I weighed 5st 6 lbs.

    I was ashamed that I was so thin, and didnt understand what was wrong with me. Along with the fizzy drinks, I was constantly forcing myself to eat huge amounts of high calorie food, because I wanted to put weight on, and be normal. I was bullied quite a lot because I was thin, people started rumours that I was anorexic and I was desperate to prove them wrong so I grazed on chocolate, cheese, cake, crisps, anything I could get my hands on.

    Eventually, my blood sugar levels reached an all time high and I collapsed at school and was taken to hospital where I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was put on a recovery programme and was allowed to leave hospital after 4 weeks. I went back to school, my weight increased to 8st and I stopped drinking high sugar fizzy drinks.

    My mum made me balanced meals, which I ate and enjoyed, but something in my mind was telling me it wasn't fair that I suddenly had to deny myself the chocolate, crisps, cake that I'd previously stuffed myself with. Everyone else could eat a chocolate bar if they wanted, why couldnt I?

    Fast forward 9 years, I'm now 24 and my life is a mess. I can't stop thinking about food. I hate myself for not being controlled in what I eat. When I get home from work, I'll cook myself a huge dinner and follow it up with crisps, chocolate bars and cake. If Im home alone, I'll vomit it all up, if my housemates are home I keep it down and spend the night hating myself and feeling like a fat loser. As you can imagine, this plays havoc with my diabetes, Im forever having hypoglycaemic attacks where my blood sugars dip too low because Ive thrown up my dinner, or my blood sugars are too high because I cant be sick incase someone hears me, so all the junk food stays in my system.

    I have a really lovely boyfriend who doesnt know any of this, which makes me feel like a liar and a bad girlfriend. We've been together 7 months and I feel more anxious than ever because I dont want him to find my body disgusting, or think I'm fat, so Im compelled to binge and purge as much as I can so I dont put weight on and turn him off.

    I also think I might have OCD, Im constantly scratching and nipping my fingers and hands, and when people are talking, I count the letters of each word they say using my fingers, and cant stand it when it doesnt add up to multiples of 5 or 10, because then I have "odd" fingers left. So "hello there" is fine because it uses 2 hands (eg 10 fingers), but "go away" would stress me out because it's 1 hand and 1 finger, with 4 fingers left (Im fully aware this probably doesnt make sense AT ALL).

    I know this is going to kill me, diabetics have to be so careful with what they eat and it must seem like I dont give a ****. Its not that I dont care, its just Im completely out of control and I dont know what to do. All I think about is food, 24/7, all i think about is what Im going to eat next and whether Im going to have the chance to throw up, and where Im going to buy the food, and the calorie contents and how much its going to cost... I get scared when I think about how much longer this is going to go on before it really, really ****s me up but I cant stop.

    Im so sorry for the ramblings, and thankful for any advice anyone could give me.
    One of my really good friends in hospital is diabetic and she had bulimia and she was constantly saying how her diabetes made things more difficult to recover from her bulimia, because like you, she wanted sweet things. What I did know was that she had SO many health problems and she was constantly in and out of medical hospitals. I actually still worry about her because she just left one day and didn't return and I don't even know if she's still alive.
    You need to go to a doctor and tell them the truth because seriously, this is so so so scary to READ and it must be so terrifying for you. :hugs:
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    Yesterday I was told by one person that I am wasting away, and called fat by another. As you might imaigne, I responded rather differently to each. When the guy called me fat I wanted to burst into tears wear I was sitting. Of course this is ridiculous because I know he didn't mean it, but it still really really really hurts me.

    I also just want to say how impressed I am by all you brave, brave peole who are working so hard to get better and live your lives better. It is an inspiration.
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    Yesterday I was told by one person that I am wasting away, and called fat by another. As you might imaigne, I responded rather differently to each. When the guy called me fat I wanted to burst into tears wear I was sitting. Of course this is ridiculous because I know he didn't mean it, but it still really really really hurts me.

    I also just want to say how impressed I am by all you brave, brave peole who are working so hard to get better and live your lives better. It is an inspiration.
    hugs. I know how you feel on the being called fat part. According to one of the lads in the chorus for the school play, when I've my kimono and obi on, I look fat. Not impressed.
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    Yesterday I was told by one person that I am wasting away, and called fat by another. As you might imaigne, I responded rather differently to each. When the guy called me fat I wanted to burst into tears wear I was sitting. Of course this is ridiculous because I know he didn't mean it, but it still really really really hurts me.

    I also just want to say how impressed I am by all you brave, brave peole who are working so hard to get better and live your lives better. It is an inspiration.
    Oh stop being silly darling ;]

    When i got upset at things like that I just told myself I was being silly. Strangely silliness makes things seem better, I think it's the way it rolls of the tongue. You know better than other people as to what you need (to eat), fat is a nutrient not a description of a person.

    I remember once me and my friends were sitting around a table, playing a drinking game. I was nearing my lowest weight, and one of them simply turned to me and said;
    "Oh Tom, you're so fat"
    Cut me to the core. Now I feel a lot better about things. They told me later that they were just trying to make a hyperbole about my thinness, and now I know how silly I was at being upset. ED is a bi*ch.
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    Oh stop being silly darling ;]

    When i got upset at things like that I just told myself I was being silly. Strangely silliness makes things seem better, I think it's the way it rolls of the tongue. You know better than other people as to what you need (to eat), fat is a nutrient not a description of a person.

    I remember once me and my friends were sitting around a table, playing a drinking game. I was nearing my lowest weight, and one of them simply turned to me and said;
    "Oh Tom, you're so fat"
    Cut me to the core. Now I feel a lot better about things. They told me later that they were just trying to make a hyperbole about my thinness, and now I know how silly I was at being upset. ED is a bi*ch.
    Thank you for this. Actually sometimes all you need is for someone to say, 'shut up, you're being stupid'.
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    Ok I am wanting advice about my eating habits again which are bad, I notice in the last 2 weeks I am either starving or filling my face the common thread being I only eat whats in front of me i.e if I have not much in fridge I will starve and not feel that hungry however give me a large meal or take away nd I am full after a bite or two but trick myself into saying I need to eat it all so I could have stomach pains but still eat it.

    That and I say I starve all day and eat my daily food late at night.
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    Order your day into 3 meals, 3 snacks.

    Pay attention to the food you are eating, noticing texture in every mouthful.

    When the food stops being pleasurable stop eating. Taste is the forgotten indicator of satiety.

    Oh, and also always have food at hand. You may be doing a thing of hoarding the food when you have it, starving when you don't. Tell your body that food is ALWAYS available.
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    (Original post by amyshamblesxx)
    I suppose because I eat breakfast normally, go to work and eat lunch normally, it's just the evenings when I'm alone that I make myself sick if I can. I feel like me during the day is completely different to the person I become after work, it sounds stupid I know but I can keep it all under control when I'm around other people but when I'm left to my own devices I just go crazy. Maybe I'm wrong but I always thought bulimics were constantly binging and purging throughout the day, and that Im just a binge eater. Typing this is making me see that maybe I have a warped sense of this ED..

    A few times I've made appointments to speak to a doctor but I've always cancelled them, I'm so unbelievably ashamed of myself I can't imagine ever telling someone how badly I'm treating my body
    It's possible that you're taking up all your efforts on controlling yourself and keeping up appearances for others in the day to a point where in the evening you're dying to let it out, and it's just coming out at this extreme. You don't have to pretend to anyone that things are okay, that only gives an ED further room to grow and develop. It thrives on secrecy. And in any case, it doesn't really matter whether you fit into the bulimia or binge eater category. At the end of the day, these are arbitary labels designed primarily to aid the medical and mental professionals in a plan for your treatment and recovery. Right now, all that matters is you're a person and you're in great pain, both physically and emotionally. I think that's enough to warrant some help.
    In a usual scenario I'd suggest some layman, probably inappropriate tips on coping with emotional eating and alternative activities, but considering your diabetes here I'm just gonna have to say please, please go see the doctor. You've nothing to be ashamed of.
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    I know this might be a daft Q, but do people know if you have to insert information about eating disorders in a personal statement for UCAS? I'm applying to do Nutrition and Food Consumer Science in Reading, and I'm not certain if ;
    a) I should mention it in disabilities (It listed depression as a disability so...)
    b) I should mention it in my personal statement (Probably shouldn't. "I grew a great passion for nutrition when I developed an eating disorder and began wondering if carrots would make me fat...")(ON THE OTHER HAND I COULD say it made me appreciate the importance of nutrition more whilst RECOVERING from this eating disorder...)
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    I know this might be a daft Q, but do people know if you have to insert information about eating disorders in a personal statement for UCAS? I'm applying to do Nutrition and Food Consumer Science in Reading, and I'm not certain if ;
    a) I should mention it in disabilities (It listed depression as a disability so...)
    b) I should mention it in my personal statement (Probably shouldn't. "I grew a great passion for nutrition when I developed an eating disorder and began wondering if carrots would make me fat...")(ON THE OTHER HAND I COULD say it made me appreciate the importance of nutrition more whilst RECOVERING from this eating disorder...)
    I'm not sure about the degree you are talking about, but when I was researching dietetics degrees a few years ago I seem to remember reading that if you have been treated for an ED (not sure if it meant in-patient or just psych care) then you would not be allowed to do the course.

    I'd probably mention it in the disabilities section, but as you've said, put in somewhere else that you are in the process of recovery.
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    A little scared, guys. I've been fine for a while but lately I've started getting really dizzy and lightheaded, as well as having a fairly low pulse and being pretty cold. Today I've had it the worst yet-was a bit confused before lunch but now, after a tuna jacket with heaps of veggies and salad, my head's throbbing and I didn't even slightly warm up climbing the hill home.


    Could just be the weather as I know I suffer anxiety badly too, but supposing it is low blood pressure again; how dangerous is it? And if it is, can I remedy it by adding sodium via table salt? I haven't added salt to meals except something like Christmas dinner for 2 years, but starting to feel it's necessary...
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    I've been so disgusted with not just pro-ana, but anorexia anything lately. I'm just so over the all-consuming consumer's disease being in my life.
 
 
 
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