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Really need help, just found out that I'm pregnant. watch

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    Please keep anon, I've just signed up but I have friends and family who use TSR.

    I'm seventeen years old, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and every time we've slept together, we've used protection, but it broke once, and I couldn't get an emergency contraceptive pill because of how far away I live from the nearest town, so we basically just hoped for the best. I've just skipped the first time of the month, so I started getting nervous and decided to do a test. It's come back positive, I'm pregnant, and the only time the protection broke was six weeks ago, so I can only assume that I'm six weeks gone.

    I now have no idea what to do; who to contact and how to tell my boyfriend and family and friends. I think they'll be supportive but I'm scared, I'm talking to my boyfriend online at the moment and I want to tell him, but I'm scared, and I want to do it over the phone or face to face rather than online. Abortion isn't an option - I always told myself and others that if I got pregnant at this age, I'd have an abortion, but I can't bring myself to see it as an option anymore.

    I'd appreciate any help or advice right now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon, I've just signed up but I have friends and family who use TSR.

    I'm seventeen years old, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and every time we've slept together, we've used protection, but it broke once, and I couldn't get an emergency contraceptive pill because of how far away I live from the nearest town, so we basically just hoped for the best. I've just skipped the first time of the month, so I started getting nervous and decided to do a test. It's come back positive, I'm pregnant, and the only time the protection broke was six weeks ago, so I can only assume that I'm six weeks gone.

    I now have no idea what to do; who to contact and how to tell my boyfriend and family and friends. I think they'll be supportive but I'm scared, I'm talking to my boyfriend online at the moment and I want to tell him, but I'm scared, and I want to do it over the phone or face to face rather than online. Abortion isn't an option - I always told myself and others that if I got pregnant at this age, I'd have an abortion, but I can't bring myself to see it as an option anymore.

    I'd appreciate any help or advice right now.
    It obviously depends on your relationship with your parents, but I'd say tell them what's happening. With regard your boyfriend, he obviously also needs to know and it also depends on how close you feel to him. If you told him first, you could tell your family together with a plan. You say you don't want an abortion, but does this mean you want to keep the baby? Or have you considered adoption..?

    I really feel for you, as it sounds like you were just plain unlucky really.
    • #2
    #2

    Hi, I became pregnant at 16 with my long term boyfriend and like you, I felt like abortion was an option. However my long term goal included going to university, and therefore I ended up having the abortion. In the long run it took a lot to cope with the experience but if you have any questions feel free to ask! x
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    Although you feel abortion is not an option do you feel you would be able to cope with having a baby at 17? Perhaps it would be a good idea to look at some websites designed for young mothers if you want some support from girls who've experiened the same thing and then decide if motherhood is something you deffo want.

    I don't think this is something to tell your boyfriend online, meet him face to face and tell him, then you could tell your parents and family. Do you know how your boyfriend might react? If he's the same age as you he may not want to commit to raising a child and you have to think if you could handle being a single parent.

    I know it's hard to contemplate but are you 100% abortion or adoption is out of the question? Having a baby is a huge decision and will completely alter your life.
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    Tell your boyfriend before anyone else. If he knew about the broken condom he must have known this may happen. Discuss it with him about what to do because you shouldn't be alone in this.
    • #1
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    (Original post by pinstriped.flower)
    It obviously depends on your relationship with your parents, but I'd say tell them what's happening. With regard your boyfriend, he obviously also needs to know and it also depends on how close you feel to him. If you told him first, you could tell your family together with a plan. You say you don't want an abortion, but does this mean you want to keep the baby? Or have you considered adoption..?

    I really feel for you, as it sounds like you were just plain unlucky really.
    I have a fairly good relationship with my parents. I've called my boyfriend and eventually managed to tell him, he's shocked and he said he's always here for me and that we can talk properly tomorrow when we're both more awake, but he would like us to keep it. I don't really know how I feel at the moment. Part of me feels like I need to take responsibility for it and raise it, and yet the other part of me feels like I'm only 17, there's so many things I want to do. I'm really struggling to even think of it as a baby right now, just something that's causing me to be sick a lot. Thanks for the advice.
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    It's a ball of cells with potential for life, not a human. Personally, I don't believe life begins at conception. If you don't have the resources to give a child the absolute best life you can, then in my own and personal opinion I would advise you to consider an abortion. Of course, it's a big decision and absolutely your own, but I've never been one to water down my opinions.
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    Try the The Parent Room.
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    Abortion.
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    Last summer I thought I was pregnant when I was thousands of miles away from home... In China. It was the most terrifying experience i've ever been through. Although I wasn't pregnant, I had to consider all the options available, and came to the conclusion that I had to have an abortion. I'm 21, and even though there are lots of people my age who are parents, but I had to put myself first. If an education and a career is what you want, there's plenty of time for it, I guess you just have to consider whether you'll have adequate support raising a child at your age, and most importantly, whether you'd be happy with your choice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how are you planning to fund this baby huh ??? you going to rely on taxpayers and hard working people's money ??
    I cannot believe how rediculously unconstructive this is. I can see why you went Anon.

    OP - abortion may not seem like an option right now, but you really do need to think long term here: if you want to go to Uni, or even start working full time, your progression and the options open to you will be hindered by a baby. This also applies to your fella too.

    I know it will depend on when you believe life begins, personally, its not at conception. If i was in your boyfriends position (i cant really say yours now, can i?) I'd probably want you to have an abortion, though i would respect the decision not to if you didnt.

    Stay Pregnant: Give up your youth and the experiences that go along with it.
    Abort: Keep your youth, but potentially deal with the moral and emotional consequences you might give yourself.

    Clearly its not THAT black and white.

    TLDR: Think long term. How do you want your next 20 years to go?
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    Abort.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a fairly good relationship with my parents. I've called my boyfriend and eventually managed to tell him, he's shocked and he said he's always here for me and that we can talk properly tomorrow when we're both more awake, but he would like us to keep it. I don't really know how I feel at the moment. Part of me feels like I need to take responsibility for it and raise it, and yet the other part of me feels like I'm only 17, there's so many things I want to do. I'm really struggling to even think of it as a baby right now, just something that's causing me to be sick a lot. Thanks for the advice.
    i know someone has already metioned this but i think maybe you should consider adoption. If you do not want an abortion but feel you are t young then why not consider an open adoption. that way you would still see the child and know it but you have passed the raising responsibilty to someone who cannot have childern but is want one and is in the right position to
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    /Why is everyone jumping straight to abortion? Seriously. Op, you should consider adoption as an option. Personally, I would talk to your bf and your family. They are the people that know you best and at the end of the day, they are going to know you a lot better than anyone on here, and will know what's best for you.
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    The amount of people on TSR that tell people who DO NOT WANT ABORTIONS to get one is quite ludicrous tbh. If it were the other way round, and the girl was saying she wanted an abortion, and people came on and said "don't get an abortion", there'd be an uproar, and all the pro-choicers would be saying "how dare you say that to her? She's made her mind up that she wants an abortion. It's her decision, women's rights....blah blah blah".

    OP, please ignore people that cannot respect your decision. If you don't want an abortion, don't get one. I was 21 when I had my first baby, so yes, older than you, but still young enough to be scared! I didn't (and still don't) believe in abortions. I don't regret having my kids for one minute. If people had tried to persuade me to have an abortion, and i'd have listened to them (not that I would have, but you never know, it's a hypothetical), I wouldn't have my beautiful intelligent daughter now.

    I get that people need to make their own decisions as to what is right for them, but you've already stated that you don't want an abortion, so stay true to what you feel is right for you.

    There is always a way of working these things out. You may need to put your studies on hold for a little while, sure, it's possible, but you can always go back to them later. It's not the end of the world. If you have a long term partner, that's even better, that's support for you. Your parents.... I realise it will be difficult telling them, but you're their daughter, they love you, they will probably need to get their heads around it a bit but if it were my daughter, I'd support her no matter what.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy, and good luck with everything. If you want to talk to other parents / pregnant students, come and find us in the Pregnancy and Parenting Society on TSR (look in society chat list)
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    well it also depends what you consider a baby, it has a heartbeat at 6 weeks, prior to that its cells forming a zygote which has the potential to be a baby so i don't see it as entirely the same

    what were your plans for the future? were you ambitious (you still can be) but um...

    you from a chavvy background? cos england doesn't need anymore chav babies, but if you aren't just DON'T THINK SHORT TERM as you were doing when you got knocked up cos babies don't stay small forever, it's a life that will grooow- if it shall then please instill some values into her/him so mistakes aren't repeated and they achieve more than you

    and as annoying as americans are, watch Juno for inspiration
    she couldn't really comprehend being a mother either so settled for adoption which i think is probably harder to live with than abortion which is more of a rewind, but adoption means your child may one day come back to look for you etc. lots or repercussions to whatever you do

    all the best
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    What nobody has thought about here is the potential child! Or indeed the father of the child, or the OP's family.

    Think about it- Would you want a Mum who had you at 17 unplanned and not wanted? Not old enough to take responsibility? Likely living off benefits?

    Would you want your daughter/sister to come to you at 17 and tell you she's having a baby?

    Remember a 17-year-old is still a CHILD and has a lot of maturing still to do.
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    That's life, and abortion is murder.


    It's up to you.
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    (Original post by tite23)
    That's life, and abortion is murder.


    It's up to you.
    This is a totally irresponsible comment. Notwithstanding the fact that you are legally wrong, this is your own moral view (one that I am not debating and you are perfectly entitled to hold), and not something that you should impose on others. It does not help the OP with her situation in any way.

    From my perspective, I have always held the view that should that situation have ever happened to my girlfriend I would support them in whatever decision she made, which, it sounds from earlier posts, is what the OP's boyfriend intends to do. Fortunately I have not been in that position, however, unless you practice abstinence, it could happen to anybody. Imposing your moral values on others is not constructive in any way.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I now have no idea what to do; who to contact and how to tell my boyfriend and family and friends.

    I'd appreciate any help or advice right now.
    I am really glad...your BF is supporting you in this. BUT, if he is below 20 yrs old and not earning above 20,000 pounds/year, you should Abort! Please think logically, it will make sense to you! I wish you the best!
 
 
 
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