Really need help, just found out that I'm pregnant.
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Original post by Anonymous
I am really glad...your BF is supporting you in this. BUT, if he is below 20 yrs old and not earning above 20,000 pounds/year, you should Abort! Please think logically, it will make sense to you! I wish you the best!
You do realize that there are plenty of families across Britain that get by on LESS than £20k per annum of household income?
Seriously consider an abortion as an option.
Original post by Anonymous
I am really glad...your BF is supporting you in this. BUT, if he is below 20 yrs old and not earning above 20,000 pounds/year, you should Abort! Please think logically, it will make sense to you! I wish you the best!
she hasnt told her boyfriend yet so hes not supporting her in anything yet
OP i suggest you talk to your parents first and get thier reaction. I dont know your parents or how they going to react. As for your boyfriend i wouldnt make any long term plans, there is not many 17 seventeen who hear the word pregnant and dont run for the hills
Original post by Anonymous
how are you planning to fund this baby huh ??? you going to rely on taxpayers and hard working people's money ??
Oh **** I gave you positive rep, sorry it was meant to be negative.
Benefits and help are there for those who need it, get over it. And I'm pretty certain that being a mother would be 'hard work'- you just don't get paid.
Original post by Anonymous
Please keep anon, I've just signed up but I have friends and family who use TSR.
I'm seventeen years old, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and every time we've slept together, we've used protection, but it broke once, and I couldn't get an emergency contraceptive pill because of how far away I live from the nearest town, so we basically just hoped for the best. I've just skipped the first time of the month, so I started getting nervous and decided to do a test. It's come back positive, I'm pregnant, and the only time the protection broke was six weeks ago, so I can only assume that I'm six weeks gone.
I now have no idea what to do; who to contact and how to tell my boyfriend and family and friends. I think they'll be supportive but I'm scared, I'm talking to my boyfriend online at the moment and I want to tell him, but I'm scared, and I want to do it over the phone or face to face rather than online. Abortion isn't an option - I always told myself and others that if I got pregnant at this age, I'd have an abortion, but I can't bring myself to see it as an option anymore.
I'd appreciate any help or advice right now.
I'm seventeen years old, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and every time we've slept together, we've used protection, but it broke once, and I couldn't get an emergency contraceptive pill because of how far away I live from the nearest town, so we basically just hoped for the best. I've just skipped the first time of the month, so I started getting nervous and decided to do a test. It's come back positive, I'm pregnant, and the only time the protection broke was six weeks ago, so I can only assume that I'm six weeks gone.
I now have no idea what to do; who to contact and how to tell my boyfriend and family and friends. I think they'll be supportive but I'm scared, I'm talking to my boyfriend online at the moment and I want to tell him, but I'm scared, and I want to do it over the phone or face to face rather than online. Abortion isn't an option - I always told myself and others that if I got pregnant at this age, I'd have an abortion, but I can't bring myself to see it as an option anymore.
I'd appreciate any help or advice right now.
Ok, I know how hard all this is - I'm 21 and found out I was pregnant in february. I'm not having an abortion.
Basically, you need to make an appointment with your doctor ASAP, they'll test to confirm you're pregnant and will set you up with everything you need from here on, such as a midwife and your first scan. They'll also be able to offer you a lot of advice on looking after yourself from here on - you'll be given a 'Bounty' pack, which has a lot of very useful information on what not to eat, exercises to do, symptoms to expect, what appointments you'll have through your pregnancy and what they'll involve and so on and so forth. Try to get an appointment for today if you can.
You're officially more like 8 weeks gone, as you'll be dated from the first day of your last period, not from the date that you had sex.
As for telling your boyfriend, you really need to just do it. Just come out and tell him, explain how you feel about it and that you need his support in this.
You need to do the same with your parents - if you think one parent will take it better, talk to them first and then talk to the other. Whatever happens, do not hide it from them, and don't wait longer to tell them - if you're planning on keeping it, they'll find out anyway and probably be more upset that you couldn't/didn't want to tell them. My parents took my pregnancy in very different ways; my mum can't wait to be a grandma, my dad took a lot longer to come around. He has now, but he was very unhappy about it all to start with and kept telling me to abort it. I'm afraid for parents it is often a very hard thing to come to terms with, but they WILL, and don't forget - their biggest concern is always going to you and your wellbeing and happiness.
I could go on for hours with this, but I won't here. I just really, really ask you to get the above things done ASAP as waiting won't help anything here.
Please PM me if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to.
Don't ruin your boyfriend's life - he probably doesn't want his life ruined by you and a baby. You will ruin your own life as well.
Not to mention you will be a chavvy mother on trains with a pram at just 17.
Not to mention you will be a chavvy mother on trains with a pram at just 17.
To all the people who are saying that she can't have a future with a baby and saying she'll just live on benefits, i'd like to throw in my experience.
My mum and dad were only 18 when they found out they were having me, and thankfully for me they decided against abortion/adoption. My parents worked hard and both completed open university courses, and my mum is now head of english at our local secondary school and my dad teaches at a college. Thankfully my parents had very supportive families who could watch me now and then when my parents had to go for exams/work. We have never lived on benefits, we own our own house and cars, i now have 2 younger siblings and i'm off to uni this year.
If you do decide on keeping this baby then you should try to have the backing of your boyfriend, family and boyfriend's family as they will make it easier on you(but obviously don't lean on them too much). Good luck making your decision, i'm not saying it will be easy but i just wanted you to know that this doesn't mean the end of your life. You and your baby can still have a great future.
My mum and dad were only 18 when they found out they were having me, and thankfully for me they decided against abortion/adoption. My parents worked hard and both completed open university courses, and my mum is now head of english at our local secondary school and my dad teaches at a college. Thankfully my parents had very supportive families who could watch me now and then when my parents had to go for exams/work. We have never lived on benefits, we own our own house and cars, i now have 2 younger siblings and i'm off to uni this year.
If you do decide on keeping this baby then you should try to have the backing of your boyfriend, family and boyfriend's family as they will make it easier on you(but obviously don't lean on them too much). Good luck making your decision, i'm not saying it will be easy but i just wanted you to know that this doesn't mean the end of your life. You and your baby can still have a great future.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by about_my_bow
To all the people who are saying that she can't have a future with a baby and saying she'll just live on benefits, i'd like to throw in my experience.
My mum and dad were only 18 when they found out they were having me, and thankfully for me they decided against abortion/adoption. My parents worked hard and both completed open university courses, and my mum is now head of english at our local secondary school and my dad teaches at a college. Thankfully my parents had very supportive families who could watch me now and then when my parents had to go for exams/work. We have never lived on benefits, we own our own house and cars, i now have 2 younger siblings and i'm off to uni this year.
If you do decide on keeping this baby then you should try to have the backing of your boyfriend, family and boyfriend's family as they will make it easier on you(but obviously don't lean on them too much). Good luck making your decision, i'm not saying it will be easy but i just wanted you to know that this doesn't mean the end of your life. You and your baby can still have a great future.
My mum and dad were only 18 when they found out they were having me, and thankfully for me they decided against abortion/adoption. My parents worked hard and both completed open university courses, and my mum is now head of english at our local secondary school and my dad teaches at a college. Thankfully my parents had very supportive families who could watch me now and then when my parents had to go for exams/work. We have never lived on benefits, we own our own house and cars, i now have 2 younger siblings and i'm off to uni this year.
If you do decide on keeping this baby then you should try to have the backing of your boyfriend, family and boyfriend's family as they will make it easier on you(but obviously don't lean on them too much). Good luck making your decision, i'm not saying it will be easy but i just wanted you to know that this doesn't mean the end of your life. You and your baby can still have a great future.
Yeah, and your parents lived in a decade where my mum could walk down the street and get a well-paid job/internship no problem.
Times have changed dramatically since 20 years ago. :/
Also, not everyone wants to start the whole process of kid watching all over again. My mum would go completely nuts if I asked her to babysit a kid now. She's already dancing with joy at the thought of me and my sister both leaving the house next year. However, the dog is already too much, and I'd love to see her expression if I brought a baby along in the equation.
OP - take everyone into consideration. The baby (what kind of life will you be able to give it?), your boyfriend (is he "the one", do you really think you don't want to know anyone else? Does he himself want this baby?) your parents (because they'll probably be the first you'll ask for help. Do they want to be parents all over again (even if you do take care of the baby, you'll have a lot to cope with, and they'll probably be the ones around the baby day in day out)?), oh and of course, you. What do you want in life? Is this the life you wanted for yourself?
EDIT: I just wanted to add that you have to think of how old your parents are. My dad is over 60, and he is still working a job he hates. He'll do it until me and my sister are done with university, but I wouldn't want to strain him even more by asking for something like this.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Gallabay
I cannot believe how rediculously unconstructive this is. I can see why you went Anon.
OP - abortion may not seem like an option right now, but you really do need to think long term here: if you want to go to Uni, or even start working full time, your progression and the options open to you will be hindered by a baby. This also applies to your fella too.
I know it will depend on when you believe life begins, personally, its not at conception. If i was in your boyfriends position (i cant really say yours now, can i?) I'd probably want you to have an abortion, though i would respect the decision not to if you didnt.
Stay Pregnant: Give up your youth and the experiences that go along with it.
Abort: Keep your youth, but potentially deal with the moral and emotional consequences you might give yourself.
Clearly its not THAT black and white.
TLDR: Think long term. How do you want your next 20 years to go?
OP - abortion may not seem like an option right now, but you really do need to think long term here: if you want to go to Uni, or even start working full time, your progression and the options open to you will be hindered by a baby. This also applies to your fella too.
I know it will depend on when you believe life begins, personally, its not at conception. If i was in your boyfriends position (i cant really say yours now, can i?) I'd probably want you to have an abortion, though i would respect the decision not to if you didnt.
Stay Pregnant: Give up your youth and the experiences that go along with it.
Abort: Keep your youth, but potentially deal with the moral and emotional consequences you might give yourself.
Clearly its not THAT black and white.
TLDR: Think long term. How do you want your next 20 years to go?
Can I ask what you're basing these assumptions on? Don't get me wrong, I am pro abortion but not for the idiotic fact that a child will be a 'nuisance' in your life and is just a mistake that can be erased. She got pregnant, she has to live with it - whether she aborts or not it'll be with her for the rest of her life.
(I really don't mean to sound harsh by the way, I nearly had an abortion when I was about your stage of pregnancy and now I look at my 20 month old little girl and it really upsets me to think about what I could have lost
)Ugh, and I hate these stupid myths about having a baby, how it 'will hinder' you blah blah blah. Load of ****. OP if you want real advice, pm me. I had my daughter when I was 18, got pregnant at 17.
I'm here to talk if you need to know anything x x x
(edited 13 years ago)
Rather than listening to some of the idiots on here, you need to think about what is best for you, your boyfriend and the baby.
Try and think as objectively as you can - if you had a friend in this situation what would you say to them?
At the end of the day it is your decision and your boyfriend's. At six weeks you have time to think carefully, make sure you are as okay with a decision as you can be before going through with whatever path you take.
Try and think as objectively as you can - if you had a friend in this situation what would you say to them?
At the end of the day it is your decision and your boyfriend's. At six weeks you have time to think carefully, make sure you are as okay with a decision as you can be before going through with whatever path you take.
(edited 13 years ago)
personally i feel yes you were unlucky that the condom split but if you felt responsible and old enough to be having sex you should be responsible enough to pay the consequences if something like this happens....
also things happen for a reason?.....
why are you seeing this as unlucky, sure it was unplanned, but sometimes the unplanned/surprise things in life are the best.
you have a whole life ahead of you, and although it may seem like having a baby now will ruin your life, why should it?
personally i would talk to as many people as you can, do your research, consider the options.
dont just run to the abortion clinic.
however, you do need to act swiftly cos the longer you leave it the harder it is to get an abortion....
good luck with the future.
lots of love
also things happen for a reason?.....
why are you seeing this as unlucky, sure it was unplanned, but sometimes the unplanned/surprise things in life are the best.
you have a whole life ahead of you, and although it may seem like having a baby now will ruin your life, why should it?
personally i would talk to as many people as you can, do your research, consider the options.
dont just run to the abortion clinic.
however, you do need to act swiftly cos the longer you leave it the harder it is to get an abortion....
good luck with the future.
lots of love
Forget about the baby for a minute ... write down all the things that you wish to achieve in life. Score them out if they're unlikely, or unrealistic.
Then think about the baby.. cross out all the ones that you couldn't do if you had a baby young.
But have a proper conversation with your boyfriend and parents, discuss all the ways you could go.
But if people say you can't raise a kid and go to uni (if you even want to go!) they're wrong... my aunt managed fine with two kids. And she was a single mum.
However, my parents were 17 when they had me, decided they didn't want me when i was about 4 for my dad, 7 for mum so they just left me with my gran so make sure you actually want this baby.
Then think about the baby.. cross out all the ones that you couldn't do if you had a baby young.
But have a proper conversation with your boyfriend and parents, discuss all the ways you could go.
But if people say you can't raise a kid and go to uni (if you even want to go!) they're wrong... my aunt managed fine with two kids. And she was a single mum.
However, my parents were 17 when they had me, decided they didn't want me when i was about 4 for my dad, 7 for mum so they just left me with my gran so make sure you actually want this baby.
I can only advise you how not to handle this situation through experience.
My 18 year old sister recently got pregnant (she found out when she was 6 weeks gone). She's only been with her bf 5 months, still lives at home and she got pregnant through not bothering to use contraception.
She told my Mum and the entire family about it and told everyone she was 100% adamant she was keeping it. She'd even named it and everything and started looking at clothes. My mum was shocked and disappointed at first but after sleeping on it she dealt with it and got excited for my sister and about being a grandma.
The other day however, she walked into the living room and said 'I'm getting rid of it' and since then everythings been chaos. Once again, my Mum was shocked as she'd allowed herself to get excited about being a Grandma, but she was totally supportive of my sisters decision and helped her get numbers for the doctor to get referred and all that. My sisters gone psycho though and blaming the family for her decision (telling my Mum she's getting an abortion cause she doesn't want to live at home with the baby and have her 'interfering') when the real reason she is getting an abortion is because her and her bf have split up. Its all very complicated and I couldn't possibly explain it properly here, but the jist of it is my sisters is taking no responsibility for her decision and blaming her decisions on everyone else.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is you may be 100% sure right now, but you could change your mind. I'm not saying getting an abortion is the right thing to do either! Its totally up to you. But please just think about your decision BEFORE you tell your family, because I've seen how badly my sisters handled it and how its crushed my Mum and stepdad. Remember if you're living at home, and will be living there still when you have the baby, then you're not the only one in this situation, your parents are too.
My 18 year old sister recently got pregnant (she found out when she was 6 weeks gone). She's only been with her bf 5 months, still lives at home and she got pregnant through not bothering to use contraception.
She told my Mum and the entire family about it and told everyone she was 100% adamant she was keeping it. She'd even named it and everything and started looking at clothes. My mum was shocked and disappointed at first but after sleeping on it she dealt with it and got excited for my sister and about being a grandma.
The other day however, she walked into the living room and said 'I'm getting rid of it' and since then everythings been chaos. Once again, my Mum was shocked as she'd allowed herself to get excited about being a Grandma, but she was totally supportive of my sisters decision and helped her get numbers for the doctor to get referred and all that. My sisters gone psycho though and blaming the family for her decision (telling my Mum she's getting an abortion cause she doesn't want to live at home with the baby and have her 'interfering') when the real reason she is getting an abortion is because her and her bf have split up. Its all very complicated and I couldn't possibly explain it properly here, but the jist of it is my sisters is taking no responsibility for her decision and blaming her decisions on everyone else.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is you may be 100% sure right now, but you could change your mind. I'm not saying getting an abortion is the right thing to do either! Its totally up to you. But please just think about your decision BEFORE you tell your family, because I've seen how badly my sisters handled it and how its crushed my Mum and stepdad. Remember if you're living at home, and will be living there still when you have the baby, then you're not the only one in this situation, your parents are too.
Original post by posietoes
Can I ask what you're basing these assumptions on? Don't get me wrong, I am pro abortion but not for the idiotic fact that a child will be a 'nuisance' in your life and is just a mistake that can be erased. She got pregnant, she has to live with it - whether she aborts or not it'll be with her for the rest of her life.
(I really don't mean to sound harsh by the way, I nearly had an abortion when I was about your stage of pregnancy and now I look at my 20 month old little girl and it really upsets me to think about what I could have lost)
Ugh, and I hate these stupid myths about having a baby, how it 'will hinder' you blah blah blah. Load of ****. OP if you want real advice, pm me. I had my daughter when I was 18, got pregnant at 17.
I'm here to talk if you need to know anything x x x
(I really don't mean to sound harsh by the way, I nearly had an abortion when I was about your stage of pregnancy and now I look at my 20 month old little girl and it really upsets me to think about what I could have lost
)Ugh, and I hate these stupid myths about having a baby, how it 'will hinder' you blah blah blah. Load of ****. OP if you want real advice, pm me. I had my daughter when I was 18, got pregnant at 17.
I'm here to talk if you need to know anything x x x
Thats kinda what i meant about the abortion - it'll be with her for the rest of her life regardless. I wasnt saying it was something that could be erased.
You cant however, honestly tell me that you dont miss out on stuff if you have a child when youre younger? I didnt say you couldnt do all the things that non-mothers do, but you cant seriously be suggesting that a baby doesnt limit options in any way, shape or form? I cant help but think that suggesting that would be rediculously naive.
My point was simply that OP needed to think about the next 20 years of her life, and what she'd like to achieve in them. If being a mother is one of them, which would be admirable for someone so young (i know full well that I couldnt do it, and Im 20), then fine, but if going to University and getting a City job is one of them, then its going to made a hell of a lot harder by having a baby.
Some posts gave me the impression a baby will not hinder you at all which I think is wrong. Sorry.
You may be able to go to Uni or get a good job, but it will change your life. And it will make it difficult for you, no matter how much you love it. It can be really nice to have a child, but there are "disadvantages" too, especially at a young age.
And I'm not saying you should just try to erase it e.g. abortion and then just forget about it. You won't be able to do so, it will stay with you forever, you will not forget this. But you could have children later on. When you are settled (maybe married) have a job etc. etc. It is your decision to make NOW:
You should think everything through. Make a list.
-When do YOU believe life begins? Personally, I don't believe in this conception-thing, but that's up to you.
- What are your plans for the future; would a baby be too much maybe? Working long hours, exam stress, consider everything!
- Talk to your boyfriend. He's with you in this, and it's his responsability, too.
- Do you feel ready? I certainly don't but what about you? Do you think you could raise it?
-Will your parents help you?
- ...
I beg you to consider that even if you BF says now he wants the kid, he could change his mind (not saying he's bad or anything; he is 17(?) and that is very young for becoming a father/parent; most guys would just run, it's good he wants to stay)
Please, before you decide anything, think it through. It is a life-changing decision, no matter how you choose in the end.
I wish you all the best.
You may be able to go to Uni or get a good job, but it will change your life. And it will make it difficult for you, no matter how much you love it. It can be really nice to have a child, but there are "disadvantages" too, especially at a young age.
And I'm not saying you should just try to erase it e.g. abortion and then just forget about it. You won't be able to do so, it will stay with you forever, you will not forget this. But you could have children later on. When you are settled (maybe married) have a job etc. etc. It is your decision to make NOW:
You should think everything through. Make a list.
-When do YOU believe life begins? Personally, I don't believe in this conception-thing, but that's up to you.
- What are your plans for the future; would a baby be too much maybe? Working long hours, exam stress, consider everything!
- Talk to your boyfriend. He's with you in this, and it's his responsability, too.
- Do you feel ready? I certainly don't but what about you? Do you think you could raise it?
-Will your parents help you?
- ...
I beg you to consider that even if you BF says now he wants the kid, he could change his mind (not saying he's bad or anything; he is 17(?) and that is very young for becoming a father/parent; most guys would just run, it's good he wants to stay)
Please, before you decide anything, think it through. It is a life-changing decision, no matter how you choose in the end.
I wish you all the best.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Arcanine
Kiss your life goodbye.
Not helpful, really. Having a baby does not mean the end of the world and kissing your life goodbye, it just means that life changes. Is 'having a life' restricted to activities only possible when you don't have a child to look after? I don't think so. I think life is what you make it.
Just to wish you the best of luck with everything, whatever you choose! 
It must be such a tough decision, and not one I envy at all. I don't really have any good advice, I'm afraid, but I think that's because I don't see a 'right' choice and a 'wrong' choice here. Obviously they both will lead to very different lives, but I hope that whichever you choose is a happy life for you and those close to you!
It must be such a tough decision, and not one I envy at all. I don't really have any good advice, I'm afraid, but I think that's because I don't see a 'right' choice and a 'wrong' choice here. Obviously they both will lead to very different lives, but I hope that whichever you choose is a happy life for you and those close to you!Quick Reply
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