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Really need help, just found out that I'm pregnant. Watch

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    It's just amazing how many condoms seem to "break". Yet you can blow them up to a size in excess of a person's head and they don't...very odd that!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon, I've just signed up but I have friends and family who use TSR.

    I'm seventeen years old, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and every time we've slept together, we've used protection, but it broke once, and I couldn't get an emergency contraceptive pill because of how far away I live from the nearest town, so we basically just hoped for the best. I've just skipped the first time of the month, so I started getting nervous and decided to do a test. It's come back positive, I'm pregnant, and the only time the protection broke was six weeks ago, so I can only assume that I'm six weeks gone.

    I now have no idea what to do; who to contact and how to tell my boyfriend and family and friends. I think they'll be supportive but I'm scared, I'm talking to my boyfriend online at the moment and I want to tell him, but I'm scared, and I want to do it over the phone or face to face rather than online. Abortion isn't an option - I always told myself and others that if I got pregnant at this age, I'd have an abortion, but I can't bring myself to see it as an option anymore.

    I'd appreciate any help or advice right now.
    Don't be such a selfish person, abort it. That's right "it", a thing and its your property. Because the definition of owning property is having the total power to destroy it should you wish.

    If you were to have it, then it would be for your selfish desires. You're 17, clearly ill equipped to bring up a child, financially, physically and emotionally. You won't get to go to university and carve a career path for youself. Instead you'll drop out of the education system and the workforce, becoming a single mother sponging off the state system and tax payers. Your child is likely to deprived, malnourished, have behavioural problems due to a broken family, chronic underachievement at school and will again waste more tax payers money.

    It's much better to have a child when the mother is married to a middle class or upper class man with a good salary and profession to take care of her and the family.

    Your boyfriend is likely to run a mile, he will forever resent you for ruining his life, he doesn't want to think about changing nappies when he's in uni, out pulling hawt blondes in clubs and getting plastered. And he will most definitely despise you for taking the choice of having a child away from him.

    Don't be surprised if he never talks to you again and you'll have to chase him to the ends of the Earth for child benefit.
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    (Original post by Le Récamier)
    Yeah, and your parents lived in a decade where my mum could walk down the street and get a well-paid job/internship no problem.
    Times have changed dramatically since 20 years ago. :/
    Also, not everyone wants to start the whole process of kid watching all over again. My mum would go completely nuts if I asked her to babysit a kid now. She's already dancing with joy at the thought of me and my sister both leaving the house next year. However, the dog is already too much, and I'd love to see her expression if I brought a baby along in the equation.
    Believe me i appriciate that times are different now and i realise it wouldn't be easy. I simply wanted to shop the OP that if she does decide to keep her baby, it doesn't have to be the chavvy, living benefits, council flat lifestyle that everybody imagines.
    • #7
    #7

    just want to give you a big hug!!been through the exact same thing as you and I was so torn about what to do. my advice would be to tell your mum. as terrifying as it might seem she won't kick your arse and I was
    so pleased I told mine felt like a huge weight had been lifted and even though my boyfriend was always there for me it felt better having someone who wasn't directly involved (it was his baby etc).
    whilst abortion doesn't seem like an option now it might be for the best. for example,do you work?because if not it'll be hard for you to support your baby etc. have a big think before you make a decision though. not wanting to sound patronising but right now you probably won't realise how much it's going to affect you.
    but yeah. your first step should be to tell someone you trust like your mum or sister?important to have someone there
    also you mentioned you lived far from the nearest town,you'll need someone to drive you back if you go through with it. and I ended up in hospital so it's probably best your mum knows
    good luck whatever you do
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    Oh man, I'm sorry op. Well you were going to have kids at some point in your life i'm sure so what the hell, let me be the first to say congratulations! :borat:
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    I really hope that some of the people on this thread don't get into their nice non-chavvy middle to upper class lifestyles with a nice job, a partner and kids and then lose their jobs or have the marriage break-up and have to cope with the kids alone. Hell, I hope they're lucky enough even not to have babyfaces so that when they're handling their kids at whatever respectable age they decide to have them at they're not being looked at as "the chavvy 17 year old with kids on the train".

    Newsflash: You can't ensure you never have to rely on benefits or that you won't have to handle kids alone. Not if you have a nice job, not if you start off middle or upper class, not if you're married, not if you're thirty. There is no guarantee. Not at any point. You might have an awesomely comfortable life planned out for yourself and then it goes wrong and, whoops, people are calling you dolescum. If "oh noes, I might look like a chav!" matters enough to you that you would give up a kid you might otherwise keep you have larger problems than anyone can help you with.

    OP, the reverse of this is that people can work their way back up. No matter what happens, they can survive. Yes, it will be difficult at times but no matter what happens, whether your family can help you, whether your boyfriend will, there are structures and solutions in place to support you. Please do take advantage of them. Yes, it will mean life changing, but that doesn't mean life ending. Good luck to you.
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    (Original post by The-Real-One)
    Don't be such a selfish person, abort it. That's right "it", a thing and its your property. Because the definition of owning property is having the total power to destroy it should you wish.
    Anybody can have the total power to destroy something should they so desire. Are you saying that because my parents are my guardians, they can destroy me? What selfish people for keeping me alive! Abort me! ABORT ME! This is devoid of compassion for what anon is going through, she may not think it's an 'it'. If it was an 'it', this wouldn't be an issue.

    If you were to have it, then it would be for your selfish desires. You're 17, clearly ill equipped to bring up a child, financially, physically and emotionally. You won't get to go to university and carve a career path for youself. Instead you'll drop out of the education system and the workforce, becoming a single mother sponging off the state system and tax payers. Your child is likely to deprived, malnourished, have behavioural problems due to a broken family, chronic underachievement at school and will again waste more tax payers money.
    You don't know about her financial situation. How do you know she's 'clearly ill equipped' ? Many people have children and go on to go to university - what world are you living in? This is all ridiculous.

    It's much better to have a child when the mother is married to a middle class or upper class man with a good salary and profession to take care of her and the family.
    No, no, no.

    Your boyfriend is likely to run a mile, he will forever resent you for ruining his life, he doesn't want to think about changing nappies when he's in uni, out pulling hawt blondes in clubs and getting plastered. And he will most definitely despise you for taking the choice of having a child away from him.

    Don't be surprised if he never talks to you again and you'll have to chase him to the ends of the Earth for child benefit.
    If you're not trolling then I think I'm going to go be sick somewhere. Preferably into your own mouth, at least it would shut you up for a bit.
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    (Original post by pinstriped.flower)
    just plain unlucky really.
    Not really, she could of gotten the morning after pill but didn't simply because the nearest town was just to dang far away. They work in the first 72 hours (i think) surely she doesn't live 72 hours away from a decent chemist.
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    (Original post by Lizbut)
    If you're not trolling then I think I'm going to go be sick somewhere. Preferably into your own mouth, at least it would shut you up for a bit.
    Well lets think this through shall we?

    Yes your parents do own you, but you're being voluntarily owned when you realise that running away isn't going to benefit you as much as staying. Why would they have you, then keep you alive if it brought them no pleasure? So of course they're doing it for themselves, afterall they could kick you out and you could be taken into care.

    If you smash your computer into bits, you're not going to be done for murder are you? Similarly lets say a pregnant mother kills herself with the absolute intention of killing the thing inside her, she would NOT be thought of as committing murder. A foetus is like a wart really, if you die, the wart dies.

    Check it sister, I really am not that empathetic.

    Oh sure some people have children and go to uni, but their experience is inevitably ruined. You want to go uni in your sexual peak, then you go out hunting and getting plastered in clubs. A single mother is frankly a has-been when it comes to being attractive to men. Child + Uni = Killjoy

    Of course it is much better when the woman is married to a professional man with a good salary and class, don't tell me now that you'd be rather married to a chain smoking window cleaner and living in poverty? Instead of a man who can provide you with nice middle class or upper class thing like fine wine, foreign holidays, maybe a pony for the child, private education etc etc.
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    (Original post by 0pt1m1st)
    This is a totally irresponsible comment. Notwithstanding the fact that you are legally wrong, this is your own moral view (one that I am not debating and you are perfectly entitled to hold), and not something that you should impose on others. It does not help the OP with her situation in any way.

    From my perspective, I have always held the view that should that situation have ever happened to my girlfriend I would support them in whatever decision she made, which, it sounds from earlier posts, is what the OP's boyfriend intends to do. Fortunately I have not been in that position, however, unless you practice abstinence, it could happen to anybody. Imposing your moral values on others is not constructive in any way.
    How was I imposing my views any more than all the other people saying "get the abortion"? All I said that killing life is murder, and that it's up to the OP. I wouldn't condemn her or even think less of her if she got the abortion, because I'm not in her shoes and she is, after all, very young. All I did was express a different view among the hordes of people pressuring her to get the abortion. I'd think that would help her, rather than yet another voice clamoring to convince her to do what they would do. No harm intended.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for all the replies. Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you all, it's been an odd day. I couldn't face college, my boyfriend came to my house this afternoon and we sat down and spoke about it. He just seems shocked, I'm scared about what's going to happen when it finally sinks in for him. It's only really sunk in for me this morning, I spent two hours crying.

    I can't have an abortion, I just couldn't face it - I appreciate that many of you feel I will be a drain on society if I don't have an abortion, I just don't think I can. I'm not religious, and I'm pro-choice, but I can't do it. I'm going to discuss adoption with my boyfriend when he's gotten over the initial shock, I feel selfish for thinking it but there is so much I want to do, and I'm scared that a baby would ruin our relationship. I haven't told my parents yet, I might do it tomorrow but I don't know if it would be wiser to have my boyfriend there when I tell them or not.

    My parent's are fairly well-off, not amazingly so but comfortable, and I and my boyfriend both work part time. Whether our relationship will survive to provide for it if we go through with it and decide to raise it ourselves I don't know.
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    (Original post by The-Real-One)
    Oh sure some people have children and go to uni, but their experience is inevitably ruined. You want to go uni in your sexual peak, then you go out hunting and getting plastered in clubs. A single mother is frankly a has-been when it comes to being attractive to men. Child + Uni = Killjoy
    Wow. And here I was told that uni was all about learning all the things. Clearly it's actually a high class knocking shop. Boy, did I get the prospectus wrong.

    (Original post by The-Real-One)
    Of course it is much better when the woman is married to a professional man with a good salary and class, don't tell me now that you'd be rather married to a chain smoking window cleaner and living in poverty? Instead of a man who can provide you with nice middle class or upper class thing like fine wine, foreign holidays, maybe a pony for the child, private education etc etc.
    *reads*

    *reads again*

    It seems terribly important to you to have a guy who can provide wine, holidays and ponies and... not so important to have a guy who loves you? Or the kid for that matter. Or who is nice to you. Or who will listen when you tell him the childcare all day is driving you mad, and helps work out a schedule which allows you both to work, even if it means you have less money.

    Those things? Important. And if you find them, there is nothing outside the two of you that can take them away. The other things? Can be lost by redundancy, by recession, by a bad day at the office. Set up a relationship looking for them and good luck in it lasting.

    Besides, I might have grown up in poverty *shockhorror* but I still managed enough ambition to pay for my OWN holidays, wine and ponies. Judging by the job offer I have to take up at the end of this academic year, going to university late hasn't harmed my ability to do that (and won't necessarily harm the OP's ability either - yes, I know she'll be studying with a kid. I did my first two years while working fulltime and I'm on track for a First. Those of us who want it MAKE time) and getting married in August hasn't induced any lingering urges to lie back and let him do it all for me.

    Because, you know what? You depend on a guy to provide your little luxuries and nothing else and if you lose that guy you're dropped from a great height. Into *gasp* POVERTY. And you can't abort the seven year old and three year old you brought along with you so suddenly you're no better than the rest of us.
 
 
 
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