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Was I too harsh...? watch

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    My two best friends started dating. The girl of the two a few months ago only just found out he has depression and anxiety issues and also that he is one of those people that dont even try to help themselves (which makes it worse for themself and everyone)- i know this because he admitted he couldnt be bothered to help himself to me (i'm not just being harsh)

    So basically he makes her either miserable (mostly) or completely smitten. Every conversation i have with her begins with OMG *insert his name* and its either really depressing or sickeningly too much information and after about half a year of it i sort of dread the conversations - harsh i know but it's tiring because she doesnt know when to stop and uses guilt trips to make you give up all your time to make her feel better even if you have your own problems/things to deal with - it's very one-way.

    Recently it was my birthday and the girl started a conversation with me asking how it was then immediately started to talk about *insert his name*.... sooo i interrupted and started talking over the top about how great my boyfriend was on my birthday because i knew she was looking for a few hours of misery as she always opens the conversation the same way so i an tell... She lasted less than fifteen minutes and made an excuse to leave which is funny because i usually spend a few hours a day listening to her either moan or sing about this guy and i know she had a few hours free because she usually messages me at about 10pm and finishes talking at about 2am..... was i too harsh? should i not have done that? it's just it's hard to deal with a few hours a day of either misery or sickliness i just couldnt do it tonight...... i didnt expect her to stay but dont you think it's a bit selfish that i listen to her whine for hours each day and the moment someone starts talking about themselves she doesnt want to talk any more...?
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    Too harsh.
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    Yes, I also farted on my other best friend before telling her to go. It smelled of egg.

    Was I too harsh?
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    (Original post by Coke Or Pepsi)
    Too harsh.
    you just write some bull**** withou t even reaidng
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    (Original post by the_13th)
    you just write some bull**** withou t even reaidng
    I read it.
    I answered the OP's question.
    It was too harsh.
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    You say harsh too much.
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    A bit harsh... Talk to her about this all and try to help her through it. If she doesn't want to help herself then ignore her for a bit.

    Btw, happy belated birthday OP!
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    (Original post by Coke Or Pepsi)
    I read it.
    I answered the OP's question.
    It was too harsh.
    I'll still negrep you ya skank
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    (Original post by the_13th)
    I'll still negrep you ya skank
    Looool. Thanks <3. Love you too. I'd + rep you but I've reached my daily limits.
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    I don't think it's harsh.

    I think your friend needs to realise she's not the only one that has things to talk about.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My two best friends started dating. The girl of the two a few months ago only just found out he has depression and anxiety issues and also that he is one of those people that dont even try to help themselves (which makes it worse for themself and everyone)- i know this because he admitted he couldnt be bothered to help himself to me (i'm not just being harsh)

    So basically he makes her either miserable (mostly) or completely smitten. Every conversation i have with her begins with OMG *insert his name* and its either really depressing or sickeningly too much information and after about half a year of it i sort of dread the conversations - harsh i know but it's tiring because she doesnt know when to stop and uses guilt trips to make you give up all your time to make her feel better even if you have your own problems/things to deal with - it's very one-way.

    Recently it was my birthday and the girl started a conversation with me asking how it was then immediately started to talk about *insert his name*.... sooo i interrupted and started talking over the top about how great my boyfriend was on my birthday because i knew she was looking for a few hours of misery as she always opens the conversation the same way so i an tell... She lasted less than fifteen minutes and made an excuse to leave which is funny because i usually spend a few hours a day listening to her either moan or sing about this guy and i know she had a few hours free because she usually messages me at about 10pm and finishes talking at about 2am..... was i too harsh? should i not have done that? it's just it's hard to deal with a few hours a day of either misery or sickliness i just couldnt do it tonight...... i didnt expect her to stay but dont you think it's a bit selfish that i listen to her whine for hours each day and the moment someone starts talking about themselves she doesnt want to talk any more...?
    Not too harsh on her, you can't always be her shoulder to cry on, a friendship needs to go both ways.

    However, you are being too harsh on him. Depression really takes the drive out of you, life is literally hopeless and cannot get better. I don't think it's possible to understand if you haven't been there. I'm afraid it's utterly impossible to self-help your way out of it, almost completely impossible to ask for help, even when you've had it before.

    Someone needs to make him get help. That's the necessary first step. Now that may be his girlfriend, if she's up to it, but if she's too hurt by it all and you care enough about them, that can also be you. She/You will need to make him go see his GP for a diagnosis and treatment, you may even have to go down there with him. The doctor can prescribe antidepressants, and arrange other treatments, therapies and counselling. If he's already on drugs, he needs to change type, they're clearly not working. The same things are available for the anxiety.

    It seems that if he was treated for the depression and anxiety, they would be amazing. If she's smitten with him normally, she'd feel like that all the time. Do you want to do that for her?

    As an added bonus, without the constant swinging between bliss and misery, she'd probably stop talking about it so much!
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    (Original post by Coke Or Pepsi)
    Looool. Thanks <3. Love you too. I'd + rep you but I've reached my daily limits.
    You're trying to be too smart for a girl with name coke or pepsi, ew, dumb-arse
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    Funny, I could guess Coke Or Pepsi and the_13th individual sexes without even looking carefully. x) Very typical dynamic girl-boy.
    I'm going to take a boy stance on this. I don't think this was too harsh, honestly, she deserved it. It was your birthday. I know someone who did the same on my birthday, and I just had the worst time ever since she got all my friends involved in her stupid love life, so I was just completely alone and tired of hearing of her drama (which in general they create for themselves.)
    Don't worry. If she's your friend, she'll ask you about it, and you should explain then.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he is one of those people that dont even try to help themselves (which makes it worse for themself and everyone)- i know this because he admitted he couldnt be bothered to help himself to me (i'm not just being harsh)
    You are aware, of course, that this is actually a symptom of depression? It's very difficult for someone with clinical depression to 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps'.
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    (Original post by the_13th)
    you just write some bull**** withou t even reaidng
    i fort the exzact same tone llulul
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    (Original post by the_13th)
    You're trying to be too smart for a girl with name coke or pepsi, ew, dumb-arse
    I like my username thank you very much! Wth is the_13th? At least mine is cool

    (Original post by Le Récamier)
    Funny, I could guess Coke Or Pepsi and the_13th individual sexes without even looking carefully. x) Very typical dynamic girl-boy.
    Boys are so difficult!
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by The Mr Z)
    Not too harsh on her, you can't always be her shoulder to cry on, a friendship needs to go both ways.

    However, you are being too harsh on him. Depression really takes the drive out of you, life is literally hopeless and cannot get better. I don't think it's possible to understand if you haven't been there. I'm afraid it's utterly impossible to self-help your way out of it, almost completely impossible to ask for help, even when you've had it before.

    Someone needs to make him get help. That's the necessary first step. Now that may be his girlfriend, if she's up to it, but if she's too hurt by it all and you care enough about them, that can also be you. She/You will need to make him go see his GP for a diagnosis and treatment, you may even have to go down there with him. The doctor can prescribe antidepressants, and arrange other treatments, therapies and counselling. If he's already on drugs, he needs to change type, they're clearly not working. The same things are available for the anxiety.

    It seems that if he was treated for the depression and anxiety, they would be amazing. If she's smitten with him normally, she'd feel like that all the time. Do you want to do that for her?

    As an added bonus, without the constant swinging between bliss and misery, she'd probably stop talking about it so much!
    welll i have been through depression it was truly the worst and hardest year of my life, i understand everyone experiences it in their own way, but he wont see a doctor, he lies to his therapists (like he forces himself to throw up and wont tell his doctor)
    i think she is fooling herself because she tells me how much he upsets her but then acts all fine to his face. it's awkward because i feel like shes *****ing about him to me and i dont like it =/
    true i think she would. i just cant help them as she wont take my advice which is to tell him how she feels, and he wont take my advice to go get proper help but they still expect me to support them and they just get worse each day
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    (Original post by the_13th)
    I'm the 13th because I'm the lord of darkness and my evil ruling will last for 13 aeons!
    -.-
    Just no.
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    (Original post by Coke Or Pepsi)
    -.-
    Just no.
    hell yeah!
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    (Original post by the_13th)
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