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Breaking up
hey
sorry but its another relationship advice thread
im really unsure wether to break up with my gf or not. we both go to the same uni and things havent been the same. we see each other most days, however its only for like 5 10 mins or to grab lunch but we actually only go out and do sumit once a week and this really fustratres me. olso her friends always come first. i know she came to uni to make new friends and be independent and im 100% behind her but now she always wants to do stuf with mates. never wants to go to club with me, nether wants me to hang round with her mates. am i right in thinking that this is not fair on me or am i expecting to much? weve mentioned breakin up on numeorus occasions now. we do still love each other but we keep upsetting one another. its not fair on either of us. i asked wether i could maybe start hanging round with her mates a bit and she was like "no thier my mates not urs!" which i feel is a bit selfish on her point.also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time, last time i mention breakin up she started crying and i found myself backtracking! what are your opionion on this??i
sorry but its another relationship advice thread
im really unsure wether to break up with my gf or not. we both go to the same uni and things havent been the same. we see each other most days, however its only for like 5 10 mins or to grab lunch but we actually only go out and do sumit once a week and this really fustratres me. olso her friends always come first. i know she came to uni to make new friends and be independent and im 100% behind her but now she always wants to do stuf with mates. never wants to go to club with me, nether wants me to hang round with her mates. am i right in thinking that this is not fair on me or am i expecting to much? weve mentioned breakin up on numeorus occasions now. we do still love each other but we keep upsetting one another. its not fair on either of us. i asked wether i could maybe start hanging round with her mates a bit and she was like "no thier my mates not urs!" which i feel is a bit selfish on her point.also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time, last time i mention breakin up she started crying and i found myself backtracking! what are your opionion on this??i
firstly, you're going out with the girl, not her mates. that wouldnt bother me.
at least you dont have to worry about not getting on with any of them.
what should bother though is you having to do the 'non boyfriend role' when you go home, so she doesnt upset her ex???????
you should of put your foot down as soon as she even suggested that, what does SHE care what her ex thinks?
get rid mate.
hmm i think youre definitely in the right here, you should set an ultimatum, either she lets you han gout with her and involves you in more stuff, or you break up... and if she cries keep to your guns and say look, i dont want to break up with you but youre making me unhappy. shes the one being unreasonable! its never nice to feel shunned and second best...
Reply 4
just end it buddy it seems to be the only thing to do.
Reply 5
Well I am here at uni with my boyfriend (in the same hall even) and here is my experience of it so far:
We make a lot of effort to see one another, but also realise that we HAVE to have time away from each other to make new friends. For instance, even though it was hard, in Freshers week we purposefully tried to stay away from each other for a bit so that we could make friends as ourselves, not as a couple. I think it's really great that your girlfriend has managed to do this. However I do think it's a bit harsh about "they're my friends, not yours" - part of being a couple is that you inevitabley start to share friends. That is what I have found anyway.
Okay, secondly, being in such close proximity 24/7, we have started to snipe and argue a tiny bit. Before we came away, we absolutely never argued, never raised our voices, never get annoyed by each other at all (we've been together almost 19 months now). However, since we've been here and been in such close contact all the time, we had started to snipe at each other and get annoyed a little bit. So you are not alone about starting to irritate each other. I think this is just sort of like what all "married" couples get - and because we are so close to each other at the moment, we're just starting to argue a bit. However, it is not serious, we always forgive each other, hate upsetting each other and it's quite rare. I think you guys starting to argue a little bit is perfectly normal. How about setting aside two nights a week that are specifically yours - talk to her, tell her that you're feeling neglected, you love her so much and want to see more of her. Then use the two nights/days/whatever a week just to do things together - romantic things maybe, or just dates out and away from her friends. Rediscover each other again. All relationships need work.
Currently you are away from home, which is a good thing so it seems! My boyfriend's ex was my best friend
and so i know all about trying not to upset someone. However, in my books, he came first, and I don't try not to act like a couple with him just because it might hurt her feelings! This is a sign perhaps that she still cares about her ex? I think you guys need to have a discussion about it - but NOT before you have cleared up your problems at uni.
Like I said, don't abandon your relationships just because things have changed a bit. In our relationship, things have changed, and sometimes I don't like them. But in the end of the day i love him so much that I would rather be with him and work at our problems that just back out of it and end it for those reasons.
Hope that helps - PM me if you need any more advice seeing as I am in your situation pretty much!
We make a lot of effort to see one another, but also realise that we HAVE to have time away from each other to make new friends. For instance, even though it was hard, in Freshers week we purposefully tried to stay away from each other for a bit so that we could make friends as ourselves, not as a couple. I think it's really great that your girlfriend has managed to do this. However I do think it's a bit harsh about "they're my friends, not yours" - part of being a couple is that you inevitabley start to share friends. That is what I have found anyway.
Okay, secondly, being in such close proximity 24/7, we have started to snipe and argue a tiny bit. Before we came away, we absolutely never argued, never raised our voices, never get annoyed by each other at all (we've been together almost 19 months now). However, since we've been here and been in such close contact all the time, we had started to snipe at each other and get annoyed a little bit. So you are not alone about starting to irritate each other. I think this is just sort of like what all "married" couples get - and because we are so close to each other at the moment, we're just starting to argue a bit. However, it is not serious, we always forgive each other, hate upsetting each other and it's quite rare. I think you guys starting to argue a little bit is perfectly normal. How about setting aside two nights a week that are specifically yours - talk to her, tell her that you're feeling neglected, you love her so much and want to see more of her. Then use the two nights/days/whatever a week just to do things together - romantic things maybe, or just dates out and away from her friends. Rediscover each other again. All relationships need work.
Currently you are away from home, which is a good thing so it seems! My boyfriend's ex was my best friend
and so i know all about trying not to upset someone. However, in my books, he came first, and I don't try not to act like a couple with him just because it might hurt her feelings! This is a sign perhaps that she still cares about her ex? I think you guys need to have a discussion about it - but NOT before you have cleared up your problems at uni.Like I said, don't abandon your relationships just because things have changed a bit. In our relationship, things have changed, and sometimes I don't like them. But in the end of the day i love him so much that I would rather be with him and work at our problems that just back out of it and end it for those reasons.
Hope that helps - PM me if you need any more advice seeing as I am in your situation pretty much!
Reply 6
podder
hey
sorry but its another relationship advice thread
im really unsure wether to break up with my gf or not. we both go to the same uni and things havent been the same. we see each other most days, however its only for like 5 10 mins or to grab lunch but we actually only go out and do sumit once a week and this really fustratres me. olso her friends always come first. i know she came to uni to make new friends and be independent and im 100% behind her but now she always wants to do stuf with mates. never wants to go to club with me, nether wants me to hang round with her mates. am i right in thinking that this is not fair on me or am i expecting to much? weve mentioned breakin up on numeorus occasions now. we do still love each other but we keep upsetting one another. its not fair on either of us. i asked wether i could maybe start hanging round with her mates a bit and she was like "no thier my mates not urs!" which i feel is a bit selfish on her point.also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time, last time i mention breakin up she started crying and i found myself backtracking! what are your opionion on this??i
sorry but its another relationship advice thread
im really unsure wether to break up with my gf or not. we both go to the same uni and things havent been the same. we see each other most days, however its only for like 5 10 mins or to grab lunch but we actually only go out and do sumit once a week and this really fustratres me. olso her friends always come first. i know she came to uni to make new friends and be independent and im 100% behind her but now she always wants to do stuf with mates. never wants to go to club with me, nether wants me to hang round with her mates. am i right in thinking that this is not fair on me or am i expecting to much? weve mentioned breakin up on numeorus occasions now. we do still love each other but we keep upsetting one another. its not fair on either of us. i asked wether i could maybe start hanging round with her mates a bit and she was like "no thier my mates not urs!" which i feel is a bit selfish on her point.also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time, last time i mention breakin up she started crying and i found myself backtracking! what are your opionion on this??i
Tell her this!
Reply 7
I think it is better for you to talk to her, tell her about your feelings, show her that thread or something, so she will understand a bit of your feelings...talk to her and say that if she wants to be with you, she must change the situation coz you dont feel happy with her at the moment, and if she cant change the situation..then...u take your decision...but never rush with this, coz you alwayas will have time to break up with her, but may be never to get her back if you really love her..but talk to her for sure again...
p.s. if I were you Id break up with someone who would treat me like this, but still people are different, and you better than us know ur feelings and her feelings, so do as your heart tells you to do!
p.s. if I were you Id break up with someone who would treat me like this, but still people are different, and you better than us know ur feelings and her feelings, so do as your heart tells you to do!
Reply 8
podder
hey
sorry but its another relationship advice thread
im really unsure wether to break up with my gf or not. we both go to the same uni and things havent been the same. we see each other most days, however its only for like 5 10 mins or to grab lunch but we actually only go out and do sumit once a week and this really fustratres me. olso her friends always come first. i know she came to uni to make new friends and be independent and im 100% behind her but now she always wants to do stuf with mates. never wants to go to club with me, nether wants me to hang round with her mates. am i right in thinking that this is not fair on me or am i expecting to much? weve mentioned breakin up on numeorus occasions now. we do still love each other but we keep upsetting one another. its not fair on either of us. i asked wether i could maybe start hanging round with her mates a bit and she was like "no thier my mates not urs!" which i feel is a bit selfish on her point.also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time, last time i mention breakin up she started crying and i found myself backtracking! what are your opionion on this??i
sorry but its another relationship advice thread
im really unsure wether to break up with my gf or not. we both go to the same uni and things havent been the same. we see each other most days, however its only for like 5 10 mins or to grab lunch but we actually only go out and do sumit once a week and this really fustratres me. olso her friends always come first. i know she came to uni to make new friends and be independent and im 100% behind her but now she always wants to do stuf with mates. never wants to go to club with me, nether wants me to hang round with her mates. am i right in thinking that this is not fair on me or am i expecting to much? weve mentioned breakin up on numeorus occasions now. we do still love each other but we keep upsetting one another. its not fair on either of us. i asked wether i could maybe start hanging round with her mates a bit and she was like "no thier my mates not urs!" which i feel is a bit selfish on her point.also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time, last time i mention breakin up she started crying and i found myself backtracking! what are your opionion on this??i
you're at b'ham right?
heres nastys advice: dump her, go clubbing play the single life and get a gf in year 2 or at the end of year 2 so there something to 'do' in year 3.
Reply 9
El Scotto
firstly, you're going out with the girl, not her mates. that wouldnt bother me.
at least you dont have to worry about not getting on with any of them.
what should bother though is you having to do the 'non boyfriend role' when you go home, so she doesnt upset her ex???????
you should of put your foot down as soon as she even suggested that, what does SHE care what her ex thinks?
get rid mate.
firstly, you're going out with the girl, not her mates. that wouldnt bother me.
at least you dont have to worry about not getting on with any of them.
what should bother though is you having to do the 'non boyfriend role' when you go home, so she doesnt upset her ex???????
you should of put your foot down as soon as she even suggested that, what does SHE care what her ex thinks?
get rid mate.
Ditto! I think if you wanna be with her jus put up with her wanting to see her mates all the time, unless however, she makes plans with you then ditches ya for them!
And as for the ex thing, what are you thinking?!?!?!
let her have her mates/ex, get rid of her! 
you have to sit her down at a time when neither of you have anything you need to be rushing off to do something else and tell her what you feel. Ask he to listen to the whole thing before she comments. Let her know that it isn't that you don't love her it is just that the way that she is acting in making you feel really down and ask her what you think that you should do. Then together try and make a comprimise as to how you are going to make this work.
Reply 12
podder
also wen we go back home at weekends or woteva i have to play a non boyfriend role as she doesnt want to upset he ex or current friends. (her ex was my mate and hung round alot with her firends). it just feels that i gota play 2nd best a lot of the time
As if you are standing for that!!! Sort yourself out son!
Reply 13
she sounds like shes being a bit unfair to you. she does need her space however, and it is different to home so its hard. I wudnt accept the non boyfriend role tho, and its a bit unfair she wont ever let u out with her mates....cus couples shud no each others friends it just makes for a better releationship i think.
Reply 15
I'm like really selfish and into myself so I totally get what you mean.
Reply 16
I have been in a similar situation.. She was a girl who, to was well just a bit over-protective of her friends (can i make it any more obvious?) she had just fet this guy, he was a punk I think and he treated her badly, so badly that she left him. He said that he wanted her still but all of her friends did the right thing and advsied her against seeing him. So she realised he wasn't good enough for her and I thought had got over it. I think that is where she too came to rely on her friends too much, I mean she wasn't shy, or have anything to be unconfident about; she had a pretty face, was intelligent and funny, but when she was with that grou of girls she needed to come back down to earth as it were, and realise she cant rely on them for everything.
I have the same problem as you, some of her friends were my friends too, but now it seems that she doesnt want me near them, like im going to steal them away from her or something. Im just scared that in 5 years from now she is going to be tottaly reliant on their guidance, I mean at the moment she just sits at home, sometimes she turns on the tv and will watch for hours, he refuses to go out much. Then the other day guess who she sees? her ex. So she calls up her friends to say how shes worried hes stalking her and that I should do something about it! This is not fair on me, for a start the guy isnt stalking herm it was just a coincidence, her friends dont think so, they already know hes not and they've all got this idea that if they try to convince her otherwise she'll break down or something. Im no psychologist but she just tags along with that group, stands in the crowd and really relies on them for everything, but I think I should break up with her. I mean we are more than just good friends and I would really hate to lose her, but if this is how the story ends then I guess it is for the best.
In your case I think its too bad that you couldn't see that sometimes there is more than meets the eye. I thought that we are in love too but havent you heard the saying "there are plenty more fish in the sea". Lets go findd them eh?
I have the same problem as you, some of her friends were my friends too, but now it seems that she doesnt want me near them, like im going to steal them away from her or something. Im just scared that in 5 years from now she is going to be tottaly reliant on their guidance, I mean at the moment she just sits at home, sometimes she turns on the tv and will watch for hours, he refuses to go out much. Then the other day guess who she sees? her ex. So she calls up her friends to say how shes worried hes stalking her and that I should do something about it! This is not fair on me, for a start the guy isnt stalking herm it was just a coincidence, her friends dont think so, they already know hes not and they've all got this idea that if they try to convince her otherwise she'll break down or something. Im no psychologist but she just tags along with that group, stands in the crowd and really relies on them for everything, but I think I should break up with her. I mean we are more than just good friends and I would really hate to lose her, but if this is how the story ends then I guess it is for the best.
In your case I think its too bad that you couldn't see that sometimes there is more than meets the eye. I thought that we are in love too but havent you heard the saying "there are plenty more fish in the sea". Lets go findd them eh?
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