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Life

Hey, Im in a pretty awful situation rite now and this is very similar to the other thread but thought id start a new one anyway.

I started uni back in september with really high hopes and ever since I got here things have been going from bad to worse. I haven't had a day in almost 3 months where I haven't cried. Im not motivated to get out of bed in the morning, I dont want to go to lectures, I dont bother filing any notes-just stuff them away. I tried to go to clubs etc but its hard when u have nobody to go with and of course no one wants to talk to you if you even look remotely down in the dumps. The few friends i do have here are drifting further and further away from me and have now even left me out of plans for getitng a house next year. My main problem is jealously and paranoia i think, I see other people and automatically want what they have, I see a big group of friends and think 'why dont i have that - im a nice person'. I had so many friends back at home and was always the happy smily member of the group-up for a laugh. I cant seem to settle in here, and I keep thinking bout how it could have been so different and how i planned for it so much with my parents and friends and brought so much stuff for my room etc, I just wish I could go back in time and change it.

My course is nothing like I thought it would be, but i dont know if im not enjoying it becoz i see other people doing subjects that I could have done or that it really is as boring as i think it is.

My boyfriend has been absolutely fantastic throughout, we'd been together almost 4 years before we came to uni and im in nottingham and hes in lufbra so it takes us about an hour to get to each other with public transport being what it is, but its not too bad. But he has so much work to do as he's doing an art foundation and he has loads of assignments and I feel so awful for ringing him all the time becoz im sad and depressed. Its getting to the point where i feel like i shud leave, altho i think maybe it would be bttr after xmas, i can make new friends and start up clubs agen but i dont know if i can do it!
I feel so bad for my boyfriend, he deserves so much more than me-crying, depressed mess that I am. He wants the old me back but I dont know what's happened to me. We had a huge argument a week back and came so close to splitting up becoz i thought he would be better off without me so he could get on with his life-i feel im dragging him down. But in the end he was so upset and i couldnt take it so we decided to stay together and im so glad we did becoz he has been an absolute rock and i feel now that we are closer than ever.

However i am still depressed at uni and cant decide whether to stay and hope it gets better or leave and try again next year. Any advice/similar experiences?

Sorry it was so long xxx

(p.s. I know u're going to read this thomas :wink: x)

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Reply 1

Have you thought about joining any of those 'society' things to meet people?

failing that get a sociable job like bar work or something where you'll meet loads of friendly people away from the university?

It'll get better... I expect theres lots of people who feel exactly the same as you.
Reply 2
It sounds like you really needed to get that off your chest. When i'm feeling down i do something i enjoy, listen to music (not depressing stuff), play a game, have a bath... just generally chill out. Go sign up for some societies and get to know more people. I'm an overly confident person, i can talk to pretty much anyone without fear of being rejected. I'm happy with how i am, and if people don't like it, then it's their loss. Why don't you go to a bar one night, and start chatting with random people? If they don't chat back, move on.

You sound really down in the dumps, see if you can find the root cause of your problems, and work on them. If you want a more friendly chat and have MSN feel free to PM me. I've been through a rough patch myself this past month, mainly because i split up with my girlfriend of 27 months, so i can hazard a guess at how your feeling.
Reply 3
You need to see a counsellor.
Reply 4
Jack0
You need to see a counsellor.


Thanx that helped loads...now i know why my boyf said people who post silly personal probs on here are stupid...oh well
How bizarre... I'm in pretty much the exact same situation. I'm really not getting on with people in my hall, I hate the course and there's no way I can change (I've tried everything) and I just want to go home. I'm pretty sure I'm not coming back here after Christmas anyway, but I don't think it's the right decision for the future - I'd just rather be happy than the misery I am now, even if it means putting my career or whatever on hold for a few years.

If you ever need to talk, please PM or msn me - I practically live on msn :redface:

Smile! :smile: I know it's hard xxxxxxxx
Reply 6
Hey! i know kinda how your feeling. I have friends in halls who i thought i was close to and even thought about sharing a house with them next year. Recently, however theyve all been making plans to go out to dinner, clubbing and things like that and although theyve told me about them, havent said come along. I know its kinda different coz theyre all doing the same course and have exams this week, but its still making me feel miserable.

However, join some societies and meet people similar to you. Thats my plan. Hopefully then youll be able to meet people that you 'click' with and take it from there.

Your bf sounds great, he wouldnt be with you if he didnt think you were worth it, so try to get rid of those thoughts. Put a smile on your face no matter how hard it tries and people are gonna want to talk to you!!

Sorry for the kinda long post- hope it helps! PM me if you want and im always on msn!
xxx
Reply 7
I know exactly how you feel. Except for the course - I love my course.
I'm really lonely because basically I find it really tough making friends. At home I have a group of friends I'm really close to and we always go out and have a great time even it's otherwise crap. Here, I made one friend in my halls and she left after 4 weeks. Now I basically have no friends.
I did make friends in a society, but my problem is they're all much older than me, and in general don't want a fresher hanging around.
I'm now terrified because we have to start looking for accommodation for next year soon, and there is no-one who would want to live with me. I don't know what I'm going to do.
However, I'm not going to drop out, because as far as I'm concerned that's quitting, and I don't do that, ever. Things may be different for you though. If you can see no way out other than quitting, do what you feel you must.
I know it's crap though.
Reply 8
I dont wna look at it like quitting - I never quit! Im just so miserable, i can see sum ways of doing things that mite make me happier but not motivated to do them. It seems too late in day to start clubs, and wlk up to random people and introduce urself-everyone says its easy but its not-not unless ur in the situation urself!
Reply 9
Joey12
I dont wna look at it like quitting - I never quit! Im just so miserable, i can see sum ways of doing things that mite make me happier but not motivated to do them. It seems too late in day to start clubs, and wlk up to random people and introduce urself-everyone says its easy but its not-not unless ur in the situation urself!


I know it seems late to start clubs, but try it. I know what you mean about talking to people though, I hate it.
I'm in 4 societies (which is a lot for most people), and even though that's all I do as far as going out is concerned, and when I do go I usually enjoy them, I sometimes find it really hard to motivate myself to put on that happy face and try and have a great time. I usually make myself go anyway. For me, at the moment survival is about taking it day by day and making myself do things I don't really want to do. It's kept me going at least, and I've only cried a few times since being here, despite how I feel. I don't know if it would work for you, but it has for me.
Reply 10
Perhaps you're aiming too high in the friends stakes - i.e. trying tobe friends who are out of league coolness-wise. Try making friends with some geekier people - they'll probably be so desperate they'll be happy to have you. You can work your way up from there.
TKR
Perhaps you're aiming too high in the friends stakes - i.e. trying tobe friends who are out of league coolness-wise. Try making friends with some geekier people - they'll probably be so desperate they'll be happy to have you. You can work your way up from there.

WTF?!
Reply 12
Yea um WTF? I dont know whether thats more offensive to me or them...
Joey12
Thanx that helped loads...now i know why my boyf said people who post silly personal probs on here are stupid...oh well
Its actually helpful advice.

perhaps it should be explored. Have had a bad time myself (too much to go into) and i have to say a counseller is somrthing i should look into. Might work?
Reply 14
I think you should just get over it really I know this sounds harsh but you are going to chase people away if you're miserable all the time.

I was horribly homesick when I first came to uni but I tried to keep it all behind closed doors and be happy when I was with my mates. If you are depressed thenn I'd advise seeing someone about it you might also want to see a tutor about reevaluating your course options. You just can't obsess about what might have been or else you'll never be happy.

Chin up and I hope you feel better soon!!
TKR
Perhaps you're aiming too high in the friends stakes - i.e. trying tobe friends who are out of league coolness-wise. Try making friends with some geekier people - they'll probably be so desperate they'll be happy to have you. You can work your way up from there.


:eek: :eek: Say what you think kid!
Reply 16
huh??! im being completely serious - it's valid advice - cool people want to be friends with cool people, geeks will take what they can get - the OP perhaps has a distorted viewof how cool she is and is consequently attempting to be friends with people who are too cool for her - she should aim lower and might be more successful!

this is only one possible reason for her not having a big group of friends
Reply 17
I tell that to myself every day, I know that so much! Everyday i think im gna be positive and make today a good day, and it doesnt happen! Peopl in my block dont wna know me - wich yea is prob my fault but ive been so worried here. You just get into a cycle and u cant break it and i want to so much. I cant help but think about what might or could have been, I wanted things to b different so much and now it feels like im just settling for wot ive got. Now ive started to focus on lectures and think they're not so bad and that I wna do this degree, my social life seems to be getting worse and worse! I know its all my fault!

--------------

TKR
huh??! im being completely serious - it's valid advice - cool people want to be friends with cool people, geeks will take what they can get - the OP perhaps has a distorted viewof how cool she is and is consequently attempting to be friends with people who are too cool for her - she should aim lower and might be more successful!

this is only one possible reason for her not having a big group of friends


Lol, ur doing a lot for my confidence level. I don't get ur distinction between 'cool' and 'geeks'....there are not simply 2 classes of people. Besides how do you know what im really like? Yea i may be depressed atm, but im not a complete loser...jeez! Ok so im not a beer loving jock or an air head barbie, but thats not everything. I wna go out clubbing, i wna do sports and dancing etc. The people ive made friends with here only want to wtch DVDs...
Reply 18
Yea, maybe it is that simple if you all keep saying it is...just doesnt feel like it when ur actually here. To be honest i dont think the people ive met here would wna go out for a meal or coffee...
Is it just the people you live with that are the problem? Could you transfer to different halls? I tranfer tomorrow because my housemates refuse to talk english in front of me if they can help it and organised a birthday party that i wasnt invited to! lovely!

i'd suggest transferring if you can, it's like a new start...