This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

What do you do if you know someone is cutting themselves?

I spotted today a friend of a friend at school and he accidentally had his sleeve rolled up, exposing some cutting marks on his forearm. I went, instinctively, 'what's that?!' and he clammed up and covered up. I'm not sure what to do now. I have alerted his best friend (who is a friend of mine) in the hope that he can try and talk to him. But I don't know if I should tell a teacher or a tutor.

Anyone got any ideas? He seems happy but if he is self harming there is obviously something wrong. I don't want him to go any further down that road. :frown:

Reply 1

xXMessedUpXx

15

Ok, firstly it's good that he has such good friends there for him :smile:

My advice is try talking to him first, though it might be best to avoid confrontation if possible, and make it clear you will support him. Please encourage him to see his GP/counseller as they can be of great help, and its importnat to get to the root of the problemand why he's doing it if he's to overcome it. also there are some websites that have good advice when dealing with self harm:

secret shame
national self harm network
young people and self harm
i hope they may help. if you need more advice feel free to PM

Reply 2

sexysax

14

I had a friend who cut herself, and I talked to her about it and then went and told our favourite teacher. I left it with her and she dealt with it, I've since left for uni so I am not sure what the situation is now. But yes encourage him to talk to people about it, there will be a reason so it will be good to talk to someone about it.

Reply 3

SB

2

I wouldn't tell anyone 'in authority', as he'll seek help from those areas when he feels ready. However, the best thing you can do imo is to make him understand that you're there for him if he wants to talk about how he feels. Make sure he knows he's not alone - it might even be that which is motivating it. Hope it gets sorted,

SBxxx

Reply 4

emilyemily

I agree. Just make sure he knows that you're there for him, that you'll support him and that he can trust you.

Reply 5

Talya

OP

16

I did talk to someone else in our year but he just said (unfortunately I take very male dominated subjects) that I shouldn't say anything to anyone, and that I was interfering, I think he was wrong though. Any guys got opinions on this? Girls do respond better when help is offered and I don't want to send him off the rails by telling the WRONG teacher or making him think I went behind his back.

EDIT: I am not good friends with this guy so I don't think I am the one to offer help and support...

Reply 6

Alex_Pi

3

Kavanne

I don't want to send him off the rails by telling the WRONG teacher or making him think I went behind his back.

That's a decent point, telling the wrong person could get you mixed up in something that you may not really want to be involved in, it sounds as if you should just pester his close friends as much as possible to have a word.

Reply 7

emilyemily

Kavanne

EDIT: I am not good friends with this guy so I don't think I am the one to offer help and support...

Well perhaps just make sure the person you told does support him and doesn't just talk to the guy once and decide to leave it or something.

Reply 8

graveyarddreams

13

Kavanne

I spotted today a friend of a friend at school and he accidentally had his sleeve rolled up, exposing some cutting marks on his forearm. I went, instinctively, 'what's that?!' and he clammed up and covered up. I'm not sure what to do now. I have alerted his best friend (who is a friend of mine) in the hope that he can try and talk to him. But I don't know if I should tell a teacher or a tutor.

Anyone got any ideas? He seems happy but if he is self harming there is obviously something wrong. I don't want him to go any further down that road. :frown:

Don't tell a techer! this is how you will make him feel if you do:
- like he's a broken patient, ill and in need of special attention
- added burden- another thing to worry about on top of his already exisiting troubles, having to always look out for teachers etc
- more depressed, probably thinking that you think he's a freak and in need of speicial help, which will lead him to think that you are all very normal and he is alone in this and no one understands him...
among many other things...

i have personally been through this (though not very serious) and so did two other people i know, and it's very common, it might just be a phase. perhaps something happened to him and he just feel temporary depressed. You don't really know how serious it is, it might only last a couple of days... like mine did.
not everyone who self- harm is going to kill themselves, a lot of people practice it though most are not serious....
Just keep an eye out for him, and if you suspect that it is still going on after a reasonable amount of time, try to approach him when he's alone and ask him if there's anything troubling him... and tell him of all your troubles... (this might sound strange but i find it helps the most)
never tell him to 'stop being depressed' or 'cheer up' it will depress him even more...

Reply 9

icedsilhouette

speaking as someone who used to do it, there isn't much you personally can do...

i wouldnt bring it up with them again, if he's not already talking about it, he probably doesnt want to right now...

one of the few things you can do is not draw attention to it, and not judge him.... that was always what i was scared of...

just be as normal as possible with him...

Reply 10

xemilyx

2

i used to harm, it was my way of coping with things. the one thing i could control in my life and thats what its about, control. tell him your there if he wants to talk, dont make a massive deal about it, just offer support and a sholder to lean on. dont tell a teacher, if he wants to that fine but dont think its your right to tell a teacher. i have only just told my head of 6th form about something, i wasnt forced into it i came to it myself, just be there for him and dont judge him :smile:

Reply 11

xXMessedUpXx

15

i sadly still do it. and it a hard things to come to terms with, but seriously the only person who can truely help him, is well him. you can only support him (as you are) but that may be something he needs.

Reply 12

MNBStyle

9

Kavanne

I spotted today a friend of a friend at school and he accidentally had his sleeve rolled up, exposing some cutting marks on his forearm. I went, instinctively, 'what's that?!' and he clammed up and covered up. I'm not sure what to do now. I have alerted his best friend (who is a friend of mine) in the hope that he can try and talk to him. But I don't know if I should tell a teacher or a tutor.

Anyone got any ideas? He seems happy but if he is self harming there is obviously something wrong. I don't want him to go any further down that road. :frown:

Telling his friend is all you can do really, i wouldn't go telling a teacher or tutor thoe as he probablly wouldn't appreciate his personal business being talked about.

Reply 13

IzzTheGreat

10

I'd leave it. If you don't know him well there's not much you can do, and it doesn't sound like he wants to talk about it. I'm sure some of his friends know anyway.

Reply 14

danni_bella

17

I'm sorry but I would tell them to seek professional help ASAP - sounds harsh, but if you really cared about the person you would want the best for them! Ok, well tbh if that was happening to one of my friends, I would advise them to see a councellor. I have done this in the past, said friend got angry at me but in the end knew I was doing the sensible thing.

Reply 15

Em444

3

hey

hmm its a difficult situation cos it sounds like you want to help but your not really in a position to do so because your not that close with him.

firstly though.. i dont think you should tell a teacher/someone in school. although in theory this is the most sensible thing to do, in reality it can make the situation a lot worse.

secondly, i think you should talk with your friend whos best friends with this guy and try and get him to talk to him?

its important he knows that someones there for him and that he isnt alone. sometimes a few good talks with a friend can sort out a lot when someone is bottling everything up (which is likely to be the case if he self harms).

good luck with it

Em xxx

Reply 16

rachelrainbow32

2

I would try and talk to him but be careful. One of my best friends was self-harming and she just pushed us all away. Just dont try and boss him around, or critise him, just be there if he wants to talk about it n encourage him to get help.

Reply 17

Clairehayz

5

Do NOT tell anyone in authority, a teacher/tutor, no-one! Just be content in the fact that you have passed the info onto someone a little more in access to him. That's all you can do.

Reply 18

SianyLou

10

Don't go to a teacher or parent - I am a recovered self-harmer and it actually make my situation worse when my best friend thought she was doing a good thing by going to my head of year. Just suggest that he sees someone about it, counsellor, doctor...just let him do it in his own time.

Reply 19

Talya

OP

16

claireharmz

Do NOT tell anyone in authority, a teacher/tutor, no-one! Just be content in the fact that you have passed the info onto someone a little more in access to him. That's all you can do.

Cause YOU give SUCH good advice :rolleyes:

What do you do if you know someone is cutting themselves?

Related discussions

Articles for you