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Best friend having an abortion

My best friend is having an abortion next week, she's 5 weeks gone already and will be 6 weeks gone by when it happens. I just want to know if anyone knows what the emotional side will be like so I can try and help her deal with it :frown: She knows who the father is, he's cool with it, but her family are really religious so she can't tell them. This is a serious thread people, so advice would be appriciated :redface:

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Reply 1
Wow, i can't imagine how i would feel having my child aborted (i'm male btw)... if i were you i'd see how she reacts... it will be very hard to predict im sure. There are consellors for stuff like this though i'm sure?
Reply 2
She'll need your shoulder :smile: Just be there for her when she needs you.
Reply 3
Make sure you leave your personal views on abortion out of it. Try not to be judgemental, and avoid comments such as "well, you should've used condoms" although I'm sure you wouldn't anyway. Do a bit of research on the procedure, maybe the FPA website will help?

Her reaction will depend on why she's having it though. If she's being forced into it or feel she doesn't have a choice she'll react much worse than if she knows it's the best thing for her.
Reply 4
creepy1986
Wow, i can't imagine how i would feel having my child aborted (i'm male btw)... if i were you i'd see how she reacts... it will be very hard to predict im sure. There are consellors for stuff like this though i'm sure?

She's not even sure if she want's to abort it or not, she just is because she says she can hardly look after herself, let alone a baby. The dad is her bf of 3 years, who she ironically broke up with 2 weeks ago :rolleyes:
She just showed me an ultrasound pic of it, it looks so big already :frown: I've told her to tell a responsible adult, and she's gonna tell her aunt tomorrow. By the sound of it though, she's really unsure about having the abortion and I don't want her to be an emotional mess, cos it sounds like she's getting attached to it already :frown:
Reply 5
It only looks so big because it's been magnified!!!!!11111!!

She is a smart girl, there's no sense in having a baby when you can't fully support it. At this moment in time it is an accumulation of cells btw...

As for the emotional side, every girl is different...see what happens.
It's an awful thing to have to go through, and it stays with you for years after it's happened :frown: I suppose the best advice I could give would be to not push her to talk about it. It's only in the last few months that the enormity of having an abortion hit me; I had one 2 years ago now. I don't want to say too much here in case I end up getting a load of abuse from pro-lifers but feel free to IM me.
Be as supportive as you can. She will probably cry A LOT after having it, and will think over and over in her head whether or not she did the right thing. You are going to have to be prepared to support her for a long time after, as the memory of it will last for years and years as opiache said. Just tell her you are always going to be there for her, and whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on you will be there for her. It's a tough and horrible thing to go through.
Reply 8
erm.... you can't actually see a fetus at 5 weeks on Ultrasound.

However, inevitably, this is going to be a really difficult time for her and it's impossible to predict how she will be feeling/cope. Just be there for her, but also give her space.
Reply 9
I'm sorry to say that I too had an abortion, but at a later stage than this as I was going through hell deciding what would be best for both me and the baby. I have to say that the memory of what I went through still haunts me on a daily basis and she'll REALLY need you to be there for her. My mum planted some little heart shaped flowers in the garden, and that helps as a memory of what 'could have been, but never was'. Although your friend might want to forget it, it's not as easy as that. Being further gone, I found that I was quite attached to the idea of having a baby but I knew I could provide no life for a child...I can barely support myself. You just need to give her enough space so she doesn't feel mollycoddled, but be there for her on her terms...if and when she needs you. It's hard, but it's what she needs.

And, in response to joyabbott - you can see the fetus on ultrasound from 4weeks if the scan is done internally. 'Full' ultrasounds don't show until around 8weeks. And they do look bigger on the pictures than they really are.
To the OP: You said that she's not sure if she wants an abortion or not... this is a huge decision that will affect her for the rest of her life and she needs to be 100% sure she is ok with it... making the wrong decision could screw her up for life. If she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy then there are many people out there who would be able to help her with it. There are plenty of families wanting to adopt babies who could give her child what she doesn't feel able to herself. Also, you said her family are religious, so presumably they would want what is best for the baby aswell as their daughter, and may offer to play a part in caring for the baby. I'm not trying to preach to you, I just don't think that her decision should be taken lightly.
Reply 11
babynessontoast
I'm sorry to say that I too had an abortion, but at a later stage than this as I was going through hell deciding what would be best for both me and the baby. I have to say that the memory of what I went through still haunts me on a daily basis and she'll REALLY need you to be there for her. My mum planted some little heart shaped flowers in the garden, and that helps as a memory of what 'could have been, but never was'. Although your friend might want to forget it, it's not as easy as that. Being further gone, I found that I was quite attached to the idea of having a baby but I knew I could provide no life for a child...I can barely support myself. You just need to give her enough space so she doesn't feel mollycoddled, but be there for her on her terms...if and when she needs you. It's hard, but it's what she needs.

And, in response to joyabbott - you can see the fetus on ultrasound from 4weeks if the scan is done internally. 'Full' ultrasounds don't show until around 8weeks. And they do look bigger on the pictures than they really are.

Thanks for that advice, that's very helpful. :smile:
Reply 12
awkward_eagle
To the OP: You said that she's not sure if she wants an abortion or not... this is a huge decision that will affect her for the rest of her life and she needs to be 100% sure she is ok with it... making the wrong decision could screw her up for life. If she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy then there are many people out there who would be able to help her with it. There are plenty of families wanting to adopt babies who could give her child what she doesn't feel able to herself. Also, you said her family are religious, so presumably they would want what is best for the baby aswell as their daughter, and may offer to play a part in caring for the baby. I'm not trying to preach to you, I just don't think that her decision should be taken lightly.

I don't think anyone was in any way implying that her decision should be taken lightly :confused:
Reply 13
babynessontoast

And, in response to joyabbott - you can see the fetus on ultrasound from 4weeks if the scan is done internally. 'Full' ultrasounds don't show until around 8weeks. And they do look bigger on the pictures than they really are.


It's not visible on transvaginal ultrasound until 5 weeks at the earliest (unless technology has massively revolutionised since my Obs and Gynae attachment 6 months ago, which it hasn't).
Reply 14
joyabbott
It's not visible on transvaginal ultrasound until 5 weeks at the earliest (unless technology has massively revolutionised since my Obs and Gynae attachment 6 months ago, which it hasn't).


and the poster said she is 5 weeks gone, which would make sense.
Reply 15
But it won't be 'BIG'
Reply 16
magnified, as mentioned earlier.
Reply 17
honestly, it will hardly, if at all be visible.

However, this really isn't the point of this thread.
Reply 18
To the OP: You said that she's not sure if she wants an abortion or not... this is a huge decision that will affect her for the rest of her life and she needs to be 100% sure she is ok with it... making the wrong decision could screw her up for life. If she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy then there are many people out there who would be able to help her with it. There are plenty of families wanting to adopt babies who could give her child what she doesn't feel able to herself. Also, you said her family are religious, so presumably they would want what is best for the baby aswell as their daughter, and may offer to play a part in caring for the baby. I'm not trying to preach to you, I just don't think that her decision should be taken lightly.


I don't think she is taking it lightly. To the OP: do not try and persuade her to do anything. Give her the options but ultimately it is her decision. And if she asks you what you think she should do, don't say, discuss the choices she has with her but don't nudge her to make a choice that she may not really want to do. Ultimately just be there for her, and support her in her decision whatever she decides.
Reply 19
Luvbug
I don't think she is taking it lightly. To the OP: do not try and persuade her to do anything. Give her the options but ultimately it is her decision. And if she asks you what you think she should do, don't say, discuss the choices she has with her but don't nudge her to make a choice that she may not really want to do. Ultimately just be there for her, and support her in her decision whatever she decides.

I would never try to persuade her one way or the other! I've suggested she should try and talk to her doctor about the options, and her aunt, as someone in her family ought to know to discuss options with her, and in case she really can't cope if she does go ahead with it.