smoker mum

hi
i'm really upset at the moment so sorry if this sounds dumb. my mum has smoked since she was 14 (it's a european thing - she's italian) and now she's experiencing lots of health problems like bad chest infections. and still she won't quit! i know it's hard and when she's tried before she's been so stressed and even become ill. (apparently a normal initial reaction)
but i'm so worried for her, it seems like she doesn't have the desire to quit anymore and that she doesn't have the repect for herself or love anyone else enough to even try anymore.
i'm not judging her, i have even smoked on occassion myself.
i just don't know what to do. any ideas?
thank you, sorry for a long miserable post, it just really got to me today
gaia xxx

Reply 1

emilyemily

I'm sorry, I don't really have any good advice. I suppose the only thing I can think of is to just try to show her that you love her and you care for her wellbeing, but I'm sure you do that already.
Sorry I can't think of anything else. I hope it works out okay.

Reply 2

Bis

1

i had the same problem with my dad. hes been smoking even before 14 and my brother has a quite severe chest illness and yet he still smoked around him and always has. a few years ago i managed to get him to cut down to about 5 cigs a day and only outdoors which was good, but the only way anyone will quit is if they have the will power to do so. you should let your mum know that it is really upsetting you and hopefully that would give her the motivation to try and cut down or quit. if she really cares about you then that should make her do something about it. or show her what smoking has done to other peoples health. it worked for me. another thing you should remember is that it would be very hard for her to quit because she has been doing it from such a young age.

Reply 3

Fleece

15

you should really let your mum know how it makes you feel. You could try helping her quit by giving up something you enjoy too i.e. chocolate or something, to help get her motivated and stay on track.

Reply 4

alio~

9

gaia_a

hi
i'm really upset at the moment so sorry if this sounds dumb. my mum has smoked since she was 14 (it's a european thing - she's italian) and now she's experiencing lots of health problems like bad chest infections. and still she won't quit! i know it's hard and when she's tried before she's been so stressed and even become ill. (apparently a normal initial reaction)
but i'm so worried for her, it seems like she doesn't have the desire to quit anymore and that she doesn't have the repect for herself or love anyone else enough to even try anymore.
i'm not judging her, i have even smoked on occassion myself.
i just don't know what to do. any ideas?
thank you, sorry for a long miserable post, it just really got to me today
gaia xxx

Just let her know that your there for her and will support her (which im sure you do already sorry). The truth is your mum has to really want and have enough determination to quit for it to be a success, it is possible but obviously really hard for her. Also she might think that its too late and the damage has been done but let her know that its not too late and the damage can be reversed if she works on quiting.

No idea if this is a stupid suggestion as it will probably just frustrate her and add pressure but when she asks what you want for christmas maybe suggest that you'd like her to WORK harder on quiting. I know this is emotional blackmail and maybe not a good idea Im not sure.

Reply 5

lovelee-jublee

12

My boyfriend's dad is similar, if not worse. He is a chain-smoker...practically as soon as he's finished one, he'll light another. He unfortunately contracted MRSA which left him disabled, so he is not very mobile either...just sits in the same chair watching TV all day. He is also diabetic to top things off. He has recently seen a heart specialist who has told him that two of the main arteries/veins to the heart are completely blocked, and two are partially blocked. He also has many blood-clots in his legs and other parts of his body. They refuse to operate on him because of his health condition, and actually said to him that he would die on the operating table. But he still will not give up. His family, especially my boyfriend who is a non-smoker, have all tried to tell him that he won't live to see his six-year old son growing up, but he won't stop. The whole family have all had lung/chest infections, and they all have asthma. He does not help their conditions at all, and is determined not to quit. He even wears nicotine patches whilst smoking.

Hopefully your mum is not like this, but I guess her situatiojn is similar. Smoking is an addiction, and as she has smoked for a very long time, it will be extremely hard to give up. I can't give much advice, but I do know what you are going through. My boyfriend cries sometimes because he is scared of losing his dad, even though he hates him for causing ill health to him and the rest of the family. His dad is selfish, and that's the only way to describe him, but as for your mum, you may have to sit and talk with her about what the future holds, especially if you have younger siblings.

Reply 6

L i b

19

Sometimes you have to live and let live.

We could all become exercising healthfreaks that don't smoke, drink or eat red meat but in the end, what life is that?

You've probably knocked a few potential years off your life by yourself - like choosing to watch TV instead of going out running, or going to McDonalds or whatever.

Reply 7

MNBStyle

9

gaia_a

hi
i'm really upset at the moment so sorry if this sounds dumb. my mum has smoked since she was 14 (it's a european thing - she's italian) and now she's experiencing lots of health problems like bad chest infections. and still she won't quit! i know it's hard and when she's tried before she's been so stressed and even become ill. (apparently a normal initial reaction)
but i'm so worried for her, it seems like she doesn't have the desire to quit anymore and that she doesn't have the repect for herself or love anyone else enough to even try anymore.
i'm not judging her, i have even smoked on occassion myself.
i just don't know what to do. any ideas?
thank you, sorry for a long miserable post, it just really got to me today
gaia xxx

If she can't bring herself to stop for her own health, then see if she will stop for you tell her how much it would make you happy if she quit,
tell her how you will help her through all the ups and downs quitting will bring while at the same time doing stuff with her that will take her mind of the need for cigarettes.

Reply 8

dogtanian

16

If you're not a heavy smoker then you can't begin to understand that it's virtually impossible to just stop.

My mum has early onset emphesemia, and it'll get a lot better if she stopped tomorrow. But she simply can't.

It's upsetting, I suppose. But try not to let it take over your thoughts.