Complicated relationship. What should I do? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
My ex-bf dumped me due to wanting to do his own things in life. I immediately tried to move on and accept this because this was what I had believed to be the best thing. However, he wasn't happy that I tried to move on immediately. He started calling me randomly whenever he wanted. This could be once a week or once a fortnight. I never knew when, just whenever he felt like it. Because of this, I found it hard to move on. 4 months later, he declared his love for me again. By now, I was already very hurt from the fact that he broke up with me in the first place. I don't know why he decided to come back. I don't know whether it was because he thought somebody was better and then realised they were not. All that I know was that he wanted to do his own thing in life (without me). He told me he didn't want to be with me, but would like me to be a friend on the side for life. Obviously from my side I was very hurt by this.

Currently, I feel the relationship is one-sided although we are supposedly back together. We keep in touch daily and the difference is that I don't feel like it is the same anymore, not the way it used to be. Additionally, I have found it hard to get over him breaking up with me in the first place. I'm not usually the type to forgive ever, and when somebody has wronged/hurt me in anyway, I never forget. A friend mentioned that sometimes forgiveness is ok if the person is genuinely and truly very sorry. My needs are certainly not being met in this relationship, there is no openness anymore.

I don't know what to do. Suggestions please. If I raise this with him, he is agitated and does not compromise.
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Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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Although we are back together, he says we are not official. However, he still wants to do things as before and this includes sexual involvement. I have told him no sexual involvement until official. He doesn't respond to this well.
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pinkmonkey3
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#3
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I don't think you trust him anymore. he has left you feeling insecure in your relationship and he doesn't seem to be doing much to gain back your trust and your love.
If i were you i'd at least take longer to decide if you really want him and so remain single for a little while longer, or just take things slowly like you're both just starting out.

the sex thing makes me think he is using you and isn't really committed though
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MrsRainey
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#4
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Sounds like a booty call to me! Realised he couldn't get laid without you... a lot of guys do that. Unless he says he wants to make it official, be harsh with him. Tell him to bugger off.
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Anonymous #1
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The reason why I found it hard was because I believe that once a person hurts you, they will do it again which is why they can't be forgiven. On the other hand, in committed relationships you have to work through the problems and not run away.

I'll be honest. I don't feel like he's proved his love or worth to me for me to take him back yet, which is why I don't want sexual involvement on the cards yet. Because it isn't like the solid, trusting and openness that we had previously, I feel as though sometimes he's just a jealous guy who doesn't want me to move on?

The only thing that makes him different is that he still makes the effort to call daily and is still around, in comparison to previous dates who were not like this.

I need more time it seems.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by MrsRainey)
Sounds like a booty call to me! Realised he couldn't get laid without you... a lot of guys do that. Unless he says he wants to make it official, be harsh with him. Tell him to bugger off.
Thanks for the advice. This is exactly how it feels which is why it's not comfortable and doesn't feel right.
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AVE_
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#7
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You sound unhappy, and you give no reasons to justify why you're in the relationship. It just sounds like you're in a relationship because he wants it.
I think you should find someone else.
I'd be wondering why he doesn't want to make it official, especially seeing he came crawling back
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Of_the_hook
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#8
Report 7 years ago
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Sounds to me he's using you

You clearly are not happy in this relationship move on.
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