Never get told what is going on still... Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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I'm 21 in a few days, still I am the last one to get told anything at home, if I am lucky enough to get told about things at all... Last week my mum asked me what do I want to do today and I was like huh why, nothing I guess and she was like well don't ya wanna go out to eat for your birthday and I was like my birthday is next week? I forget my birthday since going to uni as I always have exams and deadlines then and most my friends forget or aren't too bothered meaning I'm also not bothered and try not to bother about how my friends forget mine when I remember their's and go to their parties. Today I am going out for my bday with just a few guests and I spent yesterday spending ages booking and cancelling reservations because mum didn't tell me that I can only book it for after a certain time at night when a guest finishes work. She doesn't tell me this time specifically until this morning, if I had known then I would know when to book things. So yesterday morning she said I can book it for tonight but didn't tell me a time so I said ok I presume 8pm is ok. She said that's fine but the place I wanted has 175 capacity and was fully booked, the person on the phone kept changing the clause and saying that I could have a table for only 1hr 30mins and it would be on levy so after that time I would have to leave. Kept getting calls from them whilst I had guests over, told mum and she goes I can't do it late afternoon as people have work and I was like ok I barely got that and now have to cancel it again, to find another place to eat. So I booked a place where I had my 18th and there was no issue in booking it even though it is as popular as the other place and with the same capacity, she tells me this morning that my guest finishes work at 8:30pm and I was like ok well I told you is 8pm ok and you said yes... So someone will have to come and leave to pick the guest up so they can make it. All mum had to do was tell me the friggin time to book it, after the person finishes work. It isn't even a huge party or anything, just dinner as I do have a huge family but we all split up and no longer are family, so just have a table booked for friends of the family.

Last week my sister went on holiday with her bf, she books it last minute and always does this as she runs away from her problems, I had no issue and was glad. Noone tells me she is going anywhere again, she's 4yrs older. We have guests etc over a lot and I am told last week last minute that I have to go to a BBQ, I didn't go as I had lots of work to do and would have to get ready etc. Last time my sister went to NYC/ Canada when I was 19 during Christmas and I wasn't told at all, I had the most disastrous thing ever happen to me during when she was away; where I got spiked, sexually harassed and all my belongings were gone worth atleast £1500 altogether, I was unconscious and missing for ages with no way of getting hold of me as my phone also was gone, was in a lot of pain etc. I am still on a short leash about this, I said I wasn't OK then but didn't say the sexually being taken advantage of by a mental man part, nor the extent of how much of my belongings were missing when I was conscious again. I had to lie that my girl mate was there to take care of me and I was at her house the night, that she didn't leave me at the club even though she did and is expecting a baby now after a rushed marriage to cover up her sex before marriage.

Also this weekend my parents wanted me to go Wales with them, I have no time to go there and they didn't ask me but discussed with my sister a lot earlier than me about it even though she was away and is done with her studies. So I said no I can only maybe go if that but last week not this week. Last year I was told I can't stay at home alone and had to go on holiday during my revision period, whilst on holiday I find that it was my parent's anniversary. I can't stay home alone though and said that I would be OK if they all went without me, so I was trying my best revising on the holiday whilst on transport and at the hotel but was having a tough time sharing a room with my sister as she's horrible to me and I felt depressed as I'm not used to sharing a room with it. She wasn't letting me revise in peace, would do as she wants ans isn't sociable so was stuck in the bedroom with it, wouldn't let me out of the room so I could study alone in the foyer etc.

tl; dr: I generally never get told anything about decisions even if they're important and concerning me more, if I have to be somewhere I will get told last minute and not all the details... I am so used to this that I don't bother to make a fuss and sometimes just go no I am not making it... I wasn't allowed to move out for uni, OK I have an ensuite fair enough but my area has one of the highest crime rates in London and I am always getting harassed almost on a daily basis whilst in my area commuting to and fro uni or work. None of my friends live near me, they all moved out far. I just want to concentrate and do my best with studies, so I can hopefully save up to do a postgraduate and paid internship in NYC in 2013. I always put up with my issues but my sister can always run away from them, she just books a holiday last minute every break just to get away with her bf who btw doesn't talk to anyone yet comes over the whole day everyday for the past few years to our house. :rolleyes: I'm Hindu born and originally Indian so this isn't normal in our society, her bf is her only friend. She doesn't tell my parents she's going on hol until last min and they're the ones who drop and pick her up from airport etc, cook their food as she can't cook, cover up for her that she's just gone out even though she's abroad on hol with her bf. They're fine with her doing whatever... :confused: Also my best friend, she's a good listener but I prefer not to rant to her like this and am in a happy good mood as she's my friend and I don't want her to listen to all this bull ****. I prefer to be in a good mood and don't want her to listen to my crap, especially if out it would just ruin the night
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vicky_1234
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#2
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tldr
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favouriteworstnightmare
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#3
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Even the tl;dr version was too long.
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Broderss
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#4
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Sound like a job for you know who...
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dungeonkeepr
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#5
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Your Tl;dr is tl;dr.

But, from what I DID read, if it's an issue, it's one of those where calmly talking about it may help, even if you get upset. At least the problem was aired and your parents may make an effort in future to tell you things. Or you could try asking them more clearly about things, such as asking them to check if everyone can make it. The 8pm thing could just have been your mum saying yeah sure and then realising later that it wouldn't work. Not quite listening and all that, which sucks but is understandable.

I do sympathise, though, I had some of the same problem, but I talked to my mum about it and she makes an effort not to just tell me the day before that I'm going to my cousin's for the weekend or whatever.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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I just wish I was told things that concern me, as now I am getting older, it is getting ridiculous. I never know what will be next that I won't be told even though I should be. Wish I had someone to talk to, as I sometimes feel lonely when I have a problem and noone to talk to about it...
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FloppyBunny789
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The many faces that this thread will generate....

Arrghhhh its too long, it burrrnnsss!
http://www.allfunnyfaces.com/pictures/Scared_Face.jpg

The jump back as the monstrous length flashes up before your eyes.
http://blog.riskmanagers.us/wp-conte...d-face-002.jpg

The "do I read, dont i read" predicament face.
http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x...e_10048035.jpg
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Nepene
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#8
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I'm not interested in reading your huge sinister chunk of text, no matter how insightful and interesting you are.
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Jmzie-Coupe
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#9
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Wait, there is a light, there is a fire...
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Medea91
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#10
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Same, not going to read that
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AwsomePossum
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#11
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cba reading that if u never get told anything find things out for yourself and dont tell anyone what you are going to do hm'kay
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Teao the Cat
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#12
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Wll, make sure you remember when your parents' anniversary is?
Also, I couldn't quite gather, did your mother forget when your birthdy was and claim it was a week earlier or not? Because I know from experience that that hurts!!!
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by dungeonkeepr)
Your Tl;dr is tl;dr.

But, from what I DID read, if it's an issue, it's one of those where calmly talking about it may help, even if you get upset. At least the problem was aired and your parents may make an effort in future to tell you things. Or you could try asking them more clearly about things, such as asking them to check if everyone can make it. The 8pm thing could just have been your mum saying yeah sure and then realising later that it wouldn't work. Not quite listening and all that, which sucks but is understandable.

I do sympathise, though, I had some of the same problem, but I talked to my mum about it and she makes an effort not to just tell me the day before that I'm going to my cousin's for the weekend or whatever.
Thanks, that helped

Sometimes she doesn't listen at all even if it is a clear question, sometimes sits on the laptop and says to me yea whatever or er ok. Then complains about how she can't understand a word I say, if it is a simple straightforward question such as where is something. Sometimes complains about how I talk too much and other times how I don't talk. When I keep to myself, has an issue with it. She knew well in advance about the time issue but just didn't think to tell me even though I'm the one organising it. So I was thinking ok so I spent hours trying to find a venue suitable for a time I thought was supposedly ok. Yea, hopefully tonight is ok lol I would rather tell dad btw she didn't tell me and he would agree what she's like but I'll leave it unless it is brought up. It would make it seem I was inconsiderate to the guests but I think just bring it on, can't read minds.

Atleast my parents should tell me that my sister is going away, now that they know that I've had serious problems when she's been away and have noone to talk to about it so deal with it alone not letting all the crap out. They just decide not to tell me anything and to go along with anything that comes up. I suppose things are ambiguous and unexpected, so can prepare for pretty much anything that comes up
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dungeonkeepr
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, that helped

Sometimes she doesn't listen at all even if it is a clear question, sometimes sits on the laptop and says to me yea whatever or er ok. Then complains about how she can't understand a word I say, if it is a simple straightforward question such as where is something. Sometimes complains about how I talk too much and other times how I don't talk. When I keep to myself, has an issue with it. She knew well in advance about the time issue but just didn't think to tell me even though I'm the one organising it. So I was thinking ok so I spent hours trying to find a venue suitable for a time I thought was supposedly ok. Yea, hopefully tonight is ok lol I would rather tell dad btw she didn't tell me and he would agree what she's like but I'll leave it unless it is brought up. It would make it seem I was inconsiderate to the guests but I think just bring it on, can't read minds.

Atleast my parents should tell me that my sister is going away, now that they know that I've had serious problems when she's been away and have noone to talk to about it so deal with it alone not letting all the crap out. They just decide not to tell me anything and to go along with anything that comes up. I suppose things are ambiguous and unexpected, so can prepare for pretty much anything that comes up
Don't complain to one about the other, never helps. What you need to do is to absolutely make sure you have your mum's attention, asking her to repeat bits or whatever. If you have to, treat her like a small child, until you get the information you need and confirmation that it's the right one. Also, if your mum is a stressy as mine can be, make sure you emphasise that it's your own need to be precise and not her fault, even though you feel it is. Sulking mums are no fun.

If you ever want to rant, feel free to PM, I don't know as I can help much, but I can sympathise and all that
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by dungeonkeepr)
Don't complain to one about the other, never helps. What you need to do is to absolutely make sure you have your mum's attention, asking her to repeat bits or whatever. If you have to, treat her like a small child, until you get the information you need and confirmation that it's the right one. Also, if your mum is a stressy as mine can be, make sure you emphasise that it's your own need to be precise and not her fault, even though you feel it is. Sulking mums are no fun.

If you ever want to rant, feel free to PM, I don't know as I can help much, but I can sympathise and all that
OK so be patronising? That could work, my sister uses that method as if everyone else is dumb, all the time but she's a teacher so can get away with it by acting like everyone else is a kid lol. It is damn annoying but adults usually give her this look o_O and just answer until she briefly stops being patronising. Don't you feel rude sometimes using that method though or that it may be disrespectful? Thanks.

It is difficult if she's on the laptop everyday and doesn't look away as she's playing a game or checking mail. Maybe if I stand right next to her and ask, would be scary but if need be then do it.
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dungeonkeepr
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(Original post by Anonymous)
OK so be patronising? That could work, my sister uses that method as if everyone else is dumb, all the time but she's a teacher so can get away with it by acting like everyone else is a kid lol. It is damn annoying but adults usually give her this look o_O and just answer until she briefly stops being patronising. Don't you feel rude sometimes using that method though or that it may be disrespectful? Thanks.

It is difficult if she's on the laptop everyday and doesn't look away as she's playing a game or checking mail. Maybe if I stand right next to her and ask, would be scary but if need be then do it.
It's not so much being patronising, as being very firm and repeatedly asking until you are certain you have their full attention. I'm sure your parents still do it to you, and you'll need to get the hang of standing up to them, or being treated as an equal at some point, or you won't develop a nice adult relationship for your future life, after you manage to move out
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