Help please (potential trigger)

Right, best fill you in.
A few years back my father threatened to kill my mum, and things got really bad between them. This all happened at the old house, which we were renting out to someone else until recently. I went back there a few nights ago to sort out some things with my mum for the new tenants, and now I feel very depressed.
I know it sounds stupid, but it happened around this time of year, and I was fine until I went back to the house. I mean, I feel really bad, Ive stopped eating, I take no care of myself anymore, and I keep thinking that life would be better if I wasnt in it.
To make things better Ive got problems at college with people, including a couple of teachers, and I dont feel like I can talk to anybody there about my problem as I dont know them well enough. At High School I could talk to certain teachers, but I feel so alone right now.

Ok - so there's no ongoing battle between your mum and dad that's instigating more problems for you.
Memories, I think, can affect people in different ways - the return to the house has certainly brought back bad ones for you.
I know this sounds selfish - but I think you need to stop punishing yourself for your parent's actions.
And there's no better way to approach new people, especially teachers at your new college, than by appoaching them to disclose what's on your mind. I get the feeling that it's all wrapped up together with you - time to unwrap it.

But how? I cant stop thinking about ending it. I have lost all hunger, I havent eaten properly in days.

What do you gain by such an extreme action? Do you despise your parents that much that you no longer want to be with them?

No, but it stops me thinking about it all, I wouldnt have to live the lie anymore.

Ok, amplify - what lie?

I have to go around, looking happy, acting as if nothing is bothering me, as I dont like people fussing over me, so I cant have people see that something is up.

So putting aside the "I want to end it all" bit for a second - what's actually going through your mind? I can understand you being wary of your dad, but have things settled somewhat between your mum and dad? And you never stated whether your dad's threat against your mum was serious, or was said "in the heat of the moment"?

Its hard to pinpoint what is going through my mind, lots of things really. Im being forced to relive it in my head, the police, the helicopters, the armed police, the dogs.
I think, in all honesty he meant it in all truthfullness.

Ummm.........if that were the case......how come your dad's not in prison? I mean, that lot don't usually respond to a "domestic" now, do they.

Ok.......look I don't want you to think I'm cutting and running.......but I'm tied to a set mealtime. If you're still here at 7 I'll stay with you - or you can dial in my msn. I'll be back in one hour regardless.

and finally, if you can't talk to people at college, then go back to school and have a chat with one of the teachers that you used to talk to. i'm sure they will be thrilled to see you, and help you.