I don't think love is worth the sadness of death. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
People keep telling me that time is a healer but honestly, I think time is salt to the wound. Not only did I have to suffer the initial grief, but I also have to keep grieving and thinking about how I'm grieving and how I'm unhappy, and the longer this goes on, the less happy I am. Worst of all is the aftermath for my family - seeing them suffer breaks my heart - one time my mum came home and cried the loudest she ever had and it haunts me to this day. When I came downstairs she asked how long I'd been there (because she was worried I'd heard) but I just lied that I'd got in a second ago. In moments like that I wonder if there is anything left worth bothering about in my life because nothing crushes a son more than seeing their mum completely ruined. She is the nicest person and doesn't deserve such a terrible situation, and I know I can't fix it.

I watch romantic movies and see couples in love, families at the park, students going out and I just think to myself - is the happiness of love worth it in the end? What is the point of getting married and creating a family if it's just going to be irreversibly broken when someone dies? Even things like owning a pet don't seem logical to me anymore - yes, you will have a few years of happiness but when they're gone, you will have the rest of your life to feel unhappiness.

I don't believe there is really any point to my existence now. I do not want to fall in love or have children, or make friends, I don't want to be successful and have no ambition. It wasn't just the bereavement alone that has changed me, but what it has shown me. All the things I looked forward to as a kid when my life was perfect have been removed - things like your wedding, when your child is born, graduating... they just seem empty to me now.

I doubt many people read this and I doubt even more that anyone cares, but I have no one to speak to and, as depressing as it sounds, TSR is my only outlet. Sorry if it bored you, and any sort of advise as to how to look at this differently would be appreciated.
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Know_ThySelf
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#2
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"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
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You Failed
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#3
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(Original post by Know_ThySelf)
"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
I disagree.
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jonski
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Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all tho, yeh the pain will always be there but so will the happy memories
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ohokay
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Do not apologise.
Losing someone you love is the most painful procedure anyone could ever be put through, so anyone who doesn't have sympathy for you must be pretty evil.

What is the meaning of life?
There isn't really one.
Yes it may seem as though there is no point, and maybe there isn't, but we're here now and we may as well try and enjoy it to the best we can.

Time is a *****, you're right, and you may never fully heal, but you will find happiness again, and although happiness may seem like the oposite of what you're after right now, you will welcome it when it arrives.

Remember all of the good times you had before.
Don't ever doubt the point of happiness, because it is SO worth the pain.
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LadyLondoner
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#6
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You dont want to experience any joys in life? That will just sink you deeper into depression. I am sorry for the bereavement you've suffered but surely you can't draw a line under things that will make you happy?
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Brevity
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See, the thing about people like you OP is that you think you're being noble and taking on a great weight by accepting the brutal fact that the certain fact of death, and therefore rejecting the uncertain possibilities of happiness. You think that this self-immolation is the most difficult path, and only a select few, because the sheer strength of your will, are able to abandon those more fickle pleasures with which, you think, most people delude themselves with.

What you don't realise, or haven't, or failed to, is that this is in fact the easiest of two options. This option is no more difficult to being incredibly naive and thinking that love lasts forever, or that people don't die, or that things will be how you want if only you want it enough.

The MOST difficult path is accepting the certainty of death, but attempting to snatch happiness despite it. Because the truth is, it's easy to say "Ah, there's death: therefore it's not worth loving because I'll have to suffer when it comes" and it's easy to say "Ah, I'm optimistic and don't believe death will come to me". It's difficult to say "Ah, I recognise the certainty of death, but also the possibility of happiness. The most difficult thing, but the most worthwhile, is trying to balance those two contradictions and go on living the best that I can". That's the real test of suffering and loving.

As a great writer said: it is true that life is incommensurate to human desire, but to say so and admit to it, only makes you more despicable.
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Jim-ie
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
People keep telling me that time is a healer but honestly, I think time is salt to the wound. Not only did I have to suffer the initial grief, but I also have to keep grieving and thinking about how I'm grieving and how I'm unhappy, and the longer this goes on, the less happy I am. Worst of all is the aftermath for my family - seeing them suffer breaks my heart - one time my mum came home and cried the loudest she ever had and it haunts me to this day. When I came downstairs she asked how long I'd been there (because she was worried I'd heard) but I just lied that I'd got in a second ago. In moments like that I wonder if there is anything left worth bothering about in my life because nothing crushes a son more than seeing their mum completely ruined. She is the nicest person and doesn't deserve such a terrible situation, and I know I can't fix it.

I watch romantic movies and see couples in love, families at the park, students going out and I just think to myself - is the happiness of love worth it in the end? What is the point of getting married and creating a family if it's just going to be irreversibly broken when someone dies? Even things like owning a pet don't seem logical to me anymore - yes, you will have a few years of happiness but when they're gone, you will have the rest of your life to feel unhappiness.

I don't believe there is really any point to my existence now. I do not want to fall in love or have children, or make friends, I don't want to be successful and have no ambition. It wasn't just the bereavement alone that has changed me, but what it has shown me. All the things I looked forward to as a kid when my life was perfect have been removed - things like your wedding, when your child is born, graduating... they just seem empty to me now.

I doubt many people read this and I doubt even more that anyone cares, but I have no one to speak to and, as depressing as it sounds, TSR is my only outlet. Sorry if it bored you, and any sort of advise as to how to look at this differently would be appreciated.
You talk about loving someone as if its a choice.

It rarely is.
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ohokay
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Brevity)
See, the thing about people like you OP is that you think you're being noble and taking on a great weight by accepting the brutal fact that the certain fact of death, and therefore rejecting the uncertain possibilities of happiness. You think that this self-immolation is the most difficult path, and only a select few, because the sheer strength of your will, are able to abandon those more fickle pleasures with which, you think, most people delude themselves with.

What you don't realise, or haven't, or failed to, is that this is in fact the easiest of two options. This option is no more difficult to being incredibly naive and thinking that love lasts forever, or that people don't die, or that things will be how you want if only you want it enough.

The MOST difficult path is accepting the certainty of death, but attempting to snatch happiness despite it. Because the truth is, it's easy to say "Ah, there's death: therefore it's not worth loving because I'll have to suffer when it comes" and it's easy to say "Ah, I'm optimistic and don't believe death will come to me". It's difficult to say "Ah, I recognise the certainty of death, but also the possibility of happiness. The most difficult thing, but the most worthwhile, is trying to balance those two contradictions and go on living the best that I can". That's the real test of suffering and loving.

As a great writer said: it is true that life is incommensurate to human desire, but to say so and admit to it, only makes you more despicable.
WOW.
Go write a book please.
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idontthinkso
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#10
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The reality is: NOTHING MATTERS. When you die, that's it. It doesn't matter if you leave an incredible legacy behind or not: once you're dead it's irrelevant.What you left behind might be of extreme importance for mankind but it doesn't matter to you because you won't know.

Sure you might have known for 40 years of your life but what's the difference between a man that was important for 40 years and a man that was irrelevant his whole life when they are both gonna be dead for millions of years?
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Brevity
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#11
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(Original post by ohokay)
WOW.
Go write a book please.
I'll send you a copy when it's done. I think you'll enjoy it.
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