Do inexperienced guys learn eventually? Watch

RP Lover
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#1
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#1
He's never had a girlfriend before me and he's 18. We were close friends for a while before we started going out (as boyfriend/girlfriend) and I think he's finding the transition between friends to boyfriend/girlfriend difficult.

He still treats me like a close friend (apart from the obvious) and I just think that he doesn't quite know how to be a boyfriend.

Like, he never texts me "goodnight" or "good morning" texts, whenever we text its just a standard conversation. He doesn't make me feel any more special than his other girl friends, nearly everything he does for me, he offers to do for them - so it's like, how am I different to those other girls? He never compliments me on anything, I guess because he doesn't like sounding corny, which he has said before.

I'm really tempted to bring this up with him soon but he's inexperienced and I'd end up sounding whiny and *****y.

I could tell him what to do, but he's that kind of guy where you can tell he wants to do things without the orders of someone else, if you know what I mean?

I'll admit this right now, I'm a girl who would like to be showered in attention by her boyfriend. I want to feel special and not just another girl (except that he likes me more than them in that way). I would like to be complimented sometimes, you know?

What should I do?
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Lukedavidhopkins1
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#2
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#2
As his girlfriend think you should have the talk with him in as nice a way as possible. Try not to bring attention to his inexperience itd probably just embarrass him, it would me. If you want the relationship to work you should be able to talk to him about these kind of things. Just be really nice and ease him into it rather than push
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MathematicsKiller
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#3
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I'm sure he would be better at showing affection privately.

He just doesn't like seeming clingy.

I, for one, would never post constant "I love you"s on facebook like hundreds of people do. It is absolutely ridiculous.
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big-boss-91
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#4
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#4
(Original post by RP Lover)
He's never had a girlfriend before me and he's 18. We were close friends for a while before we started going out (as boyfriend/girlfriend) and I think he's finding the transition between friends to boyfriend/girlfriend difficult.

He still treats me like a close friend (apart from the obvious) and I just think that he doesn't quite know how to be a boyfriend.

Like, he never texts me "goodnight" or "good morning" texts, whenever we text its just a standard conversation. He doesn't make me feel any more special than his other girl friends, nearly everything he does for me, he offers to do for them - so it's like, how am I different to those other girls? He never compliments me on anything, I guess because he doesn't like sounding corny, which he has said before.

I'm really tempted to bring this up with him soon but he's inexperienced and I'd end up sounding whiny and *****y.

I could tell him what to do, but he's that kind of guy where you can tell he wants to do things without the orders of someone else, if you know what I mean?

I'll admit this right now, I'm a girl who would like to be showered in attention by her boyfriend. I want to feel special and not just another girl (except that he likes me more than them in that way). I would like to be complimented sometimes, you know?

What should I do?
be the dominate one and keep requesting for dominant, he'll rise up!
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Nepene
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#5
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#5
You mentioned he doesn't like orders. Same as most men. Hence, you have to be subtle.

Remember when he did do things you like. Tell him you loved that, and you'd love it if he did them more. Imply that favours of a special sort will be given. He must have given you some sort of compliment at some time during your relationship. Talk about what you'd want

If he does do any of these things makes sure he gets a lot of fanfare and compliments and adoration, so he learns that it's a great thing to do.

Of course, this assumes he does like you. If he doesn't actually care then he's not gonna do anything.
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takethyfacehence
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#6
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#6
It's not necessarily to do with his inexperience... I mean you know more about him than I do, but from what you've said I would make the assumption that that's just how he is or doesn't know that you specifically like that kind of stuff, rather than the fact that he hasn't been in a relationship before.
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naruto69r
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#7
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hmm sometimes being cruel to be kind helps :P though risky.

Your situation reminds me of my two friends who were seeing each other. At first it looked like a relationship of convenience and me being a mischievous *******, I wanted to test the waters a little. At this house party we were all at, the pair of them didn't really intimately touch each other or anything, you would not have thought they were BF/GF. Anyways we were all a bit drunk, anyway I sat down on the sofa and his GF sat next to me. Her BF was sitting on a chair opposite. She was kinda tired and probably a mixture of being a bit more drunk than the rest of us, plus the fact she had one of these rebellious characteristical streaks that I have long sensed in her, she decided to lean her head on my shoulder, and I had my arm up behind the back of the sofa. So it looked like we were BF and GF for a while. I did consider doing what every friend should do and push her away out of respect for my friend's apparent official relationship with her...but instead I thought fck it, let him watch this scene and let his blood simmer a little, let the jealousy come out a bit (i knew he was not the type to hit me, he would bottle it up, which he did). After about 4-5mins I could see he was getting really pissed off (body language was incredibly tense) and that's all I wanted to find out, so I got up and left and he immediately dived on to the place I had left and began comforting her like a BF would do.

That was my way of being cruel to be kind to both of them, I felt sorry for her that she wasn't getting the attention she deserved, and I was dissappointed in him not being able to spark things off himself. Call me manipulative but I had the best intentions and sure enough their relationship has gone from strength to strength since, rather than stay stalled in this pathetic state of limbo, merely paying lipservice to the term "BF/GF"

What I am sayin is that guys don't like their GF's interacting too closely with other guys, what I did was kind of on the borderline. If I had started kissing her in front of him, then that would have been too far. obviously. I know its obvious what I just said about guys not liking their GF's being all flirty with other guys, but it works a treat if you get the measurement just right. You should look to use it to your advantage. No orders needed
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Complex Simplicity
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#8
Report 7 years ago
#8
(Original post by naruto69r)
hmm sometimes being cruel to be kind helps :P though risky.

Your situation reminds me of my two friends who were seeing each other. At first it looked like a relationship of convenience and me being a mischievous *******, I wanted to test the waters a little. At this house party we were all at, the pair of them didn't really intimately touch each other or anything, you would not have thought they were BF/GF. Anyways we were all a bit drunk, anyway I sat down on the sofa and his GF sat next to me. Her BF was sitting on a chair opposite. She was kinda tired and probably a mixture of being a bit more drunk than the rest of us, plus the fact she had one of these rebellious characteristical streaks that I have long sensed in her, she decided to lean her head on my shoulder, and I had my arm up behind the back of the sofa. So it looked like we were BF and GF for a while. I did consider doing what every friend should do and push her away out of respect for my friend's apparent official relationship with her...but instead I thought fck it, let him watch this scene and let his blood simmer a little, let the jealousy come out a bit (i knew he was not the type to hit me, he would bottle it up, which he did). After about 4-5mins I could see he was getting really pissed off (body language was incredibly tense) and that's all I wanted to find out, so I got up and left and he immediately dived on to the place I had left and began comforting her like a BF would do.

That was my way of being cruel to be kind to both of them, I felt sorry for her that she wasn't getting the attention she deserved, and I was dissappointed in him not being able to spark things off himself. Call me manipulative but I had the best intentions and sure enough their relationship has gone from strength to strength since, rather than stay stalled in this pathetic state of limbo, merely paying lipservice to the term "BF/GF"

What I am sayin is that guys don't like their GF's interacting too closely with other guys, what I did was kind of on the borderline. If I had started kissing her in front of him, then that would have been too far. obviously. I know its obvious what I just said about guys not liking their GF's being all flirty with other guys, but it works a treat if you get the measurement just right. You should look to use it to your advantage. No orders needed
Lol you sound like House
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report 7 years ago
#9
(Original post by RP Lover)

Like, he never texts me "goodnight" or "good morning" texts, whenever we text its just a standard conversation. He doesn't make me feel any more special than his other girl friends, nearly everything he does for me, he offers to do for them - so it's like, how am I different to those other girls? He never compliments me on anything, I guess because he doesn't like sounding corny, which he has said before.
I'm a really inexperienced guy, a 22 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl and I've got a question:
Do girls really expect you to send a text to them saying good morning/goodnight? It just sounds so ridiculous to me. If I had a girlfriend I'd be nice to her and all but sending texts with stuff like that seems just....well strange if not to say childish/stupid and done for the sake of formality not real meaning.
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ac132
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a really inexperienced guy, a 22 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl and I've got a question:
Do girls really expect you to send a text to them saying good morning/goodnight? It just sounds so ridiculous to me. If I had a girlfriend I'd be nice to her and all but sending texts with stuff like that seems just....well strange if not to say childish/stupid and done for the sake of formality not real meaning.
No its lovely to wake up to a "good morning" message or a "good night" one. Shows that they were thinking of you when they woke up etc its sweet
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mermania
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#11
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#11
(Original post by RP Lover)
Like, he never texts me "goodnight" or "good morning" texts
Not made of money tbh.
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Pastel
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#12
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#12
To your boyfriend you may seem a little needy; requiring constant attention from him. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But you should understand that your boyfriend may not need constant attention from you, and would assume that you are the same to him. So perhaps you should level with him. Try telling him that you want to feel more special in your relationship. Alternatively, you could give him more special attention (if you didn't feel comfortable telling him) and hope that he would take your lead and return the behaviour.
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Jono404
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#13
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#13
I think you might be expecting too much, you sound like you need an excessive amount of reassurance. This may sound harsh but it's the impression I got.
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the cake lady
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#14
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#14
He probably has no idea you feel like this. And he is probably so used to behaving like a friend with you that the transition needs to take conscious effort.

He isn't a mind reader. So in some way you have to express your thoughts and feelings to him. You have several options how to do this.

1. Be upfront, clear and direct about what you want/think/feel.

2. Do more girlfriend-y things for him that highlight a stark difference in the kind of relationship you had before. And hope he follows suit.

3. Positively reinforce the times when he is doing the things you want.

4. Subtly suggest or joke about the things you want him to do.

5. A combination of all of the above, plus other stuff.

They all have pros and cons. Find the balance. But I recommend not listening to the folk who are saying you sound like you are asking for too much. You are not.

Guys and girls fall out a massive amount of times because they don't understand, see or accept that what males and females want from each other is not too much or too less. It's just different. And yeah it's hard to see why a male wants what he does if you're a female and vice versa. But if folk would just accept that the opposite sex operates differently and needs different things to you on an emotional and psychological level, I swear there wouldn't be so much relationship stress.
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Floob
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#15
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#15
I don't think its anything to do with his inexperience.

You need to let him know what you want/ expect (nicely) because well guys can't read minds or get subtle hints.

Add in that all girls want different things and it's no wonder we're confusing to guys.

I for one would hate all the things you want your boy to do, lots of compliments, attention and sweet little texts and I'd start to think he was a clingy wet blanket who's just trying to hard. Whereas I'm more than happy to be treated as just a good friend (obviously with extra perks for me in the bedroom ). Hell I'm with a guy right now BECAUSE he treats me like a normal person and not some special princess who has to be taken care of.
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Blueflare
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#16
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#16
"Good night" and "good morning" texts? :lolwut: That would piss me the **** off after the first 2 days.
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thisismycatch22
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#17
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#17
(Original post by RP Lover)
he never texts me "goodnight" or "good morning" texts...
Sounds like you're needy tbh. Also inexperienced, as experienced people would just talk to their partner about it rather than ask internet for help.
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