Getting over a 'kind of' break-up if you have nobody to talk to Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
During the last couple of months my ex and I had been seeing lots more of each other - it felt very much like dating (I'd been to stay at his when his family were away and everything). I assumed something was developing - we send lots of flity texts, both openly admit we love talking to each other and spending time together and still have feelings etc. Last night I was pushed into asking him about it because of various reasons. We had a long conversation which consisted of me trying to persuade him to give it another go and him not thinking it would be right. So essentially, even though we weren't officially going out, to me it feels almost as shocking and sad as the first break-up as I truly felt we were moving towards a new relationship and were very much behaving couply for the last two months or so.

The problem is that none of my friends or family really know how close we've been getting because obviously we were testing things out and therefore were quite private about it all.
Additionally I'm quite a private and quiet person anyway, who finds it hard to share. My friends don't like him that much either.

So how do I keep myself on track and try not to be sad even though I have nobody to talk to and nobody really knows what I'm going through?

I tried to write a list of why I shouldn't be with him but I just ended-up thinking that I could cope with all his little faults and compromise and that I couldn't find that much which was wrong!

Thank you
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
A somewhat similar situation I guess: long buildup with a girl, she has epic baggage, we have a fling for two weeks, and she inexplicably breaks it off before Easter.

I'm more hurt than I think I should be - given that it was never going to be a fully fledged relationship (due to previously mentioned issues). Had lunch with her last week after a month of silence over Easter, also in a persuasion attempt, and managed to get a solid and pre-emptive no .

I guess I'm particularly hurt by how callously she manages to discard the whole thing - we get on staggeringly well, and I'm almost certain she likes me, but seems unwilling to act on it. She also expects me to deal with this gracefully.

Epiphany time:

In a brief flurry of self-indulgent angst I conclude that, she can't really have that strong feelings for me, if she isn't willing to put in any effort at all to instantiate them. And, from a utilitarian viewpoint, even if she does have feelings, not acting upon them has the same net effect as not having feelings at all. And, if feelings aren't reciprocated, there's no point in anything at all.

So here's what I'm doing, and here's what I think you might be better off doing: Collect what dignity you have left and walk away - for a fortnight, for a month or for a year. I've changed her name in my phone to `Probably should reconsider' . Go out with one or two close friends, get a little bit pasted, and tell them the story - they'll almost certainly make you feel better.

Most of all, keep your pride - you may or may not have made mistakes in the approach, but at least you can stand tall when you walk away.
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username311288
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#3
Report 7 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A somewhat similar situation I guess: long buildup with a girl, she has epic baggage, we have a fling for two weeks, and she inexplicably breaks it off before Easter.

I'm more hurt than I think I should be - given that it was never going to be a fully fledged relationship (due to previously mentioned issues). Had lunch with her last week after a month of silence over Easter, also in a persuasion attempt, and managed to get a solid and pre-emptive no .

I guess I'm particularly hurt by how callously she manages to discard the whole thing - we get on staggeringly well, and I'm almost certain she likes me, but seems unwilling to act on it. She also expects me to deal with this gracefully.

Epiphany time:

In a brief flurry of self-indulgent angst I conclude that, she can't really have that strong feelings for me, if she isn't willing to put in any effort at all to instantiate them. And, from a utilitarian viewpoint, even if she does have feelings, not acting upon them has the same net effect as not having feelings at all. And, if feelings aren't reciprocated, there's no point in anything at all.

So here's what I'm doing, and here's what I think you might be better off doing: Collect what dignity you have left and walk away - for a fortnight, for a month or for a year. I've changed her name in my phone to `Probably should reconsider' . Go out with one or two close friends, get a little bit pasted, and tell them the story - they'll almost certainly make you feel better.

Most of all, keep your pride - you may or may not have made mistakes in the approach, but at least you can stand tall when you walk away.
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever read.
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emmi_lou
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(Original post by BrokenJohn)
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever read.
I'll second that comment
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A somewhat similar situation I guess: long buildup with a girl, she has epic baggage, we have a fling for two weeks, and she inexplicably breaks it off before Easter.

I'm more hurt than I think I should be - given that it was never going to be a fully fledged relationship (due to previously mentioned issues). Had lunch with her last week after a month of silence over Easter, also in a persuasion attempt, and managed to get a solid and pre-emptive no .

I guess I'm particularly hurt by how callously she manages to discard the whole thing - we get on staggeringly well, and I'm almost certain she likes me, but seems unwilling to act on it. She also expects me to deal with this gracefully.

Epiphany time:

In a brief flurry of self-indulgent angst I conclude that, she can't really have that strong feelings for me, if she isn't willing to put in any effort at all to instantiate them. And, from a utilitarian viewpoint, even if she does have feelings, not acting upon them has the same net effect as not having feelings at all. And, if feelings aren't reciprocated, there's no point in anything at all.

So here's what I'm doing, and here's what I think you might be better off doing: Collect what dignity you have left and walk away - for a fortnight, for a month or for a year. I've changed her name in my phone to `Probably should reconsider' . Go out with one or two close friends, get a little bit pasted, and tell them the story - they'll almost certainly make you feel better.

Most of all, keep your pride - you may or may not have made mistakes in the approach, but at least you can stand tall when you walk away.
Thanks so much for that advice You seem very sensitive and perceptive. I hope you find somebody who appreciates you fully!
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#6
Report 7 years ago
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I am going through a similar thing, all be it a little more complicated, basically the same though. The above is very eloquent and apt, if you want to talk to someone drop me a pm. If not i wish you all the best in getting through it.
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