Girlfriend problems :/ help! Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Hey guys,

Been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. Everything started off great, and we were always so happy . I'm a year older than her, so the time came when I had to leave school (this was about 3 months in).

Long story short.. we met at school, which is sorta like a boarding school kinda place.. but I board and she doesn't (she goes to and from home each day). I'm at home at weekends, but she lives 40 miles away (public transport = 4 hour round trip).

So it went from seeing one another 5 days a week, to rarely getting to see each other, with the only convenient times being Saturday's (no trains run to mine/hers on Sundays). Throughout the relationship, I've made a concious effort to see her. I've probably travelled to and from her place on the train in excess of 50 times. She has came to mine once. We have met halfway twice.

A couple of months ago, she sent me an email stating she wanted to go on a break. Things didn't feel the same etc. She wanted 2 weeks with no contact. So all that happened, and then when we spoke again, I tried to make it clear that if she wasn't happy, then we must need to change some things. So we agreed on how we could go about making things better, but she never stuck to any of those things, and everything soon got back to how it was before.

So there were a few rubbish weeks.. and I've knew for some time (since September when her new school year started) that she'd made good friends with 2 guys at her school. Now this is fine, she's obviously allowed to be friends with who she likes. The only thing is, my girlfriend doesn't seem to realise when she is flirting; when others are flirting with her; when people like her etc. Either way, she became friends with them, but obviously due the nature of the school, they weren't exactly walking distance from her either.

I was very confident quite early on that one of these male friends liked my girlfriend. The other guy, not so sure.. but I didn't really get the impression she'd want to be with him in all honesty. But the first guy.. definitely liked my girl. So after a while, she'd told me that some random other guy had started flirting with her.. attempting to hold her hand, kissed her on the cheek, and general other flirting behaviour (which must have been quite OTT anyway, as she struggles to realise when people are flirting). We ended up having a conversation about it, and on the topic of other guys.. I mentioned this lad who I thought liked her. She all of a sudden instantly changed tone, and started to sound a lot more defensive. 20 mins later, she also said that she finds him attractive... fair enough, she might find him attractive, but she didn't have to tell me that did she? I didn't ask her... she just said it. Followed by something slightly more hurtful:

"Oh, I find him attractive tbh.. and maybe if I wasn't with you, things would be different between me and him"

Ok.. now my girlfriend struggles to see things from other people's points of view. She doesn't have an awful lot of empathy. She is Autistic, as am I; albeit it doesn't affect either of us hugely, and people wouldn't even think anything wasn't normal.

So that was that.. and things progressively became more distant. We've never been extremely sexually involved with each other anyway, but recently she hasn't even seemed comfortable with hugging/holding hands, let alone kissing.

We've just had a 2 week break from school.. so the chances were, I'd be able to see her quite a lot. Nope.. I thought wrong. I'd asked what days she was free on a Sunday evening. She'd told me Tuesday and Thursday. I then had a call from a friend wanting to meet up to do some general guy-stuff, and he was only free on those days too, so I had to explain that I couldn't meet him because I'd be with my girl. Then on the Monday, she didn't respond to a text I sent.. and so by the time Tuesday came around, I didn't set off for hers, because I didn't know what was happening (would be a bit silly to travel all the way their just to come back again.. it's quite a distance). I had then spoke to her during the day on FB chat. She had said she's with her friend Lauren, and it was a very quick, casual convo.. then she signed off. Later that evening, we again spoke on FB chat.. she hadn't really mentioned anything about her day. She ended up going off to bed.. only to have both of these 2 guys post on her Facebook wall a little later saying "Today was great, we should do it again sometime". So she'd been with her female friend Lauren, as well as these two guys. She hadn't told me that. It seemed as if she didn't want me to know.. probably because she was unsure as to how I'd react.

Ok, I'm fine with her having male friends. Ok, I'm fine with her seeing male friends as well as me. But I don't appreciate it when she is meeting up with guys on days that she has told me she was free for me to see her... especially when it's somebody who she's already stated she finds attractive and things could potentially be different between them.

Since then, I ended up going over to have a talk with her. Explaining how she seems to make minimal effort, and even when she'd said before about changing some things.. nothing ended up happening. So she again said that she'd put in more effort. I asked why she tries to hide stuff from me about these 2 guys.. her initial response was to ask me if I am jealous. I answered honestly; I said I don't know. Being Autistic, I don't always understand emotions anyway, and I'm not sure if it is jealously. I said that it probably is... but surely it's understandable given the circumstances?

She said she'd be more open and not hide stuff about them.. because I'd said that if anything it will only make things more difficult for me if she's seeing them and I don't know about it.

She almost definitely will not have done anything with these guys. She is very much the kind of person who takes things very slowly. As said, we've been together for a year and done nothing serious. She is always giving off wrong signals though, and can easily give off the impression that she likes someone without meaning to. It's her nature.

She is still in school, and lives at home with her parents, and due to the times she leaves in the morning and gets back in the evening, she can't really get a job anywhere. So she doesn't have a lot of money to throw around for train fare etc. That's understandable, but I've made sure she knows I can give her money for trains/buses etc. if she was to come to see me.. to which she was like "ohh, but I'd feel really bad".. I explained that it'd actually be better for me because she would still get child prices on the train as she was 15 at the time.

I've spent a lot of time, money and effort in this relationship. I spent in excess of £200 on her at Christmas, and will give her little gifts every now and then.. I bought festival tickets for us not too long ago which cost £440. I've spent over £500 on travelling to see her. But money isn't anything which I stress about.

Money will come and go. But what I don't understand is why I should put all of that in, only for her to end up saying she doesn't know whether things seem right and to go on a break.

I love my girlfriend more than anything. I'm not sure if she realises how much I care for her, and I really want us to be together. But I don't know if it is the right thing right now.

It was only a couple of weeks ago when we spoke again about things, and said about making changes... so if things don't seem to improve, should I give it yet another shot?

Honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks to anyone who has read, and for any input, it's much appreciated
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*Dreaming*
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#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
No offence, but your relationship sucks. You are the only one putting all the effort in, and she's got you wrapped round her finger. She's playing with your emotions and doesn't even seem to care from what you've said.

You've said you hardly do anything serious, you hardly ever see each other, she puts nothing into the relationship....what's the point? It doesn't even sound like a relationship to me.

Relationships are give and take. Doesn't sound like she's pulling her weight.
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Ciaran88
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#3
Report 7 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
"Oh, I find him attractive tbh.. and maybe if I wasn't with you, things would be different between me and him"
Walk away.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 7 years ago
#4
This all sounds very similar to things with my ex. Ask yourself this - are you happy? If you can't honestly say yes, then I hate to say it but things aren't gonna last and you should seriously consider breaking up with her. If she isn't putting any effort into the relationship then it just isn't worth it and after some time without her you'll likely realise that you're happier without her.
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thesweatyfox
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#5
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This sounds like A LOT of effort for little reward. I understand if you love her, but it looks too much like one way traffic if you ask me :/
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Lee91
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#6
Report 7 years ago
#6
Seriously the EXACT same happened to me, in the end she dumped me... I was heart broken... Please please take my advice and dump her NOW, before she does it first, trust me on this!
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Implo
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#7
Report 7 years ago
#7
Dude she doesn't deserve you, sounds like she likes you for sure to an extent but really isn't that bothered about you anymore. I mean she said that thing about it being different if we weren't together with that other guy. Just think about that. If she was in this relationship and wanted to and loved you back would she even think about mentioning that? It sounds like she just doesn't wanna hurt you and dump you but doesn't wanna be with you. You sound like such a nice, caring and generous guy, you deserve alot better then this.
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