Please can grade this formal letter? Watch

afzal123
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#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Hi i was just writing a letter to a local newspaper giving my views on the smoking ban which was introduced. Here is my letter can you please grade it if possible and also any comments and suggestions would be brilliant. Thanks

140 Brookhill Lane,
Evington,
Leicester,
LE5 5FT,
3rd April 2011

The Editor,
Leicester Mercury,
St Georges Way,
Leicester,
LE1 3RG

Dear Sir/ Madam,
I wish to express my feelings on the ban on smoking in public places. I strongly feel that this is a very important matter which has been taken very seriously, but also a very delicate situation.
In my opinion the ban of smoking in public places is very helpful due to the fact that it has caused much inconvenience to the surrounding people that smoke, hence why this ban has been token in to consideration. The ban has had a great impact on the local society, giving people a lot more freedom and not been having to put up with the fumes of smoke. Smoking on bus stops has caused huge problems as many people are gathered in one area, which does not allow smoke fumes spread, this can cause passive smoking.
Smoking in public places is not a pleasant site, especially to young children who can easily take on the habit. On the other hand this is not so good news for the people who do smoke as this limits their freedom of smoking. I personally feel that this is a vital point which has gone across to people over England and Wales and hopefully it will stay in action throughout the year to come.
To sum up, the ban on smoking has had a very tense impact and you can just smell the fresh scent of nature in the surroundings of where you walk and travel. I hope that this prohibition continues to be strong as it is supposed. The only way for this to happen is if we contribute in a positive manner.

Yours Sincerely,
Afzal Ikhariya
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afzal123
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the first address was meant to be aligned to the right but it did not come out right for some reason.!
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Sokka
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If it's for gcse english, you don't need to put the addresses and all that, just start with Dear Sir/Madam/(Name) and you lost no extra marks for not inclusing the addresses and date etc ;]
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Helloworld_95
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D/C,

there are a few basic errors such as 'token' instead of 'taken', 'on' instead of 'at', 'site' instead of 'sight'.

don't keep on talking for persuasive pieces, use mostly short sentences with complicated, hard hitting words, lacking in explanation and then every now and again you can drop in a long sentence to give it some contrast.
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Horrid_GUI
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It could most definitely be expanded a lot, this seems rushed to me.
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FindBeautyInNegativeSpace
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Report 7 years ago
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Being realistic? Probably a E.

You have great potential to achieve a much more higher grade.

Increase your variety of punctuation and put your ideas into different paragraphs.
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