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what to do... panic!

this is a bit boring once again but i suppose this is what this sub category is for-or seems to be.
Had a big row with my boyfriend of a year and a half 2 days ago. we ended on good terms though( it was on the phone -blerg). i acknowledged some things that i had to work on (worrying , insecurities) but he said some really horrible things like the fact that i was depressed at the moment due to circumstances didnt make him enjoy spending time with me, as he didnt want to be dragged down or something. anyway thats not really the point. the point is i was thinking about all this and i concluded that i needed some time off to gather my thoughts and decide what to do... so i emailed him and said so, and that i thought i shouldnt see him this weekend , and that we shouldnt speak for a few days, i wasnt trying to play around i just needed to gather my thoughts and calm down a bit. anyhow, the problem is he didnt get it before he left for interviews at oxbridge and now hes going to think im sulking of i dont call him. i feel he should just focus on his interviews (like hes been banging on about) . but the prob is he wont get this email now until saturday, so it all seems a bit pointless! he wont be aware of the fact that we're basically on a break ( tho i dont like to put it that way). i would call him and tell him but i dont realy want to call him and tell him just b4 his interview btw we're on a short break but good luck eh?!
it all seems stupid... i wanted to just try and stop being dependant on him, figure out what i wanted and whether i was happy in the relationship and not think about him for a bit. but now as im worried and torn between wanting to be supportive abut his interviews and wanting to stick to my guns.
so. what to do?

Reply 1

frank01277779

I would probably suggest texting him, telling him he has an email from you, I'm sure there will be somewhere he'd be able to check it, and then he would understand where you are coming from hopefully.

Sounds like you've been sensible and done the right thing for you, always good to put yourself first sometimes, even in relationships...

Reply 2

fruitcake

thanke.. but unfortunately i did already txt him and said did u get my email and he said no, but didnt even ask what it was... i dont think theres anywhere to check emails there, had an interview at the same place last year and there wasnt...so im a bit stuck

Reply 3

Kismet

Why can't it wait until saturday? He's probably really stressed already and you still do want him to be successful, don't you? If I were you I'd call him and wish him good luck and then after the interwievs are over tell him how I feel.

It's bad enough you're telling him you want a break in an e-mail - why can't you meet up with him and tell him how you feel? You've been in a relationship for a long time, he deserves to hear news like that face to face.

Yes, you need to put yourself first and take a break from the relationship if you need one but you please tell the news to him in the right way and the right time.

Reply 4

fruitcake

its not really a break in that way, thats why i didnt want to use that expresiion , its not like i dont want to be with him, the aim was to leave him be for a few days and like i said try and sort myself out. i cant tell him face to face as hes at boarding school, and the next time i was going to see him was sunday, so if he reads the email saturday itll all be a bit stupid.
one of the problems was that he said he didnt like it when i occasionally got unhappy when we were spending time together, being pretty unhappy at the moment i cant force myself to be happy when im with him, it would be fake and there would be no point. i just wanted to take a few days off to decide what to do.

Reply 5

fruitcake

also complicated as im supposed to be doing something that was booked which involves his mum and i need to tell her im not going but i cant if he doesnt know, as i dont want him finding out from her

Reply 6

notts

its pretty lame of him to not want to hang out with you when you are upset... seems a bit selfish.

maybe he thinks you are unhappy with him?

i dont know. anyway, i would text him and wish him luck, and then leave it till he gets the email

Reply 7

fruitcake

yeh i know!!! its hard as hes generally so sweet... but i was really upset, its not like ive been down on purpose and ive been trying so hard to get out of it. it think its combined with the fact that i get a bit insecure and worried, and when he sees me down he automatically thinks im worrying about our relationship even when im not. i know hes under a lot of pressure at the moment and i have been trying hard not to bother him, but its reached a point when i kindof need to think about my well being. i did text him gd luck, but im finding it so hard not to call him to see how it went. problem is if i do then the email will seem like a load of *******s. i just felt like i needed to make him see he was going to lose me if he wasnt a bit more understanding, and it defeats the object if i say im not going to talk to him and the end up chatting all day!

Reply 8

Kismet

Are you seeing him on sunday or were you supposed to meet on sunday but you cancelled that in the e-mail? Abd why can't you meet his mother for the thing that is booked?

Anyway, you're stressing about this for no reason. He'll be back in a couple of days to read what you had in mind. Just concentrate on yourself and do all the things that you want to do on your short break from him.

Reply 9

notts

to be honest, i think you should have a good chat with him, tell him you do get inseucre and worry, but everyone does! ensure him it isnt about him, and tell him you are hurt he doesnt want to support you when you need it.

Reply 10

fruitcake

we were supposed to be going to this thing on sunday with his mum, obviously having decided not to go, its only polite to tell her so that she can go with someone else, but if he only finds out about it on saturday its a bit *****.
but you are right, i am stressing for no reason. i guess im just scared of the conclusion i might reach i.e if i cant suddenly miraculously get happier and he doesnt want to be with me when im unhappy then theres not much point for the whole thing is there.

Reply 11

Kismet

If he doesn't want to be with you when you're unhappy, let him go. You can't pretend to be happy. If he's only willing to share to good times with you he's worth absolutely nothing. If you are depressed the only thing you should concentrate on is getting better and he should be supporting you instead of saying he doesn't want to be with you when you're unhappy.

You are not going to miraculously be happy in a few days. You'll need time and support to do that. You should really have good talk about these things with him. Maybe he's just worried that you're unhappy because of the relationship or feels frustrated because he can't cheer you up. You need to let him know how you feel and what you need from him, guys most definitely aren't mind-readers.

Reply 12

La Trampa

text him and tell him what you want to do. remind him you'll be supportivef but you just need to get your thoughts clear. tell him if it's really important or if he advice or something really important he can text but not to disturb you with silly things if not it'd defeat the aim of you wanting to clear your thoughts so the relationship progresses positively.

Reply 13

fruitcake

thank you every one... i think it's reassured me about my aim and that i have to stick to my guns or it'll just be pointless and the situation will just go on for ever...