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Is it ever OK to lie to your BF/GF about your previous amount of sexual partners?

See title.

Possible other things to consider:

- If you have been tested and know that STD's aren't an issue.
- If you know for a fact the true answer would upset them.
- If they're never going to find out the truth another way.

Was really aiming this at people who have slept with more than people would expect for someone of your age/ had one night stands etc, but people who are virgins and ashamed feel free to answer.

Reply 1

Angelus

Clearly this topic would upset a partner. Do not lie but agree that discussing such a topic would not be so wise.

Reply 2

street.lovin'

17

Hmm, I mean if you both are relaxed about the number of partners you've slept with then there is no need to lie. I don't think there is any problem about it if you don't have STD's and right now you are already absolutely in love with him. However, if my BF slept with many girls before and ended up lieing to me when I asked, I would be angry but if he didn't lie and said the truth I would be fine about it.

PS. I don't see the point of asking my BF this question anyway, I mean, the answer might upset both me and him so why asked? :P ....Also it's not like I care, I am the one f*cking/in love with him now! :P

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 3

schoolstudent

13

I'd understand if my girlfriend had been raped and didn't want to tell me about it. But other than that, NO. It is NOT ok. If my girlfriend lied about the choices she had made in the past, it wouldn't really be her I was liking. Plus I think sexual history is an indication of how faithful a partner they'll be ... there are so many reasons why it is NOT ok.

Reply 4

truthandtragedy

16

I've never lied about it, and none of my previous partners have had a problem with the number. I think it's fairly average. One of my ex-boyfriends lied to me about his number, though. He told me he'd slept with 2 girls, but it was a lot more in reality. I was a bit annoyed, but he turned out to be a prick anyway.

Reply 5

o Rebecca o

6

I don't know why couples feel they even have to talk about their sex history.

However, it is wise to get tested for STDs.

Reply 6

catjaum

14

*sarcastic comment here* so i can reel in the rep... :smile:

Reply 7

hay.hay

1

Original post by schoolstudent

I'd understand if my girlfriend had been raped and didn't want to tell me about it. But other than that, NO. It is NOT ok. If my girlfriend lied about the choices she had made in the past, it wouldn't really be her I was liking. Plus I think sexual history is an indication of how faithful a partner they'll be ... there are so many reasons why it is NOT ok.

How is sexual history an indicator of how faithful a partner will be?!

I reply to the post though, I'd rather he just told me the truth! If he'd slept with a lot of people it might be a little strange to know but his past is his past.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 8

username677182

18

I don't think you should lie to your partner, it's not a good ground for a relationship, and it'll leave you with that slight feeling of guilt, knowing that if your partner did know the truth, they might feel differently about you?

Always put yourself in their position, how would you feel if you partner had made this thread and was planning on lying to you? Would you feel a bit upset, betrayed, offended? You'd feel as if you can't trust them?
It's better to tell your partner the truth, even if they don't like it.

"I'd rather the painful truth, than a lie full of smiles."

Reply 9

blush.ox

15

no, what kind of relationship would that be :rolleyes:

Reply 10

schoolstudent

13

Original post by hay.hay

How is sexual history an indicator of how faithful a partner will be?!

I reply to the post though, I'd rather he just told me the truth! If he'd slept with a lot of people it might be a little strange to know but his past is his past.

Obviously if she's hump and dumped all her previous boyfriends, there's no reason to imagine you're any different to her. There's one reason.

Reply 11

medbh4805

20

If rape or sexual abuse is in question, then it would be reasonable for someone not to want to discuss their sexual history, especially if you'd only been going out for a short period of time. That's the only situation where it would really be acceptable to lie (and even then you would probably have to tell them eventually).

otherwise, tell the truth :sadnod:

relationships can't be built on lies.

Reply 12

hay.hay

1

Original post by schoolstudent

Obviously if she's hump and dumped all her previous boyfriends, there's no reason to imagine you're any different to her. There's one reason.

You can't just generalise that if a person has had a lot of partners that they won't be faithful.

I could started seeing a guy that had been single for a couple of years and had slept with a few women in this time. If you knew before you were together that he slept around then maybe you might not want to get involved if you didn't want to be 'hump and dumped'. If he was my boyfriend though, I wouldn't have any reason to think he'd be cheating on me just because he slept around when he was single.

Reply 13

schoolstudent

13

Original post by hay.hay

You can't just generalise that if a person has had a lot of partners that they won't be faithful.

I could started seeing a guy that had been single for a couple of years and had slept with a few women in this time. If you knew before you were together that he slept around then maybe you might not want to get involved if you didn't want to be 'hump and dumped'. If he was my boyfriend though, I wouldn't have any reason to think he'd be cheating on me just because he slept around when he was single.

I disagree, but I can't be arsed to construct the argument. It should be obvious...

Reply 14

Casshern1456

18

I wouldn't ever lie but then it's usually acceptable if a guy has had more sexual partners before committing to a relationship. I wouldn't want to be less experienced than my gf tho I have no idea why but it does bother me a little to be honest, and I hope she doesn't lie for the relationship sake.

Reply 15

WelshBluebird

16

If the conversation comes up, then I don't think you should lie. But at the same time, I don't think its that important really.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

What if you've already lied, and they reacted badly at even the fake number?

Reply 17

Hopple

18

It's not ok to lie, unless you're doing it for their good. In this case it's for your benefit so it's not ok. There are worse things to lie about if that puts your mind at ease.

Reply 18

hay.hay

1

Original post by Anonymous

What if you've already lied, and they reacted badly at even the fake number?

How much of a lie are we talking? Like did you say 5 when it's 10? Or did you say it's 10 when it's actually like 50?

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Hopple

It's not ok to lie, unless you're doing it for their good. In this case it's for your benefit so it's not ok. There are worse things to lie about if that puts your mind at ease.

It doesn't, though. I feel horribly guilty and it would put my mind at ease to tell him the truth. But the truth would upset him. I suppose the lie is kind of for my benefit in that I don't want us to split up over it, but that is honestly it in terms of it being a 'selfish' lie. He already dislikes my sexual past with the fake number, it's not as if I've told him a number he finds acceptable.

Is it ever OK to lie to your BF/GF about your previous amount of sexual partners?

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