Funk Buddies Watch

Laursy
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#161
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#161
Then it would be a considerably larger number
not if i am sleeping with the same person or people i have slept with before ive done that slept with someone i had a one night stand with before!!
its not like its anything with a penis though i wouldn't degrade myself to sleep with someone i didn't like one bit,
but its not someone im in love with!!

ive never been in love how am i supose to know when it is if i havent felt it before, im too young for that mambo jambo i think
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Helenia
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#162
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#162
You'll know. It's not just about the sex though. And I'm sure you're not "too young," you just haven't found it yet.
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Laursy
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#163
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#163
yer i think you are right,

my mate thinks i need to find some kind of love to be happy as ive never been happy really deep down,
but thats just boring and long winded i just don;t think i trust people enough to get close (love them) i know its silly really but i just don;t think i have what it takes to make someone happy either!!
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Ferrus
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#164
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#164
(Original post by Helenia)
No, in modern society it's unreasonable for anyone to insist on all their partners being virgins (especially if they've had more than one themselves).
Amongst the "white" cultural background yes, but other cultural groups would see it as standard within Britain.
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LoveMusic
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#165
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#165
Personally, i would become way too emotionally involved.

But its your life, do whatever you want
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Objet trouvé
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#166
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#166
(Original post by cambridgemuscle)

I have views on the matter though stemming from how i've internalized the world and events around me. 1) Society believes men are studs, girls are slappers. Many girls get pissed off and act as if this is not the case but it is. A girl sleeping with ten people is simply not the same as a man doing the same. there is justification in this. girls can get sex when they want and a large number of sexual partners indicates lack of control, lack of self repect or a lack of understanding of the status quo.

2) If one is friends with a girl who is becoming prolific, it is good to warn her of the damage she may be doing to her reputation but obviously in a reasoned manner. Unfortunately easy girls tend to club together, thus reducing the chance of this happening and minimizing their outsider status.

3) One of the dangers about a sexually permissive lifestyle for girls is how it will affect their chances of future happiness. I personally would not go out with a girl who'd slept with more than eight people (the UK average last time i checked was 8.3) or had a random one night stand . I'm sure the median is lower 8.3 as well.

4) I try not to have one night stands because although I do not believe they are wrong in principle, the girl you are using for sex will one day be another man's wife. I do to others what I would have done to myself and I know the hurt I felt in having to finish with my last ex for the way she had behaved in the past.
I was surprised that everyone responded to this post positively. Your resignation at the so called "status quo" shows an unwillingness to accept that things need to change with regards to the perception of women in society. You say that a woman with many sexual partners lacks self control and self respect, but do not attribute these qualities to a man who sleeps around (and they quite clearly apply).

Furthermore you refer to "easy girls" and the damage done to their reputation. I contend that this also applies to males, who, after having slept around with half of their university campus, suddenly find it difficult to maintain a long term relationship. Furthermore, I feel that sacrificing a potential relationship with a girl on the basis of her sexual history or whether or not she has had a one night stand, although it is a personal choice, smacks of chauvanism as you mention nothing about the effect that sleepîng around may have on a man's chance of happiness.

What I objected to most was your assertion that women who are sexually active with more than one partner are in some way tainted and sullied as potential wives. This disgusted me. Society may still be endorsing the idea that women who sleep around are sluts, but we have come a long way and you do nothing to dispell the "Stepford Wife" stereotype. Women today are independant both financially and sexually, and, I assure you, will not keep their hymens intact for your future pleasure and peace of mind. This is not Medievil Britain,women are not commodities, and I assure you, when you do get married, chances are that your dinner won't be on the table waiting when you get home.
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Helenia
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#167
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#167
(Original post by ferrus)
Amongst the "white" cultural background yes, but other cultural groups would see it as standard within Britain.
OK, in secular society then :p:
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bret
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#168
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#168
When I was mulling all this over with friends in Easter term just gone, the whole numbers thing provided quite a debate. Some of my male friends wouldn't touch a girl who'd slept with over 3, some would be fine with whatever as long as she was faithful in a relationship. The middle ground turned out to be this; less than five is ideal, less than ten is acceptable, more than ten is out of bounds. This is based on a 21 year old girl.

It was one of my virgin male natsci friends that pointed it out to me that the base reason 5 and 10 were chosen is probably a subconcious reference to the amount of fingers we have on our hands. As abstracts they mean nothing without a context. The average- so my ex and her friends argued- was obviously going to be higher for a girl who'd been single through three years at uni than for someone who'd found love in freshers week. This unfortunately comes out of the idea that one can't have a fulfilling life without sex. A view most notalby articulated by those with low self esteems and a misguided opinion that by not sleeping around they were somehow not living the student lifestyle. Their reference points, sadly, were their mates who slept around and reinforced this image of student life, and some mythical notion that every university but Cambridge is a shagfest.
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willey
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#169
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#169
going back to Cambridgemuscles thread, i do agree

my ex girlfriend slept with a fair few blokes before me, think it was lke 18!
Now i didnt know of her sexual past when we started going out, i thought it was around 5 maybe 6. i didnt want to ask her bout them because i know i would get a bit funny about it. But there came to a point where i couldnt cope in the relationship anymore. There would be times where we were out down town and there would be like 8 people in the same building that she has had sex with. I know you shouldnt base your relationship on other peoples past but it was too hard not to.

ive had a one night stand before and it was awful, both parties just gettin what they want out of it and thats that, worst sex of my life. having sex with a partner, you know what each other likes, what makes them click, how to turn them on. I actually get turned on by pleasing my girlfriend in bed.

obviously not everyone is like me and yes some people like one night stands or **** buddies, in my opinion i dont know how anyone can do it, but thats only my opinion. I always treat women with the respect they deserve, and quite frankly the thought of someone offering themselves on a plate to me after knowing them 5 minutes makes me feel how lucky i am to have a girlfriend who has a lot more respect for themselves.
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mysteryman
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#170
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#170
I think its ok but not when in a relationship with them. You must be honest with your partner in a relationship. If your single and just want good casual sex then don't see anything wrong with it. Bearing in mind both of you are single.
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Poica
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#171
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#171
(Original post by mysteryman)
I think its ok but not when in a relationship with them. You must be honest with your partner in a relationship. If your single and just want good casual sex then don't see anything wrong with it. Bearing in mind both of you are single.
One of the most confused posts I've seen around here for a while...
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Ferrus
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#172
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#172
(Original post by mysteryman)
I think its ok but not when in a relationship with them. You must be honest with your partner in a relationship. If your single and just want good casual sex then don't see anything wrong with it. Bearing in mind both of you are single.
But if you are in a relationship with them by virtue of that very fact it would be no longer classed as "casual sex", would it?
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Poica
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#173
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#173
(Original post by cambridgemuscle)
very sorry if i misquoted anyone. Laursey said have some sad looser on her arm for the sake of it. Not the same thing and i apologise.

Poica never called anyone names either. But if either were to extend their arguments to incorporate negative points then its within the realms of the acceptable.

I often give answers that cut through the crap. maybe that's why I'm on a neg status.
I would never call anyone a slapper/etc. because their attitudes towards sex were more relaxed than mine. You misinterpret what I say. Words like that are reserved for prostitutes - literally.
I do think it's a mistake you make if you indulge in this kind of thing, but if you need to be taught the lesson that it would teach you, then so be it.
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bret
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#174
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#174
On double standards. Put simply, very few men could have a one night stand at the drop of a hat. Most girls could. for every boy that has sex, so does a girl. so what. The girl controls in the most part whether it happens in the first place. Double standards do exist and exist to compensate this discrepency. As a consequence and perhaps as proof of this, ugly blokes that sleep with lots of fit women are viewed in a much more positive light than better looking ones who do the same. Think David Walliams.

If a girl has many partners outside a relationship and even worse been blatently used, surely sex cannot be as special. I keep out of one night stands as i would not want another guy to feel the way I would feel knowing that my gf had been used as a sex object.

Girls may feel the same. They may be justified, but less so for the following. 1) Society does not view promiscuous men in the same light. We have established this, whether we think it right or wrong. The stigma of going out with a man with a past is hence not as embarrassing for a female as it is for a male. Indeed, some girls like the feeling that they were the one he chose, and other girls knowing that they have 'tamed him'. A man on the ther hand, due to society's mores will no doubt feel he has been lumbered with everyone else's sloppy seconds.
2) Guys that sleep around are usually good looking are at least attractive in some way. That's why they're "able" to do it. Girls who do the same are probably less attractive. The fact they can't find a proper relationship is probably the reason they "chose" to be prolific.

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(Original post by Poica)
I would never call anyone a slapper/etc. because their attitudes towards sex were more relaxed than mine. You misinterpret what I say. Words like that are reserved for prostitutes - literally.
I do think it's a mistake you make if you indulge in this kind of thing, but if you need to be taught the lesson that it would teach you, then so be it.
I'm sorry. My point is that you could if you wanted, just as they could call you sad. You would both be unkind to do so.
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Anonymous User
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#175
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#175
(Original post by willey)
going back to Cambridgemuscles thread, i do agree

my ex girlfriend slept with a fair few blokes before me, think it was lke 18!
Now i didnt know of her sexual past when we started going out, i thought it was around 5 maybe 6. i didnt want to ask her bout them because i know i would get a bit funny about it. But there came to a point where i couldnt cope in the relationship anymore. There would be times where we were out down town and there would be like 8 people in the same building that she has had sex with. I know you shouldnt base your relationship on other peoples past but it was too hard not to.
.
Your comments show that you're someone who's actually lived that and is mature. The trouble with threads like this is it's full of 15-year old boys going "sex with ****buddies = good, sex one one-night stands = good. Sex is well cool!" Basically young kids who just know they want sex because they've heard about it, their friends are "supposedly" at it... The trouble is, they don't actually understand what sex means and what it represents. It's easy to think you know about sex as soon as you've seen a porn movie and you've heard a few mates bragging about imaginary conquests... but it's a bit more than that.
The other people here saying how great ****buddies are, are girls who have had a few of them, simply because they haven't convinced guys to go out with them so, to get affection, they've settled for ****friends and then there are the guys who are it too...

Indeed, not easy for someone in your position: it's easy to say a partner's sexual past doesn't matter but when you're put in a situation like you mentioned, it's a whole different matter! And that just goes to show that, socially, it's not healthy to just screw around. If it was, then situations like that wouldn't matter.

I think girls manage situations like that a lot better. Simply because they don't see sex the same way as we do. A girl is often less bothered about a guy having slept with many partners. Some girls are even proud of that. Then they get all pissy about guys being bothered about their sexual past...
In love and sex, you can't say that people "should" feel a certain way... unfortunately for girls, it's not that logical. When a guy is bothered by his girlfriend's past, there's quite a bit of pride involved, but it's a totally illogical feeling that doesn't come from the brain (in the sentimental sense).

If there really was such a double standard system, we guys could complain about the fact that girls are willing to go out with guys who have slept around a lot and are even attracted to that. That's what I call double standards! The fact is that we're not the same anyway so we have to live with that. It's not about double standards. Girls aren't so bothered when a guy has slept around. So be it. Both sides can complain about the differences till the cows come home.

I wouldn't compare one-night stands and ****buddies even though, they're both things that "on paper" look great but when you actually gain maturity and experience, you realise how crap they are. One-night stands (in my opinion), the ones where you sleep with someone you just met, are a lot healthier emotionally.
****buddies are often used as a poor replacement for a relationship when two people aren't attracted and don't impress eachother enough to go out with eachother, but they are both horny and willing to settle for sex. What I've noticed is that girls are attracted to the idea a lot more: they get sex and it brings them affection with someone they can see regularly and are close to.

The typical situation is a not-so-attractive girl likes a guy. The guy finds the girl "alright" but she's not girlfriend material: she's not attractive enough, interesting enough for him to want to show off to his friends and other people and in total honesty, he can't imagine committing to a relationship with a girl that is not that attractive. The girl is desperate for affection, admires the guy, would accept to go out with him at the click of his fingers. A "****buddy" relationship is the only offer on the table. The guy might make the whole thing seem nicer so she doesn't have to feel so bad: "I'm not ready for a relationship", "I really like you but I'm going through a funny period"... all that crap which reassures the girl that it's got nothing to do with her. Yet if a real hottie came knocking at his door, he'd give up everything...and go out with her. Of course the roles between girl and guy can be reversed (I've even experienced it!) but it's a lot rarer and I don't know anyone other than me who has experienced it.

So basically, my opinion: ****buddy relationships are simply not healthy 90% of the time. 10% of the time, both persons are totally honest: they know that they don't find eachother "good" enough to go out with eachother. None of this "I'm not ready for a relationship. It's not because I don't find you attractive enough..." crap. But I've seen so many girls get screwed over this way.
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Anonymous User
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#176
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#176
(Original post by cambridgemuscle)
1) Society believes men are studs, girls are slappers. Many girls get pissed off and act as if this is not the case but it is. A girl sleeping with ten people is simply not the same as a man doing the same. there is justification in this. girls can get sex when they want and a large number of sexual partners indicates lack of control, lack of self repect or a lack of understanding of the status quo.
The "double standard" is created by society, as you mention. It's reinforced not just by guys' attitudes but by girls' attitudes as well!
It is reinforced by guys who are bothered by their girlfirned's past, just as much as girls who are not bothered, or even proud of their boyfriend's past. The fault of the existence of this "double standards" lies on guys just as much as on girls. If girls really wanted to abolish the "double standard", then they could start refusing to go out with guys who've had a shady sexual past... yet they don't.. Funny that, isn't it? :rolleyes: So much for double standards...


I think you're very observant and show maturity when it comes to relationships... quite rare on here. Too many people describe the way things should be or how they want them to be, instead of accepting the facts. The fact is "Some guys will be bothered with a girl who has slept around". Too many girls go around saying that it's unfair, that they "shouldn't" be bothered. You can't dictate what someone should feel. It's part of what makes him a man.
Just as we guys can't start complaining about the fact women look for security. It's in their nature.

Too many girls try to rationalise relationships and try to class things into good/bad, slutty/not slutty. This last criterium being the most important: girls are obsessed with the idea of whether what they've done makes them "slutty". This is not the case for all girls at all but it seems a lot of girls' actions are dictated more by what they think will make people believe they're sluts, rather than their moral conscience.
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MNBStyle
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#177
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#177
(Original post by Anonymous)
If so, are these acceptable with someone you've never done it with before?
Well you gota start somewhere, it could turn out to be true love :p:

(Original post by Anonymous)
If so, are these acceptable if the person is one you'd never consider going out with?
I feel this is not acceptable, it just makes the other person look like a free prostitute.

(Original post by Anonymous)
If so, is this acceptable with people who are best friends with people you once did go out with?
Depends on how rocky the break up us with the person you went out with and all that kinda thing.
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Poison Ivy
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#178
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#178
I think it's all ****gy and tarty to have a funk buddy! It's not right!
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MNBStyle
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#179
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#179
(Original post by Poison Ivy)
I think it's all ****gy and tarty to have a funk buddy! It's not right!
Ill second that, straight to the point there
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Laursy
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#180
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#180
I think it's all ****gy and tarty to have a funk buddy! It's not right!
aww bless ****gy and tarty sounds almost cute lol
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