(Original post by willey)
going back to Cambridgemuscles thread, i do agree
my ex girlfriend slept with a fair few blokes before me, think it was lke 18!
Now i didnt know of her sexual past when we started going out, i thought it was around 5 maybe 6. i didnt want to ask her bout them because i know i would get a bit funny about it. But there came to a point where i couldnt cope in the relationship anymore. There would be times where we were out down town and there would be like 8 people in the same building that she has had sex with. I know you shouldnt base your relationship on other peoples past but it was too hard not to.
Your comments show that you're someone who's actually lived that and is mature. The trouble with threads like this is it's full of 15-year old boys going "sex with ****buddies = good, sex one one-night stands = good. Sex is well cool!" Basically young kids who just know they want sex because they've heard about it, their friends are "supposedly" at it... The trouble is, they don't actually understand what sex means and what it represents. It's easy to think you know about sex as soon as you've seen a porn movie and you've heard a few mates bragging about imaginary conquests... but it's a bit more than that.
The other people here saying how great ****buddies are, are girls who have had a few of them, simply because they haven't convinced guys to go out with them so, to get affection, they've settled for ****friends and then there are the guys who are it too...
Indeed, not easy for someone in your position: it's easy to say a partner's sexual past doesn't matter but when you're put in a situation like you mentioned, it's a whole different matter! And that just goes to show that, socially, it's not healthy to just screw around. If it was, then situations like that wouldn't matter.
I think girls manage situations like that a lot better. Simply because they don't see sex the same way as we do. A girl is often less bothered about a guy having slept with many partners. Some girls are even proud of that. Then they get all pissy about guys being bothered about their sexual past...
In love and sex, you can't say that people "should" feel a certain way... unfortunately for girls, it's not that logical. When a guy is bothered by his girlfriend's past, there's quite a bit of pride involved, but it's a totally illogical feeling that doesn't come from the brain (in the sentimental sense).
If there really was such a double standard system, we guys could complain about the fact that girls are willing to go out with guys who have slept around a lot and are even attracted to that. That's what I call double standards! The fact is that we're not the same anyway so we have to live with that. It's not about double standards. Girls aren't so bothered when a guy has slept around. So be it. Both sides can complain about the differences till the cows come home.
I wouldn't compare one-night stands and ****buddies even though, they're both things that "on paper" look great but when you actually gain maturity and experience, you realise how crap they are. One-night stands (in my opinion), the ones where you sleep with someone you just met, are a lot healthier emotionally.
****buddies are often used as a poor replacement for a relationship when two people aren't attracted and don't impress eachother enough to go out with eachother, but they are both horny and willing to settle for sex. What I've noticed is that girls are attracted to the idea a lot more: they get sex and it brings them affection with someone they can see regularly and are close to.
The typical situation is a not-so-attractive girl likes a guy. The guy finds the girl "alright" but she's not girlfriend material: she's not attractive enough, interesting enough for him to want to show off to his friends and other people and in total honesty, he can't imagine committing to a relationship with a girl that is not that attractive. The girl is desperate for affection, admires the guy, would accept to go out with him at the click of his fingers. A "****buddy" relationship is the only offer on the table. The guy might make the whole thing seem nicer so she doesn't have to feel so bad: "I'm not ready for a relationship", "I really like you but I'm going through a funny period"... all that crap which reassures the girl that it's got nothing to do with her. Yet if a real hottie came knocking at his door, he'd give up everything...and go out with her. Of course the roles between girl and guy can be reversed (I've even experienced it!) but it's a lot rarer and I don't know anyone other than me who has experienced it.
So basically, my opinion: ****buddy relationships are simply not healthy 90% of the time. 10% of the time, both persons are totally honest: they know that they don't find eachother "good" enough to go out with eachother. None of this "I'm not ready for a relationship. It's not because I don't find you attractive enough..." crap. But I've seen so many girls get screwed over this way.