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Kissing people you don't know
Is this entirely normal now?
So you're in a bar or club and you meet lots of new people. I realise I sound about 50 when I say that I always wish the music was a little less loud, just enough that you can actually hold a conversation with someone. But it seems in the absence of the ability to do this, people just skip the part where they get to know each other and get on with it.
In a club , my flatmate, and seemingly everyone else there, stumbles across a new girl, buys her a drink, they say about two lines to each other and proceed to suck each other's faces off for half an hour or so. (It later turns out that she has a boyfriend, who's mates are all standing 10 feet away)
I get talking to a girl who is a complete stranger. She doesn't seem like my type, but I don't know for certain because I know nothing about her. So we get drinks, sit down and ask each other the same couple of questions you ask every new person you meet. Seconds later she's seems to have had enough of that and lunges at me. I was a little surprised, but not as much as I was when I explained that we might want to talk and get to know each other a little bit before that, and she took offense and disappeared off to stick her tongue down the throat of another random guy across the room.
Now, granted, it's been a long time since I've been single and doing this sort of thing. But are there no normal people left? Is it really true that the above instances are actually the usual form?
I know that we're older now and things aren't going to be the same as at school, or even uni (most of these people are aged 21-30), and as a result of experience, people are more confident and forward. But there are still places where people are picky enough to actually get to know each other first, right?
So you're in a bar or club and you meet lots of new people. I realise I sound about 50 when I say that I always wish the music was a little less loud, just enough that you can actually hold a conversation with someone. But it seems in the absence of the ability to do this, people just skip the part where they get to know each other and get on with it.
In a club , my flatmate, and seemingly everyone else there, stumbles across a new girl, buys her a drink, they say about two lines to each other and proceed to suck each other's faces off for half an hour or so. (It later turns out that she has a boyfriend, who's mates are all standing 10 feet away)
I get talking to a girl who is a complete stranger. She doesn't seem like my type, but I don't know for certain because I know nothing about her. So we get drinks, sit down and ask each other the same couple of questions you ask every new person you meet. Seconds later she's seems to have had enough of that and lunges at me. I was a little surprised, but not as much as I was when I explained that we might want to talk and get to know each other a little bit before that, and she took offense and disappeared off to stick her tongue down the throat of another random guy across the room.
Now, granted, it's been a long time since I've been single and doing this sort of thing. But are there no normal people left? Is it really true that the above instances are actually the usual form?
I know that we're older now and things aren't going to be the same as at school, or even uni (most of these people are aged 21-30), and as a result of experience, people are more confident and forward. But there are still places where people are picky enough to actually get to know each other first, right?
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Your definition of what is "normal" is subjective - for a lot of people that might be their norm (and fair enough really). If you want to get to know a girl properly then I expect clubs aren't necessarily the best place to do so; like you said, the music is too loud and people are likely to be drunk and/or wanting to get off with anyone or thing that moves. If you don't like it then don't go.
Maybe the library would be better? Or a pub or some sort of sports club or anything where the main focus isn't alcohol and dancing to music which makes conversation nigh on impossible.
Maybe the library would be better? Or a pub or some sort of sports club or anything where the main focus isn't alcohol and dancing to music which makes conversation nigh on impossible.
englishstudent
Your definition of what is "normal" is subjective - for a lot of people that might be their norm (and fair enough really). If you want to get to know a girl properly then I expect clubs aren't necessarily the best place to do so; like you said, the music is too loud and people are likely to be drunk and/or wanting to get off with anyone or thing that moves. If you don't like it then don't go.
Maybe the library would be better? Or a pub or some sort of sports club or anything where the main focus isn't alcohol and dancing to music which makes conversation nigh on impossible.
Maybe the library would be better? Or a pub or some sort of sports club or anything where the main focus isn't alcohol and dancing to music which makes conversation nigh on impossible.
You make a valid point. I'm sure it is more down to venue than people, I never have this complaint after going to other places. Never mind then, perhaps if I stopped expecting everyone to be like me, I'd have fewer complaints
--------------
hugatree
*offended* 
I've always liked the natural look on people better. Loads of make-up, weird shoes and clothing that leaves you half naked anyway is a turn-off IMO.
I've always liked the natural look on people better. Loads of make-up, weird shoes and clothing that leaves you half naked anyway is a turn-off IMO.
Oh God yes, don't get me wrong, I was joking! I'd take natural over tarty any and every day of the week!
I just don't remember seeing too much beauty in my library. Maybe I'm going to the wrong one!!York library's not bad!
Zurich
Oh God yes, don't get me wrong, I was joking! I'd take natural over tarty any and every day of the week! I just don't remember seeing too much beauty in my library. Maybe I'm going to the wrong one!!
I just don't remember seeing too much beauty in my library. Maybe I'm going to the wrong one!!Oh good.
Maybe you are, yes! If you go to a library uni students use to find help with their work there's always a chance of bumping into a hot girl.englishstudent
York library's not bad!
hugatree
Oh good. Maybe you are, yes! If you go to a library uni students use to find help with their work there's always a chance of bumping into a hot girl.
Maybe you are, yes! If you go to a library uni students use to find help with their work there's always a chance of bumping into a hot girl.haha
There's just something wrong about putting enough effort into it to go to any trouble! I'm far too picky for that 
Hmmm....
I've done that a couple of times since I got to uni. On Friday night we were all wasted when we arrived at the club and half my friends went off to be sick in the toilets when we got there. I was so drunk I couldn't even put my coat in the cloakroom and was wandering around this club looking like a complete idiot with my big coat on. I have no idea how I managed to pull. The guy was on my course and clearly much less drunk than I was. I can't see what attraction was in it for him. He actually seemed genuinely worried about me for a while.
I'm not proud of it, but I think it's something most people do at least once or twice. Please bear in mind that someone you meet in a club who just seems to be looking to get off with you might be someone you'd get on very well with if you met them in different circumstances. I'm perfectly normal and definitely like to get to know guys a bit before I jump into anything. But on Friday I was a drunken mess. Poor excuse, I know, but it's true of lots of people.
Don't let it depress you. Just don't go looking for anything meaningful in a club. If you're not up for random pulling, just stick with people you already know.
I've done that a couple of times since I got to uni. On Friday night we were all wasted when we arrived at the club and half my friends went off to be sick in the toilets when we got there. I was so drunk I couldn't even put my coat in the cloakroom and was wandering around this club looking like a complete idiot with my big coat on. I have no idea how I managed to pull. The guy was on my course and clearly much less drunk than I was. I can't see what attraction was in it for him. He actually seemed genuinely worried about me for a while.
I'm not proud of it, but I think it's something most people do at least once or twice. Please bear in mind that someone you meet in a club who just seems to be looking to get off with you might be someone you'd get on very well with if you met them in different circumstances. I'm perfectly normal and definitely like to get to know guys a bit before I jump into anything. But on Friday I was a drunken mess. Poor excuse, I know, but it's true of lots of people.
Don't let it depress you. Just don't go looking for anything meaningful in a club. If you're not up for random pulling, just stick with people you already know.
Yeah, I see your point, but it is a tad silly to expect stimulating conversation and the opportunity to build up a rapport in a club/bar. I mean, the girl was hardly after a relationship; just a little fumble in the jungle.
To be honest, I don't condone sluttish behaviour but I think that when you are in that environment you should let loose, relax a little more, and if there are girls you find attractive then just to go for it. They are hardly going to be compatible or anything, but if you are having fun and find yourself attracted to them then why not? Although I agree that it is silly when people mindlessly throw themselves on anything that moves regardless of whether or not they are attracted to them.
So yeah, my opinion is to just enjoy it and make the most of it. At parties and stuff I may meet guys whom I have no further desire to converse with, but if I am enjoying myself with them at the time, and am attracted to them, then sometimes it is nice just to share a wee kiss.
As for meeting intellectual partners, why is everybody suggesting the library? My god, how annoying is that?! If people kept trying to chat me up whilst I was trying to read I would be so irritated.
It's probably easier to suggest approaching people at random I reckon. You might see somebody in a restaurant or a cafe, gallery or something and strike up conversation etc.
But, yeah, to the original question...the jumping on people thing is quite common nowadays - but only for fun, not to start a relationship. I think it's good though that there are still some people out there who desire an intellectual relationship!
To be honest, I don't condone sluttish behaviour but I think that when you are in that environment you should let loose, relax a little more, and if there are girls you find attractive then just to go for it. They are hardly going to be compatible or anything, but if you are having fun and find yourself attracted to them then why not? Although I agree that it is silly when people mindlessly throw themselves on anything that moves regardless of whether or not they are attracted to them.
So yeah, my opinion is to just enjoy it and make the most of it. At parties and stuff I may meet guys whom I have no further desire to converse with, but if I am enjoying myself with them at the time, and am attracted to them, then sometimes it is nice just to share a wee kiss.
As for meeting intellectual partners, why is everybody suggesting the library? My god, how annoying is that?! If people kept trying to chat me up whilst I was trying to read I would be so irritated.
It's probably easier to suggest approaching people at random I reckon. You might see somebody in a restaurant or a cafe, gallery or something and strike up conversation etc.
But, yeah, to the original question...the jumping on people thing is quite common nowadays - but only for fun, not to start a relationship. I think it's good though that there are still some people out there who desire an intellectual relationship!
susiemakemeblue
Please bear in mind that someone you meet in a club who just seems to be looking to get off with you might be someone you'd get on very well with if you met them in different circumstances.
Yeah, that's why I was happy to talk to and get to know people there. I'm not particularly looking for a meaningful relationship either, I'm not really looking for anything. I just like getting to know new people (without having to get off with all of them
).
Good on you Zurich, I feel taht way too.
i guess its just the culture of today. everyone is out for a bit of a "fumble in the jungle" its kind of sad actually considering there is so much about young pregnancy etc. anywho thats off topic. the odd one or two that i did kiss without knowing i did actually have a bit of a relationship with them seeing as we swapped mobile number and got together etc. its just a shame the circumstances werent different. i think it also depends what type of pub/club you go to zurich, there is a pub by me "the deck" thats great, there is music but its not so load you cant have a discussion, its a great atmoshpere so you can actually get to know someone through the fantastic art of conversation we seem to have forgotten about (refering to the general generation of young people). dont get me wrong i like going out and having a good time as much as the next but it would be nice to have a discussion with someone as apposed to them grabbing you and dry humping you on your way to the toilet (ewww dont ask). i understand what your saying and you dont sound like a 50 year old man lol im 17 and it annoys me (to old for my years ) although i cant wait to go to uni
) although i cant wait to go to uni Related discussions
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