Half sister (illegitimate)

When I was 19 (now 23) I found out my Dad had an illegitimate child because he had an affair when I was 10.

This came out 2 weeks after his funeral.

I am now 23, never met this person and don't think I really even want to. Mum is obviously pretty hurt by the affair.

I find my self some time thinking about it. I some times wonder if she will contact me when she is older looking for answers because my Dad had very little to do with her.

Reply 1

Whizz

1

I'm sorry to hear that. I must be hard for you to accept it, especially now that he's not here to answer your questions.

Erm - I hope you don't mind me asking but whats the question?

*wonders if i'm being thick!*

Reply 2

Dekota

Whizz

...I must be hard for you to accept...

You're the illegitimate child? ... :eek:

Reply 3

Fire Point

12

I think Anonymous just wants advice on what they should do next. I'd find out who they are myself as you don't want to have incest and though painful may be worth confronting it head on "Hi, I'm your brother".
If she contacts you, you don't hVave to respond, just ignore it.

Someone help this man.

Reply 4

beanie

1

Hi, I don't have much advice I'm afraid but I wanted to say that I can relate. From what I understand, my dad has several children other than my brothers and I. We don't see him so I sometimes wonder what the other children are like, and if they would be able to answer my questions about him. Sorry you're in that situation, it must be hard ... how would you feel if the child did contact you?

Reply 5

viviki

14

It could happen I guess you'd have to think about whether you'd want to speak to her at all. I don't know how I'd feel in the same situation but I think i'd be quite curious personally

Reply 6

Yer I did not want specific advice. I was sort of just wondering if any one had a similar experience. I am sort of curious, but just don't wanted it all dragging up again in a few years.

Any way I doubt that she would contact me. Her Mother as another illegitimate child to a different married man. So it is not like she is missing having a sibbling. I am an only child, so it was werid.

Reply 7

Misogynist

18

Forget about it? You'll probably never meet her anyway.

Reply 8

Laursy

10

if you deep down inside want to know this person or at least know who she is!! then you should find out but you have to be 110% sure of it!

it must have been hard for you to accept but if it was theother way around would you want to know about your father??
shouldn;t she speck to you about him so she won't wonder in years to come and start searching for info on long lost siblings as some people do and it destroys your life!!
it can;t be the childs fault your dad had an affair!!
aww i don;t sound very sympathic but i hope it all works out and am really sorry to hear or this!!
xx

Reply 9

~*Sweetness*~

V.P. Keys

You're the illegitimate child? ... :eek:

Lol. I know I shouldn't laugh but... :p:

Reply 10

Paeony

11

Just be prepared that she might not want to know you ... you don't know her situation, she might know about you, she might not, and it will be a huge shock for her whatever. You need to be sure that you can deal with either getting to know her or forgetting about her.

Have you spoken to your mum about this at all? I know you feel a need to get to know your half-sister, but how will your mum react to this? I think you need to consider her feelings too, because it will be bringing back a lot of bad memories for her. I think this is something you should discuss together, as it's obviously bothering you so it needs some kind of resolution.

Reply 11

sure what ever well we will see what the future brings. I don't think really think about it that much really. It was one hell of a shock at first

Reply 12

Juno

20

You've posted about it, which means you are thinking about it now.

If you do decide to meet her, then remember that you don't have to be best friends. There's some people you just don't get along with and she may be one of them. Also, if you're expecting a "mini-you" it might not be like that at all. She's had a totally different upbringing so might not be what you expect.

If she does want to meet your dad/you then she'll probably start by writing letters, and if you decide to reply you can get to know each other a bit better that way. And you can take things as slowly as you want.

You can PM me if you want to chat; I have some experience with dealing with new half sublings as I have a few. And some neices and nephews that I didn't know about until a few years ago (and some are older than me).

Reply 13

technik

13

Anonymous

When I was 19 (now 23) I found out my Dad had an illegitimate child because he had an affair when I was 10.

This came out 2 weeks after his funeral.

I am now 23, never met this person and don't think I really even want to. Mum is obviously pretty hurt by the affair.

I find my self some time thinking about it. I some times wonder if she will contact me when she is older looking for answers because my Dad had very little to do with her.

its not your or the other illigetimate childs fault so i dont think there should be any ill feeling between you and from your post it doesnt seem like there is on your side of the coin at least.

if you do decide you want to contact the other child, or find that they want to contact you, you should talk it over with your mum to make sure shes ok with it. you are however related and you are both each others family so its something to give serious thought to. you could even become friends.

Reply 14

mangomaz

14

Perhaps finding and contacting her, just to let her know that if she ever wants to find you, you're there. Its nice just to know that you're being thought of. She could be very bitter of course so be prepared that she may just not want to meet you. But she would probably like to know the opportunity is there if she wants to take it.

Reply 15

Thanks

I am actually not that interested in meeting her. It just makes me a little curious. I was just wondering the probability of her contacting me when she is an adult. You know, its daft, buy I never really considered the bitterness that she might feel too. I was angry about it all when I first found out, but I am not bothered any more.

We probably will never meet. I think it could be for the best. Still you here of people going out of their way to contact family. May-be not always

Reply 16

Juno

20

She might contact you. If she does then it might be because of a sad event like a big illness as the doctors ask loads os family history questions and she probably won't know the answers. Or it might be because of a happy reason, like she's having a baby!

But she's only 13 now if I've done the sums right, so that's a bit young to think of contacting distant relatives. She might start to think of it when she's a bit older, so you have time to think about how you feel and things.

Reply 17

xelprep

Try and meet up and who knows(?) maybe she's hot.

Reply 18

I am a girl too and it would be incest. :smile:

Reply 19

I had this situation, i found out at 18, it's a year on now.

I used to wake up wondering, but I've built a relationship with her now, mine is a older sister, but the principals still the same..

I hope you can decide.

Half sister (illegitimate)

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