I don't like his friend

My boyfriend's "best friend" is someone he's known for years, he's not at our university. I've met him a couple of times and he was quite rude to me. I tried to make conversation and he just ignored me.

He's a player and when they went on holiday he sent my boyfriend a text before hand going on about their possible sex antics and how he couldn't wait. He cheats on his girlfriends constantly and encourages my boyfriend to get drunk and behave out of character. He is nothing like my boyfriend's friends at uni most of who are really nice. When we have problems this guy told him to dump me and spent hours slagging me off even though he'd never met me. Every time we have problems, if my boyfriend tells him, he just calls me a bitch and says to split up with me. But I know my boyfriend has told him that he loves me and doesn't want to, but he still keeps saying it.

He's going to be back from uni next week, and I know my boyfriend's going to see him during the days when I'm in work and he's not. I just get this feeling that the guy's trying to cause trouble, he's trying to get my boyfriend to go out on the pull, or telling him to split up with me over the smallest argument, and then if we're there at the same time he doesn't speak to me at all, even though he's supposed to be outgoing.

I don't want to tell my boyfriend he can't see him, since he claims it's his best friend. But I've just a horrible feeling about this guy. What should I do? Why is he being like this?

Reply 1

ChemistBoy

16

Dump your boyfriend, if he allows his best friend to slag you off then he's either a loser, a coward or he doesn't care. If my mates slagged of my gf then they wouldn't a) be my mates any more b) would be on the receiving end of a chemistboy special with extra knuckles.

Reply 2

Sheen

11

ChemistBoy

Dump your boyfriend, if he allows his best friend to slag you off then he's either a loser, a coward or he doesn't care. If my mates slagged of my gf then they wouldn't a) be my mates any more b) would be on the receiving end of a chemistboy special with extra knuckles.

hmmm im not so sure about this.
sticks and stones and all that.
well he does seem like hes trying to cause trouble for you.....maybe hes jealous that he isnt in a relationship like you two are or maybe he misses the thing he used to get up to with your boyfriend when he was single or maybe hes a c**t who doesnt liek to see anyone happy.
i'd just try to ignore him to be honest.....hes just being lame.
maybe you shoudl talk to your boyfriend about it and say he still keeps being nasty to you and you dont get why maybe your boyfriend will be able to find out why hes being like this.
maybe when his best friend realises how much you to are inlove and that you are here to stay maybe he will accept you but it will probably take time tho
you could also ask his friend what his problem is and see what he says

Reply 3

I don't think my bf has ever been like him, he treats girls well and is a good boy really! He asked his friend why he was being weird and his friend said he felt like a third wheel, but that means he should make more effort. Obviously my bf makes excuses for him, it is his friend, but I think his comments are out of order, although my bf says it it just his friend looking out for him. My friends wouldn't say that kinda stuff though, they'd be objective...

Reply 4

ciara

13

He sounds either jealous, bitter, or both. Did your boyfriend have many girlfriends before you? Maybe his best mate is used to having someone to go out on the pull with/show off about his conquests too without the long term relationship 'in the way' as it were.

Either way, the best mate is not the only problem here. Why is your boyfriend effectively passing on the problem to you by telling you about the best mate bitching about you, telling him to dump you stuff? It's obvious that saying things like that will make you insecure. Maybe he's being cowardly or maybe that's what he wants, I don't know him so it's hard to say. It is up to him to put his best friend in line, and that's gonna mean more than just saying "nah..i love her" a few times.

As far as I can see, you've been as reasonable as any girlfriend could be expected to be. Despite his best mates behaviour you didn't make a fuss about him going on holiday, and you're not stopping him from seeing his friend. Now I think it's got to the stage where if you are any more reasonable you're going to be walked all over. So, maybe it's time for some kind of ultimatum, and if your boyfriend doesn't sort the situation out then break up with him. If he really loves you he will at least make a decent effort to stop this.

Cxx

Reply 5

Angel Interceptor

11

Anonymous

My boyfriend's "best friend" is someone he's known for years, he's not at our university. I've met him a couple of times and he was quite rude to me. I tried to make conversation and he just ignored me.

He's a player and when they went on holiday he sent my boyfriend a text before hand going on about their possible sex antics and how he couldn't wait. He cheats on his girlfriends constantly and encourages my boyfriend to get drunk and behave out of character. He is nothing like my boyfriend's friends at uni most of who are really nice. When we have problems this guy told him to dump me and spent hours slagging me off even though he'd never met me. Every time we have problems, if my boyfriend tells him, he just calls me a bitch and says to split up with me. But I know my boyfriend has told him that he loves me and doesn't want to, but he still keeps saying it.

He's going to be back from uni next week, and I know my boyfriend's going to see him during the days when I'm in work and he's not. I just get this feeling that the guy's trying to cause trouble, he's trying to get my boyfriend to go out on the pull, or telling him to split up with me over the smallest argument, and then if we're there at the same time he doesn't speak to me at all, even though he's supposed to be outgoing.

I don't want to tell my boyfriend he can't see him, since he claims it's his best friend. But I've just a horrible feeling about this guy. What should I do? Why is he being like this?

don't worry about it - your boyfriend's best mate is probably just trying to look out for him. some of my friends have had girlfriends who were complete nightmares and i told them that they should assess the situation (some of them were very very mean to them and henpecked a lot, etc, etc...) although i did not slag them off. i din't do this because i was trying to break them up or out of jealousy, but that i really care for some of my friends and don't want them to be messed about, that's all.

anyhows, i think you're just going to have to deal with it - you can tell your boyfriend that you don't like his best mate, but you can't exactly tell him to stop being friends with him, as that would be very harsh - people's mates don't always get on, simple as that. plus, your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy and sticks up for you (he told his best friend he loved you, what more do you want to hear...), so i wouldn't worry about it. i hope that this helps. :smile:

Reply 6

ellewoods

10

I had this problem - my boyfriends best mate is very girly and possessive over my boyfriend if truth be told!! :eek:

I rose above it and ignored his nasty comments, and went out of my way to be nice to him. Eventually he warmed to me - how could he not?! :rolleyes:

- and now we are actually great friends. :wink:

He's probably threatened and secretly jealous if you and your boyfriend are off having all kinds of fun and new experiences at uni while he languishes at home.

Be cool and he'll eventually give up - but make sure you tell your boyfriend about your plan of action, and if he doesnt support you 100% then yes, he must be dumped immediately. You deserve better :cool:

Reply 7

xelprep

What kind of "best friend" says such negative things about their friend's girlfriend? I think your boyfriend is weak.

Reply 8

SunburnedCactus

11

Maybe he's just jealous of you. And is also a berk.

Reply 9

LawQueen

14

Yeah you sound too nice to deserve this-put your foot down girl and if he doesn't meet the mark then he's obviously not worth it.

Reply 10

Eeek, my boyfriend is a nice guy! I suppose he is weak, he tries not to disagree with anyone. I don't want to pester him about it... But his friend is back soon. Although I have already made a lot of arrangements for the hols with my bf. I'm sure they will meet up a lot :rolleyes:

Reply 11

Angel Interceptor

11

read my other post - i'm sure his friends are just trying to look out for him.

I don't like his friend

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