Break up with boyfriend?

When my boyfriend and I went to different universities this year, we weren't planning on staying together. We were going to gradually let go somehow and try to stay good friends. We love each other but thought there was no point in the long distance thing driving us mad for 3 years, and we thought after university we'd be in a better position to know if we really wanted to be together.

Anyway, we got to university and were loving it, but we realised we still really wanted to be together, so we scrapped the gradual break up plan and went with it. This term we've seen each other twice, we speak every day and I've coped with the distance so much better than I thought I would. In fact I would say we are closer than ever. However, the one thing that is bad is that we keep arguing over stupid things, and over the phone that can lead to big misunderstandings. Often we just don't understand each other and it's strange because we never argued before this term. It gets a bit stressful, and this combined with the fact we are definitely wanting to break up (even if only temporarily) at some point over university is making me think we might as well get it over with now and end it. I am getting a lot of 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' advice from some friends but also some equally valid 'you hardly know what love is at 18' stuff from others.

I just really don't know what to do, I realise a lot of you won't understand the twisted logic of breaking up just because of university, but any opinions would be welcomed anyway!

Reply 1

Apricot Fairy

Perhaps you should agree to make a clean break for a certain period of time, for example, 6 months, or until the end of the first year. During this time you are single and have no ties. You can still talk to each other, but you're not allowed to talk about your relationship, and if you see each other, try to keep it on a platonic level.

Get out there and find other people to fancy. Whilst utterly meaningless, a couple of drunken kisses in a club never did anyone any harm, even if you don't think you'd want to do that now. Just experiment and see how your lives pan out without each other. Then at this specified time, you can meet up and re-evaluate things. You might decide you're better off single, or you might want to get back together. But don't make the decision, or even discuss it, before the time period is up. If it's too soon, you'll just want to get back together, whether it's the right thing to do or not.

Reply 2

Segat1

Susie, you are a genius. Repping you (altho I doubt it will make any diff to your shiney gems!)

Thanks

I am in long distance relationships now, alrd for 2 years :smile:

(I know) and we also fight a lot over the phone, msn etc..but whn we are together it is like paradise!!!! And we tried to think why do we fight so much if we love each other and got a conclusion that we do it just when we are distance, distance is driving people mad... :frown:

may be the same with you?

Reply 5

jessiek

I'm in a long distance relationship as well..Almost a year. =) We fight a lot over the phone as well but the main thing is not to have "a cold war." In my last last long D relationship that's what made it break down. We let the fight drag on and more misunderstandings popped up. The thing is it nip it at the bud. My bf and I talk everyday and things are still going well. I agree with CherryGarcia too..distance just makes you moody/unsecure sometimes and as a result, we might pick fights (that's for me =P).

Reply 6

Katie_a7x

I'd definitely recommend what susiemakemeblue said about making a clean break. Your relationship probelns should not be allowed to become a constant topic of conversation, causing arguments between you both and even possibly stopping you from being the true friends it sounds like you are. Remind yourself why he's good company on a platonic level. May I ask as to whether you were friends with each other first? Thinking about this could be a good way to get your relationship back to that safer level whilst you get out and have some non-committal fun where you are! It might sound like a cliche, but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If you're destined to be together, then three years aren't much in the grand scheme of things! The alternative is that, over time, the relationship dynamic alters to the extent that you're only comfortable with being friends with each other and nothing more. Either way, you haven't lost each other as friends and can dictate the pace of the relationship as it suits you both. Communication as friends is key to helping you get through the inevitably difficult stages that lie ahead of you - the very best of luck!