amyclip
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Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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I hardly ever talk to him and I only really get to see him late in the evening throughout the week, and hes usually at home the whole weekend but all he ever wants to do is watch tv or do work. He NEVER wants to do something with me and my mum, even though he denighs it. (He'll agree to go somewhere but then he'll get all irritable wrecking the whole thing)
However, he's willing to go out with his friends or jump at the first opportunity of over time work.

He's really horrible towards me and I find that he speaks down to me a lot, in a very patronising manner. It's almost as if he subconciously treats me and my mum as if we're beneath him. (However hes moved off my mum and targetting me more)
A small example would be like I'll go to watch something and he'll be like 'oh I'll record that for you because IM going to watch this because I want to.' Then when nothing comes on tv, he'll put something stupid on that he isn't even watching to purposely get a reaction from me, but I can't be bothered to give him the pleasure of responding. (I know it sounds pathetic that something like that bothers me, but he does it literally ALL the time. I mean, I'm a human being too, not a pet and I don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that.)

After shouting at me he'll be all nice to me talking to me as if he didn't just talk to me in such a rude manner. Its like he doesn't see that his attitude is completely horrible, and then when I respond to shout at him he doesn't understand why because he literally believes he hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm not really sure what to make of him or why hes acting like this? It's really getting to me now, and my mum just sits there and doesn't say anything.
I think what's happened is that shes let him get away with speaking to her like that so thats why he sees it as normal, but why should I take it?

Does anybody else have the same thing with their dad?
Am I over reacting? It's making me very upset and I prefer not to be at home just so I'm not around him now.
Would there be any particular reason why someone would act like this?
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_Gz_
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Report 8 years ago
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My first point would be have you sat down with your dad and told him how you feel? and more particulary how he makes you feel? I mean sometimes when you're caught up in work, and especially as a guy you do sometimes lose the ability to see how you affect the people around you.

Your dad may simply have a lot of stress on him at the moment, which is obviously no excuse for this type of behaviour, but it can be seen as a reason why. I would definelty consider, just trying to sit down and talk to him about it. Talking can often do wonderful things, and as I said he may be oblivious to it all.

Hope this helps.
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chou246
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#3
Report 8 years ago
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Try going somewhere with him without your mum?
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slylee
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#4
Report 8 years ago
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Well just ignore him or if possible move out, to your nans/grandads anywhere if its really that bad.

I lived with my mom and her husband for years and we hated each other..i was never allowed to watch tv downstairs or in my own room past 9pm (i was over 16) he always got drunk and was horrible to me, so i just left.

Now i live somewhere ,where i NEVER have to see him ,only problem is i have to see his 'spawn' and shes a *****.
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georgielouise12
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#5
Report 8 years ago
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ok this is currently happening to me however my dad smokes cannabis which has a big impact on his behaviour, i know your probably feeling down and worthless as if your not wanted i think that him wanting to go out with friends is a break from the stress however it concerns me about the over time maybe your mum and dad are in money problems and trying to pay the bills but dont want to inform you about it . however it makes me think maybe he is unhappy as he is acting it and could be having an affair
talk to him and just say how you feel?
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FernF
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Report 8 years ago
#6
(Original post by amyclip)
I hardly ever talk to him and I only really get to see him late in the evening throughout the week, and hes usually at home the whole weekend but all he ever wants to do is watch tv or do work. He NEVER wants to do something with me and my mum, even though he denighs it. (He'll agree to go somewhere but then he'll get all irritable wrecking the whole thing)
However, he's willing to go out with his friends or jump at the first opportunity of over time work.

He's really horrible towards me and I find that he speaks down to me a lot, in a very patronising manner. It's almost as if he subconciously treats me and my mum as if we're beneath him. (However hes moved off my mum and targetting me more)
A small example would be like I'll go to watch something and he'll be like 'oh I'll record that for you because IM going to watch this because I want to.' Then when nothing comes on tv, he'll put something stupid on that he isn't even watching to purposely get a reaction from me, but I can't be bothered to give him the pleasure of responding. (I know it sounds pathetic that something like that bothers me, but he does it literally ALL the time. I mean, I'm a human being too, not a pet and I don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that.)

After shouting at me he'll be all nice to me talking to me as if he didn't just talk to me in such a rude manner. Its like he doesn't see that his attitude is completely horrible, and then when I respond to shout at him he doesn't understand why because he literally believes he hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm not really sure what to make of him or why hes acting like this? It's really getting to me now, and my mum just sits there and doesn't say anything.
I think what's happened is that shes let him get away with speaking to her like that so thats why he sees it as normal, but why should I take it?

Does anybody else have the same thing with their dad?
Am I over reacting? It's making me very upset and I prefer not to be at home just so I'm not around him now.
Would there be any particular reason why someone would act like this?

Sounds exactly like my life a year ago, and I know others who've been through the same thing so you're not alone don't worry.

Read this it should make sense, but don't tell your dad about it cos the no. 1 rule is don't tell them they have it, they'll only get angry:
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

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Someone's mum
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#7
Report 8 years ago
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You could try asking him what would happen if he spoke to his workmate's/friends in the same way that he has just spoken to you - he might not realise that he is even doing it.

Could you speak to your mum and explain to her how you are feeling? It does sound as if your dad is quite unhappy - or may not have had much interaction with his own parents and is copying their parenting "skills".

It does sound though, as if he realises he has been horrible as he is nice to you afterwards. You could also try, when he starts, asking him if he would like to apply the 24 hour rule. When he asks what that is, you explain that before he says something mean, he might like to think about it for 24 hours and if he still feels the same, say it then.

Problem is with certain people, they enjoy confrontation, but it is grossly unfair that you have to deal with this. Other than the above, which might provoke a row, can't think of anything else. Will you be going to Uni soon which might give you some incentive to grin and bear it?
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Jake200493
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#8
Report 8 years ago
#8
I know the feeling xD Dad's are douches
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Natemor15
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#9
Report 3 years ago
#9
I'm going through a slightly different situation with my father. My mom told me this morning he's about to take my computer away if I don't start spending more time with him. Well 1 I payed for this computer so if he does take it away he's gonna have a major problem with me, and second of all HE DOESN'T DO STUFF I LIKE! What, you want me to come watch some stupid crap on TV? Let's not mention I'd rather spend my time on a game where I'm enjoying myself rather than spending it with a drunk father. I can say this right now, I hate my dad. I woudn't give any if he dies. He never takes us out, he complains when I try fixing something broken in the house. He complains about us sucking up all his money even though most of his income goes to purchasing beer!
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Oilfreak1
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#10
Report 3 years ago
#10
(Original post by Natemor15)
I'm going through a slightly different situation with my father. My mom told me this morning he's about to take my computer away if I don't start spending more time with him. Well 1 I payed for this computer so if he does take it away he's gonna have a major problem with me, and second of all HE DOESN'T DO STUFF I LIKE! What, you want me to come watch some stupid crap on TV? Let's not mention I'd rather spend my time on a game where I'm enjoying myself rather than spending it with a drunk father. I can say this right now, I hate my dad. I woudn't give any if he dies. He never takes us out, he complains when I try fixing something broken in the house. He complains about us sucking up all his money even though most of his income goes to purchasing beer!
god forbid your dad wants to spend some time with you.
I pray I don't ever spawn a childnerd like you.
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jerseydevaljr.
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#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
Hmmm... having this problem too i see well the thing is my dad wastes my time and effort so once when i was 13 i had finished all of my homeschool work and i was working on a lego project that was taking me a really long time to work on and my dad was checking my work and all of a sudden at one math problem he got mad and broke every little piece of that lego city (that was what i was making) and made me do that problem again
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Akidagainstabuse
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#12
Report 2 years ago
#12
I meant to a reply not you.sorry if I accidently sen that message to you
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19leesj
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#13
Report 1 year ago
#13
This is exactly what my dad is like too to my brother and I... I just have to deal with it and suck up to him so he picks on my brother instead of me... Its too tiring for him to be picking on me all the time.
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s.dillon
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#14
Report 1 year ago
#14
i know how u feel. my dad has been making me pick up sticks in the woods and we have like 5 acres of woods. all of this is because i didn't take out the trash. i was sopposed to go to a ball game tomorrow with my grandma and we have been really looking forward to this for a while because we hardly see each other and now i cant go because of the same reason. its been getting so serious that my mom said that she might divorce him. if she does i would definitely life with my mom.
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EmilyH1256
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#15
Report 1 year ago
#15
(Original post by amyclip)
I hardly ever talk to him and I only really get to see him late in the evening throughout the week, and hes usually at home the whole weekend but all he ever wants to do is watch tv or do work. He NEVER wants to do something with me and my mum, even though he denighs it. (He'll agree to go somewhere but then he'll get all irritable wrecking the whole thing)
However, he's willing to go out with his friends or jump at the first opportunity of over time work.

He's really horrible towards me and I find that he speaks down to me a lot, in a very patronising manner. It's almost as if he subconciously treats me and my mum as if we're beneath him. (However hes moved off my mum and targetting me more)
A small example would be like I'll go to watch something and he'll be like 'oh I'll record that for you because IM going to watch this because I want to.' Then when nothing comes on tv, he'll put something stupid on that he isn't even watching to purposely get a reaction from me, but I can't be bothered to give him the pleasure of responding. (I know it sounds pathetic that something like that bothers me, but he does it literally ALL the time. I mean, I'm a human being too, not a pet and I don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that.)

After shouting at me he'll be all nice to me talking to me as if he didn't just talk to me in such a rude manner. Its like he doesn't see that his attitude is completely horrible, and then when I respond to shout at him he doesn't understand why because he literally believes he hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm not really sure what to make of him or why hes acting like this? It's really getting to me now, and my mum just sits there and doesn't say anything.
I think what's happened is that shes let him get away with speaking to her like that so thats why he sees it as normal, but why should I take it?

Does anybody else have the same thing with their dad?
Am I over reacting? It's making me very upset and I prefer not to be at home just so I'm not around him now.
Would there be any particular reason why someone would act like this?
Yea my dad use to do this to me and I would let him scream and yell at my for literally nothing like if i left a cup in my room he would scream and yell ... until one day I got tired of him yelling at me so i yelled back and he wasn’t expecting it.. so he kinda just looked at me like I was crazy and walked away.. we haven’t really argued since then.. or spoken much.. we speak when needed..
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Student1445543
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#16
Report 1 year ago
#16
Mine is similar, my dad is egotistical if you like. Through his actions and what he says he thinks he is perfect, flawless. I'm just his minion. I don't get a say in anything unless my mother intervenes (rarely) or if it disadvantages him. He picks up on the small things I do wrong and outright abuses me for it like when I leave a bag in the corner and nobody can see it. He swears and hits me but his signature move is when he pokes me in the chest. He does a million things wrong and for the one thing I do wrong it's the end of the world. When he's yelling at me I have to stare at the floor because if I look at him he slaps me. He even says to me that I never do anything around the house when he is barely home and doesnt see what chores I do. He says he has nothing to be proud of me for even though i am doing academically well and get good scores in my tests (the teachers have told my mother) and I don't even get to say a word about what i do and he shuts me down. When he's there it's like I'm living under a shadow. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm his only target. Any advice? (No I can't sit down and talk about things because you can already tell what would happen by reading this).
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amxn15
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#17
Report 1 year ago
#17
If your dad is anything like mine, there is no point in sitting down and telling him how you feel. My sister and even my brother have tried telling him that he is verbally abusive and aggressive and he just refuses to listen. He is oblivious to his awful attitude, he treats his family members like dirt and is extremely nice to his friends. He thinks he is a musician or some **** even though he is one of the worst singers I have ever heard in my entire life. My family is Indian which automatically makes my parents a lot more academically focused and stricter than most other parents (not really my mom). Anyway, I feel like he cuts off my resources and makes sure I don't have anyone in my life so that he can just terrorize me. He makes me feel like a burden every single day, he goes on and on about the amount of money that I spend even though I don't spend much at all? He makes sure that I don't feel like I belong in the family, he makes me feel like a piece of crap even though I know I'm capable of so much if I really put my mind to something. I don't want to be a part of my family anymore, but there is no way out.
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Anonymous #1
#18
Report 1 year ago
#18
(Original post by amyclip)
I hardly ever talk to him and I only really get to see him late in the evening throughout the week, and hes usually at home the whole weekend but all he ever wants to do is watch tv or do work. He NEVER wants to do something with me and my mum, even though he denighs it. (He'll agree to go somewhere but then he'll get all irritable wrecking the whole thing)
However, he's willing to go out with his friends or jump at the first opportunity of over time work.

He's really horrible towards me and I find that he speaks down to me a lot, in a very patronising manner. It's almost as if he subconciously treats me and my mum as if we're beneath him. (However hes moved off my mum and targetting me more)
A small example would be like I'll go to watch something and he'll be like 'oh I'll record that for you because IM going to watch this because I want to.' Then when nothing comes on tv, he'll put something stupid on that he isn't even watching to purposely get a reaction from me, but I can't be bothered to give him the pleasure of responding. (I know it sounds pathetic that something like that bothers me, but he does it literally ALL the time. I mean, I'm a human being too, not a pet and I don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that.)

After shouting at me he'll be all nice to me talking to me as if he didn't just talk to me in such a rude manner. Its like he doesn't see that his attitude is completely horrible, and then when I respond to shout at him he doesn't understand why because he literally believes he hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm not really sure what to make of him or why hes acting like this? It's really getting to me now, and my mum just sits there and doesn't say anything.
I think what's happened is that shes let him get away with speaking to her like that so thats why he sees it as normal, but why should I take it?

Does anybody else have the same thing with their dad?
Am I over reacting? It's making me very upset and I prefer not to be at home just so I'm not around him now.
Would there be any particular reason why someone would act like this?
Ahh man, I'm honestly really sorry to hear that, you poor thing. Bless you and your mother for having so much patience. I'm not an expert of any kind so me giving advice is out of place. Talking with my dad used to be very awkward too as a guy. But, slowly over time we built a connection as I talked more about my studies and work and the struggles I used to go through. Then, he really started to feel sorry for me and tries his best now. Your not over reacting, we are only human and even the slightest rude remark that someone gives me hurts me deeply despite me showing a smiling face to them and maintaining my good manners. I would say remain at home and perhaps offer your dad comfort, when he comes from work bring him some tea and treat him and really give him the guilt treatment. Show him how he should be treating you by being nice and saying I love you dad even when he gets rude. I can't really say why someone would act like that when they have such a beautiful child like you. But, it could be for various reasons such as alcohol-related, friends with that type of mindset, etc... But this is not my area to make any further comments.

I would say also to avoid any hassle or scenarios where you could get hurt as in such situations as your father many people don't think straight and may do things they will deeply regret later on.

I hope the best of outcomes for you. Please try to make the best out of each situation and persevere through this difficult time.
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AMC money
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#19
Report 1 year ago
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Me my dad is the same way
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Skeletonclique21
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#20
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maybe he's taking his stress out on you? not that i excuse it at all because that's horrible, i'm so sorry
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