Ex boyfriend

Hey, been gettin weird feelings and wondered if you can help me sort it out.
My ex and i were together for about 6 months, which ended in October. Mainly it was because he didnt have time for me anymore, with just starting uni lots was changing for him etc. We vowed to stay friends, which was difficult to begin, and at points i really disliked him for a number of things, but now we r gettin closer as friends.
However, theres one thing that still gets to me. And i dont know why, because i think i am over him and have been for a while. I do miss him but I know all the reasons why it would be insane for us to be together, so im trying to enjoy being single for just now. But, every time i hear he is going out clubbing i get this strange feeling. I start to feel uneasy and quite insecure. Partly i know i am very jealous, because having just turned 18 he is out a lot, and i still have a year until i will be old enough to go clubbing - i look young so there is not much chance of me getting in without ID.
But there is something more than just the jealousy. I find myself getting worried that he is getting off with loads of other girls. Which i know he has every right to do. I suppose I think it gets to me because when we split we both knew it wasnt because we no longer liked each other but simply due to circumstance, so i get jealous that he is looking for another girl when he already had one. He has even told me he doesnt go out and get together with a differnt girl every night. But still, every time he tells me he is away out I feel insecure/jealous/upset.
I really just want to be able to get over this. I hate feeling this way and wish i could just be happy he is having a good time.

Ps. Also, I will be starting uni when i am still only 17. Will i miss out on a lot because im younger?? My birthday isnt until 4 months after uni starts. I cant decide to move away to uni and I'm scared if i do then i will find it harder to make friends because i cant go out drinking all the time, simply due to my age.

Reply 1

rosetinted

Anonymous

My ex and i were together for about 6 months, which ended in October. Mainly it was because he didnt have time for me anymore, with just starting uni lots was changing for him etc.

If someone moves away to go to uni, that in itself isn't the reason the relationship ended, because you could still have a long distance relationship. It ended because one or both of you didn't want to make the effort to keep it going whilst he's away. If you say he didn't have time for it any more maybe that's because it wasn't worth taking the time to keep it going. If the relationship was really great you would both have worked at keeping it.

I'd say that you feel like you got left behind and aren't doing anything interesting whilst he gets all the fun and games. Well that's pretty common when friends or exes go off to uni and you've got another year to wait. Going to university changes you & changes your view of the world. It's the time when most people start living 'real life' as opposed to the sheltered world of living with mom and dad and having them look after you. Of course he is moving on, because he's living a new life and becoming his own person. Once you're off doing different stuff it can sometimes be hard to stay interested in stuff you once liked & people.

I also think that you probably miss the company and the idea of 'being in a relationship' more than you actually miss this particular relationship. This combined with the fact that you're scared of going to uni (everyone is always a bit scared so don't feel like that's just you!) & jealous he has already gone and is loving it. Don't look at it through rose tinted glasses..he's having to work hard, has had to deal with living away from home and finding a bunch of new friends. So before you get jealous that he's having such a good time..think about the fact that he's done all this hard stuff too. He deserves some fun. You'll understand once you've been through it too.

Oh and as for not being 18. I'm 20 and barely drink, it just doesn't interest me much. I still go out 'drinking' with mates, I just drink a lemonade or something. It's not the end of the world if you can't have alcoholic drinks.

EDIT: About the other stuff..I think moving away from home is good for people. It turns you from a scared teen into an adult, coping with new situations and building up your self confidence. I'd say that staying in your home town can be a bad thing. Firstly because unless your local university offers the exact course you want and is the top one you can get into you might not be achieving your full potential. Secondly, even if you went to local uni you'd probably move into halls which is living away from home anyway. Just don't be scared..REALLY live away rather than living half an hour down the road. It won't feel any different. A good compromise is to go to a uni that is reasonably close so you can to and from home when you want.

Reply 2

rachelisa

According to your other posts you're in living in university halls at the moment?!

Reply 3

rachelisa

According to your other posts you're in living in university halls at the moment?!

Nah, you must have me confused with someone else posting as an anonymous user because I'm not at uni yet. Still another year to go :frown:

Reply 4

where are you going to uni? i was 17 for my first month of uni - and it wasnt a problem at all - bouncers etc just seemed to assume that being a student meant you were 18

Reply 5

Apricot Fairy

I can't advise you much about the boyfriend situation, because there isn't really much you can do, except maybe try and find someone else. However, I wouldn't worry too much about still being 17 when you start uni. As long as your uni lets under 18s live in halls you should be fine. Ok, sometimes you will get ID'ed. But most of the time they just assume students will be over 18. Most bouncers accept our uni ID cards, which don't even have our date of birth on. I got ID'ed buying wine in Sainsbury's (come on...what kind of underage drinker buys wine from supermarkets???) and I didn't have my driving licence on me, so he accepted my uni ID card even though my date of birth was nowhere on it. I think I've been ID'ed maybe 3 times since I've been here on a night out, and they'll either ID all or none of you, so I don't think looking young will be a problem. You should probably just make sure you have enough money to get a taxi home if you are refused entry and everyone else goes in somewhere without you....but then, you should do that anyway. In four months, I can't imagine you'll have too many problems with ID. It might spoil a night out once or twice. But then again, if everyone else has ID and you say your purse was stolen and you've lost your driving licence, and try and look as though you're about to cry, most bouncers will probably take pity on you. :smile:

Reply 6

I live in Aberdeen, Scotland, and the uni here is really pretty good. I rekon if i lived outwith Aberdeen I'd choose it regardless. However, its right next to my school, and the thought of passing the same things every day that i have for the past 6 years drives me insane! Applied for Edinburgh and St Andrews also. But im just concerned about expenses, as it is so much more practical financially for me to stay at home. I look young for my age though, and dont think i will get in clubs without ID even next year. I'd have four months of uni without it. Would i still make friends as easily? I dont want to be isolated in a new city just because im younger.

Reply 7

rosetinted

I've never made friends with someone in a club. You makes friends with people you live with, are on the same course as, are in a society with or just end up hanging out with. You can go clubbing with your friends..you don't go clubbing to make friends. Why are you so obsessed with this idea of going to clubs?!

Finances wise you'll not have to pay any tuition fees up front any more so the costs will be more manageable. You need money for accommodation and living costs. Will your parents help you out at all? If not then get a student loan, get a job over next summer to earn as much money as you can and maybe work part time alongside your course if absolutely necessary. If your household income is low then you get financial support from your LEA.

Yes it might be cheaper to live at home, but at the end of the day you'll still be lving at home. That will be much more isolating for your than being a bit younger. Oh and there'll be other under 18s as well, don't fret.