cancer

one of my relatives has just been dignosed with a train tumour in teh centre of their brain and i am totally shocked only
i don't really know how to feel about it i am upset but when anyone brings it up in conversation i change the subject or switch off its not that i don't care because i really do!

this realtive kept asking why it was her and what had she done to derserve it and that really upset me, i think anyone thinking like that upsets me

am i selfish and insensitive as i haven't even shed a tear over it yet i just feel quite numb and all i can think about is her happy and see her smiling in stead of in pain whenever anyone talks about it!! is that stupid

Reply 1

notts

i dont think not crying is selfish and insensitive.

when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, by brother cried but i didnt.
i didnt care any less, we just deal with it differently.

Reply 2

sarah69

yeah - my mum had cancer, but I didn't cry about it, even though it obviously upset me loads. people deal with things it different ways.

Reply 3

nmt_oli

1

Everyone deals with stuff like this differently, dont beat your self up, just let what will happen happen.

It may be that others will get really upset now, where as it will take awhile for it to truly sink in for you, and you will be upset at a later date.

Just remember there is no right or wrong way to feel. Be yourself and be supportive. if people critisise you, just explain how you feel.

Oli

Reply 4

Laursy

OP

10

whenever people say oh it doesn;t look good she might not have long left, i just don;t want to hear that about such a lovely person!!

i hate telling people in my family how i feel i always feel like im on show if they judge me and i have to try and act like everyone else!!

Reply 5

nmt_oli

1

In my opinion, if someone is terminally ill and have accepted and dealt with the fact then everyone around them should try and be supportive of them in what they would like to do before they go, and save the grief for the funeral.

A positive attitude is likely to encourage the person in question, and give them more help and show how loved they are. I also belive a lot of positive attitude can have a surprising healing quality, some people have managed to get through cancer from the worst of situations, is amazing what the mind and body can do. we only utilise a small part of our mind normally- maybe the rest is for stuff like this, i don't know, but just don't blame yourself for anything- you can't change how you feel.

Oli

Reply 6

Laursy

OP

10

you can't change how you feel

yer thats true its like with my nan she has been in a home for nearly 6 years now and she has adzimers (i can;t spell it) the one where the whole memory is destroyed and ive not seen her for years i can;t face going as she doesn;t even know who she is,
but after a chat with a friend who told me that i should remember the good times and not see the bad parts and i know i won't be upset when she passes as to me, its like she is already gone as all i have left are the memorys i hope that doesn;t sound to insentive i told my brothers this they went mental, they are expecting to me have a minute by minute acount of these people and i really don;t want to hear it sometimes!

thanx for all your comments!

Reply 7

xoxo_GossipGirl

11

Just because you don't cry doesnt mean you don't care. When my dad came back and told us he had cancer it took me a good few days before I cried, I think i was in shock

cancer

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