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Guilty conscience..
Hey guys and girls. I'm normally posting in the Academic Section of this website but sometimes I do drop into the Health section and to my knowledge, everybody gets a decent answer to their problems from a majority of people, which is why I've decided to post my problem here.
Obvious details first (or are they?). I'm 18 years old and I'm a male, and I am in 6th form. Now my problem revolves around a certain girl (whose doesn't?), and she studies in the same math class as me.
She's a real sweet girl and all, really good to talk to, but she has a mean streak about her, which really comes out when doing math homework at the last minute in the school library, as do I and most of my math class.
I'll do 3/4 of the work the night before, and so I'll be finishing off in the lunch break, however she'll do all of the homework in one sitting.
This is fine, but she insists on copying the homework from other people (mainly me) and asks me if I can explain/let her copy the homework from me, and when I say no to her, things get messy where she'll fall into a strop and not talk to me til I help her out, which I normally end up doing, despite me not managing to get the work done myself. This stuff really annoyed me so I was thinking of some way to get her to leave me alone, without being too mean to her.
A week ago a rumour went around that she got on some boy at a party, and she came to me to ask me about what I knew, because she thought I started the rumour. I saw this as my opportunity to rid myself of her (
sounds mean) so I AMPLIFIED the situation and accused her of accusing me of starting the rumour, and so I finally had a reason to completely blank her.
Things worked out well: she was asking me for help and I blanked her straight off, so she ended up doing the homework herself (which is better for her), and my conscience was on my side. Everything worked out well until today, the last day of school, where ONCE AGAIN she began asking me for help after coming over to the table where I was at, and asking not for the answers, but for technique, which is ok in my books. However, me being me (Mr. Mean) completely ignored her and let her get on with it herself. And the poor girl just got on with it and eventually managed to do it by piecing it all together.
The nail in the coffin occured on the way home after maths, where she came up to me and gave me a christmas card with a pretty sweet message inside saying 'Hope you do well in life and manage to achieve all that you strive for', and I read this when I got home.
The problem is, now I completely feel like an idiot, and my conscience is working overtime. I completely feel like crap, and totally out of order. And I really feel like apologising to her for the whole thing, because its not her fault at all. I just didn't want her pestering me in the first place. A clear mind is what I need seeing as I have 6 exams in January, and having this on my mind will certainly not help, as I'm pretty upset at the moment. She's really sweet half the time, and she has a really good heart, but she acts like a 5-year old when she doesn't get her way, which is the only negative point in an otherwise perfect girl.
Ways of contacting her over the holidays:
-Email
-SMS
What in the blue hell should I do...?
Obvious details first (or are they?). I'm 18 years old and I'm a male, and I am in 6th form. Now my problem revolves around a certain girl (whose doesn't?), and she studies in the same math class as me.
She's a real sweet girl and all, really good to talk to, but she has a mean streak about her, which really comes out when doing math homework at the last minute in the school library, as do I and most of my math class.
I'll do 3/4 of the work the night before, and so I'll be finishing off in the lunch break, however she'll do all of the homework in one sitting.
This is fine, but she insists on copying the homework from other people (mainly me) and asks me if I can explain/let her copy the homework from me, and when I say no to her, things get messy where she'll fall into a strop and not talk to me til I help her out, which I normally end up doing, despite me not managing to get the work done myself. This stuff really annoyed me so I was thinking of some way to get her to leave me alone, without being too mean to her.
A week ago a rumour went around that she got on some boy at a party, and she came to me to ask me about what I knew, because she thought I started the rumour. I saw this as my opportunity to rid myself of her (
sounds mean) so I AMPLIFIED the situation and accused her of accusing me of starting the rumour, and so I finally had a reason to completely blank her. Things worked out well: she was asking me for help and I blanked her straight off, so she ended up doing the homework herself (which is better for her), and my conscience was on my side. Everything worked out well until today, the last day of school, where ONCE AGAIN she began asking me for help after coming over to the table where I was at, and asking not for the answers, but for technique, which is ok in my books. However, me being me (Mr. Mean) completely ignored her and let her get on with it herself. And the poor girl just got on with it and eventually managed to do it by piecing it all together.
The nail in the coffin occured on the way home after maths, where she came up to me and gave me a christmas card with a pretty sweet message inside saying 'Hope you do well in life and manage to achieve all that you strive for', and I read this when I got home.
The problem is, now I completely feel like an idiot, and my conscience is working overtime. I completely feel like crap, and totally out of order. And I really feel like apologising to her for the whole thing, because its not her fault at all. I just didn't want her pestering me in the first place. A clear mind is what I need seeing as I have 6 exams in January, and having this on my mind will certainly not help, as I'm pretty upset at the moment. She's really sweet half the time, and she has a really good heart, but she acts like a 5-year old when she doesn't get her way, which is the only negative point in an otherwise perfect girl.
Ways of contacting her over the holidays:
-SMS
What in the blue hell should I do...?
Reply 2
Some kind of hybrid thanks for the card/apology if you feel that bad about it. Either send her a card saying "Sorry I was being bastardised etc. etc. Have a good Xmas", or just tell her that yourself. She certainly doesn't seem to hate you, and so will probably appreciate it a lot if you straighten things out properly.
Reply 3
creepy1986 said:
Go out and get drunk, and forget about all your problems. Then when you go back to school apologise to her and be honest about what happened. Honesty is the best policy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't drink anymore since an embarassing situation a year ago (no comment), so this will keep playing on my mind over the holidays - the holidays where I should be revising for my 6 exams in January.
Go out and get drunk, and forget about all your problems. Then when you go back to school apologise to her and be honest about what happened. Honesty is the best policy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't drink anymore since an embarassing situation a year ago (no comment), so this will keep playing on my mind over the holidays - the holidays where I should be revising for my 6 exams in January.
Reply 5
You did the right thing. It would be better when she realises she can't rely on people to do the work for her. Don't let this bother you too much. I doubt she'd be too upset by this. Go out and have fun, and try not to let your conscience get you into a big worried mess.
Reply 6
So Anonymous you're saying I should just leave things the way they are? Isn't that bad karma?
Reply 7
No, don't let karma rule your life. I don't believe in it anyway. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself. She probably doesn't think much of the situation. The fact that she sent you a nice xmas card is proof that things aren't bad between you and her. Send her an e-card or something, and put all this behind you. You taught her a good lesson as well, being that you shouldn't keep relying on others to do your Maths homework for you.
Reply 8
I can't believe you didn't pull this girl - she gave you ample opportunity.
To be honest, it seems like you have been a tad harsh. I, more than anybody, hate people who slack and just consistently copy; I can't stand it. But it seems like she is genuinely stuck with her work, and sees you as intelligent, so is asking for help because she actually needs it and because she thinks you are adept at giving it.
If this bothers you, then tell her politely in future that you really found it a struggle too at first, but that you went to the teacher and they helped you work through things, or that you just have to keep going until everything clicks into place. I do this if people are really hassling me, I say things like: "Oh, I know. It's really hard isn't it? But Mr. Jones is alright, I was so stuck on circle theorems, but he managed to help me out so now I get it". Hopefully she will take your advice and learn from it. Or you could suggest to her that she tries your strategy of doing 3/4 of it the night before. And if she is really stuck, why not just help her out? It would be a nice thing to do...
As for the relationship side of things...I would definitely say she seems to fancy you, and you seem to reciprocate the feelings. I know it sound silly because you said she can be mean, and you have been pretty mean to her, but you seem like a good match to be honest.
If you can contact her now that you are in the holidays that would be good. Send her a text to say thanks for the card and that you really appreciate it and hopes she has a nice Christmas. If you feel awkward apologising, or think that it would be dragging the issue, then just be overtly friendly and nice so that you convey the impression that you do like her, because at the moment she probably thinks the opposite. If you do feel the need to apologise though, do so. I would definitely text her, or get her number from a mutual friend.
It seems like she does like you, as I say, but it also seems that she is genuinely stuck with the Maths. I think she thinks you can rectify both these problems. If you feel the need to, explain to her that the only reason you were "funny" with her is because you were worried she was only interested in you for help with the Maths. I personally believe this not to be the case, so she will no doubt deny this and stop hassling you for help, whilst also bringing you both closer together. Then you will be free to advise her of your own willing.
Don't mess her about though. If you want to focus on your work, then focus on your work. But I think you should let her know how you feel about her and just be honest with her, because it seems like she has been dropping hints. You do realise all the help she has been asking for in Maths might just have been an excuse to speak to you?
Just a thought...good luck...
And by the way, what I want to know is why has she left you like a 'leaving message' in your Christmas card as if she is never going to see you again?!
If this bothers you, then tell her politely in future that you really found it a struggle too at first, but that you went to the teacher and they helped you work through things, or that you just have to keep going until everything clicks into place. I do this if people are really hassling me, I say things like: "Oh, I know. It's really hard isn't it? But Mr. Jones is alright, I was so stuck on circle theorems, but he managed to help me out so now I get it". Hopefully she will take your advice and learn from it. Or you could suggest to her that she tries your strategy of doing 3/4 of it the night before. And if she is really stuck, why not just help her out? It would be a nice thing to do...
As for the relationship side of things...I would definitely say she seems to fancy you, and you seem to reciprocate the feelings. I know it sound silly because you said she can be mean, and you have been pretty mean to her, but you seem like a good match to be honest.
If you can contact her now that you are in the holidays that would be good. Send her a text to say thanks for the card and that you really appreciate it and hopes she has a nice Christmas. If you feel awkward apologising, or think that it would be dragging the issue, then just be overtly friendly and nice so that you convey the impression that you do like her, because at the moment she probably thinks the opposite. If you do feel the need to apologise though, do so. I would definitely text her, or get her number from a mutual friend.
It seems like she does like you, as I say, but it also seems that she is genuinely stuck with the Maths. I think she thinks you can rectify both these problems. If you feel the need to, explain to her that the only reason you were "funny" with her is because you were worried she was only interested in you for help with the Maths. I personally believe this not to be the case, so she will no doubt deny this and stop hassling you for help, whilst also bringing you both closer together. Then you will be free to advise her of your own willing.
Don't mess her about though. If you want to focus on your work, then focus on your work. But I think you should let her know how you feel about her and just be honest with her, because it seems like she has been dropping hints. You do realise all the help she has been asking for in Maths might just have been an excuse to speak to you?
Just a thought...good luck...
And by the way, what I want to know is why has she left you like a 'leaving message' in your Christmas card as if she is never going to see you again?!
Reply 10
i would have said no you can't copy my homework
Reply 12
I have a soft spot for her for sure, which is why I'm stressing so much at the moment. And Zhivago it just clicked that the message in the x-mas card sounds more like a 'goodbye' message than it does a x-mas message.
Hmm.. To the best of my knowledge I don't think she's going anywhere until the end of the year... At least I hope she isn't.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Zhivago:
As for the relationship side of things...I would definitely say she seems to fancy you, and you seem to reciprocate the feelings. I know it sound silly because you said she can be mean, and you have been pretty mean to her, but you seem like a good match to be honest.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack0:
I can't believe you didn't pull this girl - she gave you ample opportunity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe it's out of the goodwill of her heart that she gave me the card, you know.. the christmas spirit lark. Whats the chances of it being any more than that?
Hmm.. To the best of my knowledge I don't think she's going anywhere until the end of the year... At least I hope she isn't.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Zhivago:
As for the relationship side of things...I would definitely say she seems to fancy you, and you seem to reciprocate the feelings. I know it sound silly because you said she can be mean, and you have been pretty mean to her, but you seem like a good match to be honest.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack0:
I can't believe you didn't pull this girl - she gave you ample opportunity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe it's out of the goodwill of her heart that she gave me the card, you know.. the christmas spirit lark. Whats the chances of it being any more than that?
Reply 13
Maybe it's out of the goodwill of her heart that she gave me the card, you know.. the christmas spirit lark. Whats the chances of it being any more than that?
All that matters is that things are OK between you and her, so stop worrying!
Reply 15
hugatree:
I think she fancies you too. Why else would she keep asking you to help her with her work even if you're rude to her? I would so not give you a Christmas card if I were her.
--------------------------------------------------------
Hahahaha well that just about sums it up then eh..? I'll send her a text or something in a couple of days... or even tonight. Here's hoping we can start afresh in the new year (and I'll definitely try to forward things with her if so many of you think that she might like me)
Thanks guys and girls. I feel a lot better now
I think she fancies you too. Why else would she keep asking you to help her with her work even if you're rude to her? I would so not give you a Christmas card if I were her.
--------------------------------------------------------
Hahahaha well that just about sums it up then eh..? I'll send her a text or something in a couple of days... or even tonight. Here's hoping we can start afresh in the new year (and I'll definitely try to forward things with her if so many of you think that she might like me)
Thanks guys and girls. I feel a lot better now
Reply 18
Like I said, there is a certain soft spot I have for her, which is probably why I can't bear to not be talking to her (weird)... Anyway I sent her an email exposing EVERYTHING (minus me fancying her) and she seems cool with it all. Sounded happy that we're finally talking again.
Thanks for the input everyone..I CAN CONCENTRATE NOW!
Thanks for the input everyone..I CAN CONCENTRATE NOW!
Reply 19
congrats then =)!
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