The Student Room Group

i think hes self harming

hi guys i really need sum advice...i think my friend (male) is self harming. The thing is hes always seemed like nothing hurts him.since a young age hes been thru alot.his dad left him wen he was 2 days old his step dad died when he wa 13.his mum threw him in2 a canal at a young age to get rid of him.hes at home bak with his mum and working whilst he makes some money to buy his own flat.hes also at uni.the thing is the other day i was talkin 2 him and he seemed really pissed of about sumthing.then i saw him 2day and he had a big cut all down his face.i asked him wot had happened as id seen cuts like this b4 ova his arms or hands. he wuldnt tell me.eventually cos i think i annoyed him he said he did it himself.I asked him what with as it was quite deep and he said a kitchen knife. I told him that i thought he was self harming.he said people only did that 2 feel pain.so i asked him y he did it.he goes 'wen am angry to calm myself down i need 2 see blood and hurt myself'.it really scared me and i dont no how to help him or what to do?
Reply 1
Khadijah
hi guys i really need sum advice...i think my friend (male) is self harming. The thing is hes always seemed like nothing hurts him.since a young age hes been thru alot.his dad left him wen he was 2 days old his step dad died when he wa 13.his mum threw him in2 a canal at a young age to get rid of him.hes at home bak with his mum and working whilst he makes some money to buy his own flat.hes also at uni.the thing is the other day i was talkin 2 him and he seemed really pissed of about sumthing.then i saw him 2day and he had a big cut all down his face.i asked him wot had happened as id seen cuts like this b4 ova his arms or hands. he wuldnt tell me.eventually cos i think i annoyed him he said he did it himself.I asked him what with as it was quite deep and he said a kitchen knife. I told him that i thought he was self harming.he said people only did that 2 feel pain.so i asked him y he did it.he goes 'wen am angry to calm myself down i need 2 see blood and hurt myself'.it really scared me and i dont no how to help him or what to do?


I can't really advise you on what to do because I've never been in a situation like this, but if I were you I'd make sure that I was as sensitive about the situation as possible, the last thing you want to do is to alienate him - especially if he is self-harming and probably needs all the friends he has :smile: .
Reply 2
I've been in a kind of a similar situation. I think the best thing to do is talk to him. Be very sensitive about it. Be there for him.
Reply 3
You can't stop them. :frown: They have to stop by themselves (like when they feel better).
Reply 4
If you read this post I posted lots of sites about self harm. If you read them then you'll get to learn more about it and will be more able to help him.

Ultimately, you can't stop him and you shouldn't try to force him. He needs to learn to work through things, and you can only support him with that.
Reply 5
Juno! :eek: How does your troll know our ISP/what computer/Windows I'm using??
Reply 6
hugatree
Juno! :eek: How does your troll know our ISP/what computer/Windows I'm using??
He's psychic
Reply 7
Juno
He's psychic

And now it's a mouse! *faints*
Reply 8
hugatree
And now it's a mouse! *faints*
Yeah, he switches between the two
Be really nice to him, I'd say perhaps bring it up in a kind way. Hell I have been in this situation, and in my experience, it is better not ignored
Reply 10
all you can do is be there for him and keep reassuring him that ur always there if he ever needs anything. if you feel the time is right, maybe talk to him about perhaps getting proffesional help.. but dont pressure him into anything. 'professional help' will only help if the person wants it and does it on their own accord.

hang in there x x x x
Reply 11
Khadijah
his mum threw him in2 a canal at a young age to get rid of him.

So hes back with his mum after she did that, 2 things.
1: How did she manage to keep custody of him after that???
2: How did he survive being thrown into a canal if he was so young???

Khadijah
he goes 'wen am angry to calm myself down i need 2 see blood and hurt myself'?

If hes talking like that, you need to get him to a psychiatrist or counselling, some people who need to see blood to calm themselves end up hurting other people just for the purpose of seeing blood.
Khadijah
hi guys i really need sum advice...i think my friend (male) is self harming. The thing is hes always seemed like nothing hurts him.since a young age hes been thru alot.his dad left him wen he was 2 days old his step dad died when he wa 13.his mum threw him in2 a canal at a young age to get rid of him.hes at home bak with his mum and working whilst he makes some money to buy his own flat.hes also at uni.the thing is the other day i was talkin 2 him and he seemed really pissed of about sumthing.then i saw him 2day and he had a big cut all down his face.i asked him wot had happened as id seen cuts like this b4 ova his arms or hands. he wuldnt tell me.eventually cos i think i annoyed him he said he did it himself.I asked him what with as it was quite deep and he said a kitchen knife. I told him that i thought he was self harming.he said people only did that 2 feel pain.so i asked him y he did it.he goes 'wen am angry to calm myself down i need 2 see blood and hurt myself'.it really scared me and i dont no how to help him or what to do?



That sounds so much like myself a few years ago...it was allo about "releaseing the anger" and seeing the blood, knowing we are human...

Let him know he can rant at you...thats all you can do...
Reply 13
I would help him get his own flat and move out that might help him alot.
Reply 14
Elipsis
I would help him get his own flat and move out that might help him alot.


Yeah, one of my best friends self-harmed for years when she was with her mum and then in foster care, but to my knowledge she hasn't since she got her own place. It might help him - but keep an eye on him coz it might not.
Reply 15
MNBStyle
So hes back with his mum after she did that, 2 things.
1: How did she manage to keep custody of him after that???
2: How did he survive being thrown into a canal if he was so young???


If hes talking like that, you need to get him to a psychiatrist or counselling, some people who need to see blood to calm themselves end up hurting other people just for the purpose of seeing blood.


well the canal wasnt that deep and his mums brother and sister wa there at the time so jumped in 2 get him.well its neva been no different like no1s ever complained since a young age bout wot his mum were doing.his auntie and uncle took him in 4 a bit til she got herself 'sorted' but they had a family of their own so culdnt look after him 4eva so his mum had him bak sayin she had 'changed'
Reply 16
Firstly, it's not true that people only self harm to feel pain... it's a control thing, and if he does it when he's angry the likelihood is that he's doing it to regain control over his emotions by controlling his body. Does that make sense? If you focus really closely on the action, the cut, you forget the emotions you are feeling temporarily.

Really, then, he has to address whatever is causing the emotions which he is trying to block. The self-harming is more than likely to go away once those emotions are under control.

Also, just a quick query - has he ever completely lost it emotionally, the classic 'seeing red'? Because it might be caused by a fear of what he might do if the emotions take over, not just a way of avoiding the emotional pain. In that case, maybe anger management or something would help?

Obviously I don't know him so I'm just speculating on what the causes could be... I'd talk to him about it in more detail, read up on the internet and see why harmers say they do it and then suggest reasons to him. Unfortunately, as hugatree said, all you can do is help him through it, there is no way of stopping him unless he wants to. Don't try and rationalise it to him or explain why he shouldn't do it, it'll just end up making him feel guilty and he's more likely to hide it from you. It's a blessing that it's out in the open now, try and keep it that way.

Good luck, SBxxx
I once did it as an escape
Reply 18
Khadijah
well the canal wasnt that deep and his mums brother and sister wa there at the time so jumped in 2 get him.well its neva been no different like no1s ever complained since a young age bout wot his mum were doing.his auntie and uncle took him in 4 a bit til she got herself 'sorted' but they had a family of their own so culdnt look after him 4eva so his mum had him bak sayin she had 'changed'

And she never went to court for attempted murder????
Reply 19
nope,it was only her brother and sister who saw it.they didnt tell ne1.obv they didnt want ther sister 2 go 2 the police i think thats y they offered to take him.