Is abstinence realistic? What do you think?

But would person A be into bondage if they were abstaining until marriage? Would they feel unsatisfied with non-bondage sex if they'd never tried it? I don't think anyone grows up feeling as though they're into bondage - it seems to me like that couple you've described would develop their sexual desires together, in the same way that couples develop all sorts of other things together. I don't think it's just the case that people are simply either sexually compatible or not. And even if the couple don't think that their sexual activity is the best it could possibly be, I would suspect it would just be like other aspects of a relationship, like communication, or mutual interests. I hardly see a need to single out sexuality and make it an all-or-nothing dealbreaker.

1) The purpose isn't just to reduce unwanted pregnancies and STIs. It's also about trying to help younger people to resist social pressure to have sex early, ensure people are more fully aware of the risks and considerations involved, and to encourage people to obey the law on underage sex.

2) I think it's quite naive and counter-productive to suggest that young people would engage in, and draw the line at, non-penetrative BDSM for sexual gratification.

We're not necessarily talking about young people - the original point was about not having sex before marriage and partners' different sexual preferences. I think it's entirely possible to develop fetishes without having sex. Most BDSM clubs, for example, have rules forbidding sexual contact.

Abstinence is completely unrealistic. It's better to teach safe sex. Also if you tell people not to do something they will want to do it more anyway.

Why can't you teach both abstinence and safe sex? It is possible, via abstinence education, to do things like delay first sexual experience, decrease number/frequency of partners, so I don't see how it is better to just teach safe sex, or that people will 'just want to do it more'.

Because if people want to have sex, they will do it. They're not going to abstain from it, only the naive would believe that. Better to teach them the consequences of sex and how to be safe about it than to say don't do it.

Why can't they be persuaded not to have sex as soon as they happen to feel like it? I don't think it's naive, see here.

It seems stupid to just teach them about it, and how to do it more safely (it can never be completely safe), without trying to persuade them also not to have sex too young, or too promiscuously.

It is naive because if someone wants sex, they will have it.
Thus, it is important they have the information they need to reduce the risks involved.
As I have said before, its all well and good telling people to say no. But what happens when they want to say yes?

Just to clear this up:

1) It is perfectly possible to be into BDSM without any sexual act following it. The act of being tied up or hurt or hurting someone is the sexual bit, you don't then have to go on to do anything else. Some, I daresay a lot, of people do ... but it's not necessarily the case. That's why a dominatrix isn't a prostitute unless she also does other things: what she's doing isn't sex.

2) Just like gay people can know they're gay without having experienced dating, you don't necessarily have to have tried BDSM before to know you're interested in it. Of course, some people romanticise it, think they are and, when it comes to it, really aren't and others don't think they would like it but do. But a significant number just know they are into that sort of thing.

Not when I'm around, ladies

Abstinence is completely unrealistic. It's better to teach safe sex. Also if you tell people not to do something they will want to do it more anyway.

We're not necessarily talking about young people - the original point was about not having sex before marriage and partners' different sexual preferences. I think it's entirely possible to develop fetishes without having sex. Most BDSM clubs, for example, have rules forbidding sexual contact.

Therefore, marriage should be encouraged at an earlier age but because of society's illiberal attitude, that you should fool around because you're young and free, it leaves dismal consequences, such as sexually transmitted diseases, abortions and more prominently slandering of young females of being a 'slut'.

It's going to leave some stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Well, I clearly don't know much about BDSM clubs...

But I'm not sure we understand the original post the same way. I read it as referring to the bill in front of Parliament, which is about young people, and not about marriage. Someone else then brought up the idea of abstaining until marriage, saying it was untenable because one does not know if one is sexually 'compatible' with one's partner, which I challenged.

If we're discussing the former, then I don't think your criticism applies. If the aim is partly to help young people resist the pressure to engage in sexual activities, then any activity for the purpose of sexual gratification will be discouraged at a young age.

If the latter, then different considerations apply. If someone is abstaining until marriage, it is generally about wanting to keep one's sexual expression limited only to one's spouse, which would again exclude going to BDSM clubs.

Maybe a person could nevertheless feel like they might have some kind of sexual fetish in this scenario, but I still do not think that it would have the effect of ruining a marriage if the person abstained.

Why can't you teach both abstinence and safe sex? It is possible, via abstinence education, to do things like delay first sexual experience, decrease number/frequency of partners, so I don't see how it is better to just teach safe sex, or that people will 'just want to do it more'.

I thought it was...
Temptation is slowly wearing my resolve away.
Lol

Because if people want to have sex, they will do it. They're not going to abstain from it, only the naive would believe that. Better to teach them the consequences of sex and how to be safe about it than to say don't do it.

Why can't they be persuaded not to have sex as soon as they happen to feel like it? I don't think it's naive, see here.

It seems stupid to just teach them about it, and how to do it more safely (it can never be completely safe), without trying to persuade them also not to have sex too young, or too promiscuously.

It is naive because if someone wants sex, they will have it.
Thus, it is important they have the information they need to reduce the risks involved.
As I have said before, its all well and good telling people to say no. But what happens when they want to say yes?

I'm haven't said that people should be taught abstinence only, so I don't really think that comment applies to me.

But nevertheless, I do think that your response is quite worrying. It suggests that young people are simply creatures of instinct, unable to control themselves. People can reflect on what they want, and can be convinced not to have sex even though they may want to in some ways. It's not as though young people are always going to start having sex at 13/14/15 - this is clear from statistics about the average age of first sexual activity (which has gone down). Clearly some external factors are responsible for that change, and can be taught about.

Abstinence is realistic, virgins have been doing it for years.

We're not necessarily talking about young people - the original point was about not having sex before marriage and partners' different sexual preferences. I think it's entirely possible to develop fetishes without having sex. Most BDSM clubs, for example, have rules forbidding sexual contact.

Because if people want to have sex, they will do it. They're not going to abstain from it, only the naive would believe that. Better to teach them the consequences of sex and how to be safe about it than to say don't do it.

There's nothing wrong with people being promiscuous if they can cope with it. We need to get away from the idea that sex is something 'special'.

Abstinence-teaching for girls only? Wow. Society still refuses to accept the fact that girls like sex. We havent moved on at all, if people still come up with these totally ludicrous ideas.