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advice please - virgin and confused watch

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    I'd stick to what you believe, I'm not 'no sex before marriage' but I don't like rushing into it. I've only ever slept with my long term (3 years long term) boyfriend but i was recently seeing a guy who although claimed he didn't mind, was only after me for sex, really.

    I felt a bit stupid after we'd finished, I'd only been seeing him for 2 weeks - but the way he was talking, made me feel like I was being unreasonable and paranoid in wanting to wait. I can't help what I think, I have promiscuous friends (one of my friends has slept with 25 men...), but i can't help doing what I feel is right. I'm not shy of sex, I enjoy it once I'm at that stage, but I find it too personal an action to carry out 'willy nilly'!

    Stick to what you believe, eventually you'll find someone worthy
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    it just seems so hard...im 20 and i havent met a single one of those hguys yet
    they are around, believe me. your probably just looking in the wrong places.
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    (Original post by -TMG-)
    Just saying, that IMO losing your virginity is losing your innocence; when you have sex, your mind is 'dirtied' and not as clean as it was before. Not saying that in a bad way or anything, but that's how it is. A person changes...They think about sex more, and some will become more sexually promiscuous etc or aggressive...
    You have a very warped idea about sex indeed, in my opinion. You make sex sound like a sordid act that shouldn't be performed, and once someone does perform is they're contaminated from there on in.

    Will you see your wife/girlfriend as being 'dirtied' once you've have sex with her?

    Very bizarre mentality.

    I can understand the OP's original point i.e. wanting to not have sex due to her own morality.

    I think realistically, to find someone that is 'willing to wait' these days you'd really have to look for people with strong religious beliefs etc. that has a reason for not wanting to have sex. I can't imagine for the life of me really why people you want to delay it. Maybe I simply don't view sex as being 'dirty' enough though
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    yeah church or the library, places like that. maybe your looking for the wrong things in a guy. if you go for the really good looking, really confident flirty type then they are pretty likely to want sex.
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    where can i meet them? my church is all old ppl, and the uni bar isnt the best place.

    i met my bf in the libary!
    Hmm, doesn't your uni have a Christian Union? That's where all the no-sex-before-marriage gang in Liverpool uni tend to meet their partners...

    Failing that, there must be some young people that go to church, perhaps you could look in another one?
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    thanks so much TMG i was really confused as to what to do but i never thought of it like how you said. i cant regain my mental purity if i have sex. im going to try to convert my bf into a proper catholic or keep him out of love but if it comes to it my faith comes first. are you catholic?
    No I don't follow any religion or particularly belive in any. I still do have my own morals and values though and I stand by them.

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    (Original post by bis432)
    yeah church or the library, places like that. maybe your looking for the wrong things in a guy. if you go for the really good looking, really confident flirty type then they are pretty likely to want sex.
    No I'm not!

    [likely to want to have sex] hehe. Seriously though, everyone is so different, I mean most lives are unique and what happens to them will not happen in the exact same way and have the exact same effect on another person. People are individual and should be treated as such

    What I'm saying is just because someone is good looking, they are not sex mad. Also, just because someone is sex mad, they don't have to be good looking.
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    i can realte to you soo much. Im a catholic so completely understand your views. I think that it is for simmillar reasond to you that i tend to avoid the whole relationship thing
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    (Original post by richkerrigan)
    You have a very warped idea about sex indeed, in my opinion. You make sex sound like a sordid act that shouldn't be performed, and once someone does perform is they're contaminated from there on in.
    No, not sordid, just the motives for sex can be dirty etc and mess with people's minds. That's what I really meant.

    Anyway, perhaps I do have a warped idea of sex, but it works for me. Maybe I read too many books about Knights and my brains dried up...hehe.
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    Be honest with him. If he copes with it then thats great, if he doesn't there's no point in continuing a relationship.
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    he is catholice but wants a 'complete relationship'
    Tell him you want a complete catholic relationship. If you're to spend the rest of your life with someone, you both have to totally understand and respect each others wishes
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    Some of you are really special. I've only met ONE girl like that.
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    it sounds to me as though when you look for a relationship, you automatically have to look for someone who will wait for you to have sex until youre married. but as you said alot of guys arent that patient. and you also said that you can only get married once. so by choosing your future husband on the basis of how long he will wait for sex (which is seemingly how youre choosing your current partners) surely you arent looking for the man who will make you happy for the rest of your life? :confused:
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    wow- i admire you! stick with it!!
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    thanks glow.

    just so all of you know, i did follow your advice. he called me on christmas day and said he had never broken up with his ex, and they were getting back together unless i could offer him sex as part of the relationship like she did. i said no, and we broke up on christmas day

    the moral is: NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE if he loves you he will wait!

    thanks for all yours helps people God bless x
    Aaw:hugs:
    I just wanted to say that I admire you for sticking to what you believe in and not dropping your faith/beliefs as soon as you find a guy...."I used to not believe in sex before marriage, but then I met my boyfriend and I've changed my mind." :rolleyes: So many people seem to pick and choose parts of their religion to follow and its rare to find someone who doesnt....just wanted to say stick with it, it might take a while but eventually I'm sure you'll find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and who respects all of you and doesnt try to change parts of you

    I'm in the same position...don't believe in sex before marriage as am a Christian, and so far I've found that most guys who've liked me respect that....only one hasnt, and he apologised for it later and said that he'd realised that he'd been stupid :rolleyes:

    So good luck!

    (Original post by shinytoy)
    i am in london and i have had 3 proper boyfiends. i am eager to get married and have kids as soon as possible. at the same time i want to marry someone i love, and also to uphold my cultural belief in no sex befre marriage
    I dont understand all this wait till marriage business.
    In my opinion, You goto the shop and try on clothes, you dont take them straight home because they might be uncomfortable!

    you try before you buy!

    Also I dont think any religion has the right to dicate what goes on behind closed doors especially considering what absence of sex has done to various priests (re: child abuse)

    If you feel ready to sleep with your boyfriend, you feel ready.
    You life is for your own choosing. You live it how you want to, you are not some puppet to be controlled by a 'god'.

    Worst still, You shouldnt be controlled by muppets who for centuries are willfully misinterpreting the word of god and making up all sorts of random rules they cant keep for themselves.
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    however although he spends 5 hrs in church a week, he has also slpt with a 14 yr old virin last year ad procured an abortion.
    Hypocrisy of many christians amazes me, they sleep around, they have divorces and abortions. Yet because they have found God and are forgiven for every transgression, they then seem to think they have a right to act superciliously on more doubtful minds.
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    [QUOTE]
    i think what the problem here is that ur confusing sexual intercourse with love. they are completely individual from one another.
    ur moral beliefs are that u cant lose ur virginity unless u get married and ur obviously not going to get married unless u love the guy and he loves U. if the guy truly loves u and is serious and COMMITTED to ur relationship then he will accept exactly the way u r with no grudge and will appreciate it also.
    dont forget ur only a virgin ONCE.
    dont rush through it and dont be pressurised, stick to what YOU believe in because if he u do have sex with him and u break up in the end (which is highly possible) its ur beliefs NOT his love who will remain with u.

    rmbr it is our moral beliefs that make us unique and it is our Uniqueness that causes people to fall inlove with us.
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    Don't get pressured into doing something you don't want to do - there are guys out there with the same beliefs as you, or at least ones who will fall in love with you and love you enough to marry you without having slept with you before.
 
 
 
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