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friendship - Healthy or should I break away?
ok, basically , I have this friend who has had a crap life, the whole dead parents, social services, self harm, anerexic deal, and is the product of a really crap upbringing.
the problem is, everytime we go out socially, i always end up feeling like her social worker and not her friend. our firendship is exclusivly her problems of which there are many, and no matter what I say or do it is very rarely good enough.
Practically everytime we go out somthing happans which makes her the center of attention and drags me away from a good time.
Tonight, we were out ( a lot of us ) and she was kissing her boyfriend and making eyes at another guy, which caused a huge fight in the pub. After which she still made her self the center of attention and went with no thought to myself or our other friends, most of wihich were shaken or like me, crying. not even a goodbye or "are you ok?". And this is the rough formula for EVERY NIGHT OUT WITH HER!
My other friends mother was with us, hi had met her before and said that she brought this on herself ad her boyfriend and we should not hang out with her, as she will always be like this and we can all do better then some "trouble makeing slapper".
This makes so much sense to me, but I feel so guilty about abondoning her because of things like this as it is not directly her fault! If I leave her, she will have no "normal" friends beyound her boyfriend, and they will both be isolated and I feel so guilty for thinking these evil thoughts that I hate myself but at the same time I can not cope with her anymore.
Does any one have any suggestions? Am I being a bad person for thinking this? I have done all I can, and I can not talk to her because she has no consideration for what she does to others beyound her boyfriend, and i feel so evil...
any thoughts?
the problem is, everytime we go out socially, i always end up feeling like her social worker and not her friend. our firendship is exclusivly her problems of which there are many, and no matter what I say or do it is very rarely good enough.
Practically everytime we go out somthing happans which makes her the center of attention and drags me away from a good time.
Tonight, we were out ( a lot of us ) and she was kissing her boyfriend and making eyes at another guy, which caused a huge fight in the pub. After which she still made her self the center of attention and went with no thought to myself or our other friends, most of wihich were shaken or like me, crying. not even a goodbye or "are you ok?". And this is the rough formula for EVERY NIGHT OUT WITH HER!
My other friends mother was with us, hi had met her before and said that she brought this on herself ad her boyfriend and we should not hang out with her, as she will always be like this and we can all do better then some "trouble makeing slapper".
This makes so much sense to me, but I feel so guilty about abondoning her because of things like this as it is not directly her fault! If I leave her, she will have no "normal" friends beyound her boyfriend, and they will both be isolated and I feel so guilty for thinking these evil thoughts that I hate myself but at the same time I can not cope with her anymore.
Does any one have any suggestions? Am I being a bad person for thinking this? I have done all I can, and I can not talk to her because she has no consideration for what she does to others beyound her boyfriend, and i feel so evil...
any thoughts?
talk to her and also when she kicks up a fuss next time make it a kind of subtle joke so then its at least good attention if everyone is laughing not at her in particular,
tell her to think of others when you are out or go out a couple of times without her and then she will ask why you tell her she will see what she is doing is wrong and calm down,
she will make enemys for herself it sounds like!! she needs to be told otherwise you wull never have a good night out, ignore her or just brush off her next hissy fit so to speck so she can see that you really don;t want to be hassled!!
i hope that helps
x
tell her to think of others when you are out or go out a couple of times without her and then she will ask why you tell her she will see what she is doing is wrong and calm down,
she will make enemys for herself it sounds like!! she needs to be told otherwise you wull never have a good night out, ignore her or just brush off her next hissy fit so to speck so she can see that you really don;t want to be hassled!!
i hope that helps
x
Reply 4
Laursy
my brothers mates mum got killed by his dad and he never uses thats as a way of getting attention
you need to put her in her place its not fair to use things like that as amunition
you need to put her in her place its not fair to use things like that as amunition
but she does not seem to have worked though her issues surrounding this...
Reply 6
She's got a boyfriend, what is she whinging about? She can't exactly complain that no-one likes eher. She sounds like she is taking advantage of her friends and making it into a big deal (it maybe a big deal at times like christmas/birthdays/anniversaries etc but not every friday in the pub).
Reply 7
whilst i agree she does need some good solid friendships to help her get over n e current issues, you really need to stop giving in to her selfish behaviour. ok shes had a bad past but it sounds like shes learnt that she can use that as an excuse to be mean. Im not sure how youd like to approach it but if it were me i wudnt stop hanging out with her but i wud b abit harder with her, so wen everyones having a good time and shes acting normal and nice then give her loads of attention but she starts acting up either ignore her or just expain that theres nothing you can do or say to help her n e more than u already have and that she needs to get over it herself in her own time. I hope it works, but please dont abandon her just yet, she just needs to be taught how to behave! lol! xx
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