Anyone else never been physically attracted to anyone?

Hello

Hopefully this doesn't sound too stupid. I'm 18 and over the last year or so, I realised that apparently people are 'supposed' to be physically attracted to other people by this age, I mean, they are supposed to have physical 'urges' (is that the right word?) and are supposed to want to kiss and things. I don't really understand that to be honest. I don't think I've ever felt physically attracted to anyone and have certainly never had a sexual thought about anyone. The whole idea of it just seems strange and quite horrible to be honest.

I've felt attracted to people, of course. I've liked a boy (far too much :frown:

) for a couple of years now but I never think about him physically and only realised recently that most people apparently think about people they really like in that way (correct me if I'm wrong). In a similar way though, I get the same about a girl too. I think she's so interesting and for the past two years I've been fascinated by everything about her personality that I have seen. Again, no sexual/physical thoughts whatsoever, not a romantic sort of attraction at all. Though, I definitely wouldn't say that I'm bisexual and I know that probably sounds contradictory but it's hard to explain.

Is anyone else like this too? Is this normal?

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Reply 1

Stratos

You simply aren't magnetic enough sorry, consume more iron.

Reply 2

username355614

Google it, bound to be a wiki page about it somewhere :smile:

I wouldn't worry, some people are easily impressed, some aren't...you just haven't met the right people yet :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Also, what age were you all when you first felt attracted to someone physically?

asexual?

This is EXACTLY how I feel, except I've never been attracted at all (you mentioned you'd like a boy (far too much)). I don't really understand why I feel this way, I'm 20, a guy and it's really beginning to get me down that I seem to be missing something that everyone else that helps them find partners etc.

I don't know whether it's asexuality or w/e, maybe it's because I've never really had any experience with anyone and that lack of exposure hasn't given me any interest. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon, being a virgin at 20 sucks ass. And having no drive to change it sucks even more.

Reply 6

Paper Moon

I consider myself asexual... more specifically "Heteroromantic Asexual." This sometimes is rather annoying, because I do feel romantic attraction, but I do not feel sexual attraction to people and sexual people tend to want to have sex. I do not blame them, I just happen to not feel this way, and I do not want to do something that makes me uncomfortable... so I have never dated anyone. I also feel strong feelings (neither sexual nor romantic) for my friends, I suppose this would just be a sort of familiar love.

You should check out AVEN, it's a forum for Asexual people. There are about 23000 people who are registered there, so you are definitely not alone. :smile:

Even if you aren't asexual, the people are often willing to listen and offer advice.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the replies
I'd never really thought about being asexual- I kinda hoped it would just be something I would grow out of. I know it probably varies for different people, but what age, roughly, would I need to be to stop expecting that I'll grow out of this?

I've got quite a few traits of Asperger's syndrome (made a thread about it a couple of weeks ago: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=31602536&highlight=aspergers%20something%20else%20or%20nothing%20at%20all if anyone wants the link) though I haven't went to a doctor about it or anything. Just wondering though, does anyone know if the lack of sexual attraction could be linked to that? Is asexuality more common among people on the autistic spectrum than among neurotypical people?

Reply 8

riotgrrl

Original post by Anonymous

Also, what age were you all when you first felt attracted to someone physically?

Hmmm, 12/13ish?

Reply 9

lukas1051

Lets stop dancing around the truth. It's not normal. Maybe your feelings will change in time, maybe they won't. If not there are probably help groups for that sort of thing. But one thing I can say for certain is I'm physically attracted to people, all my friends are physically attracted to people, and I can't think of anyone who isn't.

Reply 10

Miski

Original post by Anonymous

Is anyone else like this too? Is this normal?

I've been like that all my teenage years and no, I didn't worry too much about it.

I do wonder at times how it feels like to have a crush and be physically attracted to a person.
I like boys but more for personality and as friends.

Don't worry about it, it'll happen one day when the right person comes round :smile:

Reply 11

naommi

i have friends who simply aren't attracted to anyone. i think it's a matter of time before you actually are, just haven't come across someone "worth it" yet. i became genuinely physically attracted to people at the age of 16. i know plenty that were before that, and i know some that will be way after that.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by lukas1051

Thanks for your reply- I was looking for honesty in the first place :smile:

I know that this probably sounds stupid, but do you 'know' for sure when you are physically attracted to someone? I mean, can you easily differentiate between that and 'liking' someone (due to personality etc.)?

Reply 13

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Me too. I quite enjoy the thought of kissing, ie. imagining myself doing it in third person, but when I imagine it in first person... nah. I know exactly what you mean about the boy and girl thing, though for me that made me consider myself undefined (as of yet). I've no proper experience with either, so I won't decide yet. After all, life's fluid.

I wouldn't say it's normal, as the 'norm' is straight and sexual, but you're definitely not alone. :smile:

If you want to talk, write to sally'at'disposeamail.com I'll check that every now and then for the next few days, and send you my email then.

Reply 14

chou246

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for your reply- I was looking for honesty in the first place :smile:

You'll know about it when it happens - just a matter of time

Reply 15

lukas1051

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for your reply- I was looking for honesty in the first place :smile:

Well I remember 'fancying' people in junior school, although to what extent of physical attraction that was I don't know. But I can definitely tell the difference between people I like (ie. my friends) and people I'm physically attracted to.

Reply 16

Sarah.Rivers

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

Reply 17

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

Im the same, though Im not sure how normal it is... its probably a spectrum thing.... I dont lust after PEOPLE but I wouldnt say Im not... sexual? :s-smilie:

...

And I have always been fascinsted by people... Ive spent my whole life watching the world and theres always been a person or two (women usually) who Im very strongly drawn to in... intrigue? and Im always more suseptible to caring about what they think...

I literally long for the company of specific people and im not saying their features dont draw me to them (I love people with nice eyes and red hair!) but its not sexual... I dont understand it, I used to think I was asexual when I never had crushes but now... now I just wonder...

I dont really feel like theres a clear distinction between men and women because I see people equally, as companions I guess... but because im not adverse to sex in itself (as im getting older I feel the urge for it, just unrelated to specific individuals) Im.... im really not sure If I distinguish between being with a man or a woman...

I know being fascinated by other women is quite normal, I think its just a little different for me becuase I honestly dont find men anymore attractive than women so it gets a bit confused in my head :frown:

Reply 18

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

an addition to my post before (Im the one who doesnt feel physically attracted to people but obsesses and isnt adverse to sex as a concept) I also was deemed by my school to be undiagnosed but almost certainly aspergers...

Although I might add that depression is also a huge factor to a lack of attraction (apparantly).... whilst Im not sure if that applies to me, a sexual appetite (regardless as to whether it relates to actual individuals) does seem to appear strongest when you are confident and feel good about yourself... :s-smilie:

Reply 19

DylanLJG

Okay, well it may be Asperger's Syndrome. I'm an Aspie and have never been sexually attracted to anyone ever. I never even thought of girls in any romantic sense until sixth form. Up to this day there is only one girl I have ever had feelings for, that I am attracted to and that I think is beautiful. I've heard this is common amongst Aspies. We don't desire sex, but we do desire attachment. However this attachment has to be with someone perfectly similar to you. Until you find this person you will likely stay asexual. Things will change however when you find them, trust me. It is this desire and devotion to be with one singular person that drives us. I have so much in common with this girl it's scary. I also think she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, though my friends don't think she's anything special. The girls they like I find distastefully ugly. Just wait, there is the right person for everyone. :rolleyes: