Changing the way I feel about myself?

This might not sound like a bad problem but it's beginning to get me down :frown:

I really don't like myself, I mean I can't find anything that doesn't make me hate myself. I'm crap at everything and I'm just a horrible person. Thing is I can deal with that, but when people pay me a compliment I just can't accept it, like I physically can't bring myself to say 'thank you' or believe anything nice someone may say about me. I can't see what anybody could see good about me. If I brush off what people say they probably think I'm just being horrible. I mean, I think they're only saying nice things to make me feel better.

What can I do? I'm thinking this is going to stop me from ever finding someone nice to go out with, cos I just can't see what anyone would see in me. I don't deserve anyone nice :frown:

I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm just wondering if anyone else feels like this? I also feel really selfish for rambling on about me. I just can't really be like this forever, I have to change I think.

Reply 1

viviki

14

you sound like you need to do something to build up your confidence, new hobby maybe?

Reply 2

viviki

you sound like you need to do something to build up your confidence, new hobby maybe?

Maybe. I'm at Uni and at the moment I feel like I barely have time to breath with all the work, let alone try something new. I feel guilty when I go out to the pub or something as I should be at home doing work. I keep thinking that when I finish Uni I'll change, but what if I don't? I need to change I just don't know how :frown:

Thanks for your reply by the way

Reply 3

SophistiCat

2

I kind of relate to how you feel in a way... I'm quite a happy, sociable person in general, but when I think about myself a lot I realise I don't really like who I am a lot of the time. Your best bet would be to try counselling... your uni probably provides a free service. Good luck x :smile:

Reply 4

I suffer from this a bit - 8 or so years of being told I was rubbish, and had nothing going for me (with no evidence to the contrary) really knocked my self-confidence.

TBH, I'm not sure counselling would help - for me, the only thing that helped was meeting new people, who knew nothing of my past or the bullies, and realising that they wanted to be with me because they thought I was a great person, and that they liked me enough to really go out of their way for me.

To that end, I second Viviki's suggestion.

Oh, and here's an idea:

Write down all the bad things about yourself you can think of.
Then, next to that list, write anything you're good at. This doesn't have to be things other people would say are good... a lot of things that you ,ay thing are bad can be turned around.

Talkative = confident
Shy = thoughtful, genuine
Emotional outbursts = character

If its skills you feel you lack, they can be tackled. I used to be unbelievably uncoordinated, but 3 years of slogging away at step aerobics in a non-judgemental environment has changed me into someone who can at least walk down steps and maintain a conversation at the same time :biggrin:

Still can't catch a ball, but who cares?

It sounds to me a little like you've got yourself into a depressed mindset, that wants to believe you're rubbish. If so, the first thing to do is to fight that. Force yourself to examine things objectively. Look at others whom you admire, and see if they posses the same problems. When people hand you compliments, don't brush it off - look at the situation from their angle, and see if you would compliment someone else in the same situation.

You sound like a sensitive person, which is great - keep that.

I hope things work out OK
:smile:

Reply 5

Laursy

10

i was the very same a couple of weeks ago

i thought everyone hated me and i was ashamed to even stand on the doorstep and i freaked out and got so down with myself i just used to hate my life!!
i didn;t even consider doing anything stupid i just said to myself right you have to change otherwise you will stay like this for a long time and i just snapped out of it!!

after some chats with a few mates i felt better!!

Reply 6

MNBStyle

9

Anonymous

This might not sound like a bad problem but it's beginning to get me down :frown:

I really don't like myself, I mean I can't find anything that doesn't make me hate myself. I'm crap at everything and I'm just a horrible person. Thing is I can deal with that, but when people pay me a compliment I just can't accept it, like I physically can't bring myself to say 'thank you' or believe anything nice someone may say about me. I can't see what anybody could see good about me. If I brush off what people say they probably think I'm just being horrible. I mean, I think they're only saying nice things to make me feel better.

What can I do? I'm thinking this is going to stop me from ever finding someone nice to go out with, cos I just can't see what anyone would see in me. I don't deserve anyone nice :frown:

I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm just wondering if anyone else feels like this? I also feel really selfish for rambling on about me. I just can't really be like this forever, I have to change I think.

Everybody feels like that from time to time.
Somebody says your gorgeous or something and your like
"What me??? he must be lying why would anyone say im gorgeous"
or you just think there being polite, it comes down to trust in the end and you got to trust the fact some people are being genuine when they compliment you.
If they didnt like you they not gota reason to lie have they.
Unless after they compliment you they suddenly ask for £10 :biggrin:

Reply 7

Thanks for the replies, Anon #2 you make a lot of sense. I saw a tutor at uni once when I wanted to drop out and they told me to make a list of my good and bad points, my bad points were too long to write and I swear I couldn't think of any good points :frown:

I'm not a nice person.

I don't know about counselling, I think there are people so much worse off than me that I would feel bad wasting a counsellors time :frown:

About doing something stupid, I can't deny I haven't thought about it but to be honest I couldn't put my family through it so I know I wouldn't.

I've felt like this for ages only now it's starting to bother me, I guess I realise now I have to do something about it and I don't really know what.

Reply 8

MNBStyle

9

Anonymous

Thanks for the replies, Anon #2 you make a lot of sense. I saw a tutor at uni once when I wanted to drop out and they told me to make a list of my good and bad points, my bad points were too long to write and I swear I couldn't think of any good points :frown:

I'm not a nice person.

I don't know about counselling, I think there are people so much worse off than me that I would feel bad wasting a counsellors time :frown:

About doing something stupid, I can't deny I haven't thought about it but to be honest I couldn't put my family through it so I know I wouldn't.

I've felt like this for ages only now it's starting to bother me, I guess I realise now I have to do something about it and I don't really know what.

I could sort you out in 30miniutes :p:

Reply 9

MNBStyle

I could sort you out in 30miniutes :p:

What?

Reply 10

MNBStyle

9

Anonymous

What?

I could have you feeling more positive about yourself in 30miniutes :p:

Not right now obviously im not in full advice helping mode :rolleyes:

I dont mean this in a sexual sense either, i mean as in helping you out with your negative feelings and helping you to see things in a more positive manner

Reply 11

MNBStyle

I could have you feeling more positive about yourself in 30miniutes :p:

Not right now obviously im not in full advice helping mode :rolleyes:

I dont mean this in a sexual sense either, i mean as in helping you out with your negative feelings and helping you to see things in a more positive manner

Wish it was so simple to sort out in 30 mins :frown:

Reply 12

MNBStyle

9

Anonymous

Wish it was so simple to sort out in 30 mins :frown:

But it is thoe, really it is.
Ok maybe not 30miniutes say a few days or something,
But your on as a Anonymous thoe so it is would be hard for me to help unless you registered or gave me your email address :p:

Reply 13

MNBStyle

But it is thoe, really it is.
Ok maybe not 30miniutes say a few days or something,
But your on as a Anonymous thoe so it is would be hard for me to help unless you registered or gave me your email address :p:

I think it will take longer than a few days to feel better to be honest :frown:

I don't always feel bad like depressed, usually I can find something to be happy about, and if not I'll just put a front on and say I'm ok. Maybe I should just stick to this, I probably don't deserve to be happy. Stupid thing is I'm always the one to cheer my mates up, I don't think they realise that sometimes I feel down too. Ah well could be worse I guess.

Reply 14

latentcorpse

12

i am like depressed as well - i am really intelligent and sporty but hate my appearance - also i kind of had an abused childhood and i have to see counsellors and therapists i have like a load of medical conditions as well but hell i just dont wanna be explaining sh*t to people for the rest of my life (which is what i currently do at school) - i want to be popular and confident but i doubt it

Reply 15

mangomaz

14

About the not being able to accept compliments - I know it sounds so simple but just accept them. Do you feel as though if you accept them you'll be seen as big headed or arrogant? Because you wont be. Dont be over the top, just say thank you.

I used to have big issues with this. I found at first if it helps, dont say anything, just smile to show that you've accepted it. And seriously, compliments help to boost your confidence a lot. Sounds stupid, but every time you're feeling a bit down about yourself remember a compliment someone said to you. And accept that they were telling the truth. And then tell yourself how amazing you are :biggrin:

Just a couple of times a day saying 'I am pretty amazing...' does a lot! Even if its said in a piss-taking kind of way. Honestly try it :smile:

Reply 16

littlemissalex

13

Oh my god i was going to start a thread about this EXACT same topic but was too scared and depressed to hear people say: oh but you're good blablabla crap crap galore! I feel EXACTLY the same as you, im just glad its the xmas holidays cause i really cant face anyone or anything again, for a long time (well the 2 week holiday at least). Basically, for years ive been feeling underconfident and i do give the impression that i am confident because i guess thats the way i seem to people cause im quite sociable etc, but deep down i feel completely sh*t about myself, i hate myself. Something happened at school the other day as well (dont want to go into that AT ALL) and i feel crap.. Ive tried writing those lists with positive and negatives as someone previously said to do, but my negatives exceeded BY FAR my positive(s).. I am desperate, i cant take it anymore!!!
Its bad enough i feel crap at everything i do and i cant cope with school stress (im head girl as well and there is soo much to do and the head boy is absolutely rubbish, so i end up doing all the running around while he slacks), i get really emotional over things (and people) and people have said i sound aggressive when i speak, which is new to me as no one else has ever told me this, so now i feel i need a complete personality make over. And theres blasted cambridge - i know ive been rejected but i just want it in writing and im soo nervous about it..AARRGGHH!! i just want to die!

Reply 17

littlemissalex

13

^ everyone knows hes a crap head boy but no ones saying anything and id feel bad telling on him.. i mean they're not going to get rid of him are they?! Definately not in my school they wont, ill just have to put up with it i suppose. I just feel so alone sometimes, cause there isnt really anyone i can talk to about this stuff, i mean i have friends but i dont like talking to my friends about how depressed i feel. No one believes me anyway cause i always cover it in public by pretending im happy. Yesterday in history i just couldnt take it anymore and i just sat in class depressed as hell and didnt say a thing (normally im laughing away and joking) and thats when the teacher noticed i was upset, but i didnt tell him why..
I want to die but im too much of a coward to actually do it! Lame huh!! Please PM me the cartoon!!! xxx

Reply 18

Thanks for the replies :smile:

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has been here before.

My mates at Uni are great, I'm sure they'd help if they knew how I was feeling but I can't seem to find the words to tell them, plus they're all majorly stressed with Uni stuff I wouldn't want to bother them. They have their own problems anyway and I really don't mind trying to help them with if I can.

I think lessthanthree the problem is that I'm ugly and I don't like my personality :frown:

I really struggle to find one thing that I like about either. I mean, I guess I could change my looks (I have a medical condition which makes me put on weight, but I mean I could still lose some though it'd take longer, but to be honest) I think even if I changed my looks, even through something drastic like plastic surgery, I still wouldn't like the person inside.

I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling and even wasting everyones time replying to this :frown:

alexandra010588 please don't do anything silly hun, just concentrate on one day at a time and see how things go. That's what I've been trying to do :smile:

take lessthanthree's advice :smile:

Reply 19

Bexxxx

14

Hey! You do sound very upset, is there anything major that has triggered this? Everyone feels down at some point, even me :redface:

But you musnt let it rule your life. Everyone is different, looks and personality wise! Im almost certain youre not ugly, i dont think anyone is, not really.
But perhaps an image change would do you good, a new hair cut, some new clothes? With that can come a whole personality change, and if you feel good on the inside, you should feel great on the outside.

Work on your confidence, itl take time, but dont put yourself down :smile:

Talk to someone about this, someone who can help.

As for uni, sure youre there to work, and earn a brillaiant degree. But relax a bit. No one had to work ALL the time! Im not suggesting you go out night after night partying, but just take some time for yourself. Dont feel guilty for enjoying yourself, its your life, you can do as you wish (as long as it legal!) :biggrin:

Fell happier soon :smile:

Changing the way I feel about myself?

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