What do i do with this friend?

right we've been friends for about 8 months now, our friends are all friends and we always go out together etc.
When we first met we, i was single and was til about a month ago.
ever since i introduced this new guy to him (my friend) he's been really offish with me.
i mean we used to be quite close and talk loads on msn and it would be me and him organising for everyone to go out etc and all of a sudden its gone all wierd.
i just dont understand why, i mean most people would say oh its cos he fancies you but i really dont think im his type at all, not that ive met any of his ex girlfriends but i just dont think i am and we've always been good friends and thats it.
i dont kno what to do, if i understood why he was being like this maybe i could stop it or speak to him about it
what do i do? :frown:

Reply 1

FabulousFortune

Maybe he is just being protective over you? Or feels like he will be left out as you will probably be spending a lot of time with your new guy. Try suggesting you do something just u and ur mate and casually drop your new guy into converation and see how he reacts.

Reply 2

kriztinae

14

FabulousFortune

Maybe he is just being protective over you? Or feels like he will be left out as you will probably be spending a lot of time with your new guy. Try suggesting you do something just u and ur mate and casually drop your new guy into converation and see how he reacts.

that might be it, but i couldnt go out with just him, it would be too wierd cos we've never done it before.
he has given me advice and lectures about guys tho.

Reply 3

kriztinae

14

FabulousFortune

Maybe he is just being protective over you? Or feels like he will be left out as you will probably be spending a lot of time with your new guy. Try suggesting you do something just u and ur mate and casually drop your new guy into converation and see how he reacts.

might be cos hes over protective. it makes sence
but blocking me out of his life doesnt.

Reply 4

pumpkinpie

Your account's a bit vague... but could be a number of reasons:

•

He suddenly realises that he has feelings for you (maybe due to the emergence of this new guy in his territory and so he feels threatened. He could be jealous of his relationship with you, but then again... he might just not like this guy? Or maybe it has no relevance to his behaviour towards you at all?). But suppose he does have romantic feelings for you, he could be retreating as he doesn't know if you feel the same way and/or doesn't know what to do next, doesn't want to ruin the friendship etc. Important question in this scenario is whether you feel the same for him... NOT "am i his type?" Sounds like you do have feelings for this chap. In which case, let him know?

•

Could be... he's actually distracted by another girl? Has your other mates commented on a change in his behaviour? He probably doesn't realise that you feel hurt by him being "offish" towards you. You could confront him but (not knowing the guy) only you can judge if this would be a wise thing to do. Has he clammed up in the past when you've asked him stuff like this before, or is he quite open with his emotions?

•

Or maybe... he's worried about things at home/school/college/uni/work/other friends, and is letting himself have a time-out? Maybe he just needs some space?

Whatever the case, maybe drop him a text and ask to "catch up" with him or something. Tell him you miss the close friendship you guys once had. I bet he doesn't even realise he's upsetting you so much. Guys are oblivious creatures.

Reply 5

FabulousFortune

Maybe he is just being protective over you? Or feels like he will be left out as you will probably be spending a lot of time with your new guy. Try suggesting you do something just u and ur mate and casually drop your new guy into converation and see how he reacts.

im thinking he is just being over protective, all of his friends are over me as wel cos they dont usually see me with a guy but hes been offish wheras they have just made silly comments.

Reply 6

pumpkinpie

Your account's a bit vague... but could be a number of reasons:

•

He suddenly realises that he has feelings for you (maybe due to the emergence of this new guy in his territory and so he feels threatened. He could be jealous of his relationship with you, but then again... he might just not like this guy? Or maybe it has no relevance to his behaviour towards you at all?). But suppose he does have romantic feelings for you, he could be retreating as he doesn't know if you feel the same way and/or doesn't know what to do next, doesn't want to ruin the friendship etc. Important question in this scenario is whether you feel the same for him... NOT "am i his type?" Sounds like you do have feelings for this chap. In which case, let him know?

im with someone at the moment, i do sort of like him but im happy with the guy im with.

[*]Could be... he's actually distracted by another girl? Has your other mates commented on a change in his behaviour? He probably doesn't realise that you feel hurt by him being "offish" towards you. You could confront him but (not knowing the guy) only you can judge if this would be a wise thing to do. Has he clammed up in the past when you've asked him stuff like this before, or is he quite open with his emotions?

ive discussed it with my friend who also starting seeing a guy at the same time as me and she says he's not changed at all, they still speak etc. one time i sent him a msg on msn and she was talking to him and he never replied to me :frown:

[*]Or maybe... he's worried about things at home/school/college/uni/work/other friends, and is letting himself have a time-out? Maybe he just needs some space?

maybe but then why take it out on me? if he wants me to notice him and speak to him about it, he can at least reply to me when i speak to him

Whatever the case, maybe drop him a text and ask to "catch up" with him or something. Tell him you miss the close friendship you guys once had. I bet he doesn't even realise he's upsetting you so much. Guys are oblivious creatures.

i tried speaking to him on msn last night and he didnt reply. msn or face to face is where we usually talk and im not gonna see him for another 3 weeks as its the holidays now. so msn is the only place i can really talk to him.

one time i was supposed to go out with him and his friends as a group but then my guy showed up unexpectadly and i couldnt go with them anymore cos i didnt have a ticket for my guy, when he found out he kept joking about and locked me in my room saying no no no i dont talk to drop outs. thing is he wasnt joking, he was half being serious.

Reply 7

Firebird

Aww, he probably feels a bit left out that you've got someone else to lavish all your attention on. Introduce them, get them talking about football or playstation, and prepare for you to be the one feeling left out :smile:

they are both very different but ill try that next time.
ill never feel left out! them talking would prob give me a break from both of them! :redface:

Reply 8

Firebird

Hehe

It's great when bf and male friends get on well. You can sit in the corner and sleep and they don't even notice!

Why don't you try phoning him? Withhold your number and then he won't know it's you (cheeky but at least he'll answer). Just say "You haven't spoken to me for ages. Have I annoyed you? Can I make it up to you and take you for a coffee?". Be all happy.

cant do that! im in another country! it would be too wierd.
what ill do is gte on my friends msn and speak to him that way i think :redface:

cheeky but if its the only way!

Reply 9

he's just getting worse and worse!
i dont think he realises hes getting to me and he seems to be trying harder to annoy me, what do i do now? :frown:

Reply 10

Leigh

15

Chances are he doesn't know he is upsetting you or isn't doing it on purpose; I'd guess he's being very hard on himself and thinks you don't have time for him with this new guy so is just avoiding you to stop him getting hurt/worked up and hasn't stopped to consider what it's doing to you. I'd say talking is the best option. Maybe give him some space (like not talking to him on MSN so he can't ignore you) and take it up with him when you get back? That way as well if it is something else, like family issues, you'll have given him some space to deal with that too.

Reply 11

KingLeigh

Chances are he doesn't know he is upsetting you or isn't doing it on purpose; I'd guess he's being very hard on himself and thinks you don't have time for him with this new guy so is just avoiding you to stop him getting hurt/worked up and hasn't stopped to consider what it's doing to you. I'd say talking is the best option. Maybe give him some space (like not talking to him on MSN so he can't ignore you) and take it up with him when you get back? That way as well if it is something else, like family issues, you'll have given him some space to deal with that too.

thats what im hoping on doing, spending some time with him when i get back but i doubt its gonna make much of a difference.
i wish he wasnt so shy!

Reply 12

FireDeuce

14

He might not necessarily fancy you, but he could still be jealous. Either he's jealous that you have someone or he doesnt feel good because he doesnt have anyway. And also, he might be off with yu because hes convinced that you're always with your boy so much that you dont need him anymore.

Reply 13

FireDeuce

He might not necessarily fancy you, but he could still be jealous. Either he's jealous that you have someone or he doesnt feel good because he doesnt have anyway. And also, he might be off with yu because hes convinced that you're always with your boy so much that you dont need him anymore.

thats the thing im not always with this boy!
im still always making the effort with him.

What do i do with this friend?

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